From November 2017, till this month Anna and I delightfully watched the Roses in our garden. I confess that the ten or so rose plants do not receive a lot of attention by way of providing them a scientific soil nourishment or protection from insects. However, there are blossoms that announce fullness of life!
The year 2018 has been a year of some unusual experiences in our lives.
Following my decision to take leave of my responsibility in the governing council of Christian Medical College, Vellore in November, 2017, due to intense difficulty to find a middle path in a divided administration over some crucial matters, I have had to face criticism, accusation, and unfair attitudes from friends whom I knew for twenty five years or more.
Among all the remarks and spoken and written comments, one comment which one responsible member of the new administrative team made: 'at times the dispensable pawn in a chess board needs removal' disturbed me and confirmed to me that my time had come to say farewell. In response to my announcement to relinquish my responsibility, the same person mentioned to me that , 'CMC would go on with or without you'! That was a statement of confirmation that staying any longer would be overstaying!
Most of my engagement with the administration of CMC in 2017 was to persuade them to welcome students for MBBS as per the new requirements of the government policy. The administration preferred not to admit students for the academic year of 2107.
There were many broken relationships arising out of my approach and departure from my responsibility.
What brought immense comfort was the sight of these Roses from then on till now. The flowers were often sighted in bunches of twos, threes and fours! The Rose flowers are fragile, but they were fresh and fragrant each morning. The few hundreds of pictures I have in my collection of this season from November 2017, would remain with me as refreshing memories. I used to visit the rose plants almost every morning to receive them into my consciousness to stay content with gentle and quiet presence.
The last fifteen months were not a dry season in my life although it was a desert experience. One of our grandchildren was noticed to have special needs developmentally. There were some damages in the property following storm and incessant rains. There was change in the leadership in the medical college where we work which brought some changes that we did not anticipate. There was a distancing of many friends on account what they believed to be true about my role in the affairs of CMC. The students at the Medical College where we work, with whom we have had lot to do preferred to stay away as they no longer chose to debate on issues of conduct and behaviour in college life.
Some of those memories returned to me today, although only in a lesser intense way, when the former CMC council secretary sent me a message today telling me about the governing council meeting scheduled for today and tomorrow. He too might have been in a reminiscent mood recalling the hours of preparation we jointly had put in prior to all the council and executive committee meetings. One practice that evolved as a good way of starting the formal meetings was by reading from I Corinthianns 13, praying the prayer that Dr Ida Scudder prayed and singing the college song! I have fond memories of the efforts that we were able to make to go back to the heritage and history of CMC to keep us connected with the the way marks of the journey of CMC. With another in-pateint 1500 beds about to be added to the hospital at the Kanigapuram campus, CMC would exist in seven campuses with over 10000 staff and 3000 students. It would be one of the largest hospitals in Asia. It is a time to take every effort to treasure the ethos and enable the the staff and faculty to breathe in the spirit of what it means to 'serve in the spirit and name of Jesus' as stated in the preamble of the constitution of CMC Vellore Association. I feel grateful for having had a part to bring this consciousness to the governing council while chairing the meetings.
All these experiences and memories overwhelmed me in the first quarter of 2018.
In order to have space, time and a pause to recall, recollect and review, I stayed away from any talking engagements in professional or other meetings.
I made one exception on persuasion of a long time friend Father Joe Mannath in June, 2018 to speak at a gathering of superiors and heads of medical and educational institutions of the Catholic Church, where I focussed on 'calling in education', which was dialogue starter to look at, why, how and what would be the vocation of the followers of Jesus of Nazareth in education!
The preparation for this talk revived me from my desert experience. I saw an opportunity beyond the difficult experiences to stay alive emotionally and coherently!
A visit to meet with some friends overseas was another stimulus to look back and forward while facing the desert experience. Some of these friends whom we have known for thirty five years have moved on in life amidst several challenges of grief and loss. That gave us a new orientation to grow older gracefully freeing others from our orbit of suspicion or disappointment.
Another significant renewing experience was through returning to read and reflect which had suffered during the hectic period of association with CMC Vellore for five years.
It is this which brought back a greater consciousness to live attentively!
That made it possible to embark on a project to remember all those whose who have touched my life since my medical school years. This intention got further affirmed when Anna in connection with my seventieth birthday gathered greetings from about fifty people, whose loving memories made me feel conscious of wealth of experiences of relationships.
I began recollecting them and turned them to letters. Although I have been able to write to only about fifty in the last six months out of about 150 in my list, I found this as an journey of exploration of treasures in my life which I received from the goodwill of others.
This concurrently stimulated me to recollect my biography and this one, 27 th in the series is another means of finding resources to draw inspiration while going through a desert experience.
I returned to take photography seriously and made an effort to look for birds, butterflies, dragonflies, etc. Anna decided to make a table calendar for 2019 using some of these pictures. Incidentally 2018 was the thirty fifth year of the anniversary of ASHIRVAD. That justified making a calendar to use it as a greeting to Friends of ASHIRVAD in India and overseas.
When I formally retired in June 2018 from MOSC Medical College, I was invited to stay on as Emeritus Professor which was an unusual gesture of kindness to help in the transition of the department of Developmental paediatrics and Child Neurology. With few more new colleagues including a consultant in Paediatrics, I find the transition planning making a lot more easy and purposeful.
The recent invitation to be associated with a local school in planning and developing a Resource Room facility to offer inclusive education for children with learning related needs, is a tangible and promising direction for the department because it would integrate our efforts for longer association with children who are developmentally challenged.
The rebuilding of the walls in the property where we live and restoration of an irrigation well, which was in ruins are reasons to be grateful for, towards those who took upon the responsibility to help inspite of several hurdles. The restoration of the well which was 35 feet deep, with building of granite walls all around was risky and time consuming. The summer has set in and there is promise of better water yield in the well.
The roses in our garden turned my desert experience to stay hopeful and waiting patiently for refreshing times.
I have a sense now that there is a need to value experiences as resources for growth and renewal.
Because this consciousness was growing within, it was possible to let go yesterday after an initial protest, when the neighbour decided to encroach upon our access road to our home!
Now that I have been able to write a letter of closure and intent for conciliation to all those I have had difficulties in the administrative team in CMC Vellore, I feel unburdened and lighter to continue this journey inward and outward.
I have completed five years after my coronary by-pass surgery and there is abundant joy for the wellness I experienced during this time. Although the strict exercise regimen did suffer during the last year on account of the disturbing rhythm, I feel well and ready to look forward to years of wellness ahead.
What is life unless, I too can be open like a rose flower and stay content where I am placed!
The seventh decade in one's life is often a period of creativity and consolidation. While one prepares to make closures in a formal way work related matters, the vocation of life, living and learning would take a new quality and depth.
The three themes that grow within me now are forgetting, forgiving and forbearance.
There is a need to remember to forget. The challenge is to forgive unilaterally. The opportunity is to receive life as it unfolded and make hope as the interior attitude in the journey of life .
M.C.Mathew(text and poto)
The year 2018 has been a year of some unusual experiences in our lives.
Following my decision to take leave of my responsibility in the governing council of Christian Medical College, Vellore in November, 2017, due to intense difficulty to find a middle path in a divided administration over some crucial matters, I have had to face criticism, accusation, and unfair attitudes from friends whom I knew for twenty five years or more.
Among all the remarks and spoken and written comments, one comment which one responsible member of the new administrative team made: 'at times the dispensable pawn in a chess board needs removal' disturbed me and confirmed to me that my time had come to say farewell. In response to my announcement to relinquish my responsibility, the same person mentioned to me that , 'CMC would go on with or without you'! That was a statement of confirmation that staying any longer would be overstaying!
Most of my engagement with the administration of CMC in 2017 was to persuade them to welcome students for MBBS as per the new requirements of the government policy. The administration preferred not to admit students for the academic year of 2107.
There were many broken relationships arising out of my approach and departure from my responsibility.
What brought immense comfort was the sight of these Roses from then on till now. The flowers were often sighted in bunches of twos, threes and fours! The Rose flowers are fragile, but they were fresh and fragrant each morning. The few hundreds of pictures I have in my collection of this season from November 2017, would remain with me as refreshing memories. I used to visit the rose plants almost every morning to receive them into my consciousness to stay content with gentle and quiet presence.
The last fifteen months were not a dry season in my life although it was a desert experience. One of our grandchildren was noticed to have special needs developmentally. There were some damages in the property following storm and incessant rains. There was change in the leadership in the medical college where we work which brought some changes that we did not anticipate. There was a distancing of many friends on account what they believed to be true about my role in the affairs of CMC. The students at the Medical College where we work, with whom we have had lot to do preferred to stay away as they no longer chose to debate on issues of conduct and behaviour in college life.
Some of those memories returned to me today, although only in a lesser intense way, when the former CMC council secretary sent me a message today telling me about the governing council meeting scheduled for today and tomorrow. He too might have been in a reminiscent mood recalling the hours of preparation we jointly had put in prior to all the council and executive committee meetings. One practice that evolved as a good way of starting the formal meetings was by reading from I Corinthianns 13, praying the prayer that Dr Ida Scudder prayed and singing the college song! I have fond memories of the efforts that we were able to make to go back to the heritage and history of CMC to keep us connected with the the way marks of the journey of CMC. With another in-pateint 1500 beds about to be added to the hospital at the Kanigapuram campus, CMC would exist in seven campuses with over 10000 staff and 3000 students. It would be one of the largest hospitals in Asia. It is a time to take every effort to treasure the ethos and enable the the staff and faculty to breathe in the spirit of what it means to 'serve in the spirit and name of Jesus' as stated in the preamble of the constitution of CMC Vellore Association. I feel grateful for having had a part to bring this consciousness to the governing council while chairing the meetings.
All these experiences and memories overwhelmed me in the first quarter of 2018.
In order to have space, time and a pause to recall, recollect and review, I stayed away from any talking engagements in professional or other meetings.
I made one exception on persuasion of a long time friend Father Joe Mannath in June, 2018 to speak at a gathering of superiors and heads of medical and educational institutions of the Catholic Church, where I focussed on 'calling in education', which was dialogue starter to look at, why, how and what would be the vocation of the followers of Jesus of Nazareth in education!
The preparation for this talk revived me from my desert experience. I saw an opportunity beyond the difficult experiences to stay alive emotionally and coherently!
A visit to meet with some friends overseas was another stimulus to look back and forward while facing the desert experience. Some of these friends whom we have known for thirty five years have moved on in life amidst several challenges of grief and loss. That gave us a new orientation to grow older gracefully freeing others from our orbit of suspicion or disappointment.
Another significant renewing experience was through returning to read and reflect which had suffered during the hectic period of association with CMC Vellore for five years.
It is this which brought back a greater consciousness to live attentively!
That made it possible to embark on a project to remember all those whose who have touched my life since my medical school years. This intention got further affirmed when Anna in connection with my seventieth birthday gathered greetings from about fifty people, whose loving memories made me feel conscious of wealth of experiences of relationships.
I began recollecting them and turned them to letters. Although I have been able to write to only about fifty in the last six months out of about 150 in my list, I found this as an journey of exploration of treasures in my life which I received from the goodwill of others.
This concurrently stimulated me to recollect my biography and this one, 27 th in the series is another means of finding resources to draw inspiration while going through a desert experience.
I returned to take photography seriously and made an effort to look for birds, butterflies, dragonflies, etc. Anna decided to make a table calendar for 2019 using some of these pictures. Incidentally 2018 was the thirty fifth year of the anniversary of ASHIRVAD. That justified making a calendar to use it as a greeting to Friends of ASHIRVAD in India and overseas.
When I formally retired in June 2018 from MOSC Medical College, I was invited to stay on as Emeritus Professor which was an unusual gesture of kindness to help in the transition of the department of Developmental paediatrics and Child Neurology. With few more new colleagues including a consultant in Paediatrics, I find the transition planning making a lot more easy and purposeful.
The recent invitation to be associated with a local school in planning and developing a Resource Room facility to offer inclusive education for children with learning related needs, is a tangible and promising direction for the department because it would integrate our efforts for longer association with children who are developmentally challenged.
The rebuilding of the walls in the property where we live and restoration of an irrigation well, which was in ruins are reasons to be grateful for, towards those who took upon the responsibility to help inspite of several hurdles. The restoration of the well which was 35 feet deep, with building of granite walls all around was risky and time consuming. The summer has set in and there is promise of better water yield in the well.
The roses in our garden turned my desert experience to stay hopeful and waiting patiently for refreshing times.
I have a sense now that there is a need to value experiences as resources for growth and renewal.
Because this consciousness was growing within, it was possible to let go yesterday after an initial protest, when the neighbour decided to encroach upon our access road to our home!
Now that I have been able to write a letter of closure and intent for conciliation to all those I have had difficulties in the administrative team in CMC Vellore, I feel unburdened and lighter to continue this journey inward and outward.
I have completed five years after my coronary by-pass surgery and there is abundant joy for the wellness I experienced during this time. Although the strict exercise regimen did suffer during the last year on account of the disturbing rhythm, I feel well and ready to look forward to years of wellness ahead.
What is life unless, I too can be open like a rose flower and stay content where I am placed!
The seventh decade in one's life is often a period of creativity and consolidation. While one prepares to make closures in a formal way work related matters, the vocation of life, living and learning would take a new quality and depth.
The three themes that grow within me now are forgetting, forgiving and forbearance.
There is a need to remember to forget. The challenge is to forgive unilaterally. The opportunity is to receive life as it unfolded and make hope as the interior attitude in the journey of life .
M.C.Mathew(text and poto)
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