Swinging and Singing!

A Leafbird at dawn was perched at a slender branch and  swinging in the wind. It  was the movement of a branch and leaves which drew my attention to the presence of a bird at a tree top as it was still dark and cloudy in at dawn.

As I stayed watching this entertainment the bird proved for itself, I heard the bird calls without interruption. The bird calls were as if a with was put on in a sustained and regular rhythm and frequency.

A bird too has its form of finding its pleasure. 

Till it flew away, I tried capturing its beak movements during the  bird call. But I failed as the movement of the branch in the wind grave me only blurred photos. 

How delightful it was to watch the swinging and singing movements of  a Leafbird!

One gets to know a bird from its appearance, feeding and nesting practices, flight patterns, and also from its behaviour to occupy and entertain itself!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Leaves, buds and flowers !

Each day offers new sights in our garden. 

What fascinates me is the changes that happen in each plant. If I missed noticing a plant for a few days and returned to watch it, it would have new leaves, buds or flowers. 

A plant rooted in the soil is changing and growing. 

This occurred to me as the reality in human lives. 

During my years of involvement in child development, I have had the opportunity to observe children sometimes once in two weeks. I felt   surprised by the changes that I noticed in their physical, emotional, cognitive and social dimensions. In the infants and toddlers, the rapid growth and changes were obvious. 

As an adult, I wonder whether this process of growing and changing is observable in our lives in tangible ways!

I met a shop keeper yesterday, after three months whose first comment was, 'Have you lost some weight'! That was what was obvious to him. 

This comment helped me to ponder over this process of growth and changes in an adult life. 

Now I man in the fourth month since retiring from the hospital, I did not have the regular rhythm of welcoming children or families. I shifted to write and complete the pending project of publishing three booklets on child development for the use of parents. I had the freedom to follow a comfortable rhythm for each day. 

With this change outside, what was happening to me inwardly!

I felt an expanding inward space to see, hear, feel, and sense my own thoughts, needs, aspirations and relationships. The inner fabric woven by many strands which remained amorphous and vague for a while is now becoming more distinct. I am just about to feel different strands and streams of thoughts and that create the mosaic of my inner world. 

This awareness of inner events, movements and perceptions help in knowing what affects the inner consciousness. It is a pebble,  which stirs the still water in a pond. 

What are those pebbles in my inner world!

Are they stressors!

The state of anxiety is what we absorb from the world around us. One pebble that stirs the inner ambience is this anxiety state. A comment by someone, that 'you do not have a pension or insurance. How do you plan your future' was a stress evoking question. 

The walk in the garden two days back,  while this stressor was at work within, brought a comforting and clarifying inner ambience. The plants rooted in the soil produce leaves, buds and flowers. The water drops on the leaves symbolised the day provisions they receive. A plant receives, therefore it grows, changes and brings forth leaves, buds and flowers.

The receiving and the giving!

This is the cycle of life!

The instinct to acquire adds stress to life. 

When life is lived in an attitude of receiving, because 'it is in God we live, move and have our being', there is a sense of being grounded and protected. 

It provides motivation to '.. to lead a quiet life, attend to your own business and work with your hands...' (1Thesss. 4.11).

This brings comfort to live each day and be in readiness to give!

The plants are ever giving oxygen and everything else! They live fully from the fullness of life granted to them. 

We are given to give!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Pause, consider and move!

 

I noticed that a squirrel would take pauses while on the move. It is its way of considering the path ahead !

Sometimes it looks too easy for a squirrel to move uninterrupted, but even then it would pause in between.  

Its pause is its way of sensing the way rather than only finding the way. 

All movements are characterised by three features: loosing the earlier space, finding a new space and adjusting to the new space. 

I close the 4th month since I left the earlier place of my work tomorrow. 

I asked my self during the last four months the above questions.

What did I lose!

On 30th June, 2023, the forty years in child development came to a formal closure. It brought a sense of gladness and mood of celebration. I happened to travel the path of child development not by my plan  but by an urge created within me to walk this way. I still carry with me a sense of wonder and gratefulness ! It was a season of new experiences in personal growth and engagement with children and families and to get introduced to their world of loss and search !

What did I find!

I found during the last four months an inner space which got compressed with child development pursuit. The inner space was longing for freedom to have a glimpse of a widened horizon in the daily rhythm. I felt as if I found a meadow where streams, plants, trees, birds, people, and houses with their courtyard and neighbourhood, market place, and community life exist! It is a place that envelops me with warmth and comfort. 

How do I adjust to the new place!

The quiet room, a converted garage in our courtyard, is a symbol of the history of the last forty years, where I spend most of my time during the day. I felt ready to make a biographical journey of peeks and valleys of the life of forty years. I had my first outing last week for a meeting. The presentation I was asked to give, evolved effortlessly and contextually. I felt prompted to summarise my thoughts to bring a reflective ambience in the listeners. I experienced freedom of communication. It was different from my usual presentations, in the way I experienced it. 

After four months of pause, I shall continue my movement now!

This movement is outward and inward!

Outward, as I foresee opportunities to be in a formative role relationally.  Inward, because, I feel prompted to be biographical while engaging the depth within. 

A squirrel through its pattern of moving with pauses and sensing its path forward, awakened within me some thoughts about the way to be myself!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Hope and Peace !

 

I gathered some old and recent photos of flowers and buds above,  to refresh myself of the hope that revives us in difficult times. 

With the Israel-Palestine war getting intensified with more people dying and many getting displaced, and two people dying and about sixty injured during a series of bomb blasts at a prayer meeting today,  about 20 kilometres away from where Anna and I live, I slipped into a a sense of loss ! Is violence and harm to others the preferred way when there is a conflict !

During my training in Alternate Dispute Resolution, one oft reported thought that I had internalised was, that dialogue has a chance to resolve conflicts. During two conflicts I was involved in the recent years, I could not take the conflict to a stage of resolution. It was a terrible disappointment. I withdrew from my involvement in both situations admitting my inability to take forward the dialogue to a level of meaningful engagement. On both those occasions, I have had long associations with people because of which it would have been naturally easier  to find a middle path. That is not how it turned out at the end. The strained relationships are yet to recover !

It was in the background of this inner movements, I heard a talk from a a senior professional, who referred to the life experiences through the insight of tolerance, faith and acceptance. I knew that there was a prolonged stressful situation in his work place on account of difficult interpersonal relationships. In an indirect reference to that difficult situation, the message that I received from the talk was the vision of faith and love that directed his path and relationship.    

The message that lifted my spirit was, no situation is too hopeless to give up hope. 

It is to revive my spirit I gathered the above photographs, the flowers and buds to symbolise that hope. 

The buds in the last three photos from our garden taken today, appearing in the rose bushes,  even amidst the torrential in the last two weeks, refreshed me immensely. 

The flowers represent many messages. One that drew me to a personal experience today was the hope of peace they represent. 

It is in pursuing that message amidst all inhibitions and reservations, one can find the inner ambience ready to accept people as they are. 

There were communications from three people, during the last week who were part of one of the conflicts that I was involved in, which reminded me of the gradual healing journey that is taking place. People long for inner wellness and that is the hope that makes me comfortable to wait for a reconciled state. 

Our environment and work place need abundance of peace and wellness. To love is to forgive and receive people as they are! I needed this message today!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The differences!

All the above flowers are of Turnera in our garden. They all have five petals, which are grossly similar looking. 

The arrangement of petals differs from flower to flower, although in a small way. 

The differences do not reduce them to be of the family of Turnera flowers. 

The differences in the conduct and character of children in a family, have surfaced in conversations with some families in the recent weeks.

It was while watching these flowers above, I got a new consciousness of the naturalness in these differences. Each child in a family is different in some way or other. The genetic heritage and the epigenetic influences together give expression to a person's conduct and character, which cannot be identical even in identical twins. 

It is common to exercise freedom to compare children in family; it is the last thing that any family could ever do. 

Let each child feel received and honoured. They have different needs and style. It is the privilege for parents to work with the 'prima materia'  of each child, to use an alchemist's language, and prosper their formation towards what they can become! 

Each child has a blossoming stage in life; till they arrive at that season of their life, the parental role is to support the unfolding of the unique ways that they are endowed with.  

A family persuaded their second child to learn piano, because  that was what the first son did. But he wanted to learn wind instruments. When they became adults, it was evident how that difference became an expression of their uniqueness. 

Let children have a home,  which receives individual expressions and tastes. That is how parents can prosper their blossoming prospects!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The singing presence !

 

I noticed that this purple Sunbird comes to the same flight station each morning and sings tunefully for a while, before it moves on to its next station. It changes its direction a few times during this stop over and sings in each direction. 

For a bird, its bird calls have many purposes. One purpose that I notice which is common with most birds, is to make known its presence in each territory that it occupies, during its flight movements. It is one way it establishes its right to be present without being intimidated by   other intruding birds at its flight station. 

I have noticed only exceptionally that a crow or a Tree pie might chase a small bird from its flight station. 

This admirable regard for other birds in the avian behaviour is a significant lesson to learn from.

There is enough space for all birds in the avian geography. 

When the Israel-Palestine war gets intensified, with huge loss of human lives, property and facilities, along with painful suffering and deprivation of basic needs with thousands displaced from their homes, I wonder whether civil liberties are displaced by aggressive mind set. The Palestine government focussed to turn hostile to its neighbour by taking Israelis hostage and killing many. Israel in turn is now chasing a terrorist group to its extinction. The mind set of harming a neighbour and the neighbour retaliating with least regard for civilian life is an ugly story of territorial invasion. 

I was at a meeting few days ago, where Counsellor's from different places came together to explore ways to support families. One message I picked up from the conversations was that,  when the family life became stressful, it became the nidus for disturbing trends in societal anthropology.  

The 'clanish' mind set, which we thought would fade away when people have more facilities and prosperity, is not true. The selfish pursuit is intense to establish supremacy. The Russian invasion of Ukraine, the recent American attitude of racial thinking occupying some political leaders, the conflict between two communities in Manipur, the Palestine-Israel war, the fourth since Israel came into being, and a similar situations in Pakistan, Myanmar, and some African nations, tell us of a world that is at a melting point. The United Nations Organisation is weak and least reconciling in its mission. 

A Sunbird through its bird calls tell us that there is enough reason to sing and stop all forms of aggression.

While at the Counsellor's meeting, I realised how parents through aggressive language inflicts psychic injury to their children. A simple threat, 'If you do not eat, I will tell your teacher and she would punish you', a commonly used tactic by parents to make a child eat, in itself is  stressful to a child at pre-school level. It dawned on me,  that home is the place where more child friendly nurture is needed. 

To love,  would mean to disarm ourselves of all forms of subtle or overt ways to manipulate and subdue others.

How low we go down in morality, if we work to displace others to prosper our selfish cause and impose our control! 

A Sunbird gifts us with its tuneful singing each morning. 

What is the gift that I can offer to others today!

Dulcie comes and gives me a lick and sits down to look at me intently. Only when I stroke her, she would move away. 

A bird sings; a dog licks... there are multiple ways, the language of love is expressed all around us. 

This world is destined to be a better place of peace and hope!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Living to give !

 

I have a conversation with flowers in our garden, about which flowers can stay for the honey bees, butterflies and the sunbirds for their nectar and which of them will let me pluck them for the vase in the quiet room, or in our drawing room.

During the short life span of the flowers, each of the flowers is missional in its presence. It can adorn the garden or decorate the interior space. 

In either case, the flowers come to occupy a space of significance. The garden is an open space where the flowers through the colour and fragrance bring a visual feast and create a sense of aesthetic feeling. The interior space of a room is a closed environment where the flowers exist in an artificial environment, without its nutrition except the hydration. They are separated from the plant. Even when a flower suffers the separation from its plant, it remains in its water bowl, stay fresh, colourful and fragrant but more fragile. 

Anna and I remember a friend, who would let the flowers remain in the  vase, even when they are withering, till they are fully dry and the petals fall off. He would sit quiet watching the vase each day for short time during which, he once told us, that he would receive the flowers as a gift to cheer him and take their colour and fragrance to others. He would do similarly sitting before the withering flowers and feel grateful for what they brought to make his room fresh by their presence. In fact, there were occasions when the flies, bees and ants would come to the flowers through the open window of his room. The flowers still had some nectar even when separated from the plant. 

According to this friend, 'when he had a sense of fullness from the flowers', he would gather them in a nice wrapping and keep the bag in the pile where other compostable bio-degradable materials are kept. The withered flowers were not a 'waste' for him. They return to earth to  make the earth nitrogen rich. The earth given to humans to 'till and cultivate' is to which all humans and all the living beings shall return!

I remembered this narration of 'f'lowers as a gift to cheer us and given  to carry the colour and fragrance to others'  yesterday, when I was walking in the garden to collect flowers for the vase in the quiet room!

Each flower is special in its own way. A collection of flowers in a vase is therefore a gathering of the abundance of goodness we receive from the earth. 

We receive and take what we need for ourselves from our environment. 

It is left to us to keep our environment nourished to give!

It was after a long time that I was tilling the bed of rose bushes and manuring them yesterday. It was during that time, the above thoughts surfaced in my mind. 

There is more enthusiasm for gardening among people. That is a sign of sense of stewardship of responsible upkeep of our environment!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The Light and shadow !

 

The difference between the first photo and the second one above,  is that the second photo has shadows on some buttercup flowers. 

It is the light that casts shadows.

What came in between the flowers and the sunlight is leaves and other flowers obstructing the light. 

What obstructs friendships are shadows cast by misunderstanding, acts of omission and commission and withdrawal from wanting to relate. 

I have had some share of this at my work place during the last four years and during in my involvement with an organisation for five years. 

The relationships lasting for twenty five years got overshadowed by the mixture of experiences that I referred to above. 

I did my part of apologising, but that did help enough to move out of the shadow of hurts and disappointments. 

What obstructs the relationship is the harbouring of hurts and grief. 

When the Sun moved to its mid day position, most of the the shadows on the flowers disappeared. 

What made the change was the unhindered light!

I have begun to think in the recent years that the what obstructs the light falling on renewal of relationships is anger, hurt and justification. 

There were times when I felt comfortable to apologise and approve myself for having done that. That did not do enough to feel well towards the people with whom relationships were strained. 

It was while dwelling on this state of confusion, I returned to a book that I read in 2014, a copy of which was in our study since then, The art of SIGNIFICANCE-achieving the level beyond success, by Dan Clark. In the chapter, Forgive instead of Apologise (p211) the author referred to the scourge of anger, letting it all out and beginning a journey on healing. 

He began the section on 'Real Healing' by writing:' Let us deepen our understanding of forgiveness as healing' and suggested five step process towards forgiveness. 

The first is to move out of a victim's mentality thereby stopping to blame others. Instead take the responsibility for the personal part which would have contributed to the strained relationships. By one's openness to admit one's own wrong doings, one moves on to be co-equal with the other person who might also be suffering. What is primary,  is willingness to move from the past to the present, when the door of opportunity calls us to demystify the events of the past.

The second step is to be genuinely sorrowful for what one personally contributed to cause the stress in relationship. When that is genuine, one is no more in a justifying or defending mood. I have had to deal with this which is what took a long time. I occasionally slipped into  an accusatory tone of thinking, although externally appeared to be regretful. 

The third step is a personal confession of admitting to oneself the wrong doing, and preparing oneself to make that confession to the other persons involved. When it can be done without expecting a similar act of response from the other person, then confession is a sign of accepting responsibility and regretting for the hurt generated by what was done. 

The fourth step is restitution which is perhaps a difficult process as this involves a favourable response from the other people. Sometimes one  has to wait for a period of time before a response comes from the other people involved. To arrive willingly to undo the damage and express keenness to restore relationship is in one's domain. I feel the incremental progress I have been able to make in this direction.

The fifth step is to practice the discipline of remembering the past events no more. It has been possible to practice this to large extent. When people out of curiosity still asks about the past events, I am able to refer to it lightly and gloss over it, dissuading any discussion. 

In this journey towards healing through forgiveness, one has to be committed to move slowly and steadily as sensitivity of how one feels and others respond are intertwined. 

Today, seeing the shadow on the Buttercups flowers fade away with the sunlight falling on the flowers, I got further encouraged by this process in which I am involved. 

Offering forgiveness in itself is liberating and moving forward. Even when forgiveness is not reciprocated, there is freedom to move on, as one has genuinely done all that is in one's control. The outcome of restoration of relationship might happen or not happen. In either case, the process is important to become neighbourly towards others. 

The shadows are real; the light is also real!

A life well lived would have had experiences of shadows; but when they are recognised and responded to, one is in the path of wanting to live in the Light!

Jesus of Nazareth said, 'I am the Light of the world..'!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

In the home and around the home!

A garden is a home for plants with leaves, flowers and fruits. I stayed looking at the three sights above, during my morning stroll yesterday. The leaves, flowers and fruits next to each other had a confluencing effect on me. 

This is the cycle in nature. Most plants would go through the cycle of having tender shoots, flowering and bearing fruit. This rhythm goes on year after year. The plants receive their feed and water from the soil and the sunlight gives them the energy for photosynthesis. The plants give away the fruits for others. 

I passed by a Rose bush and noticed that one bud was already damaged by insects and there were strands of the web of a spider between the buds. Even before a bud can blossom, it faces a hostile experience from nature. A plant is nourished by the soil but is not protected from adverse invasion from the pests. 

I have struggled with this thought in the recent months. A home is for nourishing and nurturing children ! But are parents promotive of the home environment for the wellness of pre-school children! Or are they inconsiderate to what they need and create parenting substitutes!

But it is the same home, which dwarfs the enlargement of a child, by an early exposure to the visual media even before a child reaches his or her first birthday. A child who would be crawling around to explore and discover is made to be sitting to watch the screen of a TV  or a mobile phone hours together! In many homes it is the mobile phone a child would watch while being fed. The attachment process with parents,  develop when there is face to face engagement through singing, action songs, interactive play, exploration of the environment and everything that is funny which would endear a child to his or her parents. 

For me,  to see the leaves, flowers and fruits adjacent to each other in the garden and to notice the rose bush with buds was a refreshing experience. I would have passed by these sights several times in the recent weeks, but they escaped my attention. 

There is life and life events all around us. In the media, there is entertainment. The cartoon world is unreal and unauthentic! And yet it is to such a world of incongruence we introduce our children even before their processing skills have developed. We make them passive limited, and dependent, whereas they are meant to be exploratory, active, communicative and interactive ! 

What do we offer to our children! A wrong start in infancy and toddler period! We bring an unfavourable environment to them by overexposure to the visual media. It has been shown that a child who has been introduced to a playful and interactive environment speaks earlier, socialises better, bonds meaningfully and gets familiar with pre-school skills naturally. 

The nature is the second home to infants and toddlers. 

I wish every home has a Child's Corner with toys, craft materials  and books! A low table to sit around and do their activities is what they would need. A Play Corner in the courtyard or veranda with sand and access to water is another requirement for infants and toddlers! 

A home is for adults and children. 

Are there enough in a home to offer children a formative environment! 

The home environment and the natural environment around the house are co-equals in influencing children for their  childhood formation !

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)