Two aspirations !

I have had the opportunity to listen to parents and observe children in their early years of developmental struggles for a while now.

Recently, I wondered what would be the most felt need of young children in terms of their developmental aspirations. 

The two children in this post represent the common aspirations: to be able to get up and stand and walk!

The first child was unable to get up due to a neuromuscular disorder and the the second one due to an insult suffered during birth.

When their neuromuscular system does not comply with their aspirations  children long for freedom to move on in their gross motor skills, but denied to do so due to the limitations in muscle power and tone. 

Th consequences of the inability to want to do what they long to do are many. 

One emotional stress that parents experienced in both these children was irritability, crying spells for trivial reasons,  and not wanting to be social or playful. 

The disappointments they face in reaching their aspirations make them susceptible to behave in an undesirable way.

It is mobility that makes the link between children for play and interaction. When that is not possible some children get excluded from all the out-door activities and interactions that children are fond of.

The professionals and parents ought to be conscious of this unmet aspirations of young children and substitute opportunities for them to be with other children by organising a play group so that the developmentally challenged children also have social and interactive experiences.

A play group is an activity setting when all children can join in for interactive games and feel connected socially. Parents and volunteers can organise this so that there is a new dimension in the lives of children who find mobility a big challenge.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Bed time routine!

This article was timely.

Last week, one conversation with some families was about bed time routine. The bedtime routine is currently, non existent in many homes. Some allow children to watch TV and go to sleep and some others by offering them music to listen to. Some even tell then stories. 

The art of bedtime story telling using text form pictorial books has become less common. 

When I was at working at CMC Vellore, I was privileged to be involved in two projects. One was to start a creche for infants and toddlers of working parents. The other was to create a book bank of bedtime stories which parents can borrow. Although this latter project did succeed only partly, some enthusiasts kept at it and now there are children's book libraries in two residential complexes in the CMC campus.

The be time story time is conversation time. It is a tradition time form activity to reflection. Most searching questions that linger in the m minds of pre-schoolers and early schoolers surface at such times. This private time that one of he parents can have with their children is a redeeming time of engaging at a heart level intimately. What does not appear in normal conversation can appear at this time when a child is in the comfort and consolation of a parent ready to listen and offer affirming conversation. 

It is also a time when a parent can communicate loving acceptance of the child and the child can share grateful thoughts towards the parents. 

The bed time story books if chosen wisely are also the means to help child to think morally, soberly and kindly. It is during such occasions attitudes and values are formed.  

Anna was an enthusiast of bedtime story reading when our children grew up. Now she practices that with the grand children when there is an opportunity!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A wake up call!

After 40 years in child care practice, it disturbs me to face this reality of deprived childhood of millions of children!

Dr Susila Nayyar who pushed me to take up trianing in community paediatrics, was the one who felt deeply for children who went to bed hungry each night. 

I obtained a skin fold thickness measuring calliper in 1986 to measure the skin fold thickness of children to get an idea of the state of nutrition of children whom I welcome for consultation. Having measured the skin fold thickness of few thousands of children, when I take the skinfold measuring calliper each time in my hand, I feel disturbed by what I find. About twenty-five percent of infants,  toddlers  and pre-school children bear the marks of undernutrition!

It is not that we do not have food, but they are not available for those who need them most!

This a national disaster! 

Should children suffer! 

Every time I have a conversation with a family whose child appears malnourished, I feel, that professionals can do more to prevent this from happening! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

The thumbs!

It is now about 20 years since I have been studying the thumbs of children for their size, shape, length, creases outside and inside, range of movement, flexibility, position, etc. 

It all started by an observation in children who were born with weakness of one side or developed weakness after birth, that they had a smaller thumb on the weaker side. This smallness came from disuse of the weaker thumb.

That did raise a question in my mind as to whether differential use of the thumbs also would lead to the thumb size being different from the other!

A child who is right handed would use the right much more than the left! Would that make the right thumb larger than the left! This curiosity made me observe thumbs of hundreds of children whom I welcomed for consultation. Yes, the thumb on the dominant hand is marginally bigger. 

This raised a question in my mind: would inspecting the size of the thumbs help in differentiating children who were born to be destined to use the left hand as the preferred hand!

My observation has driven me to conclude that there are some children who have larger left thumb, but use the right hand. On enquiry with parents, I found majority of them were forced to change to use the right hand from the time they noticed the child using the left hand. So although we ought to find at least 10-15 percent of children using the left hand by preference, in actual practice, it is less than 5 percent!

What happens to all those who were forced to change to use the right hand! It is likely that there is a greater challenges when they write or perform activities of daily living! Some children have even reading or learning related difficulties on account of this. 

Left handedness is NORMAL! 

One hand is the dominant one and the other is a companion hand. Whether it is the right or the left hand which is dominant, it is the one brain which is responsible for both.  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Coconuts and climbers!

During my childhood, the coconut climbers would come visiting our home regularly to climb and drop the coconuts. Now they are scarce and often we do not get climbers to pluck the coconuts. So they drop by themselves to the ground when the main stem of the bunch of coconuts become dry!

This tree is thirty five meters tall and is in our courtyard!

There are machines which can help an amateur to climb, but it is not popular as yet!

So in my life time, three things have happened: the climbers are no more available; there is greater demand for tender coconuts; and people are reluctant to plant coconuts!

We planted five coconut trees last year which would yield in three years and do not grow taller than than ten meters!

There is change in every walk of life!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The beginnings

It is a delight to watch a child learn to walk!

What gives confidence to the child is the outstretched hands of the father.

This took steps slowly but steadily while the father kept walking backward.

This is the usual way most children start their walking expedition !

This is symbolic of what happens through out life. We walk with our faltering steps through different experiences of life. What is real and constant is the outstretched hands of God waiting to guide and lead us.

It is into His hands we shall safely fall when we falter and loose trust! Where we fix the gaze matters! It was when Peter got distracted from his gaze on Jesus and turned to the turbulent waters around him, Peter could no longer walk water!

We walk towards God from the time we are born in to this world! He watches over us! Our falls are the means for our learning to trust even more!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

8. Memorable photographs-2016- a summer event!

Children during a basket ball coaching camp!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

playing for pleasure...!

All children discover the pleasure of play in early childhood. With both our grandchildren, Anna and I observed that, that they look forward to being read to or playing with toys or being outdoor watching sights and scenes and listening!

One aspect that adults and parents can help immensely, is to create a child friendly library of toys and books at home corresponding to their age! Children would explore themselves on their own and adults can enlarge their horizon of thinking and experience by engaging with them.

I wish at least half the time that children spend watching TV or playing games in the computer can be replaced by interactive times!

The loneliness of childhood gets intensified when we offer everything else to them except ourselves!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

I am sad...!

As I heard, the child in the centre say, 'I and sad..', I was reminded of the many who visit to consult because they are sad! Many parents and children suffer from this mood frequently!

During a conversation yesterday, someone asked me 'why are you in this work with children and parents'!

There is sadness in human hearts! Let us do any good that we can do...! It is a calling to go beyond the consideration of our gains and focus on the needs of others. It is when we can do that, our work becomes a mission!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Breaking the pot..!

Since I played this game in my school years fifty years ago, I happened to have an opportunity to watch this game of breaking the pot last week at the MOSC Medical College. Anna and I could not stay on for the completion of the game as we had to go for another engagement. But we watched the preparation for the game!

Once the pot is lifted high while hanging on a rope, the person who aims the pot with a stick to break  has to compete with the one who is moving the pot fast with the help of a pulley.  All that you are given is only a few attempts! When you break it the pot would shower coloured water! If the person is blindfolded it can be even more fun for the spectators!

The interesting part of this game is little beyond just the fun of it! 

It is a game that reminds us that there are others who can restrict one's opportunities in life! It is the way our society functions. Therefore wiser people would persist to conquer because it is important to do so or would let go if persisting is of not much of consequence! In letting go, you would escape the splashing of the coloured water on yourself!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A skilful Behaviour !

Most of us might get frightened by the risk of fall when we a child attempts such kind of balancing act!

But it is worthwhile t study the care with which their child attempts this gymnastic act. He supports himself with both hands, and his feet are firmly placed on the chair! His body posture although is precarious, he seems to be in control of his body! I feel that he is aware of the danger and takes abundant precaution to protect himself!

Such acts although can be indicative a particular pathological behaviour, what strikes me often when I see such acts by children is, to study the level of their ability cognitively!

One of the learning experiences of being with children for thirty-five years, who are developmentally challenged is to appreciate their residual skills, and not be carried away by the obvious!

There is more ability in every child than a hurried consultation or developmental assessment can reveal! These insights can come to us by meditating on children while observing them!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

See me not!

As I watched this three year old child hide his face every time I tried reaching out to him, I wondered why he remained strange anxious which most children get over by about two years. 

He has been in and out of hospitals form the age of six months for different medical conditions and he seems to have a fear according to his parents that something painful would be done to him! He lives in fear!

As I was driving back home with is strange thought of 'fear', I realised how true it is in our lives. We have fearful memories of events an experiences from our childhood that our decisions and attitudes are influenced by such fears!

Every time I park some where, I have a fear of someone accidentally bumping in to th car as it happened at least five times in thirty years. However it happened only five times out of hundreds of thousands of time I parked. And yet the fear lingers in my mind.

A five years old child helped to move to another level trust recently. When he came int to the room, he placed the chocolate he had in his hand on the windowsill. He played for a while and found his chocolate before he left the room. He trusted did not fear the strangers in the room!

It is trust that is the antidote to fear!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Children explore for an experience!

This child who came in for consultation insisted that he turned the table upside down and I let him do it when I knew that it was not worth resisting his repeated efforts!

For that twenty minutes when he lay there watching rest of us converse and continue our business gave me another insight about how a toddler's mind think and plan.

When he came into the room he went under the table and wanted us to play with him 'hide and seek'. We did that for a while. When he found that amusing, he decided to upturn the table. He pulled the table cloth and gave it to me folded and tried to turn the table upside for which he needed help. He seemed surprised when I did not resit him from doing it. There was peace after he did it. 

Is this an exploratory instinct or an inappropriate childish behaviour!

Most toddlers are are on the go and move about impulsively. They can be directed and distracted by clever interruptions. However sometimes they are persistent. It is then, it would be interesting to watch their thought process evolve into action. When we can let that happen we give them a feeling of accomplishment. Toddlers too need that emotional feeling for their emotional intelligence to develop. Those who feel content to express themselves are more confident and sociable.

Take time to watch children. They tell their stories and ideas through what they do ! That is how we can  keep a track of how they grow and develop!

It is this pleasure of watching children leisurely that kept me going for thirty five years in my clinical work with developmentally challenged children and their families! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

Habits that last !

I was at a retreat recently where while parents were in their serious engagement, their children too were in an enquiry and discovery journey.

I watched some children with their Bibles early in the morning sitting individually in different parts of the campus early in the morning. Although watching the sunrise at that seashore was a good reason to be awake early, I knew that it was not the only reason for them to be found in reading the Bible and praying in the morning. Some of them told me that tit was their habit for some years or months.

It is most refreshing to watch children practice their habits even on holiday! Their habit of reading the Bible and praying obviously means something to them that it sticks with them even when there are other good enough reasons to miss it for a day or two! In fact I heard one child refusing to go with a group to the seashore she finished her 'quiet time'! I am not sure if I would behave similarly!

Yes, many of us wonder how our children would face the struggles and temptations of a materialistic and self-seeking culture! Nurture them into good habits and values. When they are old, they would not depart from them! Amy and Arpit read and sing Bible stories to their four month old baby! I know of parents who start this even before the baby is born! They are good practices that would become habits for children later!

  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A smile that makes your day!

Anna and I were greeted by Elias and his fourteen months old daughter Joanna, at the car park a few days back. Seeing us Joanna smiled profusely which disarmed us of our hurry to go to the  the biometric reader to punch our arrival on time.

On several occasions this smile returned to me during the day. It brought refreshment as I recollected the self-giving, captivating and affectionate smile which was freely gifted to us  in the morning. 

I have often thought of the smile of a child as a treasurable gift because it is genuinely a message of joy and gladness. 

A child is carefree while growing up in  a secure and caring environment . Such children would spontaneously convey the inner fullness of happiness. The smile is an overflow of the inner wellness and contentment!

Men and women are desperate for happiness for which they strive and struggle! They drive themselves to find happiness only to discover often that they have exhausted themselves by trying.   

The sense of wellness or contentment or gladness is a gift that others bring to us. At the first Christmas at Bethlehem, the shepherds who 'stayed out' watching over their flock at night were greeted by an angel that Christ the saviour was born for them! They were overjoyed by this after an initial sense of fear. They set out to see this baby because they wanted to celebrate this joy. 

God gives us joy so that we can gift it away to others. The more we share joy with others the more we become joyful. It is only as much as we turn the focus to make others joyful, we can experience  the fullness of joy!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Burden of Learning!

As Anna and I watched these children and  others  return from the school on Monday, we were reminded of our  early childhood learning days, where we went to school empty handed and returned with no home work to do.

Although ‘learning without burden’ during the pre-school years has been an oft discussed philosophy  of pre-school education, most pre-schools would insist on wearing uniforms, and  carry a bag with books, writing pads, water, towel, a change of clothes, etc. 

I remember weighing bags of lower kindergarten children a few years back. The average weight was 4 kilograms. Children at that age would normally weigh around 14 kilograms with a height of around 90 Cms. Carrying those bags on the back often made them walk with a slight bent forward which added stress to the spine and its curvature. 

I do not think that  it has changed in spite of much lobbying by the educationalists to make the pre-school years exploratory, child friendly and informal academically. The pressure to read, write and perform was to have been replaced by a child driven learning process and giving a child a sense of orientation to learning. The content was to be less important; the process was to be the focus. 

However, pre-school children even now remain burdened to learn!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

Fancy dress- its larger meaning!

I was invited to witness a fancy dress presentation, yesterday of the Montessori pre-school in the campus. I found all the children in interesting roles.

This girl in Mother Teresa’s attire captured my attention. Her parents had trained her to walk like the mother. It was an effort to get the costume and make her act like the mother.

Once someone told me that, the fancy dress is more than a role play or wearing a costume. It is getting into the role of the person.

It looks like that every thing in life has an obvious meaning and a deeper meaning.

One parent told me yesterday that their child refused to take on many roles they proposed. He made the choice himself and the parents were most happy about it.

One child with whom I had a brief conversation told me that, he enjoyed making things with his hand and that is why he chose to act like a carpenter.

There is a thought or desire which children express even at this young age. Children  think, explore and choose. They are exposed to a variety of informations that they too think and consider many issues.

This calls for considerable healthy investment into their lives. It is through make-belief play we can influence pre-school children. They can also be influenced by good bed time pictorial stories. They would find the stories from the childhood of parents equally interesting.

What they shall become personally or professionally is not just decided at the time of school leaving. The pre-school children are already fantasising and we need to stay close to them to get them to think and pursue a purposeful way, compatible with their skills and instincts.


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

A look that reveals!

One of my interests in photography is  to capture children's face when they are not conscious of being photographed. It is one way, I have been trying to understand the 'look' of children. The look conveys a lot, about the emotional, social and intellectual dimensions of a child.

In the photo of this child, the eyes are alert and gazing at something. The lips are tightly closed and the head is tilted to one side.There is an intense processing of what she  is watching. She is gauging the sight and planning her response. Such a volitional engagement is a sign of an emotionally active child.

It is from an emotional gauging a child conveys a social response. It is difficult to anticipate her considered social response from her look, although it is apparent that she appears comfortable and composed. Most toddlers, who have stable social environment, can sense intimidation, threat or harm. They are equally perceptive of warmth, friendship and cordiality.

Both the emotional and social responses emerge form the intellectual competence of the toddler. When a child can stay focussed on any particular event in the environment for a few seconds, is often advanced in higher order skills of comprehension, processing and association. Such children have an advantage of storing previous informations in their memory and depend on them to interpret new situations later. The visual and auditory perception contribute significantly to the intellectual interpretation. Often past experiences influence this processing.

It is for the above reason, communication with infants and toddlers require a pattern. Parents are under obligation to describe what they would anticipate when they take the child for shopping or a visitor drops into the house. A child needs briefing of situations as much as possible.He or she copes better, when he or she is pre-informed. I know of parents showing the photos of visitors expected for the evening meal or the mall they are to visit in the evening. There is a need for debriefing after the events are over to complement the child for every good behaviour and instruction about behaviours which would need change.  Most children are amenable to gentle correction and reinforcement of  what was desirable.

A toddler looks at his or her environment based on the information provided by parents. Parents can educate children for their emotional, social and intellectual integration.

M.C.Mathew(photo and text)       

Acquired behaviour

Most toddlers learn their behaviour from the observations they make or the instructions they receive. 

One useful way of understanding the pattern of such learning, is by observing the play behaviour of toddlers. Play is their natural instinct by then, and most of their play is already conditioned.

Parents or care givers, who take time to play with their toddler children, from the first time they show engaged interest in the toys contribute three valuable insights to their children.

The adults can demonstrate how a toy can be used in different ways. The toy can be used for solo play, make-belief play or for parallel play with a small group of children. 

The toy generates fun and excitement, which is one requirement for a toddler to stay tuned to playing with toys. The peek-a boo, hide and seek, turn taking steps in play, etc are unknown to children until they learn from adults or older siblings. 

The way an adult offers time to play with a toy creates an impression of the value of the toy and how the toys are to be taken care of. There is a value we add to the toy and its useful learning contribution, when as adults,  we use the time to explore it with the child. Most toddlers are imitational by habit and imitate the practices or behaviours of those who spend the most time with them. It may be sometimes demanding for the adults to enter into this form of transactional play with toddlers for lack of time or interest. But there is no substitute to this, as children can be conditioned to what we want them to be socially and behaviourally only through human interactive play behaviour.

When a toddler is unruly in a mall or public place, he or she gets punished or threatened. This is unfortunate because we cannot expect a toddler to behave appropriately unless he or she has been instructed several times to behave in a particular way. Toddlers show more respectful response to gentle human voices and caring behaviour which comforts them. 

Instead if a toddler has more engagement with the TV or computer or video games, we deprive them of the conditioning through human interaction.

Toddlers are most responsive when we give them attention and formulate their actions and reactions. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A toy shelf without children

This toy shelf and the aquarium have been in my consultation room for children at ASHIRVAD Chennai, CMC Vellore, PIMS Pondicherrry and now at MOSC, Kolenchery. 

Only one thing has changed in my observation over these years. Yesterday, only one child out of twelve children who visited me explored the toys in the shelf. In the earlier years, almost every child except infants would have directly reached the shelf as soon as they came into the room. Yesterday, some children played with their parent's mobile phone, and others  sat bored in the chair. The parents would have liked them to watch TV or play computer games during that time.

One child accompanied by grand parents who went on to play with the toys, mentioned that they do not have much toys at home. 

I am aware that children's habit, their environment and parenting style have changed. I feel it is a disadvantage for children. 

One parent helped me to understand this complex situation to some extent. How can children stay away from the TV or the computer or the mobile phone when parents spend hours using them! We did not have them till twenty years back. The adult behaviour has changed and so the children's behaviour! In most homes the TV is on most of the day and part of the night.

I pursued conversation with one family about taking time to converse with children about their daily events and happenings at school. They confessed that there is constraint of time. 

Our modern rhythm of living needs revision. We need to create time for the most important link in our lives-communication. Talking is common, but listening is uncommon in family conversations. 

Let me not suggest that we live in the past glorifying it; however let us redefine how we help our children live with good childhood attitudes and practices!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)