Finding water !

I had completed all the tests including MRI brain for investigating for tinnitus in one ear. It was the next day, I spotted these two red-wattled Lapwing birds in the field. They were at least three hundred meters away. One of the birds drinking from a small pool of water refreshed and quietened my soul, which had stayed troubled for a few days, ever since the tinnitus first appeared. 

Tinnitus being a condition which can develop into hearing loss caused episodic turbulence within me. I took three days to rest and connect with my anxious and wandering thoughts. But I felt swayed towards anxiety because I live with a condition for which there is no radical cure. 

It was in that background of inner turmoil, I watched this bird drink from a small pool of water. It came upon me as a message of comfort! 

A bird finds still water for quenching its thirst!

Humans too have a source from whom we can receive 'water which shall not make us thirst again'. It was this Jesus of Nazareth announced, 'Come to me all those who are weary and heavy laden..' This experience is most refreshing because living without being overcome by anxiety is what Jesus opened before any one who is at his or her wits end.  

I walked back home little lighter and it is now three days since this happened. I slept better and got up feeling ready for each day! I know that my thoughts can still drag me to feel anxious. That is when I hope another imagery would be given to hold me anchored!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Small Birds occupying large space!

It happens only in avian world that two small birds can have the whole tree left for themselves. Humans compete to occupy space, position, visibility, importance in public space. 

If a large bird were to come to claim this tree space these small birds would fly away to another place. They are not possessive or quarrelsome. 

In one sense, it is this thought that has lingered in my mind during this week. How much have I have been willing to let someone take my legitimate space and still be content with it. 

Those who choose to be quietly present are likely to be marginalised. One can stay feeling marginalised or one can use the situation to turn into an opportunity. It is one thing to experience  the drama played out by others reducing one's significance or abilities, but it is yet another experience to learn to live above that and be generous towards everyone with kindness and attention. 

A child returned to where I sit and shook hands and said 'thank you'. His was a good will gesture  because,  when I examined him, he did not like his reflexes or pain sensations tested.

Often we might live alone in our private space; but how we welcome those who cross our path is a sign of the openness with which we live. A flower once open is a place of traffic for insects, bees, butterflies because it provides nectar. 

Finally in the journey of life, what matters is not how much we feel recognised, but how much we have been providing for the wellness of others. 

I saw this in a touching way yesterday. A two year child seated in her mother's lap was crying . A four year old child brought a toy and gave to him, which turned his attention to the toy and he stopped crying! The two year was not mobile. Sitting about ten meters away from the toy shelf, he would have longed to fetch one and play. When the four year old child recognised it and responded to it, it created a new experience for the crying child. 

To live mindfully of others is a way of living. The space from which we reach out, large or small does not matter. Can I bring some cheer to someone today!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The cooler nights !

 The Lilies in our garden are beginning to blossom. Their morning look with misty covering on the flowers  is a delight to watch at dawn. 

They bloom twice a year and their winter presence is spectacular because the misty look makes it appear outstanding among other flowers. The lilies need least attention. Fortunately the pests do not attack them. They are not manure dependent. 

They receive scanty attention, but they bring abundant blossoms in season!

They live to give!

What a call they offer for us to consider!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A nesting pair!

A friend noticed the movement of a red vented Bulbul in the croton plant behind the college canteen. On close inspection, there was a nest in formation with a Bulbul in the nest  We spotted another  Bulbul perched in the adjacent tree.  

A few days later the nest looked more complete and a pair of Bulbuls were perched in the adjacent tree. 

It is a busy area where cars are parked and people move frequently. Bulbuls are known to nest near human habitation. It was a pleasure to see a nest evolve into an artistic creation. 

It is when we watch such sights, we get a sense of the way in which each avian species lives expressing its uniqueness. 

No nest would look similar to another one, as each species is choosy about its design and choice of materials to make it.

Birds are planners and designers !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

 

The evening sky!

On most days in the evenings, during the last week, the sky was overcast like this with heavy down pour lasting for two or more hours. 

I drove home in the evening on most days in the rain. 

I felt bereft without the usual inviting sight of the glorious sunset!

We cannot watch the sunrise for too long because of the blinding brilliance of the rising sun. Also the photography of the sunrise is not good for human eyes or the cameral lens. But it is often easier to watch the setting sun and feel ecstatic about the play of colours on the horizon. 

It is when I missed the sunset for a few days I rallied how we need some visual symbols of encouragement and upliftment! For me sunrise and sunset are two such visual feasts!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

News that worry us!

The first news item is alarming because of the stress level that women experience! I have a suspicion that men contribute to this to some extent! If only men can be more thoughtful at home, work place and public places, women would feel lot more comfortable. 

The second is a terrible news, much against the norms we would have expected in higher education. Just because few text books are translated in to Hindi, how can we convert the medical education to be offered in vernacular medium! In china, Russia and some European countries where the medium of instruction is not English, a parallel system of library of books, journals, and resources exist in the local languages. With none of that in existence we tend to be in a hurry to dislodge a working system of medical education all on a sudden. How I wish that the standard of study of health science is at an international level,  as much as possible because we need to have the highest standard of education to equip students to be competent practitioners. 

I closed the week sorrowfully because  that we live in a society that does not care enough to be thoughtful and humane!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The life of a friendship !

I kept watching two Asian Green bee-Eater birds perched in a shrub in the field. The two flew in together and was exchanging bird songs for awhile. Seeing them in that mood of reciprocal communication, I thought of them as a pair. There was a body language of comfort while being with each other. 

With no indication whatsoever, one flew away in one direction, beyond what my eyes could catch its direction in the sky. They are used to fly high in the air. 

The other one kept watching in different directions. I knew from that arial search, it too was getting ready to fly away. However it took a longer time than I thought for it to move. It flew away in another direction.

The arrivals and departures resonated in my thoughts. The two seemed to have had some fraternal ties. But the way they flew away in two different directions indicated otherwise. 

As long as they were together they were communicative. 

I pondered over human relationships. What I hear from families during their narration of their personal stories is the stress over strained relationships within the family and at work place and with neighbours. 

I have begun to consider at the end of fifty years, since I have been associated with large numbers of people in different situations, that most social relationships have a short shelf life. It is with the few we might have cordial and longer relationships. 

A friend whom I first met when he was a student is currently in his sixties. We have had infrequent contacts. In the recent three mails, I noticed that he was longing to catch up. There are many relationships which were good for a season which did not spring up later for reconnecting. 

I feel in hindsight, that it was when I was holding on to a friendship it became a burden to keep up. The expectations in friendships make us long for more contact and communication and the celebration of the richness of the experiences does not happen naturally. Each relationship is worthwhile for that season rather than striving to prolong it with more expectation. 

All of us are voyagers and learners. We grow out of some relationships and would need new style of relationship akin to the inner ambience that expands within.  I meet a few of my class antes at school in the village where I live. We exchange pleasantries, but beyond that there is a boundary. 

I like the message the two bee-Eater birds left for me. Celebrate all friendships and hold on to all friendships loosely and lightly. 

We are to transcend some friendships as dependancy or freedom to be oneself would risk the relationship. 

To receive such relationships through the optic of gratefulness and appreciation would be the ideal attitude!

We might grieve over a lost friendship, but moving on as voyagers in life would need new support system and companionship which provide greater comfort. 

We can turn to be kind hearted and thoughtful in many ways towards those from whose orbit we chose to move away!  

There are times when our path is private and does not concur with that of a former friend !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

  

Presence for others!

The Ixora plant in our garden is in full bloom. The plant is now ten years old and is one of the first plants we planted when we came to live in our cottage 2012.

It is the plant that does not need lot of attention. Fortunately insects and pests do not invade the plant! 

The plant itself is sturdy and endures adverse climates. It blooms a few times in a year. The sunbirds come to feed on the nectar. It is present for others!

Presence for others!

It is a theme that has appeared in my thoughts a few times recently. 

Th silent dilemma, strains, and sorrow people carry may not be known even to familiar people around them. 

There are more people who are hurt, disappointed or burdened by demands of life unlike in the past. Life is lived in the theatre of many demands and pressures. A doctor who was trying to get into a post graduate training for three years did not find his turn this time. His sorrow was profound. 

To think that every other person we meet, has a silent sorrowful experience that he or she lives with is disturbing.  

And yet, we can bear the burdens of others in a gentle and uplifting way. 

I needed  help to fix the mudflap of the car that was hanging. I reached the garage when it was closing. The mechanic was coming towards the exit gate to leave. Seeing me he offered to fix it. I met him for the first time. It was dark and he needed to sue his mobile phone light to fix it. He was present with a helping attitude. 

Being present and becoming present to others, give us an opportunity to care and befriend!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Beyond a habit!

I saw this farmer walking with footwear in his hand!

Either the strap of the footwear broke or he found it easier to walk on the uneven ground without the foot wear!

Our feet give us stability on the ground. Sometimes the footwear comes in between denying that stability. 

It appeared to me as a contrasting position. The foot wear is supposed to give better grip and foothold. 

That took me on a journey to look at the habits I develop. I have been used to a cup of coffee early in the morning for forty years now. Since experiencing tinnitus in my ear, I was required to give up coffee and tea. I used to get different coffee seeds from different regions in India and overseas to make coffee.What was considered as a routine and a ritual is no more tenable. Some habits would need revision to be practical. 

Our habits can make us remain stuck. Anna has been looking at herbal tea which are free of any adverse effects on tinnitus. 

Our habits need revision!

During my school years most children did not wear any footwear to school. I also did not till I  went to college. Now people use footwear even inside the house. It is unthinkable to think of walking out of house without footwear. A habit that was formed by change in attitudes in life style! Now the foot wear industry create fashion designs which entice us to have several pairs of footwear in our collection. We get influenced by the fashion designs to have footwear known for as status symbol!

This farmer removed his footwear! It symbolised to me that a habit can also be set aside when necessary!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

At the Edge!

As I watched this Myna perched at the edge of a dry stem, I felt rather curious. I have pictures of sun birds, Magpie robins, and other mynas perched in a similar way. May be it is their way to remain flight ready. 

I ponder on this behaviour in humans. Choosing an edgy position or an extreme position or being dogmatic without consideration! My behaviour is expected to make others comfortable.  My convictions influence my behaviour. But as we live in our families,  relate at work places and socially interact with others, it is good to consider how my behaviour  affects others. 

I have applied this to myself during the weekly audit! 

How much does my behaviour contribute to the wellness of others! If I am seen to be dogmatic or touchy, it inconveniences others and makes relationships turn sour. 

If a conviction makes me take a position different from that of others, it still can be stated or expressed with moderation concession towards others.

I picked up this message from a family whose son was agitated and running around in the arrival hall. The family took him away to the car, parked at a short distance from the building. When his turn to be examined came, the family asked if I could see him in the car. I felt strange about the request. But I did go to the car to meet him. It was when I saw him, I realised how composed he was in the car with his toys around, different from what he appeared about an hour back in the arrival hall. 

It was a message to me that a child can be observed even in a car and not only in a formal consultation room.  It was the first time this happened in the ten years that I was involved in the department. 

I was challenged if I would move from my usual pattern to a different pattern. To condition our behaviour to make it easy for others would be a practical way of shifting from a dogmatic position to an accommodating position. 

One might have an extreme or exclusive view on certain matters, but if it restricts others of their freedom to stick to their own view, then I am not considerate enough!  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Bird movements !

The above are some photographs of the birds I spotted today in our garden and around! They are regular visitors in our garden. But when I saw them together, I was amazed at the colours they share with us in their plumage. Birds are decorations in our trees. 

They give their droppings to the earth below. We have nine papaya trees in our garden, none of which were planted by us. They sprang from bird droppings. They spread the vegetation in a silent way. 

The birds give us a feeling of being visited and awakened by bird calls. How unwelcoming it would be to get up in the morning to find the nature around us silent! The bird

 songs are their gifts to us, although they sing primarily for the avians. 

The bird behaviour has become a subject of our attention! 

How they live in a stressful world is an amazing story!

The Kingfishers in this series can be found most of the day in the field below our garden. They begin the day with their bath in the stream and dry themselves in the sun. They become active around 8 am to look for their feed. They zoom in when they spot a fly or a fish in the stream. Their sharp vision and long bills help them in catching the feed. Once they have the feed between thier bills, they take time to mouth them. That happens slowly and in a planned manner. 

I long to have enough photographic skills to capture their movements while hunting for their food!

M.C.Mathew(text a photo)

One day at time!

I met with this group of migrant workers who were on their walk to the main cross road ahead, where employers come looking for people to work in the farm or to do other household chores. They find work for a day or two in a week, unlike a few years ago, when they had regular assured work for at least five days in a week.

This group mainly in the late twenties have been migrants from Bihar, living in Kerala for six years. Soon after they came they were badly hit by demonetisation of the five hundred and thousand rupees in 2016, which halted  their work abruptly. For the last two and half years, it was the COVID related economic stress. From an income of about four thousand rupees in a week in 2016, their income is now an average of thousand rupees in a week. They save more than half of it for their families back at home. 

I was on my to hospital when I stopped to meet them. They smiled at me to welcome and bid  farewell to me! I carried their smile with me while driving to the hospital. What is the source and reason of their smile!

They adapted to live stressfully! I do not remember seeing any migrant worker who is overweight. At least thirty percent of the regular residents in Kerala are overweight. The migrant workers live responsibly even amidst the stress of uncertainty for livelihood!

Fortunately, most people who turn to the migrant labourers for manual work, have a kind attitude towards them. They are considered as guests. Often the rental premises they live in are affordable. The migrant workers talked to me about the affordable cost to hire a place. One of them spoke about his landlord who gives him an evening meal once or twice a week. For him that kindness was an encouraging experience. 

The migrant guests live one day at a time! They go out looking for work each day! This conversation gave me a sense of the reality of stress in the lives of others!

M.C.Mathew(text and [picture)

Looking around!

A Kingfisher has an all round view of its environment. This posture of studying the scenes behind is an interesting aspect of its usual outlook. 

It is this habit of a bird, which calls us to be in touch with ourselves and all that is in our environment. 

We can turn our disturbing environment to be hospitable if we feel comfortable to be occupied with our mission without getting carried away by what would would need only a causal attention. 

What others say or do can be creative or disruptive. When it appears to be disruptive, it is important to stay centred in what we are called to be doing. Being hospitable to others who are disruptive is part of that accommodating attitude. 

It is our reactions to what needs no attention which distracts us from our focus. It is this consciousness which often helps us to 'renew our mind' by 'that which is good, and acceptable and perfect'(Romans 12:2).

The Kingfisher is a master of its environment because it knows what needs attention and what does not need attention!

I find this learning journey a worthwhile experience! There were some disturbing events in the last two years in the department where I work. This led to some changes in the department . Those changes brought about by people led us to the edge of collapse of an opportunity. I feel good that, we were enabled to look beyond and exercise our strengths without attempting to defend or counter opinions of others. We withdrew to our corner to stay focussed. Literally, that is what I felt inspired to do. I moved out of the room that was given to provide Out patient service and occupied the corner of the unused autopsy room. That was one step I took to deny myself of the comfort of a room as a self imposed step to be less comfortable, when I was portrayed by some as not being effective as a clinician. Since then, there was no turning back. The number of children seeking consultation has gone up by almost 200 percent! We have families who seek to visit us from other countries to get an opinion on the developmental prospects of their child. A family who came from Ireland yesterday told me, 'we are glad to be here because we feel welcome and given attention to ur needs'. 

Ou valleys are also a means to find new opportunities and move beyond the cross road we stay for too long occupied with our expectations. Instead, if only we can let go of our expectations and welcome the wind of change that would take us to new direction, then we are on the discovery path!

The Kingfisher reminded me of living with a sense of presence. On some days it is a long wait to find a fish in the stream! To go hungry is also part of experiencing living. Its rich colourful plumage and the elegant look symbolising its identity is rooted in its character of being an overcomer!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Foster meet-2022

A long awaited evening with the foster family yesterday, brought back many happy memories. With Thomas from Vellore, Caron from her home and Neville from Birmingham joining on line the others still at the MOSC Medical College, it became a pleasurable occasion. 

Anna and I feel privileged to have had this fellowship with this young group for ten years now.  Anjali who is doing her post graduate training is from the first batch of students with whom we started this foster group in 2012. 

With the restrictions associated with the COVID season no more in place, we met after 18 months. We hope it still can evolve into a relational level. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Wet, dry and dew !

The above pictures are taken in the mornings during the recent three months- the first three pictures during the rainy days, the next three during the sunny days and the last three during the recent weeks when the night dew is just visible on the flowers in the garden. 

The three seasons are not often distinct, as weather changes even between days. Nevertheless there are days when all the the three sights can be seen in one day- a wet morning, sunny day and dew at night. 

I have had occasions in the last week to look at the seasons in my consciousness. I have had experiences of disappointment, greyish outlook and cheerful orientation, all in one day!

I reflected on how these differing experiences affect my inner wellness. The flowers presented  in this post thrived in all the three seasons. The flowers are conditioned to withstand, rain, heat of the day and the fall of temperature at night. 

I feel humans too are such beings with tenacity to be stretched by circumstances.  But as I passed through the impact of health related challenges during the last one month, affected by situations within me and around me, I realised that the stretchability too can come to a halt.

Living is a vocation and not just existing. To live is to be life-giving! That is what the flowers do. They give the nectar to the bees, birds, butterflies and insects. They cannot choose their visitors to offer the nectar. They welcome every visitor and give their provision freely. 

I felt occupied by this theme for a few days now. The theme of quiet presence has been a major theme in my inner orientation for a while now. It is in that setting an uplifting inner consciousness is dawning within- to live is to be life giving!

Every visitor, about ten to fifteen each day, whom I welcome at my work each day comes to receive. To be open to give with no bias or reservation is a calling that I have felt in the recent weeks. When I hear disturbing trends in parental behaviour towards children, between husband and wife, between siblings or between professionals, I feel shaken inside! To recompose to listen to the conversation attentively and thoughtfully is sometimes difficult. And yet that alone is the way forward to be open to give. 

The flower gives because it is still alive and connected to the plant. 

I recall a Bible verse from the Gospel of John 15: 4 which has drawn my attention to ponder upon. Jesus of Nazareth said, 'Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it aides in the vine, so neither can you, unless you abide in Me'. 

To live to give is through  abiding in God!

The fullness of life springs from this experience. That is what makes giving and forgiving possible! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)