Hidden living !

A wasp in our garden gave me some lessons in living two days ago!

I noticed a neatly made rounded hole in a dry wooden support, provided for a creeper plant growing in a flower pot in our courtyard. Seeing the neat edge of the hole I knew that it was frequently used by an insect. 

I decided to wait at the spot watching if an insect would come out or go in. I noticed a head appearing at the mouth of the hole and later watched the wasp moving out and flying away. It returned in a few minutes and disappeared into the hole. I waited to wait for it to appear again but that did not happen till I was able to endure the waiting. 

Although I looked for the wasp since then, I have not been able to spot it. 

A wasp lives hidden in a dry stem!

In a conversation with a person of considerable achievements, he narrated me many of his accomplishments, till I had an opportunity to ask him a question for which I took an appointment to call him on the phone. He lived publicly by making known all that he was after in his life!

It was the following that conversation, I happened to watch the habit of this wasp, which lives hidden and flies around unnoticed. 

What is this dimension of living hidden! 

Jesus of Nazareth had a way of living which looked rather strange to people at that time. In the narration of a meeting between Jesus and His followers in John.9:10, His followers 'had come to report to him all that they and done'. We are told in that passage that 'Jesus withdrew himself to a city called Bethsaida' after this. Although people found out his hiding place and reached out to him, the gesture of 'withdrawing' calls for contemplation. 

It is when we can live withdrawn regularly, we can have the inner wellness to be with people to make our presence  a value for others and ourselves. Our lives are deeply rooted in the recess of our soul, where treasures of wisdom, insights and truth reside. The times of staying hidden is to break away form the rhythm of living impulsively by the dictates of the circumstances and sense the guidance from within to live responsively, intuitively and thoughtfully. 

If the work we do alone becomes an expression of ourselves, we would feel driven to do more and more in pursuit of fulfilment. If we are used to find strength in our role of 'being' ourselves, we would long to become more complete in being ourselves. Then, being would take precedence over doing! We are 'human beings' and not 'human doings'!

It is the depth of a person which permits him to choose hidden. In that hiddenness he or she grows to be a treasure house of wellness and abundance of kindness towards others!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The waiting birds!

All along the backwaters near where we live, there are Chinese fishing nets. As there is a ban on fishing for a while to allow the breeding of fish, there is no activity around these fishing nets.

 But the waterbirds which live on fish keep their watch on the water to spot a fish jumping on the water surface. They find a place high above the water surface on the Chinese nets.

The pose an composure of these birds struck me of the intense vigilance they keep. It was a rainy morning and that was no reason for the birds to retreat to more comfortable places.

It is when I watched another waterbird with a catch between its beaks, I realised that there is a reward in waiting! 

Waiting tests our patience and might push us into an anxious state.  

I experience this at my work place. Many children who have developmental delay receive therapy and learning input regularly and parents and professionals wait for the chid to break into language or take the early steps in walking or express their skills in reading and writing. 

A family who returned to visit us after having  received some help from the place I work for about four months, was radiant with fulfillments over the progress their four year old child made which made him eligible to join a regular school. While taking about waiting season before he showed steady progress in his learning skills, the family referred to the experience of getting up each morning with the hope that the 'miracle' would happen!

I find waiting a difficult experience because waiting brings in the reality of 'delayed gratification'! 

It is this which came home while watching these water birds. This waiting was pregnant with patience and hope. 

Some of us can lose hope and turn cynical! 

I remember, the season of waiting after pruning the rose plants. For about three months, one sees only branches and leaves till on one day, the buds surface!

I have seen how the fisherman wait after casting the nets o the water. He gives a good period of time till drawing the nets to gather the fish.

Waiting is a time of investing and preparing! Hope is the language of human calling!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A butterfly in 360 degrees !

I was glad to watch this black butterfly move around on the flowers 360 degrees.

It is thick black on its wings outside and slightly brownish inside the wings.

I was spotting this combination in a butterfly after a while.

What was fascinating was its way of movement in an elegant way, slowly and purposefully!

Does a fluttering butterfly have the ability for smooth and graceful movements!  

Movement is a sign of progress. Movement is a transition form one position to another. Movement is also a way of adjusting to circumstances. 

All of these could be true of this butterfly. 

But what is noteworthy is that the butterfly does not cause any disruption to the lantana flowers while doing all the movement on them. The lantana flowers are fragile and are loosely arranged in the flower. Not one petal falls of after such a movement. The butterflies receives  honey frrm the flower and leaves the flower unharmed.

It is a lesson of considerable significance in life. The butterfly does not use the flower for its advantage unmindfully.

I have had this lingering question in my mind for a while. How do I use others! Do I leave them exasperated or nourished!

It occurred to me recently that it is a good practice to behave to others as if it is the last time I have an opportunity!

As I draw close to the end of another year in the seventh decade of my life, I take time to reflect on the strands that form the fabric of my behaviour towards others! Life is well lived only when others are in full focus, neighbours and strangers alike!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

A load for the cattle!

I see this sight often in front of our cottage. Few families living close to us have cows and goats. During the day they graze in the field. For the night they are provided grass, which is what this man was carrying home.  He would do this almost everyday. 

It is a lot that he carries on his because he cares for the cattle. In return the cows and goats provide milk and manure!

This a reciprocal behaviour. It is as much as the cattle is cared for the farmer receives the benefit. 

We cannot be just receivers alone; we need to be providers also, which is the only way we keep the cycle of reciprocal behaviour at the heart of our relationships. Some of us are habitual ‘takers’ and some others ‘givers’. But life is lived fully only when we are both. However some prefer to ‘receive’ without wanting to take. There are some stories of such people that surprise because they fill their lives with contentment in whatever circumstances they are placed.

Yesterday an intern dropped in to say 'Hullo' while walking past the department. That refreshed me, because, it was an act of spontaneous kindness and thoughtfulness.

I find this experience as the way forward in a competitive and 'self absorbed' environment. Anna and I visited two of our friends during the week end, who have health challenges ahead of them. At the end of the visits, what stayed with us was a new awareness of their needs and challenges and a desire to keep them in our thoughts. 

It is only as much we bring the needs of others to our consciousness that we grow up to be more humane!

By growing into be more humane is a way of redeeming our social dimension of humanity!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Changing direction !

As I kept watching this Magpie Robin, I noticed it changing its directions a few times. I am not sure whether it was a response to a threat awareness because of a predator somewhere close by or was it searching for its food!

The body language was one of heightened awareness or alertness!

All of us in the department where I work have been looking at our direction since we began seven years ago. The direction we pursued so far did bring some benefits to parents and children who visit us. 

One reality that we face is paucity of professionals and short period of service they are able to offer to us! I remember all of of those who came to be part of the team and had to leave on account of their personal circumstances. Each person was excellent in her skills and commitment! Their leaving us to move on in their lives is a big loss to us ! They leave us with ur blessings and goodwill. 

All of them who have left us, located in different parts of India or overseas still keep in touch with us and inspire us to continue the good work of which they feel to be part of emotionally!

The Robin changed its direction a few times, but it stayed in touch with its environment!

Remember the people amidst whom we are planted to bear fruits! That is one way to let others know that the change in direction in our personal lives for inevitable reasons, is only incidental and relationships remain intact! 

Carry relationships forward even when we change directions or relocate ourselves or follow a new calling in our lives!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Flower and Fruit !

During the last three weeks, I did not take time to post my thoughts on the blog as I was overcome by a 'hurry' within me with crowding of many events in my daily rhythm. I am used to interruptions, disturbances and demands that consume attention and mindfulness. But what happened during the last three weeks was more than the ordinary.

 The news of three friends in their young age having to adjust to the diagnosis of malignancy, a senior citizen losing vision in one eye, opportunity to help in beginning a child development activity in another city, daily hateful exchange between political leaders during electioneering, and unfinished restoration work in our property made me to retreat from some regular involvements and reflect on the changing times ! I am nearing another birthday shortly!

I remember noticing many flowers in the guava tree in our courtyard about three weeks, when I was in the midst of a planned inner journey! I returned to the tree yesterday and found the guava photographed here, almost ready to pluck, which grew from one flower! It was a sight that gave me another way mark of perception about life itself!

The flower was a host to a honey bee when I first noticed it. From then onwards, the guava tree was preparing to provide s fruit from that flower. It moved me as I thought of this. A tree exists to give away its fruits to all those who come! 

I sensed through a growing consciousness during the morning walk, that life is to be lived for others as much as it is for oneself! Dr Paul Brand, lived with a mission of 'doing good' through his professional skills that he discovered new techniques to make the claw hands of patients suffering from  leprosy, functional through reconstructive surgery.   

When a child of three years came to visit me two weeks back with a scribbled page of his first attempt to hold a pencil with his weaker right hand, I knew that the normal instinct in all humans is to give something of oneself to others for their wellness. 

To a most provocative statement of the  Prime Minister of India calling Mr Rahul Gandhi's assassinated father , 'Mr Corrupt', he responded in twitter by saying, '.. love and a big hug'! That was indeed kindness par excellence!

I confess that this national election has evoked hateful campaign unlike any other election I have witnessed!

The alternative to this is to give away in word and deed many acts of kindness!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Wealth of 'wasteland' !

This nutmeg tree facing our courtyard at the entrance to our cottage has one of its branches dried, following a lightning during the last monsoon.  The workmen who help us in the garden advised us to cut that off lest it affects the other branches. I almost followed the advice and was looking for someone to climb up to the top to prune the  tree. 

One day, when I was sitting on the steps of the entrance I noticed that birds preferred to sit on the dried branches rather on the branches with foliage. 

I observed eight birds arriving and departing in about forty-five minutes. That increased my curiosity. 

Almost every day, there are few birds who visit this spot during their morning flights. Usually they are small birds, such as Sun birds, Sparrows or Drongos. 

That alerted me to look for bird behaviour of these small birds. I have a strong suspicion that it is the same birds who visit come every day. The dried branches are their familiar and sought after place. 

I have often thought about this ever since I entered the seventieth year in my life. I have thought of some experiences as an interruption or unnecessary or redundant. But in hindsight, those difficult or 'dry' experiences or a feeling of being in a 'wasteland' were valuable seasons of insights and times for revision of thinking.

Life brings to us many shades of experiences, all of which are truly rich and resourceful. 

I was to have gone for a funeral today travelling about ninety kilometres. I got up feeling unwell and did not feel comfortable enough to drive all by self as Anna is away in Madhepura.

I slept most of the day and took time to read and recall the events of the last one week. 

For thirty five years, I have listened to the sorrows and pain of families who visit us with the needs of their children. For most of them, there is a loss from which they have not been able to recover.  

Just as it is the dry branches and not the branches with foliage is home to the birds, the apparently harsh experiences of life can be source of enormous revelations which can be a path finder and life giving, if only we can take time to listen inwardly!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Five days of candle light till 'Good Samaritans' arrived!

Following the the ripple effect of cyclone Gaja in our property, and in many other places in our area, the electricity was shut off due to broken power lines, fallen electric posts and burnt transformers. Our inverter gave us supply for one day. 

Four days without power, water, and other amenities shut down, Anna and I went back to the memory  of our childhood days, when hurricane lamps provided us light at our homes. This time it was with candle lights.

An officer from the local electricity office came to visit us in the evening to apologise for the inconvenience. Seeing us face the inconvenience bravely, he felt for us, as by then the neighbours had their power restored. He called two electricians, even though it was raining and lightening at that time, to help us if possible. They came around 9 pm and worked till midnight to restore us power that night. 

Anna and I stay moved and immensely grateful for such an act of kindness and goodwill from the officer and the line men. The line men had to work with torch lights and bypass two fallen posts by giving temporary connection to restore power to our home. 

The human kindness exceeded all our expectations. Most of the houses have power by now due to the earnest efforts and overtime work of the line men.  

Life is full of experiences of receiving and being cared for!

However this experience transcended all our expectations that two electricians cared to work at night just for us!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Similar saplings, but different plants.

Both these pants of Ixora (Jungle Jerenium) are in our front garden, planted at the same time five years ago.  

The first one produces larger flowers, but is still a small plant. The next one has smaller flowers but has several shoots.

Although sold to us as similar saplings, perhaps they are of different species from the family of Ixora.

It is by the 'fruits we know humans'. It is by the flowers we know a plant!

Let me tell the immediate conditioning factors affecting the two plants. The first plant is open to the sky and gets direct sunlight. I gives flowers all through the year. The second one is under the shade of two trees and receives sunlight for a short time that too filtered by the leaves of the trees. It has smaller flowers that too only after the monsoon lasting for about six months. It does not receive the optimum light and everything else while staying in the shadow of tall trees.

When one understands epigenetic, one gets a fuller picture of this contrast.  The genetics would determine the destiny, but he environment can modify the outcome considerably. 

I have known children with Trisomy 21doing extremely well when their parents have been lavish to invest on them, where as some others slip into great many difficulties from early childhood.

I feel more or less clear now that our homes are more critical than our genetics.

I feel uncomfortable that there is only little formal teaching to help parents to create a family friendly home.

Although we have a physical setting for a Family Life Centre in the department where I work, it is not operational to offer the family life education!

Family Life Education is central to the unfolding of the prospects and abilities of adults and children!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Waiting in hope!

Every time I find a branch in the rose plants in our garden with new buds, I have a sense of anticipation. Not all buds blossom into flowers as there are moths that eat and survive on the buds. Although there is a temptation to use insecticides, we have so far refrained from using them. 

What happens when our hope is shattered!

This is the story I hear form parents when they come for consultation! Their lives are broken and sometimes barren as the circumstances have brought stress and disappointment in their lives.

Every time I examine a child who is neuro-developmentally challenged, I too have this sense of loss within me. That child was prevented from his her fullness of life because of what happened during foetal life or at birth or thereafter. 

And yet, it is an occasion to bring hope an cheer to such families, through some small things we can do for them to make it easier for the child, siblings and parents.

A comment I heard on Saturday is a pointer to this reality:"Every time we visit the department, we get enthused to keep our hopes alive"!

The hope is not about the future alone but is also about the NOW.

What is experienced now alone can grow within us to give us steadfastness in living!

Every little act of kindness we can do is able to be 'hope-giving' to someone. 

It is when we live relationally, the experience of hope becomes an imminent reality! And it is this that is difficult for most of us! I live with the pain of broken relationships with a few people. And yet, it is with hope I wait for them to be restored!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Sound and smell !

Anna and I get up listening to the chirping of birds and smelling the fragrance of the jasmine flowers in our courtyard.

How life is provided for abundantly, for which we do not labour or go after!

Yesterday, I went to the Regional Traffic Office at Muvattupuzha just before it was to close to collect my renewal of the driving licence. I expected to be told to come another day. But the person at the counter smiled and responded to my apology of being late by saying, 'we want to help as much as we can'! I came away surprised and satisfied by the service I received. 

That made me to go back to the various events of the day... I was able to recollect sixteen occasions of kindness I received mostly from strangers. One surprising thing in the morning was a truck driving waiting at a junction to give me the right of way! A truck driver doing this!

In the midst of complaints we have about many things, one can almost miss the several acts of kindness we receive. 

That encourages us to be kind more than we normally are.. Acts of kindness are seeds of goodness that whirl bear fruits.  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

6th Anniversary events

The first in the series of events in connection with the sixth anniversary of the department of the developmental paediatrics and child neurology was a parent's meeting. It concluded with singing the inspirational song, 'We shall overcome'!  We were grateful for the help of the medical students to take care of children.

I found my colleagues at their best, in planning, making presentations on 'planning for childhood transition' and illustrating them through skits and demonstrations.  

As I listened an watched all these, I remembered three significant aspects of my personal journey. 

This child development at MOSC medical college was the fifth initiative, for creating a specialty of service in child development. It began with two centres at Chennai, one each at Nagpur, Vellore, Pondicherry and Kolenchery. The initiative at Pondicherry did not sustain itself after three years. The centres in other places flourish in providing services for children with different innovations in a commendable way. 

The second inspiration which refreshed me was remembering about eighty or so colleagues with whom I have had the privilege of growing up while developing ideas, creative approaches and defining a wholistic approach to Child Development. One former colleague now in the United States of America, a psychologist  in human resource support role, sent a message yesterday recollecting the experiences of planning for the development of services at CMC Vellore.  

The third inspiring aspect is the story of hundreds of parents who have kept in touch through revisits and sharing their journey of insights during their accompanying journey with their children. It was often parents who expounded and expanded dimensions in child development that I had to explore to reach out to them in response to their needs!  That is how interests in shared parenting, sleep related matters, non formal early education, craniosynostosis, handedness, electrical rhythm dysfunction, behavioural transitions in childhood, co-morbidites that compound developmental needs, etc came up as issues to explore. I feel grateful to parents who challenged me in these issues and some other areas, because of which most of my forty years in child development journey were associating informations to make sense.

I feel most grateful to the current team of colleagues who make my association with developmental paediatrics and child neurology at MOSC Medical College stimulating! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The two...!

The earliest church building and the second church building have many contrasting features! Between the two church buildings, the congregation that worships here covers a history of about two hundred years or more!

There is a serious question being raised by many from within the church, whether the church is losing its mission of serving and caring, amidst the material prosperity many church congregations are blessed with! 

We live at a time, when the news media is proactive to portray the acts of commission of the leaders of the church in their life style, moral choices and righteous living to which they committed themselves when they consecrated to the ministry within the church. The laity too seems to be drifting from righteous living!

The cultural monolithic invasion to our thinking which is imposed on us by the new dispensation of political  transition taking place in India raises many questions. This although is a disturbing thought, brings a healthy dimension to the life those who are the followers of Jesus of Nazareth. There is a greater vigilance on the way the followers of Jesus, match their words with a testimony of their lives! This is most welcome!

The mission of those who are followers of Jesus is to excel in serving in difficult times and be followers of the 'Suffering servant', instead of being preoccupied with a 'victim' or 'persecution' attitude. All things do work for the good if we live trustfully! Is this not the Biblical tradition!

M.C.Mathew

Another species of dragon fly!

The third photo is unedited, while the first two pictures are edited to make a contrast in different light condition.

What was striking about this dragon fly was its symmetrical wings and exquisite coloured in the wings. 

I find that there is something different in each of the dragon flies I spotted, 13 of them to be precise, during the last tow months. Those features are species specific. 

In terms of behaviour too there are differences. This particular dragon fly moved from one flower to another as if it was looking for something!

I find spotting a dragon fly is a stimulus to look for more in the garden!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Hot days and Cool nights!

The day temperature has risen to 37 degrees Celsius and the nights are cooler with 20 degrees. This contrast at this time of the year is unusual. That too after the recent season of heavy rain and flooding! The dew on the leaves and flowers hold my attention every morning because some photographs can reveal a spectacular sight at dawn!

Each day brings its own surprises. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Lessons from a red dragon fly!

It is during this week, the dragon Fly society in the state of Kerala is organising its annual count of the species of dragon fly in their usual habitat. If I recall correctly there are about 35 species of dragon fly in Kerala, out of about 80 found in India!

There have been more dragon flies in our garden during the last three months than the earlier months. In fact I noticed some unusual ones in the recent three weeks following the flood!

The dragon flies normally live and lay eggs on clean water. Now they must be searching for clean water as the flood water was dirty and toxic! There is a stream below our property. It is along that stream I find some dragon flies regularly!

When the environment is clean dragon flies appear!

In fact, that is a good index of how clean the environment is!

This dragon fly has one pair of similar looking wings on one side and a pair of unequal sizes on the other side!

I noticed this dragon fly on this rose bud in our garden. During my approach to come closer to it, flew away three times but returned. When I was within one foot distance of it, it flew away and did not return !

That gave me a feel about its sensors! The dragon fly also has its well defined space! One cannot trespass it!

All of us have a  defined private space and we are possessive of it!

A psychologist told me the other day, that there ought o be a balance between intimacy and privacy! She referred to it while referring to the marital status of a family who is going through a rough time. 

All of us need space, but it is good to live in our own space and reach out to others courteously appreciative of their space and privacy!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Roots that stay!

It took a lot of efforts for the mason to remove the roots of two trees close to the wall that was rebuilt! The size of the root system surprised me!

The trees were cut five years ago and the roots had not dried up! Those trees were about fifty feet high with a stem of forty inches in circumference. The root system was double in size.

I had returned from a meeting of teachers, about 300 hundred of them, who gathered to discuss about the early childhood behaviour and learning style of children! One teacher in a personal conversation told me that, 'to give wings to a child, we need to focus on giving him roots to belong and grow'! 

The roots therefore are symbolic of the inner world of thoughts, experiences, perceptions, value system, attitude....!

A child imbibes all of these from the family. 

I came back thinking about it and seeing the root system of trees was revelational! The roots look strong and there are multiple of them!

A child is in a process of formation of his personality and temperament! It is important that each strand of experience that contributes to his or her formation is value based, morally sound and righteous and strong enough to help in making upright choices. 

So childhood education needs more attention ion than sending children to school! The formal education takes place in a school, but the personal formation takes place at home! It is the home which is the soil of his formation and belonging! 

The adult education involves parenting orientation! Most adults become parents without taking time to prepare to be parents and most parents accompany children without being ready to be resourceful corresponding to the different needs during the growing up years of children!

So give roots to children and parents for them to have wings!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Beatle, Dragon fly, Grass Hopper !

These three sights in the garden of our cottage on a morning, after a week of rain and cloudy weather   fascinated me! 

All the three have wings ! That is interesting and insightful! 

As I listen to the devastating stories of loss of of human life and cattle life, I sense how they felt disabled with the flash flood which caused the devastation! 

How do we empower others to act in difficult circumstances!

What is evident during the flood relief work is that a lot of support and caring have come from volunteers. I heard a family say that few young people came to their home three times a day for five days with food and water when they remained trapped in the first floor. They even rescued their cattle!

This is our calling! How to give others wings to fly!  This a journey from self absorption to mindfulness of our 'neighbour'!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

People friendly Road!

The road and its pavement was people friendly in a city Anna and 1 recently visited! The pavement was access friendly!

To me it is a language and announcement of inclusiveness! 

In a welfare state, this is an essential feature of planning!

Yesterday, I was doing an audit of the department where I work! How much it is a friendly place to all those who come! About thirty or so parents with tier children might visit the place most of the days of the week! I have a list of things in my mind that would be needed to make it people friendly! 

What matters is not the financial returns when we plan but how much we have reached out even to the least or those different from the usual!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

The dull mornings!

I have been tired of seeing the down cast sky almost each morning for about two weeks now! It had become so common that it surprised me no more, till I heard a bird song at a distance!

That is when I spotted a Magpie Robin on the tree top singing its monsoon song!

I am prone to feel let down when circumstances turn inconvenient or hostile!

This was yet another message to trust that even amidst the difficulties, there is certainty of hope and a silver lining!

I began the day in a different mood after sighting the bird and listening to its bird song!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)