Paper craft to a new level!

The department where I work has recently been on a path to popularise paper craft to parents in order to make it as a simple way to make toys and visually attractive designs to hang as mobiles for children. 

It took a new turn with every child visiting us going home with a design which Shantha has made during her free time! She found immense encouragement from her colleagues in this new step to get parents to think about to creating a Children's Corner at home. 

We presented to parents the idea of creating a Children's Corner at home through a video we uploaded in the U Tube  few months ago. We feel that only about ten percent families have a dedicated corner for children at home. Many families do have space and wherewithal to create one, but do not attempt to present it as a gift to their children. 

One of the experiences we find in the department is that the mobile phones occupy a prime place in the life of a child even from six months. Parents replace singing, talking and playing with children by offering unlimited time with mobile phones by exposing them to the cartoons, games, and even movies. Some parents convince themselves against any scientific evidence  that children pick up English better through this exposure.

What children need in the first two years of their lives is to grow in attachment behaviour towards care givers which is the first step towards developing emotional bonding with parents. Only when a child has that secure feeling of belonging and bonding, that child can progress in cognitive and communication skills. The intent to communicate or socialise springs from growing in an interactive environment, not when children are made to be passive visual entertainment. 

The down side of screen time is that children see colours, actions, movements and animation that they ignore the audio component of those presentations. There is a significant deficit in language spoken to children when children get occupied with mobile phones or TV viewing. 

Only if they hear the human voice and can observe how sounds are produced by a human face can they ever associate that with a meaning when heard and processed. The semantics, pragmatics and prosody of the language become familiar to children when human voices are heard frequently. Reading books with pictures and acting out story lines make children develop the idea of social communication. The nursery rhymes and actions songs create another level of language exchange with integrated understanding by hearing, seeing and acting out! 

I wish our view of children as co-learners with us would get prime attention! We come across children with Developmental Language Disorder because of under exposure to human interaction and overexposure to the screes of the electronic media. The aggressiveness soem children show in behaviour are imitations of what they watch in tent screen. To reduce meal times to be screen time associated feeding is another disservice we offer to children. Food is not for nutrition alone; meal times are more promoting communication and interaction. 

Let su return to children's childhood by being fully available! They become in future through what we unto them, when they are in the first five years of their lives. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A crow find its feed!

A crow is an outclass for most bird watchers. Sighting a crow is not bird watching in its true sense for most bird lovers. It is a strange phenomenon as crows are common birds found in most places from who we can have  some insights! 

The first activity this crow performed was to make several bird calls before it started picking the dry fruits form the teek tree. Although no crow was in the vicinity it continued its calls for a while. That fascinated me. The crows move about in small groups. They are community conscious. There are loners but most crows seem to stay in small groups. 

As the crows are scavengers, they are often searching for food! For some they are a nuisance because of the cacophony they create. But they add to the upkeep of the environment by scavenging. 

The bird droppings they provide scatter the seeds. Even in our garden some trees we did not plant have come up from bird droppings. The papaya fruit trees is one of then. We planted two papaya trees and the rest seven are from bird droppings. We get delicious fruits from them. We have left two papaya trees in our garden for birds to feed on! 

A bird 'ugly' to look at or not so tuneful in singing does us a lot of good! Their community spirit is inspiring to say the least!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The autumn colours!

In a tropical climate the leaves of trees do not fall during the autumn season. But the trees adorn with autumn colours. There are some trees in our garden which look ornamental during this season even though the in between rain spell obliterated the season of autumn partially this year.  

The autumn, winter and spring are interconnected climatically in non-tropics. But even here in tropics, there is a connection which is special. To me, the change of season has been a metaphor to view human behaviour. 

There are colourful times in family life, friendships, work place relationships, social involvements, etc. The winter is inherent and a sequence when the autumn has been colourful. The winter is a difficult time when all that was colourful would have faded away except the memories. Most of us can still live with memories when we travel through loneliness, let downs and valleys of doubt or repair. I hope we would make it a habit to be so whether it be in our family relationships or friendships or work-place relationships.  

The winter is interspersed between autumn and spring. Therefore is it short lived and is only a prelude to new beginnings in the spring. The spring turns the earth into a paradise of colours, flowers, fruits..! It is all bout new beginning. 

All family relationships need new beginnings. Friendships require new meaning to sustain them. Work place relationships need new setting to grow in trust mutually. The spring is the arrival of freshness to behold and experience all of these. The bare trees are back to life with their foliage. The plants spring forth with shoots to bear flowers and fruits. The sunshine gives warmth and stimulus to the life of humans and flora and fauna.

I took time to look back over the events of the last one year in family life, friendships, and work place relationships. I had a glance of the circumstances when the winter was interspersed between the autumn and spring. The winter is behind in some domains and the winter is prolonging in some domains.  What gives me consolation is the memories of the autumn and the hope of the spring, which is sure to come!

There is a tendency to drag the pandemic of COVID 19 as the reason for gloom. There might be a faint truth in that. But humans are overcomes and not just survivors. A family who lived through the second world war in London recollected to Anna and myself during our visit, how a family of six had to be content with 100 grams of butter each week for several months. That family spared the butter for the children as adults could do without it. Eating toasted dry bread without butter was a new experience for the adults. Looking back they mentioned that they changed their life style since then. Now they use bread spread and not butter, which is good for their health. A difficult experience to begin with, which turned out to be a reason for substantial change in the menu at home since then!

Let us view our winters of difficulties in family life, friendships and work place relationships though this optic. Any winter of loneliness, deprivation or broken experiences also would have a springtime ahead! The winter itself is beneficial in the long run to make friendships contextual and refreshing. 

Let us rejoice in the autumn of our relationships, recall the memories during the winter and live in the hope of the springtime and the harvest!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Ten feet away!

It is rare for a Tree Pie to be tolerant of human presence so close that it could allow me to take its photo! A joyful occasion!

Birds are also visitors who look out for a hospitable environment. Every time we trim trees or create a noisy scene or deny them the fruits in the trees, they  become suspicious of the environment. 

I have been conscious of this. Yesterday two bulbuls flew into our rear veranda and fluttered between the walls. As I watched this scene without getting tempted to be back with the camera, I realised that the birds too have a natural way of announcing their intent for friendship. In wondered what Dulcie would do to the visitors. She remained silent watching the birds in her territory and staying still at my feet. That gives me an idea to hang a bird feed in the verandah. 

I have during the last few months tried fathoming friendships between humans. I have had some good lasting friendships. I have had short term friendships. I have some broken friendships. I moved away form some friendships. I took time to find the climate for healthy and lasting friendships. 

Three thoughts sprang within. First, make friendships cordial by positioning it at the level the other person is comfortable. That boundary which is decided by the other person is a deciding factor. I expected sometimes more than what is forthcoming. That strained relationships and created an ambience of distance. 

Second, make giving and caring a habit in all friendships. Give as much as it is natural or spontaneous and not to please or influence. Some friendships appear healthy in the beginning but as you move on both or one person might want to withdraw from the current level of nearness. When such a signal is given, return to a safer place with grace and kindness, allowing the comfort zone to stay.  

Third, allow friendships to be mutually upbuilding. When that is not possible or stops to be a reality, stay thoughtful of the other person and stay warm and open. I find this more difficult as one can load too much in to friendships by way of expectations and make friendship demanding! All social friendships would become need based sooner or later. Some intimate friendships last and some others fade away, when respect towards each other changes with the change of circumstances. 

In all these, think of the other person and stay as a support as much the person seeks after! All friendships flourish when giving is the way and taking is not the first urge!

When a friendships seems to drift towards a utilitarian dimension, accept it as natural. Two persons might have met at a time with both or one having gone through a special situation needing companionship for debriefing and personal renewal. The friendships therefore was appropriate and upbuilding for that season. When that season is over and freshness and charm seem to fade away then accept friendships to become different in meaning and purpose from what it used to be and stay content with the change that was natural. We do not lose a friendship because of this change. It is only an entrance to another level of friendly behaviour!

What has been difficult for me and yet a resolve that I live with is to regard the person in friendship, when it is strong, weak or strained, respectfully and appreciatively. The difficulties that sprang up cannot stay as the ambience between the two, but a grateful remembrance and expression of the meaning it brought as long as it was possible. When a strain has occurred, view it as natural and stay comfortable to still respect and value each other, although the equations and communications have changed.  Some friendships would be redeemed even after a difficult season and some would fade away. Begin all friendships as seasonal and leave behind fragrance of regards and kindness when moving away from each other. 

One gains from a friendship to grow in a sense of belonging and believing. When giving is the ambience of a friendship, it is likely to bring cheer and grow into trustful relationship. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Carry Your Candle !

There is a candle in every soul

Some brightly burning, some dark and cold

There is a Spirit who brings fire

Ignites a candle and makes His home

Carry your candle, run to the darkness

Seek out the hopeless, confused and torn

Hold out your candle for all to see it

Take your candle, and go light your world

Take your candle, and go light your world

I remembered today when I lit this candle shown in the photo, on the table in the study, that every time the graduating students at the Christian Medical College, Vellore leave the auditorium after the convocation with a burring candle in their hand,  and wait at the foyer of the final prayer, this song is sung by the choir. 

It started me on a recollection journey of series of experiences thus far, where this song stayed as an inspiration! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Flowers of the week !

 I heard the whispers and received the smile of these flowers during my walks last week!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Flowers live out a message!

 I feel drawn towards flowers and buds even more than I used to be in the past!

I wonder whether it is because of a long spell of rainy season this year which deprived us of  flowers in the normal season! Or is it because of the flowers receiving new significance in my life!

May be the latter! I have become even more aware of the way flowers open up to spread fragrance and provide nectar to bees, insects and butterflies. 

I have felt that it is a calling for humans! 

During the COVID season, I became even more aware of the call to live mindful of others. I had to make a choice if I would still work at my age during the COVID season. While considering this I consulted a few who could guide me about the medical challenges associated with physical consultation in the out patient work. One infectious disease specialist, an authority in viral illnesses told me, 'MC, knowing you, you would want to be available inspite of the risk... the risk is there. But you lived your life well. Remember flowers have a short life. They give nectar and fragrance to others during that short time. You know how to take care of yourself. So the risk is lesser'.  I took that advice to my heart and continued working during the year without taking a break. 

I feel overwhelmingly grateful for having been well. Anna too has kept well. 

That conversation with that retired professor was an affirmation on the calling in life. Life is to be lived thinking of others. 

I visit all the rose bushes in our garden almost each day to receive this message to my consciousness. The flowers are for others Each of those rose bushes were planted remembering the some with whom I have had difficulties in relationships. So Anna and I planted some rose bushes to remember them and be appreciative of them! When we receive flowers from those plants we feel renewed in our thoughts towards them. 

What matters in life is how our lives have touched others or how open we were to feel with others in their journey through their peeks and valleys of lives!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The table!

Anna and I share this table during the early hours of the day, when we have our quiet times and conversation times. It has been our habit for a while now, at the beginning of the day. This table is in the centre of our study, sandwiched between the sitting and dining rooms. It is almost in the centre of our cottage. For some reason this table has become one of the symbols of our togetherness and shared journey.  

The table in marriage relationship is a meaningful symbol whether it is the dining table or sturdy table or conversation table. This round table we use for our conversation times has become a sign of God's presence between us. As we begin the day, it is this consciousness that enables us to look forward to the day. 

The flowers in the centre of the table reminds us each day, of the gift of life we carry in our lives. The candle is the light we are given to path find each day. The collection of pens, pencils, eraser, ruler, etc are symbols of skills we are given to live by working with our hands and minds. 

As we live quietly in the seventh decade of our lives, we begin the day with a prayer in our heart that we may be made a blessing for someone on that day. What a privilege it is to celebrate our togetherness for forty-six years each day morning, by being around this table! We have memories to celebrate and a lot to look forward to in growing in intimacy and mutuality. In our desire to grow in openness and turning each day to be a fulfilling day, we find the Scripture and the spiritual exercises we practice enabling and enlarging. 

The calling in marriage is to turn each day better than the day before! Here we are around the table, feeling grateful for having been brought together by the sacrament of marriage! 

The two flowers in a common stem, occurred to me as a true vision in marriage-oneness in marriage with two expressions!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Stillness as a way of being!

During the fifteen minutes I watched this dragonfly and taking about fifty pictures during that time, I picked three of those pictures, one from the beginning of my observation, one in between and one at the end. All the there pictures looked similar in the way the wings were positioned in the body. I did not notice any body movement. The dragonflies are known to be still for long time in their resting mode. 

That is when, I remembered the statue game that I used to play with our children when they were young. The beginning of a retreat I attended once started with an exercise of being still in the body for twenty minutes in order to become silent inward. 

The stillness of the body and silence of the mind are interconnected!

Both are not easy to practice. I find myself struggling with it often. 

However the message the dragon fly gave me that morning was the need to be still in the body to become inwardly restful and be quiet. The quietness of the soul springing from the silence of minnd is what offers refreshment and renewal. It is akin to drinking a glass of water when parched!

The human soul's ambience is interior silence. Our soul longs to return to its habitat. The resistance to be silent is stronger than the urge to be silent.

I felt how I make my soul parched of silence amidst the traffic in mind!

Eve the night is not restful as dreams and short wakefulness make sleep shallow and not restorative!

I returned thinking of the contradictions I carry within myself! I look for activities when I am awake and not nourish my soul to be Godward in silence! 

A dragonfly became a messenger of how I live! A gentle way of making me pause and revise my attitude to work and inward rest, stillness and silence!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

In our garden!

 The winter is a season of flowers! So it is in our garden!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Lotus flowers in Bloom!

This spectacular sight lasting till late summer is the annual visual feast for the people living close by and visitors who flock during the weekends to see this unusual sight. The carpeted look with different coloured lotus flowers is a sight we wait for during this season. 

The nature is rich and speaks of abundance through different sights it brings to us!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

A swing for school bags!

Some sights amuse us just because of their rarity or paradox! I watched the school bags swinging, while children were elsewhere in the park! A sight that caught my attention just because it was hilarious! I gave the swing a push to keep it going when it was decelerating!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Two spices of Barbet !

I am used to seeing the small green Barbet in our garden. They are birds who come to feed on our Papaya and other fruits. 

During a recent visit to Madhepura Christian Hospital, while on a morning walk, I happened to notice a blue throated Barbet. I almost missed it in the twilight of a misty morning! 

As I waited for the next fifteen minutes or so, the sunlight shone on the Barbet through the foliage and the sight was spectacular. It was the first time I was spotting a blue throated Barbet. The delight was overwhelming. 

I have few bird lover friends. Dr Sanjeeth Peter, who is a cardio-thoracic surgeon in Nadiad sends me a bird photograph every month. His pictures of birds are exquisite because of his photographic skills! His enthusiasm for looking out for birds inspired me. One of our conversations during the two days of the governing board meetings of the Christian Medical College, Vellore was about birds! Birds remind us of some parables Jesus of Nazareth spoke during his discourses.

Birds give us a window in to the wonder in nature!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Morning visitors in the garden!

These two butterflies moved from one flower to the other doing what they are meant to be doing! They did their movements quietly and noiselessly. Their movements would not have been noticed by me until I noticed one of them fly past my walking path. 

There is a quiet way of being present, active and doing good to others!

A lot of what we do create visibility. Some deliberately do what they do to get visibility. 

I noticed a senior citizen walking with a shoulder bag one evening while returning home from the hospital. He stopped at a migrant worker's gathering in a shopping area. I saw him handing over a few neatly covered packets to some of them. It aroused my curiosity. I stopped to enquire. This gentle man, who lives alone after his wife passed away due to Corona infection does this daily. He brings a few food packets to give to the migrant workers who did not get employed on that day. It is a share of the food he cooks for himself. He is a retired ward boy from a government hospital. 

I waited for an opportunity to meet him. When I asked him about the reason why he was doing every day, he mentioned to me that he would feel comfortable to have his evening meal only after he shared his meal with a few. I felt drawn towards him. A quiet way of doing good! Only one auto driver among the few in this traffic junction had noticed this man's daily visit with food packets!

There are many like this among us who live to care and share! That gives hope that goodness would spread! It would only be only like what salt is to food! Unseen but felt! There is nobility in serving quietly!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Receiving and Giving!

 Every time I look at a coconut palm, I get enthused by its rhythm.

It receives from the soil its nutrients, sunlight for its photosynthesis, and  resilient strength from the strong wind which blows on it. The roost system gets stronger with wind priming it  to be stronger all the time!Receiving.

It gives its fruits all through out the year. In any health coconut palm there are different generations of coconuts telling of its natural habit. Giving 

This rhythm of receiving and giving is interesting to behold and contemplate. In giving it does not get exhausted. The receiving sustains it. 

I have been through a new consciousness of this calling in life! 

I am often asked a question by friends who care and support! It is going to be forty years since I have been in full time clinical practice with children who have developmental needs. I have had times of tiredness and anxiety. They were times when I did not make myself available to receive. One receives when one asks, waits and becomes ready to receive. 

This calls for personal rituals of giving attention to oneself! The habit of reading, meditating on the Scripture verses, being in touch with people who can have a formative influence, practicing silence in prayer, and reflecting on the events in life are some of the ways that I have been used to receiving strength and renewal to go on. 

I find this as essential to be inwardly alive. However there have been times, when I have been carried away by distractions or preoccupations and not nourishing myself inwardly. The distractions that I find restraining are too much of entertainment, socialisation, loose conversations, indulging in matters of other people, etc. What adds to the orientation to be in a receiving mode is regular body exercises, regular sleep, nutritious food habits and staying friendly and open. 

The habit of giving by listening, engaging and being available can be a source of encouragement to others when giving is inspirational and upbuilding! 

The coconut palms give fruits. The tender coconut is refreshing to drink and eat. The fully formed coconut is an essential ingredient of some menu of food we consume. The coconut is giving itself and is often forgotten. 

That is the essence of true giving. The giver gets subsumed while giving and might even be forgotten later. But the one who receives gets nourished and enabled! One is called to give fully and freely! It stops there. To give to be known or acknowledged is a subtle trap and makes giving a selfish act to receive something in return. That can become even compulsive to influence others to receive praise in return.

The joy of life is in receiving and giving! 

We need to orient ourselves to receive ours before we can give. I remember a senior friend who had a profound influence in my life, had a habit of looking at me gently with gladness in his face when I went to visit him, This is a silent time ofd several seconds. Her did to 'take me in' in his words. He had to leave what he was engaged in until my visit and turn his attention to me fully, which he did by being silent while beholding me. He would fill his consciousness with memories of me and tune to be present to me and attentive to me. This silence is a sign of welcome and interior readiness to receive me! When he breaks the silence to greet and welcome, there is a resonance in his words that often reached me deeper in my being. His silence would enfold me to be inwardly still to turn to be present in his presence. The presence to be in conversation begins with a deeper awareness of the gift of friendship. 

Although I have been desirous of preparing myself to receive and give by preparing during the transition moments, it has been possible only on some occasions. The hurry to enter into conversation takes over. We become conversational with less readiness when transition moments are skipped. That is when conversations become mundane and less meaningful. 

The closure of conversation with my friend was similarly transitional. There is a long pause of silence while looking at each other, in preparation for the farewell, during which time, there is an inner grateful awareness of the gift of giving and receiving, we exchanged during the conversation.  

Life is lived in this rhythm of receiving and giving. They are sacred occasions of inner growth and enlightenment. When we are present to each other, we become present to God who is present in our midst and in our lives.  

When that happens receiving and giving becomes an experience of communion!

M.C.Mathew( text and photo)

Carrying a burden!

 

I cross three junctions on way to work every day where the migrant workers congregate in the morning, hoping to be picked up for work for that day.  This happens between 7.30 and 8.30 am everyday except Sunday. By about 8.45 am the prospects of getting employed for the day recedes and some would have to return their shelter. 

I noticed two men walking back form one of the junctions, having not been hired for the day! They convert a body language of being cast down! Most migrant workers get hired two or three day in a week unlike in the Pre-COVID period almost all had a job assured. 

The burden of living is upon people in a startling way. When I go to the vegetable market, I get a sense of the cost of going up even for vegetables. A weekly shopping of vegetables would cost three times more than what it was last year. 

The body posture of these two men is symbolic of self resignation! They live without a wind in their belly!

I notice this when I pass by the liquor shop every day. The number of people waiting to buy liquor has gone up! Is it not because of their need to overcome the heaviness overcoming them with unfulfilled aspirations. When more people turn to alcohol to subsist, the society has lost its soul. Where are the social support systems in place! 

The Prime Minister of India is preoccupied with his political success and building a new block of buildings in the parliament street in New Delhi to perpetuate himself! It took death of seven hundred farmers for the farmer's protest to bear fruit. It was because of loss of a few by- elections for the party, which according to the media, has made the prime Minister to roll back the three agricultural bills passed a year ago. It all seems to be inconsistent with the Gandhian philosophy of life, work, democracy, governance and society. The former chief Minister of Punjab currently going after the primer Minister to align with his party after having been in congress for most of his political career is another paradox, where self pursuit of success is paramount to the current political lime light in India. 

I have not felt at any time in the last forty years disillusioned with the political culture and democratic values in India. But I am almost there now! Excepting for an occasional light of hope the honourable Supreme Court of India provides through its wise interventions, where is hope left for an ordinary citizen! 

I admire the way Ms Priyanka Gandhi is becoming a voice of the bruised and hurting people in India! Is that enough to save us from a calamity of death of values in public life in India!  

I feel sorrowful about the way the orthodox Church and Jacobite church are now in the public domain to fight it out for property! The Syro-Malabar Catholic Church factions are in dispute in the court of law over whether the priest ought out face the altar or the congregation when celebrating the Eucharist!

Where is the Church when people are hurting! For whom is the church! Is it not a gathering of pilgrims, called to live by the vocation, ' not to be ministered unto but to MINISTER !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Marriage enrichment!

The first two photographs in this blog show how two Bulbuls were intent in  listening to each other, while being together. 

The other two succeeding photographs show how they lost attention and are turning away or getting distracted to follow their individual interests. 

Let me suggest this as a usual hindrance in growing in nearness and intimacy in marriage relationships. When spouses while living and sharing their lives, loose the desire to grow in nearness and fill their lives with other interests, it would create distance between each other!

Many husbands and wives live distantly from each other emotionally and relationally. They might still share the table and bed, but are not soulful towards each other. I see this making the spouses drift from each other, children growing in reactive behaviour and family life becoming a stress and a burden! 

I wish talking, listening and receiving each other would become a natural habit by having dedicated conversation time between spouses! Growing in marriage would make relationship fruitful and joyful for spouses and children!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Denied of bedside Learning !

For about two years, at least in the state of Kerala medical students were denied regular class room and bedside learning due to the restrictions imposed on them due to the COVID 19 pandemic. 

Yesterday, two doctors who finished their internship and getting ready to leave the institution, told me how two batches were denied the regular convocation at the college for the same reason. Both the batches organised a private gathering to simulate the convocation. The college teachers could not formally participate in these events. 

I felt awful when I heard the story of how students feel unready to be clinically sound due to these long spells of lack of bed side training!

I wonder if medical schools would come forward to welcome students from two batches of students to come as volunteers to have hands on learning, even after they finished the regular course to give them more clinical skills! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Birds have a nest!

A month back, I noticed these two parakeets hovering around this dry coconut palm and making hollows in the stem by peeling of the fibres of the stem. Following the raining season, when I looked at the stem, I found multiple hollows in the stem!

When I used the zoom lens, I noticed a green speck in one hollow, suggesting that a bird was present in that hollow. Since I noticed it two days back, I was looking for a bird activity around this. In the short time I have been at home, when it is still day, I am yet to notice bird movements around this hollow!

I often look around in our garden during the autumn and water months for bird's nests ! Now that the rain is receding , the bird activity would increase. 

Birds find or create nests! They make them in safe places!

I found this squirrel gathering materials for making its nest in the garden! That too gave me enough reason to be on to look out for nests in the garden!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)