The space and freedom to live!

I watch this engaging sight most mornings in our garden. How a squirrel follows the same path for its arrival, feeding and returning to its shelter in the tree above! Its visual-spatial memory is phenomenal!

The planned and orderly way this squirrel follows its routines and rituals lead us into the macro-world of a squirrel. I remember watching squirrels in a distressed behaviour when a Greater Coucal is in their vicinity. The Mynah birds are also a cause of concern for squirrels. The squirrels move away hearing their chirps. 

The space for movements and excursions for squirrels is restricted because of larger birds and yet they have their own comfortable way of being present in the garden. They are climbers of trees and jumpers between branches.The quickness and precision with which they do this, is a species specific adapted behaviour.  

When the squirrel was at the water bowl, a butterfly and a Magpie robin arrived in its vicinity.

The squirrel paused and looked around before it had its sits of water!

The vigilant presence and behaviour, another species specific feature of the Squirrel family! 

What engaged me further is the space and opportunity each of these enjoy in a garden. Although they are not always fraternal, they live and flourish receiving the shelter and protection! 

I felt moved by a sense of awe and wonder over how a garden is a home for each of them ! There is harmony even amidst the non-fraternal behaviour of some of them! 

Peace and wellness is the norm!

I read in the newspapers last week about the bakeries being given permission to stock liquor. There was a visible resistance against this that the government had to withdraw this decision. I heard a politician speak against this reminding the government that the one common single factor for disharmony in homes is alcohol dependence! The way he spoke was in a gentle manner, feeling sorrowful about many broken homes! 

There were indications of resistant movements if the government did not withdraw that decision. It speaks of the longing of people for harmony and wellness in families! 

The garden and a home are both symbols of harmony! 

A photo artist specialises in taking photos to highlight harmony as the call in troubled times! His photo exhibition attracts many visitors. People live longingly to experience harmony in their lives!  

When life is lived in such an ambience, we move towards the calling of fullness of life!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The collective unconscious !

 

The above photos of different behaviours of flowers in our garden following a downpour caught my attention yesterday.

The first two flowers look soaked with rain drops. The orchid has water drops on the flowers but was not drooping. The last two photos of flowers do not show the effects of rain. 

Each flower responded to rain drops differently.

In a heavy prolonged rain on my way to the air port yesterday, there was a traffic block of at least three kilometres. Most vehicles waited one behind the other patiently. There were few drivers using every opportunity to go ahead, although they blocked the vehicles coming from the opposite direction. They added to the blockage even more. The unmindful way of some of them brought out the habits that we live by under stressful situations! In a traffic congestion, most people behave in an orderly way and some others disregardful of others. 

What is that which helps us to live by a value system? Carl Jung, refers to this phenomenon as the collective unconscious. Each community or society reflects this collective unconscious in its attitude, behaviour and response to stressful situations. 

I came across a Paediatrician working in a town, who devotes one day in a week who gives special attention to developmentally challenged children and their parents.  The few children the Paediatrician welcomes gets special attention on that day. This Paediatrician mentioned of this as an act of supporting the stressed parents with conversation and suggestions to find a pathway for a home based learning plan for the children. This initiative generated interests in the other professionals in the hospital.  There is a new consciousness about creating more facility for such children in the hospital following this.  The decision of a Paediatrician influenced the collective consciousness, which then becomes the 'salt and light' to gradually evolve into the collective unconscious, which provides the moral grounding for people to feel rooted. 

Father Davis Chiramel, a catholic priest from Trichur donated his one kidney to  an electrician, Gopinathan, 48 years, in September 2009, to save his life following the kidney failure. This generous act created the a social initiative through Kidney Federation of India to promote live organ donation and help poor patients who suffer from kidney failure. There are many renal dialysis units which came up in different parts of Kerala, where economically stressed individuals get subsidised renal dialysis. It is one example of how the collective unconscious has been framed and formulated by an exemplary initiative of one person. 

Our behaviour is regulated by the ambience of the collective unconscious and the personal response arising from the awakening the collective unconscious creates within! 

The collective unconscious is an epigenetic influence modulating social behaviour!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A flourishing family !

 

The foliage in the trees in our garden during this season brings a colourful look with tender new leaves, gradually turning green to match the rest of the foliage.

Amidst these annual growth cycle of trees, the undergrowth in the garden has another story to say. The breeding season of Butterflies happens  concurrently.  

The trees and the wild growth underneath go through the growth cycle of life. 

In a conversation with a family I discovered  how the  family has evolved an orderly structure in their home to promote adult growth and the childhood formation of their two children. I felt fascinated by their focus, on 'we grow up together' ! 

The daily de-briefing time the husband and wife takes before bed time is a way of supporting each other in this growth experience. Their motto of this de-briefing time is, 'In listening we become more close to each other'. I feel fascinated by their optic and experience of shared growth experience. 

As a couple there is a structure  for each parent to have individual time with each child regularly and a family time at least twice a week, for conversation, board games and listening! 

The family is grounded in the art and practice of listening! They nurture each other by inward listening. I heard the mother speaks about, 'heartfulness' and not just mindfulness alone while listening. 

The trees shed the leaves before they have shoots of leaves to give a new foliage cover for the next season. 

This is a pointer to the 'renewal' experience in family life where we go beyond the existing routines to find fresh and refreshing beginnings of communication, trustfulness and relationships. 

The trees and plants have their seasonal renewal experiences! One evidence of that is the flowering and fruiting season which follow on. 

The signs of an endearing family life involve, growing intimacy, attachment, thoughtfulness, giving, forgiving and belonging. 

To me, this is the wellness quotient in family relationship. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Living symbolically !

This fragile Lily withstood the wind and rain of the last two days and stays colourfully in the corner of our garden near the main gate! It is a gift of radiance in the garden! 

It occurred to me that it is a lamp of hope in the adverse situations! Its inherent fragile nature did not yield to the wind and rain! Even in that fragile state, it has its inherent strength in its being!

This is a message of hope and value for many of us who feel carried away by the wind of thoughts of anxiety, loss and stress amidst the chaos in different countries of the world to whom the nations of the world looked up to thus far as models of development and good governance! 

There is more to this flower cluster above, as one bud is yet to open!

I felt awakened to trust in human resilience in difficult times. 

What Apostle Paul wrote in the book of Galatians chapter 6 verse 9 (New Testament of the Bible) surfaced in my mind: "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart"(NKJV).

The Lily above became to me a  symbol of the calling to live soulfully, heartily and mindfully !

Living quietly and yet symbolically!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

 

 

From meandering to Meaning !

It was while taking a series of photos of this Bulbul pair perched on a tall tree in our garden, on a cloudy morning with darkened sky, I was taken back to memories of 1985, when Anna and I faced dark clouds ahead of us, with only faant light to lead our path ahead.

We moved to Chennai in 1983 to engage ourselves in Child Development and rehabilitation for which we started a Child Development Centre and formed a voluntary organisation, ASHIRVAD. 

The response to our initiative was less than we anticipated. With children trickling in, we realised that we lacked sufficient clinical skills to engage children and families when the rehabilitation needed skills which we did not have. Having embarked on this journey, and feeling confused, I experienced a feeling of meandering. The opportunities at the Rainy Hospital and MITHRA, a rehabilitation centre,  did not pacify  the inner restless. 

The secretary, Ms Yoga George, who helped us at work, having heard me talk about the different aspects of the implications of the liberalised policy of the government of India, on the Medical Termination of Pregnancy, introduced in 1983, asked me once, 'If you are ready to write a book on this theme, I shall take the dictation and transcribe to make the typescript'! I brushed aside the suggestion. On two other occasions in a fortnight she reminded me about this.. I could not think beyond the disappointing outcome of our efforts in child development and our limited skills to carry on. 

On one  morning, Yoga came to my room at 8.30 am with a dictation pad and said, 'I have come to take dictation of the book on issues related to abortion'. I felt moved by her interest and offer of help. For the next one hour, I spoke and she used short hand to write. At 4 Pm before leaving, Yoga gave me six pages of the typed text on the introduction of the book. 

For the next six weeks, each morning, Yoga took dictation and completed the text ready for editing and cross checking with others for feed back. 

I was a member of the governing Council of the Christian Medical College of Vellore, representing the Bible Medical Missionary Fellowship (BMMF) (now Interserve). At one council meeting in 1984, on its first day, the Director Dr L.B.M.Joseph moved a resolution to have a policy on the Medical Termination of Pregnancy (MTP). At lunch time, I went to Dr LBM (that was how he was known) and showed my interest in the discussion on the MTP through a Biblio-centric perspective. He was interested to hear that I had a typescript I was editing on issues related to abortion, titled, 'Let Me Live'.  He asked for it and read most of it that night and shared to the council next morning, a summary of the Biblio-centric view quoting from Let me Live. He surprised me when he concluded his presentation by proposing the formation of a sub-committee to take this matter forward with Dr V.I. Mathan, Dr K.C.Mammen and myself as its members.  It was possible to propose a document on the policy for  CMC Vellore on MTP in the next council meeting. 

Anna and I felt that we were meandering and were feeling concerned about not being professionally engaged meaningfully! This book, the way it was written through dictation at the spontaneous nudging of Yoga came to us, as a sign that meandering is a desert experience, part of the formation process of becoming.

Ms Yoga George was a refugee in India, who came to escape the ethnic conflict which was raging at that time in Colombo. She became the midwife for the birth of a book. 

The book was published by the Evangelical Medical Fellowship of India when Dr Kuruvella George became the general secretary in 1989.

It was only when I heard from Dr Bruce Nicholls and Dr Zaphir Athyal of the Union Biblical Seminary, Pune, I realised that it was the only book written by an Indian doctor through a Biblio-centric optic on the Medical Termination of Pregnancy, available at that time, which therefore had become a reference book in theological colleges in Medical Ethics.  

There was another significant turning point in early in1984, when Anna and I were invited to be partners of the BMMF. Ms. Margaret Parkinson, the India representative of BMMF, suggested to her counterpart in England, Mr Arthur Pont that Anna and I be given an opportunity to train in Child development in England. She did this after spending two days with us at the Child Development Centre, where I was largely involved in the clinical appraisal of developmentally challenged children and Anna was providing the neuro-developmental support for children. Seeing us improvising and doing what was possible with our skills, Margaret felt the need for us to have a wider experience and connect with other professionals overseas as the speciality of child development did not exist in India at that time. 

Mr Arthur Pont in 1985 June got in touch with the academic officer of the Institute of Child Health, attached to the Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital, London. Mr Duncan Guthrie having heard about our need to be trained in Child Development offered me a position in the newly started course on child development and community based rehabilitation and offered admission for the 2026 academic term. Mr Guthrie offered a scholarship and the Mr Arthur Pont of BMMF offered to underwrite all other expenses including family travel, family accommodation and living expenses for fifteen months. That was a door, was opened to us for further training, when we felt that we were meandering!

On the last day of the course, Prof David Morley, walked with me up to the exit of the Institute and held my hand to say farewell. He said this to me, " You have a long journey ahead to help children and bring meaning to parents in their lonely journey". Those words had a resonating appeal !

Those fifteen months of training moved away all the clouds which had besieged us during our earlier three years at Chennai. When we returned to Chennai in 1987, we felt that the desert was not just meandering, but a formation process essential for a long journey ahed. 

This training became an  incentive and a foundation for a good start in a scientifically based Child Development practice in Chennai in 1987. 

The next nine years at Chennai took us to another level of academic ambience of child development, helping us to lay the foundation for beginning  the speciality of Developmental Paediatrics in India. The post doctoral training at the Institute of Neurology, Madras Medical College for three years in Developmental Neurology reinforced the academic pursuit in Developmental Paediatrics. 

That is how ASHIRVAD was asked by the Christian Medical College, Vellore in 1996 to enter in to a Memorandum of Understanding to incorporate the Child Development Centre at Chennai to become the first Unit of Developmental Paediatrics in Indian in 1997. 

I have a suspicion that Dr William Cutting of Edinburgh would have primed CMC to take this step. By then the following book, Beginnings  by a British writer, Ms Katharine Makower was also published, which summarised the story of ASHIRVAD and its child development centre from 1986-1996, which would have made the CMC administration to include starting this speciality along with other four specialities in connection with its centenary year 2000. 

                  

The new speciality of Developmental Paediatrics was started at CMC Vellore in February 1997, which was the first academic unit of Child Development In India. 

Now, forty years later, it was good to have been reminded by the two Bulbuls perched on the summit of a tree, looking around on a cloudy morning with dark clouds all around, about our inner optic forty years ago. 

We felt we were meandering.  We were in our late thirties at that time and facing the mid-life transition towards finding meaning to life.  

We were given an opportunity to travel safely through a desert experience. 

The oasis experiences I referred to above came to us in most unexpected ways. 

As Anna and I look back, we remember a large number of friends in this country and overseas who held us close to them in an endearing way. That provided us the shelter, protection and fortitude while meandering and walking in the desert! 

What young people of today need when they enter mid-life is such supportive and formative friendship!

M.C. Mathew (text and photo)

The love language for intimacy!

A Bulbul was waiting at the feeding station till its partner arrived!

It is usual for a Bulbul on arrival at the feeding station to engage in bird calls before it starts to feed. In the photo above, the first Bulbul waited till its partner arrived hearing its bird calls. These bird calls are different from the usual calls. They are short, tuneful and repetitive! The Bulbul turned in all directions while calling for its pair! 

In the book, Love Lives Here, written by Maria Goff, the foreword is written by Bob Goff, her husband who is a well known writer with books to his credit. In this book, Maria recollects her family story written in an unusual  style of affectionate recollections. Let me quote  from the last paragraph of the forward of the book written by her husband, Bob: "I will tell you one last thing about Maria. One time, when I was stuck, while I was working on a writing project, she sent me this text message: 'Every word in the universe is hoping that you will pick them'. Kind words from the people we love have the power to help us all understand who we are and what we want our lives to mean. Of all the words ever spoken, the words in this book, are the ones of Maria picked for us. They are good, they are true, and they will lead you home. Let me introduce to you the most humble and impressive woman, I have ever met in my life, my wife, sweet, Maria Goff". 

It was after reading this introduction, I had a visit from Thomas and Michelle, who were recently married. Anna missed welcoming them home as she is away visiting our children and grand children.  

It was delight to welcome them home. We have known Thomas for fourteen years. What a pleasure it was to see him with Michelle!

I wish, I remembered to show them, the photos of the Bulbul pair above visiting our garden ! 

Our wish for both of them is, that they be on a love journey of discovery and intimacy towards each other and experience the fullness of life in shared living! 

For Anna and I, while approaching our fiftieth wedding anniversary our joy is even more full, when we see young people walk through the threshold of family life! 

Let me quote again from the book, where Maria wrote about meeting Bob and their experience together: "The Bible talks a lot about trust. I used to think, it was something we give, but now I think it is something we both receive and give in equal parts. Trusting is not something we achieve merely by agreeing with someone. It is earned through shared experiences....Trust is the offspring of faith, confidence and action. Our ability to give and receive trust is the only path leading us to the other side of the insecurities which are blocking our view of  our needs"(p.32).

How blessed it is to have the experience of shared living and experience the ambience of trust, intimacy, faith, born out of love that gives, forgives and heals! 

 M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The causal pathway of acquired behaviour!

 

There is something more Anna and I discover each day about the habits of the visitors at the feeding station in our garden!

After leaving pieces of bread in all the three feeding bowls at day break, I returned to look for the visitors. The squirrel above was the first visitor. 

The squirrels are not so fond of bread. They look for fruits especially banana. After inspecting the three bowls, it settled down to feed on the bread pieces. It had a preference for bread pieces which had the brown edges. Was it because they were more crunchy?  Having helped with the crunchy pieces of bread in all the three bowls, it quenched itself and left the feeding station. 

The Bulbuls were the next to arrive. They too prefer Banana to bread. The hesitancy or disappointment of one of the Bulbuls was evident in its posture! 

The behaviours are both inherited and acquired. 

Acquired behaviour 

I have had an interest in understanding the acquired behaviours of adolescents and tracing their causal pathway. 

A 19 years old boy crashed his car into a  scooter last week, which had three occupants and killed all three of them. He was speeding in the road according to the onlookers. The police found out that he was also under the effect of alcohol. This boy was used to watching car races in the Television and he seems to have talked about his fancy for speeding while driving. He persuaded his father to buy a Mini Cooper, and he was speeding when it crashed into the scooter.

The causal pathway for this dangerous behaviour  in the above incident is explicit and suggests the behaviour evolution in this teenage boy over a period of time! 

Behaviour profile

While listening to the interviews with leaders of the protestors in New Delhi, I have a sense of three influences responsible for their behaviour-anger, frustration and resistance !

Those leaders who express anger and frustration look impulsive, aggressive and abrasive. 

Those who are motivated to offer resistance against acts of omission and commission of the ruling dispensation, speak soberly, act cautiously and respond perceptively. They protest for a purpose, and remember that they ought to reduce the inconveniences to the traffic on the road to avoid disorder in a public space! 

Those driven by anger and frustration seem to have an aggressive and challenging posture in their behaviour! 

Protests are for attention

Considering that the current protests could have been avoided, if the Prime Minister were to take a lead for dialogue, it looks as if the government lost an opportunity to use the awakened state of awareness of the youth for a creative outcome! 

All protests of the youth call for attention to be heard for an engagement! They feel distanced from the orbit of older people who decide the destiny of the youth, because of which they have to come up with extreme actions for a wake up call! 

The squirrel in the photos above preferred crunchy portions of bread. The Bulbul was pondering before feeding on the bread! They are behaviours either inherited or acquired. 

The youth of India carry with them a lineage of inherited behaviour as well as reactive behaviour created by the un-engaging attitude of political leadership! 

An opportunity for dialogue

What if the political leadership became open to be accommodative and inclusive in their approach and welcome proposals for change! 

The youth of India is already vibrant and motivated to welcome a new social order of opportunities for all in the rising India! 

I wish the elders who control the reigns of political leadership of the country become listeners to discern the changing times and reckon with the inevitable transition needed, by passing on the baton for the next phase of relay race in the metamorphosis of the idea of India ! 

The Prime Minister and his council of misters are to be reconcilers and pathfinders of peace because they occupy the role of being statesmen to carry the people upon their hearts!  

From the pages of history

I came across a reference to this thought in the book, Human being and Becoming by Dr David G. Benner in the chapter on Meaning -Making (p 39, 49) a reference to the first Prime Minister of the Multi-racial South Africa, late Nelson Mandela. 

Rolihlahla Mandela was born in 1918 and grew up in the pan-African tribal culture of Ubuntu, which states that ' I am because we are and we are because of I am'.  The school teacher renamed him as Nelson Mandela on his first day at school, who grew ups in this identity of seeing the whole with liberality and mindfulness. He drifted to fight against apartheid after his law education which made him a prisoner for 27 years for unlawful activities more than half of that in solitary confinement. 

What woke up the world to a new consciousness of the largeness of heart and wholeness of approach that Nelson Mandela carried in his soul was, when he invited his former jailer as the guest of honour at the ceremony of his installation as the Prime Minister of South Africa. Let me quote Dr Benner in his own words the summary of this transformational journey of Nelson Mandela: "For Nelson Mandela prison was not simply a place of confinement and punishment; it was his alchemical laboratory. It was where an angry freedom fighter, was transformed into a gentle, compassionate, and wise statesman who became the nation's voice of reconciliation...The meaning that he found in his suffering and solitude allowed him to recognise that freedom is indivisible. It allowed him to  recognise that as long as anyone remains in chains, everyone remains in chains" (p 39).

It was Nelson Mandela who initiated the Truth and Reconciliation Commission which became the pathfinder for the multi-racial community to feel healed and reconciled having suffered under Apartheid for about fifty years. 

The Tryst with Destiny

The first Prime Minister of India Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru was imprisoned 9 times during the independent movement, the ninth imprisonment being the longest from August 9, 1942 to March 28, 1945, which included a time in the Ahemmednagar fort form April to September 1944, during which, the authentic story of India, the Discovery of India was born from his pen!  movement on anotr noble When it was published 14th November, 1946 on his birthday, it grounded the independence movement on the opportunities awaiting India, when finally free to be a nation of its own merit and standing!  v

It was this growing vision of India , which Pandit Nehru articulated as the first Prime Minister of India near midnight on August 14, 1947, on the eve of India's independence to the members of the constituent assembly in the central hall of parliament. The speech, ' Tryst with Destiny' formed the vision of India in the hearts of millions of its citizens. That vision of India was born through formative experience of sufferable suffering, which Pandit Nehru turned for the good of millions of people of India then and now. 

When the youth of India is now protesting, I wish the national political leadership of India  would consider that it is yet another occasion to redeem the pledge Pandit Nehru made in his  speech 'tryst with destiny' ! 

Whose interests are we looking after ! Is not the protest for safeguarding the  voting rights of people, when the Election Commission of India is suspected to be responsible for vote denial, vote manipulation and voter's list irregularities! 

Let the ruling  political leadership be seen to be on the side of those who elected them to rule for five years!

I wish the Prime Minister and the council of ministers leave aside their political robe, and evolve to wear the mantle of statesmen at heart, during a time such as this, when he youth feel wounded and alienated! 

Nelson Mandela attributed his conciliatory frame work for political governance to Mahatma Gandhi and his legacy! For us who live breathing in Mahatma Gandhi's legacy, it ought to be natural to choose a conciliatory path! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)