The flourishing family ambience !

 Flowers are more than just colours or fragrances!

They tell the story of the plants which bear them and the soil that nurtures them, the sunshine that feeds them and water that sustains them. They grow in manicured or wild gardens where they are planted. The plants carry the potential to grow and flower in due season. The flowers feed insects with nectar and participate in pollination. They perpetuate and sustain themselves.

In a conversation with a family I understood how their home is naturally conditioned by the needs and aspirations of their children. The week-days have one rhythm and the week ends have another rhythm.  Both parents make an effort to take leave during children's holidays to create another rhythm during the holidays. 

The conversation proceeded to give me a surprising state of awareness that this family has in fostering the enlargement of their children by making the home, a place of belonging and upbuilding. Th family has a journal in which the parents and children make entires to share experiences and recollections. This journal currently a designer book has entries from parents and children, sometimes daily or as when they have something that occurred as special. It is a practice for the family to have this journal before them during the Saturday evening family meeting to have longer conversations about what were entered in the journal. They live their memories actively and reflectively. This time of conversation often brings a new level of connections at the family level. Each parent and child makes an entry of the experience of this weekly family conversation in a sentence or through a drawing to summarise the conversation. 

The parents have a separate journal for both their children, which is an open book, accessible to children. The parents make regular entires of comments, appreciation or questions which children can read and add their thoughts. The parents often make their entries related to what they notice in their children and adding compliments and suggestions. Children respond with questions and comments during the Saturday family meeting. For children, the individual journals are a recording of their formative and relational journey which gives them a feed back and affirming direction. 

I was moved to listen to the story of this form of Parental awakening which a creates an environment of trustful and cordial communication between parents and children. 

This form of written journal with drawings and sketching, which the family maintains for parents and children might not be a usual habit. I saw in this practice an imaginative dimension that family carries in its role, as the garden of life for their children, and a learning ground for parents in moderating and modulating parenting practices. 

Flowers flourish because a garden favours it by its homely soil. 

A family flourishes by nurturing children to grow up to be who they are to be! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Listening with the heart!

The above silent presence of togetherness in discerning the next flight path for the morning is a daily event ! 

This is the behaviour of Bulbul pairs in our garden! Following the routine of feeding at the feeding station in our garden, the Bulbul pairs often are perched in the cable to look around and fly away. 

This watchful search and planning is worth watching, as they would chirp to each other in a hushed tone as if they are in conversation and exchanging their perceptions. 

They too have a plan for the day! 

Anna and I find our conversation times at day break sipping our cup of coffee a good start for the day, taking time to look back and look forward! 

What and how we sense a situation can be decisive and defining to be ready for the events ahead of the day! 

This is one way of growing in the art of listening with the heart! That is an endearing experience where the trustful intimacy brings comfort, hope, assurance and affirmation of the sense of belonging.

The Bulbul pairs educate us on the art of the communication at the heart level!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

The missing generation!

There are changes in the bird movements seasonally in ur garden. Often we do not observe them carefully so as to miss seeing some birds. 

But Anna and I certainly miss Magpie robins. Usually one of them would be perched at day break on the cable in our courtyard while we have our cup of coffee in our drawing room. We got used to watching one or two of them and listen to the tuneful singing for a while. The variable loudness, duration and tune have an originality that do not get repeated. The male birds are the tuneful singers. 

It is well known that the Magpie robins are comfortable with human proximity. So they choose flight stations which are closer to homes. 

What is the larger message of this disappearance of the Magpie robins! 

One thing we notice is that our garden is lot more noisy with Mynahs and jungle Babblers. Both of these bird species are noisy and imposing! They come in group of five or more and flutter and move between trees, that smaller birds do not feel comfortable to appear in their vicinity. Even the Sun birds changed the timings of their visit to the garden to avoid these larger noisy birds. 

 

This story of displacement brought to my attention what happened to our neighbourhood. Out of about forty two households during my childhood, only five families are left in the neighbourhood. Others   got lured by the large offer of prize or their  properties and moved out to the interior places, some building new houses others choosing to live in rented houses. Most of the families needed the money to educate their children. Apart from selling their houses, they also had to take bank loans. 

These children are in other places in India studying or working or are overseas waiting for opportunities after their study. The homes have older people in most homes. 

A generation or two are missing in our village and in the surrounding villages. 

The older people live without active engagement with the younger people and the younger people do not get the benefit of the shelter of the older people.  

The absence of one or two generations in a society brings discontinuity and weakness in the fabric of a society without the younger people bringing the vibrancy and change needed in the formation of a society. We live mostly with the  generational thoughts of yesteryears without the influence of the inspirational thoughts and dreams of younger people! 

The song of Magpie robins are missing in our garden! 

The thoughts of the younger people are missing in the formation of our homes and families. 

This is a serious gap in the generational transition ! 

Unless our educational system changes to make learning transformative to make younger people to take the reins of responsibility and leadership, we shall live in the past with ideas and thoughts that the older generation has grown up with ! 

The younger people feel displaced and disheartened! They need larger space and acknowledgement! 

If about 40 percent of the population in India are below 30 years, then they have the right and role to lead rest of us! 

I feel exercised to pursue this thought further by initiating a dialogue process with some ! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Waiting in Hope !

A Bulbul's patience for its turn at the feeding station in our garden! 

This was waiting with hope!

Life is a journey of waiting in hope!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

The stress and strain of living!

The two Bulbuls- one  a red vented and another a red whiskered in  our garden! One at the feeding station and the other perched in the Guava tree waiting for its turn for feeding! 

The way the red vented Bulbul takes time to inspect the food before pecking on it caught my attention. It is an accidental visitor to the feeding station and therefore is not familiar with the food available at the  feeding station. Also a squirrel or Mynah can be intimidating for both species of Bulbuls. 

The freedom of being a bird is real with some exceptions. 

A Barbet was feeding at the Guava tree. Its feeding behaviour was effortful! 

The food and shelter are primary needs. It can be stressful to find them. 

The three shop assistants in the vegetable shop from where we get our provisions are from different parts of north India. Ours is a small village of about two lakh population. The shop assistants in many shops are migrant workers from north or north eastern regions of the country. It is to attend to their primary needs they move out of their native places. 

The dialogue in the press connected with the independence day celebration on 15th August was how the national song,  Vande Mataram was sung in the independence day parade in red fort, New Delhi for the first time and only two stanza of the song was sung at the celebration in the head quarters of a particular political party! 

What a preoccupation with a non issue! Most of the southern states have thousands of migrant workers who live in inadequate facilities and work in order to earn for their families food and shelter! They contribute to build infrastructure and facilities. And yet, they go unnoticed. 

The strain of living is real! The recent unrest among students pushing them to protest in streets about declining fairness in conducting competitive examinations and question paper leaks benefitting some who can buy them at enormous costs, raise the same issue of stress and strain of living for many! 

The political governance is not inclusive in its approach and appeal.

Amidst the gloom of disappointment, there are signs of hope addressing issues of wellness. The government of Tamil Nadu has announced maternity leave for one year for all women for three pregnancies. I realise how contributory it will be for child development and integrated family living! This single decision favouring to offer a conducive environment for infants to grow and develop in the proximity of their mothers can promote attachment process between infants and parents, which would stabilise the psycho-social formation experience in early childhood.  How fortunate are children of tomorrow in that state of India! A government that supports the home as the environment of formation for childhood, promotes wellness of the society!  

The strain of living to find the primary need of food and shelter affects many even now after eighty years of independence! 

How much do we care! The civil governments ought to do a lot more to offer wellness to all people! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

The land yields to nourish!

A recent outing to the Nilgiri mountain ranges extending to the northern part of Kerala in Anikatty was an eye opener about the migrating behaviour of people. People migrate to these places and tame the mountain ranges to make them habitable for themselves. In the process, the animals are displaced from their home land. 

The coconut plantations seem to thrive in these regions along with spice and vegetable gardens. The ecological cover of forests that have been protective of the mountains seems to be disturbed that man-animal conflict is on the increase. Most of the acquired land for private cultivation have electric fencing to protect the wild animals from having a free sway and feed on the fruits and vegetables. The banana plantations get targeted by the elephants. It is common that elephants block road traffic in order to force passengers to give them food like banana. 

The plan for land mining in the Manipur mountain ranges unsettled the equation between two communities that have gone on to a three year ethnic conflict and violence. The business men in their desperation to become oligarchs from being millionaires are looking for every opportunity in the land and sea to gain wealth by promoting business start ups. The way they cover up their ugly intention is by speaking the language of eco-tourism. 

How the serene Lakshadeep islands have been in the recent news as one destination for these businessmen for their greedy plan! Fortunately, the resistance movement seems to have forced the project to remain suspended for the time being! 

The estimate is that forty percent of the wealth in India is owned by two percent of people! This strongly suggests the strong capitalist outlook of the civil governments at the national and local levels. 

The contrasting ideology in debate now in socio-anthropological circles in  India is need and greed . How there are regular posts in the social media to depict the palatial buildings in which the upper strata of the society lives ! To display the car collections in their garages is a favourite occupation of some who promote capitalistic passion and luxurious living! 

I wonder whether we lost the sense to feel for others who still live in subsistence level or below that! 

The land and the produce of the land used to be a common property of the native inhabitants. Ever since the private ownership came into being as the norm, people have become acquisitive from being only possessive with least consideration for others. 

The last three photos above of a nest, a bird pair and the butterflies bring a consolation in one sense. Those three photos remind all those inhabit the earth, that the earth has other 'inhabitants' to whom we are to be accountable! They sustain life on earth in multiple ways. To occupy land indulgently for private prosperity is a one sided view of development! 

The rich craves to dine with the finest vine, but the poor keeps waiting for their food bowl to have food! 

I wish the world would have many more Good Samaritans! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

 

Mindfully living and giving !

During this season of torrential rain, I watched how flowers behave in such a hostile situation. 

Some flowers are resilient and stay colourful, fragrant although fragile. 

Some flowers continue sharing their nectar to birds and butterflies who come visiting. 

Some flowers look soaked in water loosing its colour, lustre and fragrance! 

During conversations on phone I have with few people, who look out for listening ears, I find a similar spectrum of situational behaviour. 

Some thrive inspite of difficult situations and continue being an inspiration to others. Some are weighted down by circumstances but continue being fully present and effective. There are others who feel battered and depleted by situations and stay depleted of energy and enthusiasm. 

What sustains and uplifts a person is, when he or she would feel needed, valued and acknowledged. When a person feels drained and unable to be effective, that person needs even more support to feel carried through that rough terrain of experiences. 

At day break, yesterday, I was reminded through a telephone call, how lonely a person can feel, when overwhelmed by multiple demands! In a highly individualised world, where personal matters 'consume' full attention, we live overlooking the spoken and unspoken needs of others. 

A grandfather who visited yesterday evening, spoke about the sudden illness of his ten months old granddaughter who after a short febrile illness had gone into status epileptics, and is now left with hemiparesis.  He was trying to find help and guidance, but is financially exhausted ! 

What brought cheer and hope was listening to a clinician who through a social worker and counsellor reach out to people in different situations of need to ease them of the stress and strain of those burdens. The hospital where he works is a 'home' for those in the community! The home visits which the community health team make sustain those who lives through stormy situations. 

The flowers are fragile but are self giving to offer nectar. Some flowers feel battered by the hostile situations. 

I ended the day yesterday, recollecting the services of some friends, who live by 'giving' of themselves in a mindful way sustain others who are weary. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)