Overcoming the loss!

I gathered these photos from our garden, of buds in different rose bushes while recollecting the Easter morning.  Mary and other women prepared spices to visit the tomb of Jesus of Nazareth on the third day after His burial. What they witnessed was the open tomb, linen cloth in the tomb and tomb otherwise empty! 

What occupied my attention was the event of the Holy Saturday when the women gathered to recall, recollect and prepare for the third day! 

According to the narrative of Luke in his gospel, 'They returned and prepared spices and perfumes. And on the Sabbath they rested according to the commandment ( Luke 23:56).

The women prepared the spices and perfumes and rested on the sabbath. 

Their act of preparing the spice and perfume was a symbol of loss, grief and regard for Jesus. They were occupied with His death. 

But they also rested on the sabbath, which reflects their state of trust and hope! 

They turned the sabbath from being a fretful, anxious and grieving day to a day of returning to God to trust, rest and revive hope. They prepared the spice to honour Jesus on the third day after His death. 

Mary and women lived in the interface between life and death on the Holy Saturday. But that interface was also was pregnant with the truth of resurrection on the third day. That promise of resurrection which Jesus referred to, in His discourse had escaped their attention. They compound their grief because they could not trust resurrection to be a reality! 

When I watched the buds in the rose bushes, I felt fascinated by the vigour with which each branch in the plant has grown to bear a bud ! Each plant has a celebrant look when becoming ready to flower, with the leaves looking ornamental and adorable. The prelude to the flowering stage is a colourful phase of the leaves and the buds waiting to open. The plant life affirms hope and purpose! 

All the new branches grew to bear buds following the pruning of the plants!

It is this that makes the preparation of spices and perfume by Mary and women appear as a  redundant act! The spices and  the perfume affirm death and loss !

The nuclear war that ended the second world war brought death and catastrophic effects. But what followed was an upsurge of human resilience leading to scientific, educational, infrastructural, cultural and humanitarian development that heralded a new world order of peace and multilateralism. 

We still mourn the holocaust and lives lost in the concentration camps and  warfare. What followed by way of progress and development transcended the loss !

We too grieve over the imposed war on West Asia, and Middle East by one nation, whose president is obsessed with 'Make America Great Again'!  We live with the pain of death and destruction while nations wage war to impose power and control with least consideration of human suffering!  One of the first acts the current president of the USA resorted to soon after taking office was to suspend the global humanitarian activities of USAID. It is the same president who is now escalating war and violence! It is yet another form of 'crucifying' the human virtue of goodness, wellness and togetherness as pilgrims on earth! 

And yet, I feel drawn by the truth of the Holy Saturday. There is on one side the grief forcing us to prepare the spices and perfume to mourn the loss! But on the other side is the promise of new life awaiting us, well beyond all expectations as a surprise, like what  Mary and others who went to the sepulchre of Jesus found on the third day- an empty tomb and a risen Jesus !

 

The Holy Saturday in our lives and in the lives of nations during this season of war is a long season of suspense and sorrow! 

A seven year old boy, who lost his kite to the strong wind in the beach, gathered news papers to prepare a kite as soon as he reached home. It was hope that sustained him. He did not stay subdued in grief! 

The photos of buds remind me on Holy Saturday which is a time to wait for the festival flowers ahead in the garden! So it is an invitation to look beyond spices and perfume !

Life is for living and overcoming the loss!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Symbols of the message of Good Friday in the garden!

I noticed three metaphorical symbols in the flowers that reminded me of the events on the cross on Good Friday, when Jesus was crucified. 

The first photo of cluster of flowers symbolised to me of the darkness of injustice that crucified Jesus even after Pilate declared that 'I find no fault in Him' and washed his hands off any guilt on consenting to crucify an innocent person! I found ants feeding on the nectar in the first photo of flowers. Jesus hanging on the cross became a life giver to those who crucified Him through His prayer, 'Father forgive them for they do not know what they do"! One thief who was crucified with Him found himself forgiven because Jesus turned to this confessing thief and said: 'You shall be with me in paradise today' ! The darkness was transformed into hope for all humanit and to the thief on the cross!  

The second photo of the flower symbolised to me of the cross figuratively, which  reconciles human relationships with each other and with God. Jesus on the cross suffered to bring healing to humankind.

The third photo of cluster of flowers brought the message of grace, peace and forgiveness that resonates in human hearts on Good Friday!

Journey from the Jerusalem temple to Golgotha was a self giving journey for Jesus, even when His followers deserted Jesus! He lived His calling to fulfil His earlier saying: 'I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly' ! In fact he had such a consciousness about His mission in life even at 12 years when He was found by His parents engaged in conversation with priests in the temple. 

The prophet Isaiah made an appeal to people of his time: 'Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, and righteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him; And to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. (Isaiah 55:7).

The Good Friday  reminds us of darkness but invites us to experience   grace, peace, healing and forgiveness  by seeking for God. 

When Pope Leo called out to the leaders of the nations involved in the current war in West Asia, in his Palm Sunday homily, it was an invitation to experience the grace, peace, healing and forgiveness that Good Friday offers to us! 

The Hymn written by Augustus M Toplady summarised for me the call of Good Friday:

"Rock of Ages, cleft for me,

Let me hide myself in Thee;

Let the water and blood,

From Thy wounded side which flowed

Be of sin the double cure:

Cleanse me form its guilt and power.

Not the labour of my hands,

Can fulfil Thy law's demands;

Could my zeal no respite know,

Could my tears forever flow

All for sin could not atone; 

Thou must save, and Thou alone. 

Nothing in my hand I bring,

Simply to Thy cross I cling.

Naked, come to Thee for dress;

Helpless, look to Thee for grace.

Foul, I to the fountain fly;

Wash me saviour or I die...."

The above scenes of flowers in our garden brought to me metaphorically the message of Good Friday in a way we felt touched! 

One purpose of a tree is to bear fruits ! This tree above is full of fruits now. 

Jesus of Nazareth lived as an offering to others. 

At the cross, He became the ultimate offering of love, grace, peace  and forgiveness! 

The flower vase in our central table reminded us of the abundance of that grace reaching out from the cross, through the way the jasmine flowers brought fragrance all around!

This brings a call to a way of living- seeing, hearing, feeling and forgiving!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

The heat of the day and dew at night!

I find the above contrast each morning in our garden. The withering look of  flower leaves and buds and leaves covered in dew! It is contrast that brings surprise each morning! There is a wide gap of temperature between the day and night during this season! 

The true dew formation is by condensation, when the temperature drops at night and the moisture of the air condenses into liquid droplets on the leaf. The leaves cool down faster the air around it after sunset. The surface of the leaves becomes cooler than the air touching them. When that air reaches its dew point the liquid droplets cover the leaves. 

I noticed that on Mondays, leaves did not show water droplets at the edges of leaves and had only dew on the leaf surfaces. I wondered if that was because on Sundays most plants were not watered as the domestic helper would leave at noon! 

My experiment was to watch the leaves in the morning with watering some plants and  not watering some others. I noticed that those who were watered in the evening had faint cover of dew lesser than those who were watered. The plants which were watered had dew as well as droplets on the edges of the leaf as seen in the second photo. 

This gave me a clue that watering had something to do with the dew formation. 

I took the help of the Wikipedia to sort out this in my mind. That is when I realised that the water drops at the edges were on account of Guttation. While leaves close their pores at night, roots continue to absorb water from soil which builds up pressure within the stem and branches. The plants relieve the pressure by pushing the excess water through the hydathodes located at the tips and edges of leaves. Unlike the dew that covers the whole leaf, the guttation drops appear only at the edges of leaf! 

That clarified for me that the dew on the leaf surface is on account of condensation and the drops on the edges of leaf are due to guttation. 

When I noticed that those plants which were not watered in the evening, only had dew on the surface and no water drops or only occasional drops at the edges, I felt even more clear.  The third photo is of a rose bush which was watered in the evening, which did not have dew on the leaves next morning, suggesting that guttation is common than condensation during this season. 

I was taken back, thinking about the mystery in nature, which sustains plant life.

I confess that I had not known this difference until now although I have a large collection of photos with dew leaf surface and drops on the edges of leaves, some leaves with only drops at the edges and some others with dew alone on the surface. 

I feel grateful for the question in my mind that took me through this journey of enquiry! 

It reminds me that seeing involves knowing! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

A week later !

After a week of planting a rose bush by our friends in our garden, the rose bush seems to have taken roots in the soil with new sprouts of tender leaves and buds. 

During this Holy Week, when violence and war along with uncertainties about peace and settlement still remain in the air, this rose bush is giving a contrary message of hope and life! 

This brings a message to dwell upon: It is in giving we receive! A plant when given to the soil, it sprouts. 

Goodness begets goodness! 

The two events associated with the last Passover, Jesus shared with His disciples are remembered on every Maundy Thursday. The first was a woman pouring a costly perfume on Jesus when Jesus was in the house of Simeon (John 12:1-11)). The second was Jesus washing the feet of His disciples (John 13:5-20) during the last supper.

Both these acts of self giving took place when hostility towards Jesus was explicit from all around including from one of His disciples, Judas Iscariot, who plotted to betray Jesus for a financial gain! 

Amidst such a betrayal, the words of Jesus to His disciples was: "If I then, the Lord and Teacher washed your feet,  you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I gave you an example that you should also do as I did to you (John13: 14-15).

When I saw the rose bush showing signs of growth and flowering in a week, because it was planted, manured and watered, it occurred to me that giving multiplies the outcome! 

Often small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness we show to each other bring disproportionate outcome and initiate a chain of goodness to continue! Lives when touched by kindness become giving in attitude and behaviour! 

Jesus exceeded in self giving.  Jesus made the last supper to be an occasion to reveal Himself fully and humanly! 

It is when we sow goodness self-givingly, there is the prospect of new life emerging!

M.C. Mathew(text and photo)

 
 

The Books summarising forty years in Child Development

After four years of efforts, the five publications that we envisioned to summarise the initiative on Child Development and Rehabilitation, are now available for circulation. 

It is a set of five books covering: 

Observing the child developmentally in the first three years by parent involvement home programme (Bud to Blossom);  

Developmental monitoring of a child when there is developmental delay (Accompany your child);  

A dialogue starter with parents on parenting practices of pre-school children (Parenting Presence); 

A structured observation based developmental appraisal of a child with Neuro-developmental needs by using protocols that give scores to know the extent of the Ability, Boundaries and Concerns of a developmentally challenged child (Enable Your child);  and 

A  manual for play-based  learning engagement of pre-school children at home for parents and professionals (Engage Your Child).

There are three distinctive features to these books:

They are designed to be user friendly.

All the   protocols and practices suggested arose from the experience of involvement with children at the Child Development Centre, Chennai and medical colleges at Vellore, Pondicherry and  Kolenchery.  

All the observational protocols can be scored to monitor the developmental pathway of a Neuro-developmentally challenged child in order to be prompt in responding to the need and opportunity. 

With this, the academic experiences of 40 years of engagement of ASHIRVAD in Child Development and Rehabilitation are summarised in these five publications. 

We feel fulfilled that the Developmental Paediatrics Units ASHIRVAD   initiated at the Christian Medical College, Vellore; PIMS, Pondiochery and MOSCMC, Kolenchery continue their valuable service to developmentally challenged children and their parents. We feel grateful for the team of professionals in each of these Medical Colleges and the opportunity that was offered to ASHIRVAD to be involved. 

The Bangalore Baptist Hospital where I was a regular visiting consultant for five years now has an active clinical service, which suggests that more hospitals will opt for child development service as about 15 to 20 percent of children have Neuro-developmental needs. 

The model that has evolved from our experience during the forty years is, a Parent Involved and home based neuro-developmental monitoring and developmental support for children and  accompaniment of parents and siblings.

I feel grateful to all the professional colleagues, who participated actively in evolving this pathway in child development. 

When I turn back to recall the terrain we travelled starting from beginning the speciality of Developmental Paediatrics, pioneering the post-doctoral fellowship and PhD programme to train professionals and defining the content and contour of child development for Neuro-developmentally challenged children, I feel overwhelmed and moved that this was possible ! 

The  defining factor was the invitation from the Christian Medical College, Vellore in 1995 to ASHIRVAD to start the first Developmental Paediatrics speciality. That academic platform created because of the interest of the then Director Dr V.I.Mathen, initiated a chain of responses with more departments of Developmental Paediatrics getting started in India during the last thirty years. 

There were three other friends who significantly supported us at different seasons of this explorative journey. Let me copy the tribute page from the recent book published by ASHIRVAD, Engage your child, to remember them and their involvements.

Now with the above books, Anna and I feel grateful and fulfilled that we were given an opportunity to join hands with others to do our part to support children and families and introduce professionals to this speciality!

Every journey in starting a new academic discipline and unfolding the clinical application of that speciality is a long process. I feel grateful for the general acceptance and consensus that Developmental Paediatrics is a confluence of Developmental Neurology, Developmental morphology, Developmental Physiology, Developmental Psychology and Developmental therapy. 

That perspective is bringing a pathway approach in clinical pursuit: Causal pathway, Parenting pathway, Enabling pathway, Learning pathway, and child-life centred pathway ! 

At the end of the forty years when Anna and I step back, what we see is a panorama of activities to promote health, wellness  and abilities of Neuro-developmentally challenged children even in hospitals located in rural areas. 

A Paediatrician located in a mission hospital at Satbarwa used the tele-consultation facility for a year. Now that she is relocated at another hospital, she is active in tele-consultation to initiate child development service in that hospital. A weekly on line clinical forum functioned for five years where Paediatricians and post graduate trainees used the forum for clinical discussion on developmentally challenged children. 

What is still a dream is to have an interdisciplinary team of professionals meeting on-line once a week to discuss clinical and developmental challenges of children and develop the practice of collective thinking in child development service to create a fraternity of professionals trusting and communicating with each other! 

Anna and I want to greet all Parents, Children, Professions and Friends of ASHIRVAD who touched our lives during the years with these Lilies from our garden. We felt accompanied from the time we sensed a call to walk a less travelled path in Child development and rehabilitation!

 

M.C.Mathew ( text and photo)

The influence of parenting Practices

The direction of the Lily flowers in each stalk differs from each other. But the first two photographs represent the common pattern. One flower in each direction or two each in opposite directions. This caught my attention. I wondered what determines the direction of  the flowers when they are ready to open!

I discovered that there is genetics and epigenetics in this pattern formation!

In the dialogue on nature and nurture in childhood formation, the dialogue on epigenetics of formative influence is now getting revived !

Why children are fond of visual media from early childhood is a question I hear parents often ask! 

The easy option is to blame it on the visual media to which many children are introduced to from infancy! The visual media has an entertaining effect and not an interactive effect for a child to grow in language skills, communication and social competencies and exploratory learning from the environment.  

What predisposes a child to be introduced to the visual media in early childhood, when they are largely wired to regard human faces, hear human voice and language, and engage in interactive play! 

It is the parents who substitute their role with the visual media to 'occupy a child' ! 

The parenting absence and the media presence contribute to the way behaviour and development of an infant and toddler take place. When even meal time is turned into feeding a child with his attention on the actions on the visual screen, we force rewiring the child's perceptual ability to conform to the machine language and loose the continuity of regular language acquisition! 

I write this with concern, because the above state of media dependent  nurturing of infants and toddlers has become a common practice in many homes! 

Is it likely that from early childhood, the parental interactions with their children got reduced and passive viewing of the screen became the pattern!

If so, the altered parenting practice has drawn children away from developing an emotional bonding with parents in early childhood that they grow up  feeling the void of sense of belonging !

I tend to think that parenting practices in early childhood contribute to the epigenetics of parenting! We determine the direction and course of childhood by what parents do or so not do! 

Anna and I felt persuaded to share our thoughts on parenting practices by discussing 50 themes in the above book, which was published two yeas ago, 

Now with more feed back from Parenting Forum that we have been involved with, we get a sense that parenting practices are formative and epigenetic factors are decisive in parenting ! 

The above book that is now ready is on enhancing play based activities of pre-school children at home. Parents can find in the book ideas and pictorial illustrations on using toys, books and home environment to engage pre-school children. It is a book calling parents to make parenting practices interactive and formative! 

When I see how a Bud in a rose bush is protected by foliage and calyx, there is a message from nature about the protective and formative role the plant offers to its bud! 

That is how generations of humans have nurtured infants and toddlers by parenting investment! Now is the time to discover it and return to those parenting practices! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

Giving and Freeing !

 

The buds, blossoms and ageing flowers all in one Jasmine plant in our garden brought memories of human life in evolution and transition! Even in the advanced state of ageing, the last picture shows a spider still harbouring the flowers a five'0 clock position !  During flowering and ageing, the flowers are home for honey bee, insects, and spider !

This is a metaphor of Formation, Transition and Vocation in human life! 

While listening to a parent, I realised how much he was concerned about the changes taking place in his pre-adolescent child. The concern was about his desire to be more private and independent! He no more asked for opinions, but he announced his choices and decisions to the parents! That gave the parents limited room for discussion or negotiation. The parent felt reduced in the role he can play in the opinion formation of his son from now on! 

Parenting has three dimensions-upbuilding, enabling, and freeing! If the upbuilding and enabling were the normal patterns till the mid- childhood, then children gradually freeing themselves to be independent, is a sure sign of developmental maturity! 

Parents are to be giving even more when children take steps to free themselves from the dominant control of parents! 

The time to hold on to children loosely is the pre-adolescent years, when the emphasis shifts to helping them to feel anchored in the healthy practices of family life by inclination and choice. This is the time to trust them to return to parents with a sense of belonging and intimate communication at the heart level, because parents remain open and are supportive and affirmative !

A child grows up to be more independent. It is the time when parents can also grow up to be more trusting and  accepting of their children! 

Parenting in that sense is like the flowers above-giving and nourishing!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)