Openness and regardful attitude !

Someone mentioned to me that I weave different stories from the Lilies in  our garden in this blog post. It is because they bring different messages each time I stay receiving their greeting with gentle sway in the breeze ! The fact that the hollow thin rimmed stalk which carries the flowers does not break away even in a strong wind, continues to surprise me and engage me to know more about the messages they carry through their presence in the garden. 

This time it was the way the flowers open in all directions. It symbolises openness ! It is opposite to the way one sided opinions are imposed on others who are in the political hierarchy. The ongoing war in Iran, Ukraine, Israel and the street protests in Italy, France, Switzerland, India and few other countries show the ugly side of pursuing one sided view of political ideologies or trade ideologies or social values. 

The Lilies open in different directions suggesting, that they become open towards all around them! 

The biography of Mrs Sonia Gandhi, Belonging, A journey of love is due for its release today. Based on the preview of the book, comments are coming in from followers of a particular ideology belittling her as a woman with an 'Italian' mindset! 

This worries me as this form of prejudice is what restricts us from being open, liberal and generous towards others. How small we can become when, we see others through our narrow beliefs and orientation! 

The right and left side in our body are similar but dis-similar in functions and neurological orientation!

The Lilies above send a strong message, appealing to us, to be open, generous, gracious and tolerant! That is the core value of humanity and human relationships. 

It took a long time for me to choose openness as the way of all relationships. During my-mid life, as I look back, I realise how some conflicts could have been avoided or minimised, if I was more open, patient and negotiating in approach! 

Our opinions matter but regardful attitudes towards others matter even more, even when we have an opinion different from theirs on some matters! 

I spotted a few birds in the garden today. The birds would have moved away to safer places due to lightning and thundering with heavy rains in the afternoons during the last ten days 

Even our feeding station remained deserted for a week now!

May be, the arrival of birds would bring new thoughts and different insights!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Going back to befriend those who are different !

 

The recent conversations and explorations I come across in the newspapers and the social media about Generation Z brought me some insights about their identity and purposefulness, which they expect others to recive!

They have a collective identity of large numbers, shared strength, and collective opinion which they demonstrate in the streets in some countries, seeking for social or political or existential change !

They have an individual identity as digital natives, who thrive on self directed journey by exploring the expanse of the digital world of facts, opinions and ideas. They find the smartphone as a medium to stay in touch with the world around. 

They also have a formative identity which they borrow from few opinion makers, who are actively present in the digital world with analytical and factual explorations of the social, educational and job contexts in which they live. 

The third photo above brought a message for me to ponder upon. The one bud that has blossomed is just one of the four other buds, which are yet to blossom. When the other three blossom, they too will be like the one which has already blossomed, as seen in the second photo. Together they make an identical community, as in the cluster of flowers in the first photo.  

Just as these flowers have their normal blossoming rhythm, the Generation Z too has its own rhythm of formation and presence! The urban generation Z born between 1997 and 2012 as it is proposed by social anthropologists, was born at a time when their parents have been well into pursuit of their prospects socially, financially and professionally. That was the time when the digital space and smart phones occupied a central place in most urban homes. The ambience of the homes they grew up stayed connected to a global social and philosophical influence. This global world which permeated into each home created a merging effect of diversities, contradictions, and variables which dissolved the distinctive features of the inherited cultural heritage of each home. The children growing up in such homes, where their formation was impacted by opinions in the digital space, transcended the micro-culture which parents would have tried to create to support the formative journey of the children. But I suspect the digital space of informations, ideas, possibilities, entertainment, gaming, and changing global social norms guided the journey path of this generation beyond the parenting influence. I have reasons to suspect from conversations with parents of this generation Z, that they felt the pressure to release the children to a global influence as it became the convention in many homes. 

So the generation Z has arrived and now occupies the public space with  questions, protests, demands and pressure for change! 

Does generation Z see beyond the collective strength they represent to be able to guide the societal formation for a better altruistic purpose than what they currently come across in their cultural climate in each country?  That is the decisive question. The Millennial and generation Alpha have been through similar imposing presence with their interests and preferences. But they too faded away without making a foundational change! 

I wish the politicians, policy makers and those in governance would listen and engage the generation Z at a time when their energy is turned to peaceful public protests! Let me suggest that this generation of parents in their mid-life created the generation-Z. Therefore we owe to them to take responsibility to guide them through this season of envisioning a future in which they have a place to belong to. If the current unemployment state, a bleak future of economic and social prospects, and the burden of having to socially support an ageing population in most countries, continue to be the norm, they would weigh heavily on generation Z. So the rest of us have a responsibility to shelter them to feel secure. 

We add injury to their hurt and  uncertainty by using force to suppress them and conform them to our expectations !

In India, this generation fears if they would have voting rights as the current policy of the Election Commission of India eliminated about 130 million eligible voters from the voter's list ! This adds to their stress of being made voiceless for them to express their opinion! 

I wonder if we fail to see each tree in the wood!  The trees that form the wood are of many species, features and character! The Generation Z is such a wood of diverse opinions, interests and expectations! 

I wonder if those in governance of each country would have a council of consultants to make sense of the aspirations of the Generation Z. The United States of America has a president in his eighties. We in India have a prime minister in his late seventies. So they are far distanced imaginatively, emotionally and pragmatically from the mood and values of generation Z.

It is only When I am able to behold and be surprised by the elegance  of each Lily in our garden, I can rise up to see the richness in the cluster of Lilies as in the first photo! 

I wish the parents, politicians, policy makers, social anthropologists and religious leaders would make a journey into the community of Generation Z and become partners with them for our common journey!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

A light of hope during stressful time !

Every time I walk past this rose bush in our garden, and notice the abundant gift of buds and flowers, I think about it as a mystery as the plant has 'so much' to give although a small bush! During the last two years, since it was planted in the garden, its habit is to be ornamental with blooming flowers. 

Let me comment on a reconciled relationship between two prominent persons in India, one a senior Journalist and another a senior politician after having been in polarised positions ideologically and perceptively! 

                       

 

     

Mrs Sonia Gandhi, wife of a former Prime Minister of India, late Mr Rajeev Gandhi, is due to release her memoir, Belonging, A journey of Love on 10th November, 2026. 

The first interview on her book appeared in the social media, in which Mr N Ram, a former editor of The Hindu, a national daily news paper, shared excerpts of his interview with Mrs Gandhi on her book. 

Mr Ram was  the one who called for a national press meet in New Delhi on 12 October, 1989, where he alleged that there were bribes given to middle men to acquire Bofors guns for the Indian army when Mr Rajeev Gandhi was the Prime Minister. I happened to be in the flight that Mr Ram took from New Delhi to Chennai, after this most shocking news conference. During the flight, the press reporters present continued seeking clarifications about this allegation. I overheard the conversation in which Mr Ram was categorical about the involvement of an Italian middle man to secure the defence deal. Mr Ram was sure about the reliability of the source of his  information. Following this, the then defence minister, Mr V, P. Singh resigned and rose to rally the opposition parties under his leadership to challenge the leadership of the Prime Minister, Mr Rajeev Gandhi.

This discredited the leadership of Mr Rajeev Gandhi and his party lost the next general election, denying him the chance of returning as the Prime Minister, as he was popular Prime Minister.  

It is the same Mr N Ram, who took the interview of Mrs Sonia Gandhi the wife of late Mr Rajeev Gandhi after thirty seven years, to talk about her book. He praised the book and was appreciative of the memoir as a candid and captivating narration of her life.  

For Mrs Gandhi to give an interview to Mr Ram, because of whom Mr Rajeev Gandhi was discredited and lost his political prospects is another side of this insightful experience in Indian political history. 

As I listened to the briefing of Mr Ram yesterday, on his interview with Mrs Gandhi on her book, I felt that he approached her biographical book with an open mind appreciative of how Mrs Gandhi, after loosing her husband in a terrorist attack in Chennai on 21 May, 1991, stayed in public life as a woman of great stature, leading the congress party for 22 years at a stretch as its president. 

This meeting between Mr Ram and Mrs Gandhi after long years of intense estrangement, is a historic message of how conciliation or acceptance is possible even in difficult situations. I sense that, in this gesture of acceptance of each other in an accommodative attitude, lies a message of hope, at a time when the politics in India is in a melting pot. 

The political leadership currently governing the country and the opposition parties are now in a confrontal engagement! There are acts of commission and omission that the opposition parties hight light about the government, some of which if they are true, are serious departure from good governance. 

Let me present this accommodative attitude that Mrs Gandhi and Mr Ram demonstrated in meeting with each other for an interview, as a lesson to learn from about relational engagement in public life! We are co-travellers and fellow citizens although we have different political optics. 

How regretful it is to watch the political revengeful attitude towards others with another point of view in Israel, USA, and in some other countries, where social tensions and confrontations are straining the peaceful ambience of social wellness. 

I normally stay away from making any politically related comments in this blogposts. 

But this conciliatory public expression by two leaders moved me and I could not but share my reflections on it, to appreciate a dignified adult behaviour of magnanimity, tolerance and respectful regard! 

It is this,  I hope, can be a message to the Prime Minister of India and the leaders of the opposition parties in the Parliament of India, for them to be more consultative and collaborative!  

Three cheers to Mrs Gandhi and Mr Ram for showing the path of accommodation and acceptance after a season of strained relationships. 

I took time to go back to a few strained  relationships at work place, that are yet to be fully resolved. Although I took the initiative to stay in touch two people that does not seem to be enough to stay connected. I still stay in hope that there will be a way forward. To be able to receive each other without expectations is an inward journey that is freeing and releasing. I find this path a worthwhile pursuit! 

Let  me suggest that each of us has a lot to offer to build communicating relationships beyond the constraints we feel about our differences! 

The rose bushes in the two photos make that obvious! It is in giving we fulfil the vocation of our being! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Attentive parenting presence !

Two Desert  flower plants in our garden, one with flowers and the other waiting for its next flowering season! The Desert rose plants are seasonal blossoming plants. 

Most plants and trees are similar in their habit! A garden therefore has plants and trees, which are in  different stages of their rhythm. The plants receive the nutrients from the soil and live their rhythm. 

The pre-school childhood is such a season when the nurture in the home is a decisive influence for their formative development. 

During an audit of some families in the recent weeks, during the telephonic conversations, I realised that this nurturing process is episodic and inconsistent.  

When pre-school children slip away from a consistent routine to their formative rhythm because of parental preoccupations, the loss cannot be redeemed! The pre-school children develop from the experiences of some habits. When habits are not consistent they do not get conditioned to an order or structure to their routine! 

I get a sense of how the pre-school childhood is loosely structured as parenting attention is sporadic or episodic. Let me suggest that the daily rhythm for a pre-school child is to be as much of a routine as the routine of three meals at home. 

It is when the desert rose plant is attended to with de-weeding of its flower bed, manuring, watering and protecting with support when drooping with foliage, the blossoms appear. 

The pre-school years are decisive years of formation for which there is no substitute for attentive parenting presence!

A recent publication of ASIRVAD  Initiative for Child Development and Integrated Living, introduces many ideas to parents for formative engagement of  pre-school children

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The virtue of remembering !

The flowers above are perennial in our garden and they often get noticed only occasionally ! They too have their place in the garden although they escape my attention during my morning walks. It is the familiarity that makes me skip them in my walk! 

At day break, they carry a radiant look, which caught my attention during this week. What engaged me was their quiet presence whether they get noticed or not!

This prompted me to send messages to some friends from whom I did not hear for a while. I too had not got in touch with them for a few weeks. One of them telephoned me back to appreciate being remembered! 

Remembering and staying in touch with others can get reduced to being transactional, confined to occasions when we need someone for a purpose. I remember occasions when someone sent a message or called to greet me or share recollections out of the goodwill of their kindness! They are memorable occasions in our lives, when we are reminded of others who used to be in our orbit of contacts.  

The biography of our lives are memories of people and events. When we let them fade away we unconsciously leave them behind who were formative to our journey in life! 

The garden around our cottage reminds me of the quiet presence of many plants and trees, who get subsumed by the appearance of more visible and colourful plants. 

Even the least and the last in the list of our attention is also part of the garden! It was when I noticed a spider's web, I felt awakened to realise   the connecting strands that it had weaved together. That reminded me of several people who formed my formative years! It turned out to be a good recollection time of grateful memories. It brought an awareness that, ' I am because of who they have been to me'!  

It awakened me to stay in touch with some more people, on a regular basis to celebrate memories and formative experiences of shared journey! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A distant view of life!

I associate birds with flight and foraging! Watching this pair of Bulbuls in our garden, I got to know of another rhythm to their routines. During the twenty minutes they were alertly present in that tall tree,  they were receiving signals of the happenings all around. The flight stations they choose in the garden are the tallest trees in the garden, which offer them a long and distant view. It is a regular routine they practice before choosing the flight path for the day!

I felt awakened to consider the significance of choosing to live with a distant view of life! 

I had a telephone call from a friend who was one of the founders of a hospital in rural Orissa fifty years ago. The two families who were involved in the initial years, chose to set up child care centres in villages around the small hospital, in order to offer non-formal education, nutritious meal and to prepare children for formal schooling. I remember visiting some of these child care centres, in their early years, where community volunteers and staff from the hospital focussed on introducing literacy skills and curricular learning. 

This led to almost hundred percent of children getting introduced to formal education in their mother tongue as against the usual practice of children following their parents to work in the farm. Now, since that beginning of breaking the tradition,  scores of children having gone through higher education, are now occupying good positions in different streams of employment. This changed the economic and social landscape of the communities  in many villages. This was a long term of view of engaging the communities to lead them to embrace opportunities in life. When you invest in children, it is ensuring the wellness of generations.  

I find two pathways in practice to offer social development. One practice is immediate provision. The government offers welfare measures of subsidised food, health care insurance, financial support for those who live stressfully and provide remedial support during stressful times. They are necessary but cannot be a substitute to long term view.

The current crisis of lack of employment opportunities and unemployability of those who finish the formal education in rural India is a concern that social anthropologists highlight! The educational system in schools and colleges provide factual acquisition of information without an adequate exposure to learning by doing, or interfacing with work experience through internship or hands-on learning.

The second pathway is to offer a long term view of education through offering formative experiences to adults to  excel in Life, Living and Learning. The inspiration to live creatively with innovative exploration of life, can only be instilled when the formal education becomes formative and integrative rather than just  factual and informational. 

I heard the founder of Ashoka University referring to his experience in Howard University for his business studies. The business studies gave him skills and perspectives to see his potential to imagine, innovate and invest. When he returned as a millionaire to India, his passion was to initiate an educational system that builds learners to be  explorers, entrepreneurs, overcomes and initiators. I understand that it is for this, the Ashoka University is currently known for. 

For the Bulbuls above, every day is a new day. Its orientation of the day starts with a distant view of the day before they choose the flight path for the day! They are planners and choosers to live overcoming the variables of weather and storm. They are conditioned to have a distant view of life !

I know of a home, where the parents used to offer a dialogue session for their two teenage children a 'dreaming time' once a week! Both of them chose a path in life that went beyond the usual.

The suggestion Prof David Morley gave me when I was finishing the course on childhood rehabilitation was : 'Find new answers to existing challenges'. He was insistent that each person in the course learns a new skill during the course. It was to design and create a device which would offer a learning support for children who were developmentally challenged. That introduced me to design a puzzle which a visually impaired child can use to learn with tactile sensing, different textures and surfaces! I had to use tools to work on wood to make that puzzle. It was an experience of going beyond the conventional learning in medical training! That was one way Prof Morley introduced us to think out of the box! 

Choosing to live by wanting to make a difference in the lives of others is  a distant view of life! That is what the two young couples did by going to live in a village in Orissa, which today is a large hospital with a net work of its presence in many villages all around! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

Taking just enough for itself!

The Cashew Tree in our garden has a golden hue with new shoots from the branches bearing new colourful foliage. The flowering season has arrived and there are blossoms in the tree scattered diffusely. 

I was drawn by the sight of the blossoms appearing from the new shoots and foliage. It is the new life in the tree which bears the flowers  to become the cashew fruit and nut later, in about two months from now. 

The flowers and fruits are the gift from its new growth ! The tree grows to blossom and give fruits. 

I paused before the tree to reflect on it. The tree grows to bring advantages to others. Now the nector-gathering ants and bees visit the flowers.   Soon with the flowers becoming fruits, birds, and squirrels would be the frequent visitors. 

A tree does not keep anything for itself and takes from the soil just enough to be fruit bearing.  Its roots plough the subsoil by spreading the root structure widely and deeply. The tree gives shades and fruits. It gives it share of oxygen to the air. 

Its behaviour is  the opposite of the takers ! How can there be so many billionaires unless they have taken more than what they need !

The trees and plants in our garden tell me the language of giving more than they take! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)