Communicating presence !

These flowers above in our garden tell stories of their distrinct features. The differences between them are many. But each of them is a flower with a colour, fragrance and delightful appearance. 

Every morning when I walk in the garden, I feel enthused by the confluence they bring to the garden. It is their togetherness which makes the flower bed a garden!

What makes a family?

I noticed two families next to our table in the restaurant when Anna and I had our evening meal yesterday. One family with their two children in early in childhood, seemed to lead the conversations in which parents participated. There was an atmosphere of openness and  communication. The children turned to us and smiled in between. The other family sat quietly and had their meal. 

During that half hour we noticed two patterns during their meal time. One family engaged each other in conversation during the meal and the other family ate their meal. 

This scene awakened within me two scenes that could be patterns in families. One family turned the meal time for fellowship and shared experiences and  in the other family each person seemed to confine to themselves. 

It is when each person is present to each other communicatively, the family life becomes a shared experience of joyful memories. It is when children grow up in that ambience they feel a traction to grow up relationally !

I did not notice the parents turning to the mobile phone in the family that engaged in  conversation. Both parents in the other family had the phone next to them, scrolling in between! 

The first family overcame distractions to be present to each other which brought a conversational ambience. The second family was distracted or preoccupied and not present to each other conversationally!

A family becomes relational only when becoming present to each other  conversationally is a pattern to build intimate relationships!

The garden is a colourful presence of flowers. 

A family is a place of communicating presence of all its members!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Promoting life on earth!

Our garden has an unusual colourful appearance now, with Lilies  blooming, where ever they were planted a few years ago. 

They have a story to tell through their silent presence. They through the blooming reveal the care, attention and nurture offered by the gardener who faithfully crafted its growth process. They are also a tribute to the nurturing soil where they are rooted. 

As I watched them in different places in our garden, they symbolised to me the human life on earth!

The recent escalation of violence leading to war between nations is the pathway for destruction and devastation! The sweat and toil of generations of families which erected symbols of human habitation and tilled the ground to produce food seem to be trivialised by the short sightedness of the leaders of global power. Do they seek destroying the fruits of human labour by a whimsical view of global affairs! One country seems to acquire the role of a global police patrol deciding the nature and destiny of other sovereign countries! The president of that country seems to by-pass the approval for war from the senate, which is the ultimate decision maker in such times in that country. 

The premier of another country advocating war and destruction represents a community who lost five millions of its countrymen during the second word war due to racial genocide. 

Another fragile nation still under attack by another neighbouring country seems to have offered to join the war to protect Europe! A nation under siege speaks of an aggressive approach, an indication of the instinct of aggression instead of pursuit of peace!

What disturbed many of us in India, was the silence of the government of India when Iran was attacked and its supreme leader killed by a deliberate act, although Iran was a friendly ally of India for decades. It was five days after the incident, the foreign minister of India sent message of sympathy from what I pick up from the news papers. 

Have we lost the mantle of pursuit of life on earth? Is not the world a place to allow diverse ideologies and traditions! Is it not through dialogue, consultation and persuasion we cause change! Is violence, force and imposition of might of military power befitting democratic norms and universal co-existence?  

I feel deeply shaken to know that soem countries perpetuate hatred of other nations and some sovereign leaders are hate protagonists. Even this can only be overcome by engagement, conversation and negotiation! Why has the United Nations Organisation become so silent that it announces its redundancy at such a time when its strength of negotiation ought our have been decide to avert this global crisis. Has it lost its feeling soul of the misery of people in the war zones! 

Do we have only a 'veneer of civilisation' as an insular superficial layer as Robert Bregman refers to it in his book, Human Kind ! Quoting, Gustave Le Bon, a French scholar, Bregman suggests that 'man descends several rungs in the ladder of civilisation' (p xiii and xiv). 'Panic and violence erupt and we humans reveal our nature'! 

The new realism that Bregman refers to is, 'That most people, deep down, are pretty descent' (p2).

If so, what we see in the attitude of leadership of some of the 'dominant' countries' is an exception and departure from the norm.

Where is the voice in favour of life on earth at such difficult times? While listening to the discussion in the House of Commons in Britain, I was reminded of the sensible reference of Bregman that most people are decent. I heard in the debate, voice of reason, caution, alarm and plea against war and aggression and a sense of anguish about loss of lives and  property. 

The flowers above represent to me all that is virtuous about human life on earth! 

I feel that the current war is against the epitome of virtue and not against evil! Who leads this league of nations into war! It is the president of a country who  withdrew from all global  humanitarian partnerships as soon he was elected to the office. He even abolished the need for compulsory state funded immunisation of children to protect children from infectious diseases. He introduced tariffs on trade transactions to harm other countries and for solitary gain of his country! 

I return to the flowers. They are fragile and yet they stay alive and colourful in spite of the heat and humidity of the day!

The flowers are resilient during their life time. Yet they fulfil their mission of presence!

It is to this bright prospect I return to pursue my thoughts! I feel challenged by the hymn about lighting a candle: 

" There is a candle in every soul

Some brightly burning, some dark and cold

There is a spirit who brings a fire

Ignites a candle and makes his home.

So carry your candle, run to the darkness

Seek out the helpless, confused and torn

Hold our your candle for all to see it

Take your candle, and go to light your world

Take your candle  and go to light your world.

So carry your candle, run to the darkness

Seek out the lonely, the tired and worn

Hold out your candle for all to see it

Take your candle, and go light your world

Take your candle, and go light your world..."

( A song by Chris Rice popularised by Kathy Troccoli 1995).

We currently live in the interface of war and peace, wondering when would peace be the language of the heart of those who advocate war and violence!

I heard about a devout person going to light a candle in the foyer of a busy mall, to announce his call for peace by singing the above candle song! 

That song resonates within me and gives me hope to look beyond the global turmoil. 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Living engaged and enabling!

I received a message today from Arpit, giving me a link to a citation on Dr Ulhas Jajoo,  who closed his term of service at the Mahatma Gandhi Institute of Medical Sciences, Seagram after forty eight years of uninterrupted service as a professor of Medicine. 

Jajoo and I were in the same clinical batch during our undergraduate days at Medical College, Nagpur. I got to know him and Abhaya Bunk, who stood out as two students hailing from families who had close association with Mahatma Gandhi and the freedom movement. 

As a student

Jajoo carried a zest for his studies as he had left his engineering course to join the medical college, when he felt persuaded by what he heard from a family friend who spoke to him about the need of doctors in rural India. What was special about Jajoo was to spend his evening hours in the ward joining with the residents for the evening rounds and participating in caring for the people admitted for treatment. He even picked up bedside procedures and communication skills by developing a habit of listening to the stories of people. He influenced some of us by his attitude of 'learning from patients and not just from class room lectures and books'. Our preparation for bed side clinics became interesting before the tutor arrived to lead the clinical discussion because Jajoo had insights about the patient that made us ready for an in-depth discussion with the tutor. 

Jajoo was an activist in the Medico Friend Circle. He would lead students to visit the slums nearby the Medical college, on week ends and take active part in education of its residents in hygienic living, nutrition, healthy practices, child care and abstinence from alcohol. I remember a few visits which made deep impressions about the stories of people hidden away, which do not get adequately attended to when they come to hospital for their health care needs. The attitude of friendly listening was Jajoo's style of learning! 

The hostel life was another experience that I recall because his room was a place of dialogue and engagement about life, its mission, health care, attention to people in disadvantaged position, justice and fairness in social life, etc. As students we heard his views with appreciation as he was a 'Gandhian' by attitude and practice   I felt influenced by his thoughts on practice of medicine as an opportunity for service.  

As a post graduate trainee

I felt a traction towards community medicine for which I had to go to B.J.Medical College Pune for my post graduate training. Jajoo was clear about his direction to pursue training in Internal medicine for which he joined at Nagpur Medical College. I overlapped with him for one year while doing my senior house surgency to stay eligible for training in child health if I were to return to it afterwards. During the six months in child health I remember occasions when I needed his help as the registrar in Renal Unit to care for children who had renal complications. It was then I recognised his thoughtful attitude and readiness to help, often going out of his way. 

I recall his presentations of clinical discussions in the weekly clinical meeting on Fridays, which was at the level of a consultant's knowledge  or experience. Jajoo thought and applied well in clinical interpretations and clarifying the clinical pathway of diseases and treatment approach. He excelled clinically and relationally. 

As a teacher and clinician 

Anna and I happened to overlap with him for about two years at MGIMS, Sevagram, when we worked there. I having completed my post graduation in community medicine joined the department whose head of the department was the director of MGIMS Dr. Sushila Nayyar. It was during that time Dr Nayyar was developing a general out patient service overseen by consultants from community medicine and other basic specialities with the help of interns. That was a brain child of Dr Nayyar greatly influenced by few others, one of whom was Jajoo. 

Jajoo was in communication with Dr Nayyar to foster a three tier system of health care- community level, general OPD services and speciality services.

The idea of family medicine was at the root of this perspective which involved orientation of this outlook to young consultants and interns. Jajoo argued, how important that interns learn in an atmosphere where primary health care approach is introduced to them ! 

What I saw at that time was how Jajoo innovated a health care insurance scheme for the people in villages, where, by donating grains during the harvest time as their insurance premium, they could get subsidised health care from the hospital. It was a popular and effective scheme which the hospital honoured. 

Jajoo visited the villages around the MGMS, more than any one of us from the community medicine did at that time. It was due to his alertness, an epidemic of Measles could be contained in  few villages. I remember being called to help in caring for children admitted with complications of Measles at his request, which opened an opportunity for me to be attached to child health department. It was during that time I felt a traction for post graduate studies in Child health, for which I left to Nagpur Medical College. 

Jajoo was a regular visitor to our home during our time at MGIMS, and a companion on dialoguing on issues of social medicine and distributive justice. I feel grateful looking back, because he influenced me to integrate child health care and community health practice. 

As a friend

Jajoo was one among the immediate circle of friends during my undergraduate days who helped me in clarifying issues on social medicine and family medicine practice. It was a delight to meet Jajoo's parents and visit their home.   They lived a simple life but were immensely hospitable. Jajoo's younger brother too was pursuing medical studies. 

Jajoo visited us in 1984, when Anna and I lived in Chennai in our pursuit to develop child development and rehabilitation services. Seeing the set of the Child Development Centre and the direction we felt inclined to follow at that time, although surprised him, he was enthusiastic to value the small beginning. This was at a time when the speciality of developmental Paediatrics was yet to take roots in any medical college in India. 

Jajoo himself being in pursuit of family medicine practice, which was at its pioneering phase, he could find space in his imagination to an innovative effort we were pursuing in child development.  

A recollection 

I confess that I have not been faithful in staying in touch with my class mates of undergraduate days, except a few. In fact I lost contact with Jajoo after our time in Sevagram. Although he would have expected us to return to MGIMS, Anna and I proceeded to CMC Vellore after my training at Nagpur in 1980. I have regrets for having lost contact with Jajoo and Abhay, who moved on to create new horizons in health care.  

But I remain grateful to Jajoo for his critical role in my formative years to influence me with sound thoughts on social medicine and distributive justice! 

As Jajoo closes his time at MGIMS and begins elsewhere to continue his contact with people to make a difference, Anna and I send our warm regards, grateful recollections and good wishes for health and wellness. 

You touched our lives and we are grateful!

M.C.Mathew ( text and photo of flower from our garden)

The silent way of doing good!

One rose bush above in our garden was full of buds when I left home for a week of engagement. When I came back the flowers were in different stages of ageing!

It brought to me a message about life on earth!

There is a 'given time' to flower and be fragrant as fragile flowers. 

In the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible in chapter 3, there are 22 verses which tell the story of the behavioural voyage of people on earth. I felt a call within when I read the verse 12: "I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one's life time". The verse 22 is another statement of invitation: "And I have seen  nothing is better than that man should be happy in his activities for that is his lot. For who will bring him to see what will occur after him !". 

I felt the flowers above from our garden speaking to me about the calling to be present to do good in whatever situation we are called to be!

The plant is rooted in the soil to bring forth flowers ! The flowers are present dung their appointed time in the plant and fade away with no marks of memory in history! It is a journey from the unknown to the unknown! However their life time offer colourful presence, where they bloom!

It adds a sacred dimension to life! 

Our life is a gift given to us to blossom! 

It is only as much as we are open we leave a trace of goodness around us! It is that trace of goodness that is scarce in our troubled times! 

I am made to think about the way of my being!

The flowers may remain in the plant, or taken away for a flower vase or be a nectar provider for ants or feel strained by the heat of the day! In all such situations, the flowers remain fragrant!

It is not what others do to us that can determine our response. Our response in all situations is the offering of our being! 

It was a taxi driver who reminded me of this orientation of living! He found an important paper I left behind in the car. While he was doing a routine check of the car after dropping me, he found the paper. By then I had walked away! He came searching for me to hand over the document. He refused a gift that I offered. He said, 'Doing what I can do makes me feel good' !

What a delight it is to have such people around us, who remind us of the joy of living by doing good to others!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A gift of goodwill !

 

All the rose flowers above in our garden at home, were covered in dew this morning !

There was an ant in the last flower gathering nectar !

A garden supports life in multiple ways!

I heard a testimony of a family who lost house and belongings in the landslide in Wayanad in north Kerala in 2025. They were among the fifty one families who received a house with three bed rooms in a well laid colony last week as a gift of goodwill due to the generous efforts of a voluntary organisation. In that testimony what was spoken was truly an announcement of hope for all those who feel tempted to be pessimistic! From the time of loss of their property and belongings, the  family was supported by provisions and assistance to rebuild their lives. The family spoke about a new experience of goodness of people!

                              ( Photo form the internet)

I found a metaphor in the dew drops on the flowers above! Each life on earth is covered with the grace of altruism!

But some drift to rebellion, hatred, revenge, enmity or harming mindset! This news occupy the media, which makes us feel anxious and stressful. 

The good will towards others is a stronger instinct than anything less than that in most of us. The few who resort to harm are an exception!

With the news of war and violence in West Asia dominating the news currently, we still have hope left for peace! The restraint to use nuclear war head is a consolation amidst the agony we experience. I see some chances of Britain genuinely making an effort to negotiate! 

I come back to the flowers in our garden! They flower and blossom when humans fail in their stewardship of earth and habitation. The nature's response to human aggressive spirit is its habit of giving! 

I wish we live as stewards and neighbours upon earth!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A lamentation!

I noticed when I returned after a week of travel that the Rambutan trees in our garden are in the flowering stage. In another two three months, the trees will have fruits. They flower once a year. During the rest of the year the trees prepare for this season. That is the story of other trees like Mango, Cashew nut, and jack fruit. ThePapaya, Guava and banana tress bear fruits during all seasons in the year.

One reason why birds are resident in the garden or visit the garden is because of fruits that they can feed on. During the summer months the birds look out for water for bathing rituals. 

The flowers, fruits and the birds make the garden a refreshing sight and a  hospital place !

My thoughts turn to the disturbing news in the west Asia, with the war intensifying! I feel that the United Nations as an organisation set up after the League of Nations failed to prevent the second world war, is following a similar journey of its failure in global negotiations.  

The earth is a garden of life for humans. We turn it into a violent place of enmity, conflict and confrontation to pursue partisan purposes. The situation is alarmingly explosive! 

I wonder if the global leaders would carry the vocation to restore the earth to be a human garden of people of all nations in a common journey of co-dependance and collaboration! The attitude of countries like USA, Russia, China, or Israel to rule over others because they are militarily resourceful is a 'mean theory' in a post civilised world. 

I came across a theory on clash of civilisations by Samuel Huntington who theorised that 'in the post Cold War era, the primary source of global conflict is not between nations or ideologies, but between major cultural and religious civilisations'.

How disturbing it is to think that global political leadership engages promoting such an attitude and not a dialogue based approach to human existence on earth. The climate crisis, global economic stability, opportunities for all, mindfulness towards those who live marginalised and socio-political participation were the dialogue issues between nations in the last 25 years or so. We expected this dialogue to continue. But the current president of the USA pulling out of the Global climate forum and dissociating from few international action plans that had a humanitarian purpose, the chaos in global affairs was initiated. First it was the signal to consider a sovereign nation of Canada as one of the states of the USA, then it was a public proclamation to occupy Greenland and now it is to settle score with Iran who became a nuclear power house. 

What is life on earth without peace, cordial co-existence, neighbour friendly gestures and affirmation of wellness for all! I feel even more disturbed, when Israel disregardful of history of about forty years, displaced the Palestinians from their territory of Gaza and buried the two-nation theory agreed upon after the Second World War. The holocaust the Jews suffered from is a major psychological trauma that makes Israel as a nation to live in a fear phobia. The neighbouring countries do not help in Israel recovering form its loss and grief, as a result of which, that nation has become a threat to other nations!

I watch our garden as a place for flowers, fruits and birds! I wonder when the nations of the world would collaborate to live on earth as neighbours sharing our common heritage and destiny and make our earthly living a pleasant experience!

From the little I understand from history, I wonder why we return to the culture of  hunters and gatherers who lived 10,000 years ago who fought to survive!  

I read sobering reports from people's movements in some countries who speak and plead for peace and conciliation! What a reassuring step in troubled times !

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The epigenetic of formation!

I noticed the changes in the colour complexion of the desert roses above during the week form the time they blossomed ! It was an interesting sight to watch. The effect of the sunlight, heat and humidity of the day and the cool ambience of the night did affect the appearance and colour of the flowers.

I noticed a book in the book store which I did not pay attention initially. As I walked around in the book store, I felt a traction towards the book. 

The author, an historian and psychologist revisited the history of formation of thoughts in the recent history of human beings. His premise is that 'Most people, deep down are decent' (p2). He develops the thought that, 'If we believe most people can't be trusted, that's how we will treat each other, to everyone's detriment. Few ideas have as much power top shape the world as our view of other people. Because ultimately, you get what you expect to get. If we want to challenge the greatest challenges of our times- form the climate crisis to our growing distrust of one another-then I think the place we need to start is our view of human nature' (p9).

Rutger referred to a parable of unknown origin, floating in the Internet of  a conversation between an old man and his grandson to explore this thought further: 'An old man says to his grandson- There  is a fight going on inside me. It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil- angry, greedy, jealous, arrogant, and cowardly. The other is food- peaceful, loving, modest, generous, honest, and trustworthy. These two wolves are also fighting within you, and inside every other person too. After amount, the boy asks, which wolf will win? The Old man smiles and says,  The one you feed' (p10).

We become in our thought, behaviour and reactions what we dwell on and feed on!

The recent war between Iran and the combined forces of the USA and Israel, has been on the thoughts of the political leaders of these countries for a while. When it erupted with America and Israel bombing Iran a few days ago, their thoughts and aspirations gave an expression in this avoidable war! 

The good we long to see in our children is created by the influences we offer to them during the conversations around the dining table, play time, interactive engagements, outings, reading books, and revisiting the events that shaped our civilisation. The adults form their thoughts. We feed them to behave like a good wolf or a bad wolf. 

The author referring to the research by George Gerbner (1919-2005), describes a mean world syndrome, 'whose clinical symptoms are cynicism, misanthropy, and pessimism'. 

When I read about the prayer vigil of small groups in different countries for peace and conciliation following the onset of war against Iran, I realise that the war, disaster, calamity and such harsh experiences awaken the conscience of many people to seek for justice, peace and welfare !

I feel inclined to think that many people hunger for goodness and wellness. They do not get media attention. Their leavening presence in troubled times is hope generating! 

Our homes are places of such a hope for children to grow up with! The parenting role becomes even more critical during times, when humans loose the generosity of thought and deed towards others! 

The flowers above thrived beyond the adversity of weather! 

In the recently published book, Way finders-true stories of Vocational Choices, Challenges, and Turning Points,  Dr Reena George recalled the biography of Dr Elizabeth Blackwell (p 89-103), who in 1845 felt called to study medicine against all odds. She became  the first woman doctor who went on to establish a medical school in the USA and inspir women to train in medicine in Britain. During these long years, she was rejected admission in many medical schools. Having completed her study at Geneva Medical school, New York, she had to wait to receive her graduation, as there was resistance to have a woman doctor on the roll of the university. During her advanced training in Paris, she lost the sight in one eye due to a severe infection. None of these obstacles or travails stopped her from pursuing to be a light for women to join for medical studies. In fact in some medical colleges I know in India now, the women students exceed the number of men students! Her inspiration to study medicine came from a comment by a terminally ill woman, who said to her, 'you are fond of study, have health and leisure. Why not study medicine! If I could have been treated by a lady doctor, my worst sufferings would have been spared me' (p89). 

The human becoming is a process which begins in our homes! We owe to our children to support them to grow in an ambience of the home where goodness, kindness and mindfulness form the language of communication!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)