Attentive parenting presence !

Two Desert  flower plants in our garden, one with flowers and the other waiting for its next flowering season! The Desert rose plants are seasonal blossoming plants. 

Most plants and trees are similar in their habit! A garden therefore has plants and trees, which are in  different stages of their rhythm. The plants receive the nutrients from the soil and live their rhythm. 

The pre-school childhood is such a season when the nurture in the home is a decisive influence for their formative development. 

During an audit of some families in the recent weeks, during the telephonic conversations, I realised that this nurturing process is episodic and inconsistent.  

When pre-school children slip away from a consistent routine to their formative rhythm because of parental preoccupations, the loss cannot be redeemed! The pre-school children develop from the experiences of some habits. When habits are not consistent they do not get conditioned to an order or structure to their routine! 

I get a sense of how the pre-school childhood is loosely structured as parenting attention is sporadic or episodic. Let me suggest that the daily rhythm for a pre-school child is to be as much of a routine as the routine of three meals at home. 

It is when the desert rose plant is attended to with de-weeding of its flower bed, manuring, watering and protecting with support when drooping with foliage, the blossoms appear. 

The pre-school years are decisive years of formation for which there is no substitute for attentive parenting presence!

A recent publication of ASIRVAD  Initiative for Child Development and Integrated Living, introduces many ideas to parents for formative engagement of  pre-school children

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The virtue of remembering !

The flowers above are perennial in our garden and they often get noticed only occasionally ! They too have their place in the garden although they escape my attention during my morning walks. It is the familiarity that makes me skip them in my walk! 

At day break, they carry a radiant look, which caught my attention during this week. What engaged me was their quiet presence whether they get noticed or not!

This prompted me to send messages to some friends from whom I did not hear for a while. I too had not got in touch with them for a few weeks. One of them telephoned me back to appreciate being remembered! 

Remembering and staying in touch with others can get reduced to being transactional, confined to occasions when we need someone for a purpose. I remember occasions when someone sent a message or called to greet me or share recollections out of the goodwill of their kindness! They are memorable occasions in our lives, when we are reminded of others who used to be in our orbit of contacts.  

The biography of our lives are memories of people and events. When we let them fade away we unconsciously leave them behind who were formative to our journey in life! 

The garden around our cottage reminds me of the quiet presence of many plants and trees, who get subsumed by the appearance of more visible and colourful plants. 

Even the least and the last in the list of our attention is also part of the garden! It was when I noticed a spider's web, I felt awakened to realise   the connecting strands that it had weaved together. That reminded me of several people who formed my formative years! It turned out to be a good recollection time of grateful memories. It brought an awareness that, ' I am because of who they have been to me'!  

It awakened me to stay in touch with some more people, on a regular basis to celebrate memories and formative experiences of shared journey! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A distant view of life!

I associate birds with flight and foraging! Watching this pair of Bulbuls in our garden, I got to know of another rhythm to their routines. During the twenty minutes they were alertly present in that tall tree,  they were receiving signals of the happenings all around. The flight stations they choose in the garden are the tallest trees in the garden, which offer them a long and distant view. It is a regular routine they practice before choosing the flight path for the day!

I felt awakened to consider the significance of choosing to live with a distant view of life! 

I had a telephone call from a friend who was one of the founders of a hospital in rural Orissa fifty years ago. The two families who were involved in the initial years, chose to set up child care centres in villages around the small hospital, in order to offer non-formal education, nutritious meal and to prepare children for formal schooling. I remember visiting some of these child care centres, in their early years, where community volunteers and staff from the hospital focussed on introducing literacy skills and curricular learning. 

This led to almost hundred percent of children getting introduced to formal education in their mother tongue as against the usual practice of children following their parents to work in the farm. Now, since that beginning of breaking the tradition,  scores of children having gone through higher education, are now occupying good positions in different streams of employment. This changed the economic and social landscape of the communities  in many villages. This was a long term of view of engaging the communities to lead them to embrace opportunities in life. When you invest in children, it is ensuring the wellness of generations.  

I find two pathways in practice to offer social development. One practice is immediate provision. The government offers welfare measures of subsidised food, health care insurance, financial support for those who live stressfully and provide remedial support during stressful times. They are necessary but cannot be a substitute to long term view.

The current crisis of lack of employment opportunities and unemployability of those who finish the formal education in rural India is a concern that social anthropologists highlight! The educational system in schools and colleges provide factual acquisition of information without an adequate exposure to learning by doing, or interfacing with work experience through internship or hands-on learning.

The second pathway is to offer a long term view of education through offering formative experiences to adults to  excel in Life, Living and Learning. The inspiration to live creatively with innovative exploration of life, can only be instilled when the formal education becomes formative and integrative rather than just  factual and informational. 

I heard the founder of Ashoka University referring to his experience in Howard University for his business studies. The business studies gave him skills and perspectives to see his potential to imagine, innovate and invest. When he returned as a millionaire to India, his passion was to initiate an educational system that builds learners to be  explorers, entrepreneurs, overcomes and initiators. I understand that it is for this, the Ashoka University is currently known for. 

For the Bulbuls above, every day is a new day. Its orientation of the day starts with a distant view of the day before they choose the flight path for the day! They are planners and choosers to live overcoming the variables of weather and storm. They are conditioned to have a distant view of life !

I know of a home, where the parents used to offer a dialogue session for their two teenage children a 'dreaming time' once a week! Both of them chose a path in life that went beyond the usual.

The suggestion Prof David Morley gave me when I was finishing the course on childhood rehabilitation was : 'Find new answers to existing challenges'. He was insistent that each person in the course learns a new skill during the course. It was to design and create a device which would offer a learning support for children who were developmentally challenged. That introduced me to design a puzzle which a visually impaired child can use to learn with tactile sensing, different textures and surfaces! I had to use tools to work on wood to make that puzzle. It was an experience of going beyond the conventional learning in medical training! That was one way Prof Morley introduced us to think out of the box! 

Choosing to live by wanting to make a difference in the lives of others is  a distant view of life! That is what the two young couples did by going to live in a village in Orissa, which today is a large hospital with a net work of its presence in many villages all around! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

Taking just enough for itself!

The Cashew Tree in our garden has a golden hue with new shoots from the branches bearing new colourful foliage. The flowering season has arrived and there are blossoms in the tree scattered diffusely. 

I was drawn by the sight of the blossoms appearing from the new shoots and foliage. It is the new life in the tree which bears the flowers  to become the cashew fruit and nut later, in about two months from now. 

The flowers and fruits are the gift from its new growth ! The tree grows to blossom and give fruits. 

I paused before the tree to reflect on it. The tree grows to bring advantages to others. Now the nector-gathering ants and bees visit the flowers.   Soon with the flowers becoming fruits, birds, and squirrels would be the frequent visitors. 

A tree does not keep anything for itself and takes from the soil just enough to be fruit bearing.  Its roots plough the subsoil by spreading the root structure widely and deeply. The tree gives shades and fruits. It gives it share of oxygen to the air. 

Its behaviour is  the opposite of the takers ! How can there be so many billionaires unless they have taken more than what they need !

The trees and plants in our garden tell me the language of giving more than they take! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

 

The fabric formed by different strands and colours !

The flowers above blossom in different heights from the ground. This variability is the pattern for the family of Lilies in our garden. The differences form a confluence of diversities to go beyond the monotonous look of sameness. 

The different ethnic origins, languages, cultural heritages, religions, economic state, demographic distribution or life-style are all the variable features of a nation. The recent observations in some of the European countries is that there are more senior citizens than young people. In Japan the government promotes through incentives for people to get married to begin their family life and to have children. The students in France agitate in the streets asking the government to invest on their future rather than support the senior citizens liberally through welfare schemes. There was a gathering of about 7000 women in a religious campus in one state in India yesterday, who are not married and waiting to get married. But they cannot find partners. There are voices in Israel against Palestinians and in the United States against immigrants. Some countries like Australia and Canada are revising their immigration rules. For about fifty years we thought that we lived in a globalised world !

The Lilies in our garden tell us that the norm in nature is of diversity and togetherness! 

We thought after the second world war that the nations of the world would never quarrel between themselves on account of race, nationality or religion. But we see the same tendency we disinherited five decades ago, returning to human behaviour! We amplify our differences and give them a colour to hate or suppress who are different from the majority! 

The ethics of humanity is that we are co-travellers on the planet earth called to be mindful of each other and thoughtful of the environment around us which nourish our living! I wonder whether this is changing to suit the conveniences of those who are in power, wealthy and resourceful! The voice, of the weak, disadvantaged, impoverished, displaced or deprived do not reach the ears of those who rule over us! 

I felt refreshed by the gesture of the Home minister and the Chief minister of one state in India, who went to visit a home of a family, where the only earning member of the family was killed in a car crash! He was running a small tea shop and was on his way back home in his scooter past midnight, when he was knocked down by a car. His daughter returned to the shop on the next day to run it to earn the livelihood for the family! 

Anna and I are forced to subscribe to a English newspaper in which  almost fifty percent of its contents are advertisements related to luxuries living, meant to promote the interests of those who live prosperously. The news agent in our village does not subscribe to other news papers who have a different editorial policy! 

Most of us live sandwiched between such examples of humanitarian acts of kindness and endorsement of luxurious living! 

It is a daily choice we are called to make! How much of our attention, resources and thoughts are directed towards those who are different from us,  struggling to find enough to live on! 

The Lilies above in our garden give me a daily message- 'we blossom for you' ! That is a resonating message to live mindfully to restore the ethics of humanity that we are fellow travellers! Just that thought alone can diffuse all the divisions we have created upon earth!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

 

Adult learning from childhood behaviour!

Anna and I lived in two residential campuses of Medical Colleges, where we worked during our professional life. This picture above, is of children from one campus, engaged with each other in the evening. They were probably preparing to say farewell in the evening after the evening play time and returning home. The mood of the picture reflects childhood gestures of regardful relationship and sense of belonging ! 

The charm of childhood is this experience of friendship and shared experiences! This is evident in this photo !

When Anna I visited a hospital campus recently, we observed similar gestures of bonding and togetherness between children. In their language there was mindfulness and attention towards each other!

Erik Erikson proposed in his theory of stages of psychosocial formation that early childhood is a season of finding identity and intimacy. The social net work among children and the home environment contribute towards this in a significant way. 

It was while watching a conversation time of children about the evening play time I was drawn into their world! Although winning and loosing mattered, most of  the conversation time was recollection of the good experiences at play! They dispersed in the evening wising to see each other at the play time on the next day. 

I noticed how the children negotiate a quarrel peacefully and return to their play! Their quarrels do not last beyond a few minutes. They recover and return to be normal. During the one week at the hospital campus, I noticed such an attitude of spontaneity and trustfulness in their regard for each other. 

I felt moved by this language and behaviour between children. They regard their sense of belonging dearly and reciprocate to each other kindly! 

This is a lesson in adult education. 

Others we relate to or work with or live with, add value and worth to our lives! It is in relationships we grow and discover the deeper plane of our being and belonging! 

I happened to listen to a behaviour psychologist who mentioned that when we learn to trust and relate to others, we grow up to a new stature of being ourselves! It is in and through relational living, each of us finds depth in our being! This inward journey is the path towards a deeper consciousness of who we are and whose we are! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

November 14, 1889 and November 1, 2026 for India !

Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru, who was the first Prime Minister of India was born on November, 14, 1889 at Allahabad. He had a rose buttoned to his jacket. The official version of how he started this habit is that, it was following the death of his wife, Kamal, in 1938.

But children believe another popular legend that a girl managed to escape the security around Pandit Nehru in a meeting in 1938, and pinned a rose in the button hole of his Jacket. Pandit Nehru had an unusual attachment to children, which was what this girl reciprocated to. Since then, having been touched by the innocent and loving gesture of a child, he started having a fresh rose on his jacket to remember children. His philosophy was, 'children are like buds in a garden, innocent, pure, needing love to bloom'. For children he was, the  'Chacha Nehru'.  

In honour of Pandit Nehru for his fondness of children, his birthday, on November 14, began to be celebrated as Children's day from 1957 onwards. 

That was history associated with Pandit Nehru and November 14th. 

Today, on 1 November 2026, a public rally of thousands of people are held at  New Delhi to protest against the Chief Election Commissioner of India, who is thought to be responsible for omission of about 130  million eligible voters from the voter's list, following the special revision of the votes's list going on for about 2 years now.  It is the first time as much as I can recall, a protest rally is held against the chief of a constitutional body, who is endowed with responsibility to be fair and just to grant voting rights to all eligible voters. There were political protests against a Prime Minster of India following the declaration of emergency in 1977.

This protest will go down in history as many opposition parties, sections of civil society of students, farmers, social workers, and labourers are jointly protesting to restore voting rights to all eligible voters. It is strange that the Election Commission of India, and the government of India did not respond adequately for over a year now even after regular representations. The honourable Supreme Court of India is currently engaged in hearing the petitions. 

When I see an ocean of people gathering for the protest today in New Delhi, I feel disturbed at the neglect and delay on the part of the authorities to the restore voting rights. There are evidences in favour of fraudulent practices during the voting process! 

The slogan, 'Restore Democracy' reverberates from the protest sight! I feel it will be remembered as a historic occasion of a peaceful protest for the purpose of redeeming the  democratic rights of people to vote! 

November is a month of the birth of a freedom fighter and the first Prime Minister of India, who regarded children fondly. 

From now on,  November 1, 2026 will be remembered as the Civil Right Movement Day, a healthy process to restore democratic norms when the political governance failed in its role! This day of protest to claim back the democratic right of adult franchise for all in India is a message to the young people of India to believe in a healthy future of India. 

A democracy survives, when its vigilant citizens turn to the members of the parliament whom they elected, to remind them of their accountability to rule the country fairly \ and justly!  I see this protest as a celebration of democracy and a demonstration of people's  right to hold the government accountable, to serve the people for a term of five years! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)