Birds remember their garden space!

The above avian visitors in our garden this morning was a delightful sight as it was after a few weeks I noticed flight movements around the same time in the garden. It is a sign that birds are returning to the garden after having been elsewhere for most part of the monsoon. 

A pair of White-rumped Munia was also joined the outing after a while. They were feeding on the millets in the garden. 

 

What was special about one of them was its attempt to break the branch of the millet plant. Was it to feed afterwards or take to their nest somewhere to feed the fledglings! 

It was a morning of avian circus in the garden, which happened in a short time in between the rain fall. 

This became festive occasion for Anna and myself because we felt that the birds remembered us and returned to the garden to visit us with their bird calls! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Some lasting memories!

 

These flowers are from five rose bushes in our garden which have a long history. Although they bear only few flowers, each flower has a morphology and fragrance, distinct and different from the other rose bushes in the garden. These are native rose bushes which did not have a history of budding. 

As I watch them, during the morning walk they have a story to tell me. They were planted as rose cuttings in our garden by my parents which they gathered from other gardens in our neighbourhood. I remember multiplying these varieties in our garden by planting cuttings during the winter season. They grow up and have a natural resilience against  pests. The budded rose bushes are less resilient and insects thrive on the buds unless we spray insecticides to protect them and their leaves. 

The rose flowers are more than just ornamental in purpose. They are flowers associated with occasions. It was the habit of my parents to give visitors a few rose flowers and sometimes some rose cuttings. I remember watching those occasions when the visitors felt surprised and touched. When I meet senior citizens in the village shopping area, I still hear someone coming forward to tell me that the rose cuttings from our garden gifted by my parents are still bearing flowers. They too have long years of history. 

Now rose flowers are memorials of such occasions! The 'community living' practiced in our village at that time had the feature of sharing the produce of the vegetable garden between neighbours. It was common for my parents to give bunches of banana, beans and coconuts to our neighbours as we often had good yield of them. We received fruits such as pine apple, mango, and papaya from our neighbours. 

Anna continues this practice of distributing beans, banana bunches, rambutan, Chikkoo and papaya to few of our neighbours.  

They are symbols of yesteryears we like to carry on to celebrate long history of 'shared living' ! 

I recall sights in my childhood, of people carrying produce of the farm on Sundays, to the church to distribute them among the members of the congregation. It was a custom to bring the first produce of every season to share with others. The harvest festival in many congregations in the later years replaced this with an annual event. 

The insularity that is the norm now has replaced the experience of  shared living of yesteryears. 

We have many gains of comfort and prosperity now in a technologically advanced environment. But trustful and communicative living as a neighbourhood community is less of reality now!

I remember late Rev A.C.Oommen, the head of chaplaincy at the ChrIstian Medical College, Vellore talking about a practice in the early sixties, when a family would gather the provision list from a few families in the neighbourhood, when they went out for shopping. He used to refer to it as a sign of the attitude of proximity that prevailed at that time towards neighbours. 

I regret that even for us, neighbours are strangers as we live occupied with our own chores! 

I wish that the neighbourhood would become a social home for many!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The resonance of joy and hope within!

The above photos of a Moth, Dragonflies and Butterflies on a rainy day in our garden brought an awareness of how they too waited for their outing during the in between dry interval. They live well adapting to the hostile weather conditions. 

Usually the honey bees hover over the flowers of buttercups, lilies and hibiscus. That is missing during the rainy days. 

An ant crawling from the nine o'clock position, over to the rose flower was a sign of the uninterrupted rhythm in nature even on rainy days. 

I find this as an inspiring and comforting sight! Some seasons in our lives would have a constraining effect upon us. Anna and I are in one such season when the domestic helpers are not able to come  due to their illness. That places more responsibilities upon us for the upkeep of the garden and attending to the daily chores. 

The sight of these flowers in the garden and movements of dragon flies and butterflies in the garden helped us to focus on what is present! What is missing is what preoccupied us for a while. But what is present and vibrant gives enough cheer and provides continuity of hope. 

That shifts the focus to staying content and grateful! 

The cloud of disappointment is what each of us has to face during the transitions in life! A stanza of a hymn came to my mind while wanting to transcend the difficulties of the season:

"... All Thy works with joy surround Thee,

Earth ad heaven reflect Thy rays,

Stars and angels sing around Thee

Centre of unbroken praise,

Field and Forest, vale and mountain,

Flowery meadow, flashing sea,

Chanting bird and flowing mountain,

Call us to rejoice in Thee.." (Henry Van Dyke, Joyful, joyful we adore)

The garden and its beings sing the chorus of praise and hope, which is beginning to resonate within as I reflect and wait!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

 

Becoming present to the other!

The meal time of the two Bulbuls at the feeding station in our garden, looked like the Bulbuls becoming present to each other! There was a nearness and mutual communicativeness that they conveyed in their body language. The silent pauses between feeding had a meaning that made the meal time an experience of communication! There was an affirming nearness!

The becoming of a human family too has many such endearing experiences. I recall the conversation time around the meal time in our home when our children were in their mid childhood. Anna and I found that children felt comfortable and relaxed to talk about their experiences in play, anecdotal events at school, or raise their questions and make comments about matters that occupied their attention. 

It was during such times, I had my earlier lessons in listening with attention! The hurry to talk is a normal habit of most adults. The narration of one person evokes the memory of a similar experience and one feels drawn to take over the conversation with another narration. When one can withhold from such a tendency, and stay tuned to listen and participate in the experience of the other person, the conversation can take us to another level. A person is making a self disclosure through a narrative sequence. 

The self disclosure is the heart of every conversation. A person makes himself or herself known to others through the experience shared. When we interrupt that flow by sharing a parallel experience, and shifts the attention to ourselves by the narration of a similar experience, we leave the person feeling bereft! The self disclosure every person makes is an occasion to make that person feel accepted and affirmed. This happens when we can lead the person with responsive questions to help the person to say more or reflect to dwell deeper into that experience. 

All self-disclosure carry the prospect of becoming a growing experience to the narrator and  listeners. In that sense, conversations are not occasions for sharing informations. Conversations can become upbuilding experiences. I recall instances when conversations brought enlightenment and a refreshing touch which made that occasion memorable. 

One aspect of conversations that I am learning to observe is the appropriate way to give a response that resonates heartily in the other person. 

That generates a new ambience in any conversation! We can create time and space for every person to be an equal participant in a conversation! We pause for others to speak and wait attentively to feel drawn towards others and their thoughts. When that happens there is a space for every person to feel included in the conversation! 

Such conversations that build regardful attitudes towards each other bring mutual nearness and appreciative orientation!

M.C.Mathew( text and photo)

Living with unmet needs !

A hungry rain soaked Asian Koel at daybreak in our garden to feed on guava fruit !  It is not common for Asian Koel to settle for guava fruit from my earlier experience in our garden. They usually feed on papaya, berry and jackfruit. The bird did not look flight ready as the body was dripping with water. Its attempt to feed on guava lasted only a few minutes. It abandoned it and flew away in short laps to the thick foliage of a tall tree. 

By then the Bulbuls had arrived at the feeding station. 

The Asian Koel did not find its choice feed in the garden. The Bulbuls did find theirs at the feeding station. 

This is a life event worth pondering upon. This is a dissociated state of not finding what one is looking for. 

A neighbour who is a labourer by occupation having educated his daughter in commerce stream, recently sent her to the United Kingdom to study further. He sold his land to raise money towards it along with raising a loan from the bank. After six months she is yet to get into a stream of learning. She has restrictions on working full time. Listening to the story, I realised how some young people who go overseas aspirationally, do not have their expectations or needs fulfilled. They live in a dissociated state! The lack of opportunities for lucrative employment locally makes the parents think of the prospects overseas. For some it turns out to be a gateway into prospects. For others it is another spell of harrowing experience! 

The current mindset of parents is to push children to a professional stream against bottle necks at each stage. But parents who choose a vocational stream for their children struggle less as having a got job, their children will have opportunities to join for evening college or pursue on line learning to advance their skills, which would make them eligible  to seek for better job opportunities. 

I feel for the increasing distress among young people who are forced to live in a dissociated state- mismatch between their aspiration and current level of gainful engagement !

The reality is that our village has no more young people well employed. Most have left overseas. The homes have elderly parents and grand parents. The social support is minimum for such people when they become dependent. Thanks to the creative response of the new Chief Minister of Kerala, there is proposal for a separate ministry to attend to the social security of the elderly! 

We live in an environment when some receive what they are looking for and some others live with unmet needs! 

It was the helpless state of the Asian Koel at daybreak today, which alerted me about the woes of those who live with unmet needs! It comes to me as a call for more mindful responses to engage this need!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Living beyond the existential reality!

The sight in the garden when it is drizzling is an engaging visual feast! The birds continue their rhythm of the occasion undeterred by the rain. The large birds are disadvantaged as they will need longer time to dry their wings and feathers before they can resume their flight. I watched how the rose flower looked soaked in the rain but does not loose its colourfulness or exuberant look! 

Anna and I received greetings on the doctor's day last week from a forty years old single woman, who first visited ASHIRVAD Child Development Centre in 1986. She had signs of a metabolic dysfunction affecting skeletal growth, leading to limitations in mobility. The enzyme replacement therapy or a bone marrow transplant was not available at that time. Her unusual playful and endearing childhood behaviour touched us so much that her visit for developmental support had a charismatic effect on all of us at the centre. Her parents continued to be in touch with us even after we relocated at CMC Vellore to start the Developmental paediatrics Unit in 1997. Since our retirement from CMC Vellore in 2018, the contacts were more on phone. She continued her interests to read, draw, make designs in computer, edit newsletters for the church she was part of, although she was wheel chair bound from the age of nine years. Her spinal deformity was beyond the scope of surgical correction as risks of complications were high. There were regular greetings we received from her on special occasions which brought immense delight to us to feel the state of her wellness amidst her limitations. Her parents became her tower of strength and made her life colourful by creating opportunities to be active with her interests. 

We received a message two days ago, that she would be celebrating her fortieth birthday shortly. That created an urge within us to go to visit her sometime soon. 

Although we have had other children with the same metabolic disorder, this story is different from those of others. She lives her full life bringing radiance of joy and message of hope to others. We receive messages from friends about the overflowing spirit of warm regards and affection she communicates. She lives adapting to her needs, but nurturing herself to a live a soulful life. 

The birds and flower above live adapting to the adverse weather conditions. 

The story of this mid lifer with a metabolic dysfunction is an equally vibrant story of being an overcomer! What an upbuilding home and parental support she would have received to be such a self giving person with faith and hope ! In her correspondence with us she would quote verses from the Bible, which too is a refreshing experience for us, because she would choose verses appropriately that were often unfamiliar to us. 

The charm of her persona, the grace in her relational attitude and the abiding trust in God while living with limitations are exceptional to behold! She is a living testimony to the goodness of God appropriated in a life lived with forbearance and fortitude. 

We recall our association with this unusual person and her family as a gift. We feel inspired by the vision of beyondness, with which some are given grace to live with! Hers is a mystical journey living beyond the travails in her body!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Instead of one branch, many!

A few weeks ago a branch of the nutmeg tree in our front garden broke away in the wind and rain. The above sight of the new shoots from the damaged stem of the tree, gives a message of resilience! In the place of one branch, now with multiple shoots, the branches will be many in the place of one !

A hurt tree recovering from the trauma of an accidental wrenching of its branch in the wind!

There is considerable interest in behavioural science on trauma and its effects in human behaviour. The post-traumatic effects are both acute and su-acute on human psyche. 

During my conversations with people in mid life, I get a sense of the effects of traumatic experiences lingering on although in less intense form than when they first occurred. I too have memories of difficult experiences of childhood and youthful years. It was by attending to them consciously and tending the hurts and wounds by an upbuilding attitude, such experiences loose a hold on making the inner ambience negative or reactive. 

I found it easier to view difficult experiences as pruning process rather than as a hurt or a loss! 

I took time recently to revisit the building blocks of life since I began my medical studies in 1967. It was a bad start with considerable adjustments as I was least inclined towards study of medicine. The first  two years brought disappointment more than I could endure at that season of life, when I was in a college, where spoken language was Hindi and Marathi! I felt lost and isolated! From that hurting experience, the recovery by the third year when the clinical bedside experiences became an awakening experience,  was inspirational and aspirational! 

What resides within me as recollections of that transition period is plenty of pleasant memories and formative experiences. I came across friends who cared and supported whose thoughtful ways left impressions that superseded all the transient subjective experiences of sense of loss!

A loss is often the path leading to a gain! 

The butterfly looses its cocoon to fly away colourfully into a wide space. It was a learning experience to view losses as essential to move on to greater awareness, purpose or discovery! 

The sights of multiple shoots from the site of a broken branch is a message of invitation to foresee the outcome of a difficult experiences through the optic of wellness and new life! 

In my exit examination of post-graduate training in child health, I struggled to discuss a clinical scenario of neurological illness in a child. The examiners gave me the benefit as discussions of cardiovascular and abdominal examinations of difficult clinical conditions went well. I returned from the examination not wanting to be associated with any further study of neurology. But that was the door that was shown to me in 1983, much against my resistance. Having spent forty years in associating with children who had neuro-developmental challenges, the turning point was, when I was enabled to view it as a door of opportunity to learn and grow !

Some experiences in life, although might appear to be a loss initially, would turn out to be formative and transformative when we walk through them with forbearance and fortitude! The stress of such a journey becomes bearable when we surround ourselves with people who care and accompany. I feel grateful to some who have been such a support along the journey thus far. Anna has been a steadfast and intimate life companion in this journey of discovery! 

It is important to look away from the traumatic incidents and trust in the new life that would emerge when we wait in readiness to embrace it! The earlier and deeper we can travel to demystify the difficult experiences and find the kernel of truth hidden in them, the better would be the recovery path towards wholeness! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)