We become ourselves through others!

The flowers in our garden have a drenched look due to regular rainy days in the last two weeks. They lack the brilliance and radiance of the winter days. A 'washed out look' was what one child of eight years  described it, during his visit to the  garden! The flowers are 'drained' of their  usual colour and vigour in the rain. 

I faced such a 'low spirit' within me on account of a demanding situation last week. To be vulnerable is a normal experience. But it is possible to remain inwardly alive amidst the stress of a difficult situations. 

I got in touch with people three times more than what I normally do on a Sunday with messages and a photo of a flower from our garden. I had responses appreciating the message and flower! That brought an inward aliveness and took away the heaviness that was lingering upon my soul.  

I experienced something of Ubuntu, which Archbishop Desmond Tutu popularised through his talks and writings, which when translated from a tribal language in Africa is, "I am because we are ".

Each of us becomes more or beyond of ourselves when we meaningfully relate to others around us. 

Jesus of Nazareth calling out for Zaccheus who was on a tree to see Jesus of Nazareth, came down when called by Jesus. Moved by the kind attention Jesus offered him as against others who would not create space for him to Jesus, because of which he had to climb a tree, made confession to give half of his possessions to the poor and repay any one fourfold whom he defrauded! It was because of Jesus, Zacchaeus became a whole person, freed from his acquisitive and possessive journey to be wealthy! (Luke 19: 1-19).

We are surrounded by 'neighbours' who have the ability to upbuild our lives in gentle and affirming ways. It is when we feel vulnerable or drained within, we ought to be reaching out to turn our vulnerability  into a gainful and redeeming experience. It is others who can carry us forward when we feel fallen or disheartened! It is the alert mother with outstretched hands, who waits to receive the falling infant while attempting to walk! That reassures the infant to be wanting to walk! 

We become who we can be through others! No wonder Jesus quoted the second commandment, 'Love your neighbour as yourself'! Often it is others who become our path finders when waylaid by difficult situations! 

I feel enthused by the thought that even the drenched flowers looking dull, carry a message of enlivenment !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A symbol of hope!

I send this flower bunch from our garden, to all students who are affected by the recurrent question papers leak in the NEET examination, which affected the prospects of some students to be chosen for medical studies! 

Anna and I feel with you and as you congregate in New Delhi and other capital cities in India to make your grief known to those in authority. 

As there is a bud in the flower bunch above, which is a symbol of hope  we too live in hope wishing you better days ahead of  you!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Towards peace for all !

As these flowers greeted me today at daybreak, I was occupied with thoughts on people enduring hardships on account of war in Iran, Middle East, Lebanon, and Ukraine. People endure loss, grief and despair! 

These flowers reminded me of the human calling to bring light, truth, wellness and hope to all around us. 

All that we, as ordinary pilgrims on earth, is left with, is to pray for wisdom for the rulers of the nations and live in hope that justice and peace would come to pass soon! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Movement and behaviour !

I had an opportunity last week to watch the bird movements and behaviour on a cloudy morning in our garden and at the feeding station.

The four Mynah birds from being together dispersed to perch in different branches in the nutmeg tree adjacent to the feeding station. One Mynah gravitated towards the feeding station followed by another. Finally only one was left waiting at the feeding station. Its soft bird call was just audible from our door steps. 

I have had an experience of being closely associated with a decision making process on an important issue during the last week end.  The group involved in the decision making process chose a particular path that gave me an impression that the group was swayed by the strong opinion of one or two people. 

That became an example of the effect of an imposing opinion on evolving a collective decision. This reminded me of the confirmation bias in collective decision making process- a tendency to "to search for, interpret, favour, and recall information in a way that aligns with your pre-existing beliefs or opinions. It is an unconscious mental short cut where people unconsciously prioritise supporting evidence while ignoring or discrediting facts that contradict their views". (Encyclopaedia Britannica). This gets expressed as biased search, biased interpretation, and biased memory. 

In every day life, I having watched a left handed creative person, might propose that left handed people are more creative ignoring the fact that there are many right handed people who are equally or more creative. I remember exploring this bias once in a class of hundred medical students. Among the five in that group who were habitual left handers, none was into drawing or paper craft or design or sculpturing, although five out of nine(55.56%) had advanced musical skills. Out of the remaining who were regular right handers, forty percent had creative skills and thirty two percent had musical skills. This one exercise helped me to believe in the possibility of confirmation bias that shifts decisions towards one side when presented by those who dominate with a strong opinion. The possibility of confirmation bias is concealed by favouring a particular decision. 

Having experienced something similar to the confirmation bias in a decision making process at the week end, I recalled the behaviour of the Mynah birds above. Only two out of the four came to the feeding station. The other two decided to continue the morning flight ritual. How unreasonable it would be for me to infer that the two birds who did not visit the feeding station were not hungry! They might had other justifiable reasons to fly away. They night not have been hungry or hungry but wanting to find food elsewhere ! 

We can make our opinions stronger to make them appealing and to appear to be logical, although they are not fully factual!  Having experienced such a situation, where bias had an influence, I wondered how much I stay open minded in my conversations and decision making process in a group setting! 

One incident of decision making process recorded in the gospel of John,  chapter 8, verses 1-11, where Jesus of Nazareth transcended a confirmation bias came to my mind. Jesus was in the temple in the morning teaching those who came to him. The scribes and Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, asking Jesus, "Now in the Law,  Moses commanded us to stone such woman, what then you say"? Jesus having stooped down and written on the ground with his fingers, straightened up and said to them: "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her". Having said this Jesus stooped down to write on the ground. Having heard this people left once by one till Jesus and the woman were left alone. Jesus turned to the woman and said, "Neither do I condemn you, go your way. From now on sin no more".

Jesus opened the minds of the scribes and pharisees to have a closer inward look at their lives and recall their sinfulness. Till Jesus turned their attention to themselves, the scribes and Pharisees were influenced by the confirmation bias. They saw the 'speck in the other's eyes and did not notice the log in their eyes'. 

What intrigued me was the silence Jesus practiced by writing on the ground, before Jesus pronounced His verdict and after that. That was the silence of discernment. Jesus moved away from the turbulence of accusation to the heart of His mission- forgiveness and compassion. He transcended beyond the confirmation bias of the people around. At the temple apart from the scribes and Pharisees, there were many people coming to Jesus to listen to Him. They too were at the risk of being influenced by the law of Moses, the scribes and pharisees quoted to condemn and stone a woman for adultery. Jesus brought His mission of compassion, forgiveness and healing to become the inner ambience of all decision making processes !

I like the way, how Jesus was quoted in John's gospel in 8:31, 32: "If you abide in my word, then you are truly disciples of Mine and you shall know the truth and truth shall make you free".

To be forbearing and enduring in all situations, even when a confirmation bias overtakes decision making, and to grow in compassionate and forgiving attitude is the journey path towards becoming truthful and seeking after the truth ! Abiding in God is the path for becoming truthful. The week-end experience brought an inner  journey experience of insight and consolation, where, 'let go' and 'let be' can become soulful way of living!

I recall this with confession and gratitude, because, each day offers a readiness journey to remain relational mindfully of others in a gracious and appreciative way! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Accepting each other!

These were the last flowers of Lilies in our garden before the monsoon had set in late May, 2026. As I was collating all the photos of the last season of Lilies in the garden, one observation captured my attention. Although they look fragile, they withstand strong wind and rain. The photos above were after such an occasion ! 

I have been through a stormy experience during the week end. I felt shaken by some attitudes and behaviour from least expected sources. That memory was lingering on in my mind while revisiting the above photographs of Lilies, which looked brilliant and agile even after a storm. The strength to be so is in its stalk and roots. 

How well am I rooted to stand !

I came across a Scripture passage from the book of Romans in the New Testament of the Bible, Romans 15:5-6 which had a message for me to discover the source of this resilience: "Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another...wherefore accept one another..."! 

The rootedness to stand in stormy circumstances would come from this twofold view of life- God gives perseverance and encouragement and prepares us to accept each other. 

The strain in relationships is one of the usual storms in one's life. When we experience the gift of perseverance and encouragement, it overflows to accept others as they are. The inner comfort and the supportive role of others around, create the resilience to endure the storms that one comes across. 

What was inviting was the call to accept each other! What would it mean to be of the 'same mind with one another' to be able to accept one another?

The mind is the perceptual and processing of window through which we view each other. While looking at the flowers above, what captures one's attention is its colour, texture and elegance. That is the route to accept each other. To see in each other the abiding goodness even when it was not expressed well enough! To be able to see others beyond what they did or did not do through the optic of their hidden and potential goodness, is what enables us to accept each other! A person is deeper and soulful! That is the reason why acceptance of others becomes possible even when there are differences in opinion or perception.  

So we have a collective strength from each other to endure and persevere. 

It was spoken about the football team of Spain that 'they found strength in each other' to win the final in the recent football World Cup.  

I felt revived from this reflection. We are enabled to endure because we are rooted and protected from around!

That is the hope an infant who is learning to walk has. When he or she falls while attempting to walk, the fall is into the receiving outstretched hands of the mother waiting vigilantly!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

Sheltering friendship !

 

The Magpie robin visits the garden by perching on a cable opposite this flowering plant to inspect if the fruits are ripe enough to feed on. It inspects and waits till the fruits turn purple to pluck them. I have watched this almost every day for a week. 

A Bulbul is another visitor waiting for the fruit to ripen! 

But there are other birds, which come to the feeding station in our garden for their daily bread !

The garden offers a choice for the birds. 

This thought had a refreshing effect on me. It is a privilege to live surrounded by a fertile garden which shelters birds, squirrel, bees, and multiple insects. 

In a telephone yesterday, a friend talked about 'sheltering friendships'. This friend mentioned about the safety of trust, acceptance, and encouragement while relating to some! The sense of security such friendships offer matters a lot! 

It led me to reflect on how comforting it might be to a person who goes through unsettling experiences to feel protected by a confidential conversation! The freedom one can offer to a person to make a steady journey to find the comfort zone, while facing difficult experiences, is a gift of acceptance and affirmation one can offer as a shelter! 

The trustful relationships offer the shelter to those in the journey of becoming like what a garden does to feed the birds! 

M.C.Mathew ( text and photo)

Planned Parenting pathway!

The plants have different seasons in their life in the garden. One such season is the flowering season, which starts with buds. What is concealed in a bud in a few days would be open flowers with their colour and aroma, offering a vibrant look to the garden. It is when plants are watered and manured they reach the stage of flowering.  The earth beneath it feeds them and provides the ambience to grow and flower. 

A home is such a place!

It is from a home where children receive nurture and care and move out into the school for their formal leaning and then proceed on to become young adults to pursue their calling in life! 

The transition from being a bud to a flower is both a spontaneous and a facilitated process. 

I have wondered in the recent times, whether the facilitating process at home to support children in their transitions, is as active and intentional as they ought to be !

The parenting support is an enabling process for childhood formation, which is an integrating process cognitively, socially, morally and behaviourally. 

In an engagement with some parents last week, I felt concerned that individual conversation time with children to create endearing memories and emotional attachment occur only occasionally. A child between six and eleven years is at a crucial formative stage when he or she is seeking for a moral and social anchor. Parents are able to hold the attention of their children during this stage of developmental formation, as for most children, parents are the role models at this season in their lives. 

The buds grow in the plant. The plants are rooted in the soil. 

Children are the buds and flowers of every family. They are rooted in the milieu of a home. How the soil of the home can be supportive of children in their pre-adolescent years is a decision which parents need to make. Often a child becomes an adolescent largely conditioned by the parenting style and the home environment. 

I have been persuading parents to find a personal reading time with pre-adolescent children- a biography, fiction with a healthy story line, historical events, Scripture passages of life events and parables, and such other books that can engage the attention and imagination of a child. The conversation that follows the reading and the evolution of personal thoughts springing from what was read to, can become the moral formative strand in the subconscious of a child. That is how we influence the formation of the true self in childhood, according to Carl Jung, who proposed the individuation from persona to true self. 

I wish parenting for childhood formation would become a planned pathway in each home !

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)