Adult learning from childhood behaviour!

Anna and I lived in two residential campuses of Medical Colleges, where we worked during our professional life. This picture above, is of children from one campus, engaged with each other in the evening. They were probably preparing to say farewell in the evening after the evening play time and returning home. The mood of the picture reflects childhood gestures of regardful relationship and sense of belonging ! 

The charm of childhood is this experience of friendship and shared experiences! This is evident in this photo !

When Anna I visited a hospital campus recently, we observed similar gestures of bonding and togetherness between children. In their language there was mindfulness and attention towards each other!

Erik Erikson proposed in his theory of stages of psychosocial formation that early childhood is a season of finding identity and intimacy. The social net work among children and the home environment contribute towards this in a significant way. 

It was while watching a conversation time of children about the evening play time I was drawn into their world! Although winning and loosing mattered, most of  the conversation time was recollection of the good experiences at play! They dispersed in the evening wising to see each other at the play time on the next day. 

I noticed how the children negotiate a quarrel peacefully and return to their play! Their quarrels do not last beyond a few minutes. They recover and return to be normal. During the one week at the hospital campus, I noticed such an attitude of spontaneity and trustfulness in their regard for each other. 

I felt moved by this language and behaviour between children. They regard their sense of belonging dearly and reciprocate to each other kindly! 

This is a lesson in adult education. 

Others we relate to or work with or live with, add value and worth to our lives! It is in relationships we grow and discover the deeper plane of our being and belonging! 

I happened to listen to a behaviour psychologist who mentioned that when we learn to trust and relate to others, we grow up to a new stature of being ourselves! It is in and through relational living, each of us finds depth in our being! This inward journey is the path towards a deeper consciousness of who we are and whose we are! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

November 14, 1889 and November 1, 2026 for India !

Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru, who was the first Prime Minister of India was born on November, 14, 1889 at Allahabad. He had a rose buttoned to his jacket. The official version of how he started this habit is that, it was following the death of his wife, Kamal, in 1938.

But children believe another popular legend that a girl managed to escape the security around Pandit Nehru in a meeting in 1938, and pinned a rose in the button hole of his Jacket. Pandit Nehru had an unusual attachment to children, which was what this girl reciprocated to. Since then, having been touched by the innocent and loving gesture of a child, he started having a fresh rose on his jacket to remember children. His philosophy was, 'children are like buds in a garden, innocent, pure, needing love to bloom'. For children he was, the  'Chacha Nehru'.  

In honour of Pandit Nehru for his fondness of children, his birthday, on November 14, began to be celebrated as Children's day from 1957 onwards. 

That was history associated with Pandit Nehru and November 14th. 

Today, on 1 November 2026, a public rally of thousands of people are held at  New Delhi to protest against the Chief Election Commissioner of India, who is thought to be responsible for omission of about 130  million eligible voters from the voter's list, following the special revision of the votes's list going on for about 2 years now.  It is the first time as much as I can recall, a protest rally is held against the chief of a constitutional body, who is endowed with responsibility to be fair and just to grant voting rights to all eligible voters. There were political protests against a Prime Minster of India following the declaration of emergency in 1977.

This protest will go down in history as many opposition parties, sections of civil society of students, farmers, social workers, and labourers are jointly protesting to restore voting rights to all eligible voters. It is strange that the Election Commission of India, and the government of India did not respond adequately for over a year now even after regular representations. The honourable Supreme Court of India is currently engaged in hearing the petitions. 

When I see an ocean of people gathering for the protest today in New Delhi, I feel disturbed at the neglect and delay on the part of the authorities to the restore voting rights. There are evidences in favour of fraudulent practices during the voting process! 

The slogan, 'Restore Democracy' reverberates from the protest sight! I feel it will be remembered as a historic occasion of a peaceful protest for the purpose of redeeming the  democratic rights of people to vote! 

November is a month of the birth of a freedom fighter and the first Prime Minister of India, who regarded children fondly. 

From now on,  November 1, 2026 will be remembered as the Civil Right Movement Day, a healthy process to restore democratic norms when the political governance failed in its role! This day of protest to claim back the democratic right of adult franchise for all in India is a message to the young people of India to believe in a healthy future of India. 

A democracy survives, when its vigilant citizens turn to the members of the parliament whom they elected, to remind them of their accountability to rule the country fairly \ and justly!  I see this protest as a celebration of democracy and a demonstration of people's  right to hold the government accountable, to serve the people for a term of five years! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Give a baby your heart and home!

Anna and I received the news of the birth of a grandchild to a family we know for about forty five years. It is their second grandchild. Since getting the news, Anna knitted the above sweater during the in- between time in a week and it is now ready to be posted. 

I was touched by the attention, care and thought with which Anna knitted it thinking of the family, grandparents and carrying in her thought the baby and the parents in their transition experiences. 

A new born is a gift to the parents, grandparents and the extended family on both sides of the parents. But a new born is also a gift to rest of us and the fellow citizens of the country. 

I watched this pair of Bulbuls chirping the love language to each other at day break in our garden. As I watched them in this love exchange, my thoughts turned to the process of becoming a husband and wife and later a father and mother. The endearing relationships between the couple is what forms, nurtures and develops a baby from his or her conception onwards. 

Every baby born to a family is a celebration of this relationship of intimacy, trust, mutuality and shared living! It is this ambience which makes a baby to grow into a person. The writer of the psalm 139, found in the Old Testament of the Bible, expressed the wonder and mystery of this life formed in the mother's womb: "For thou didst form my inward parts, Thos didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" ( v13-14). 

The parents and the God of the formation participate to make each baby to be born and to grow into his or her stature of fullness of life! 

The decision of the government of the state of Tamil Nadu granting six months of maternity leave for child birth and nurture, comes to me as an enlightened regard for the life of a baby and the provision for the mother to be available at home for shadowing him or her in the early formative months. From a child development point of view, an infant develops signs of attachment behaviour with the mother from three months onwards, which is the foundational experience for the psycho-social formation of an infant. This leads him or her into fulfilled childhood emotional experiences of belonging during the pre-school years. 

I wonder, whether in a hurried pace of living we have been conditioned to  in the recent years, parents pause to give regardful attention and their physical presence to the baby!

The message of the Bulbuls was a refreshing invitation to grow in intimacy of relationship. It is such an ambience which would initiate infants into a childhood formative journey. 

Anna and I recently presented this book as our contribution to support parents in creating a play-based home environment at home for their pre-school children 

We remember parents who have infants and toddlers at home! May they feel the delight and fulfilment of being companions to their child! 

They have a future beyond our expectations or imagination in the words, of Kahil Gibran, the poet who defined the mystery of childhood.

" Your children are not your children,

They are the sons and daughters of

Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you,

You may give them your love but nor your thoughts,

You may house their bodies, but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you,

For life goes not backward nor tarries 

with yesterday".

For all parents of infants and toddlers, this is a calling- live beholding the joyful surprises in your growing up child and stay content in giving  the child a home and your presence!

M.C. Mathew(text and photo)

The leaning presence !

The Lilies are in blossoms now in our garden!

I noticed only a few of them with straight stems to bear the blossoms. Most of them were leaning to one side. I felt surprised to notice that the leaning of all of them while in a cluster, was in one direction. That made me observe them  further. The plants which were in the shade of foliage of trees above  were leaning towards the light ! 

The light draws the flowers to move out of the shadow! 

The individuation theory of Carl Young, suggests that we live with our Self and Shadow. The shadow represents the dark side of our lives- hurts, disappointments, losses, anger, exalted view of ourselves, the ugly side of our lives that we hide....! Most of us, as we move into mid-life learn to integrate these shadows by accepting them and integrating them to view them as truly part of ourselves to make our Self truly human. We no more reject or strive to hide the dark side of our lives. By welcoming and owning them, we accept them to be part of ourselves and yet  travel beyond those valleys to behold and actualise the person that we are becoming in the journey of discovering our true self. Our self, which often appears to us in our subconscious and conscious mind as shadows and sorrows,  become the ground which holds us to grow further into the fullness of life that we are gifted with. 

When we consciously welcome the seed of goodness within us, we find our insights about ourselves changing to be appreciative and affirmative of ourselves. This consciousness of 'a treasure within an earthen vessel' is the true discovery of Self, which leads us further to becoming the person that we are endowed to be. 

It was the sunlight that drew the Lilies to lean towards the light, and to move out of the shadow of the foliage of the trees above! The radiance and fluoresce in the flowers came from the sunlight ! 

We can carry to live in the shadow of our broken or burdensome past or move towards the light that calls us to have our past revised and integrated into to becoming a new person, by receiving the light to integrate our past, present and the future. 

Mr Azim Premji, the founder of Wipro was rich with 11.6 billion dollar worth assets in 2023. In 2013, he signed the giving pledge committing to give away at least half of his wealth. He started this giving by creating Azim Premji Foundation, with a donation of 2.2 billion dollars to improve educational and medical facilities in rural India. When I visited a rural mission hospital in India recently, the hospital was working on a proposal to start a school for the children in the villages, with  an offer of support from  the Azim Premji Foundation.  Some of the rural hospitals that I know received generous support during the COVID season from this foundation which helped them to create intensive care facilities to look after sick patients. 

A doctor who works closely with Azim Premji foundation, told me that Mr Premji lives a simple life with least attachment to material wealth. He discovered giving as a way of living by being drawn by the light that transformed his view of wealth. That is the Light of transformation ! Making wealth for indulgent and opulent living is an expression of being besieged by the shadow of aspirations and exalted view of ourselves.  We still live as prisoners of our smallness of interests or inclinations, when wealth acquisition is the motive and lavish display of it is our ambition. 

How much I lean towards the Light that calls me to be on a transformative journey ! The Light leads me out of my shadows that preoccupy me and offers me the freedom to live graciously and mindfully serving others! 

The Leaning Lilies in our garden shall remind me of the Light that calls me to move towards the Self that I am- Given to give ! 

What a life we are called to live - revising life through the insights we receive from the Light that shines within us !

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

Life grows and gives more !

 

In all the pants above, Hibiscus, Rose and Desert rose in our garden, there are more buds than flowers.  I notice this be the usual pattern in these plants. They live in the present fully and are future ready to blossom even more!

The 'now' is an important dimension of our being. The need to live fruitfully and visibly propel us each day! 

However, the pressure upon us is to live indulgently, prosperously, and successfully that we are often more ego-centric in attitude and behaviour than being mindful of others or neighbour friendly.

When this becomes the way of life even in mid life, our future is lived only with the present in sight! 

The becoming of a person from being acquisitive in orientation in the first half life to being altruistic in the second half of life is the normal continuum of the human becoming journey. It is this I picked up as a message from the three species of plants above. They are flowering now, but they carry more buds for the future. The giving is even more as the plants grow, with more buds awaiting to blossom. The plants grow to give even more. 

The becoming is a growing process in human experience. so much so, Dr David G.Benner in the introduction to his book, Human Being and Becoming refers to mid life as a season of transformation to become our true Self (p xv). Let me quote: " In general terms, however, in the first stage of life becoming more than we are involves growth, whereas in the second stage of life we encounter the possibilities of genuine transformation. The English word, transformation, is a conjunction of two concepts-trans or 'more than' and formation or 'development'. Trans-formation is more than development. It cannot occur until formation has taken place, which is why it is in the second stage of life that we are most ready to engage the larger horizons of human becoming. By then, identity should be sufficiently secure as to allow us to transcend whatever has become our core sense of the self. But more important than the securing identity, the crucial work of the first stage of life is the softening and de-centering of ego". 

The plants above with more buds than flowers symbolised to me of the fullness in giving as the plants grow. They live giving more as they grow. 

That came upon me as a question. Am I tuned to give more in the second half of my life? Or is the second half of life only a continuation of the first half of life? 

To live in the present is also for welcoming the inner transformation to be more than just growing or developing, but transcending the ego self of the first half to be a giving self  to bring hope, cheer and shelter for others! 

The plants above left a message for me to ponder upon! Their presence in the garden is to give more !

As I watched the Sunbird feeding on the nectar, I felt even more moved by the fullness in giving that is the natural to a Hibiscus plant! 

Life is for growing up to be giving more !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

The colours in a garden !

 

As I assembled the above photos of flowers from our garden, I felt surprised by the texture, colour and appearance of the flowers shining forth in the different flower beds in our garden! Some of them have an ornamental appearance with water drops covering the petals. 

They look elegant and vibrant telling the story of their fullness as well as transience ! 

However, they represent the message of transience. In a week to ten days, they fade away dropping the petals to the garden soil that nurtured them! They return to their home from where they came forth!

The mother's womb is the home for a human foetus for nine months. The house that welcomes the baby becomes his or her home in the growing up years. Later he or she would live to the fullness of their lives, having been nurtured to become who they grew up to be! 

It is this living that brings to surface the meaning and purpose of being ourselves! In this becoming process of a flower from being a bud, there is formation, transformation and transition! I have felt compelled from within to dwell on this theme of being, becoming and doing. 

I am a being in the ocean of humanity on a voyage. It is during this  journey of experiences and encounters that I inwardly become open to receive relational journey for formation. This transition from me, mine and myself to receive others as neighbours and co-travellers makes the becoming process purposeful!  It is through what I do and who am I am to others, I become connected with the whole, people and situations from whom I receive the nurturing to make me who I am becoming ! 

Our lives then become the pathfinders for others, when we become a candle to show the path for travellers waiting for direction!

Prof C.U.Velmurgendran, the director of the Institute of Neurology, Madras Medical College, Chennai became a candle to show me the path when I was meandering in darkness. After seven years of engaging in child development, I needed grounding in developmental neurology to go further in understanding the complexities of Neuro-developmental disorders in children. In a casual meeting with him, he invited me to join for post doctoral work at the Institute. That door opened to me in 1992, led me to find the trail for the next season of my life! A flower is nectar giving! Looking back, that is what I was given by Prof. Velmurugendran. 

The deeper question to life, living and learning is, 'who am I becoming for others'? Is giving a more spontaneous habit in my life?

The flowers in our garden blossom for us and others! Is that consciousness growing within me? Do I welcome others into my orbit to be intentionally involved in their formative journey of the becoming process !

M.C.Mathew ( text and photo) 

The story of a second photo !

The jasmine bush, seen in the photo above, was soaked with water drops from the long rain fall at night, when I watched it at the day break in our garden. The bush looked ornamental more because of the water drops than because of the five petalled flowers that had a luminance  in the morning light. 

It was when I downloaded the photo, I noticed the remnant of a solitary strand of a web of a spider, attached to one flower with no clear visibility of the other end !

Although a day had passed I went back to the jasmine bush searching for the other end of the strand of the web. It was too late to search for it! I even missed it when I was looking at the jasmine bush while  taking photos. 

I had one more photo which revealed more about the strands in the web, in the 11-12, 0' clock position ! They were just visible, reminding  the story of the labour of a spider, which the rain had disrupted! 

Only few strands were left after the rain! But sure enough, the few were strong enough to resist the rain! A spider has a size of about half a centimetre usually! Its creation survived the long spell of rain at night! 

What appears slender, fragile and flimsy weathered the wind and the rain! 

A girl, struggling to take care of her ailing mother worked in the vegetable shop in the evening to earn pocket money to join a community college for her graduate studies. Her attempt to qualify as a  front office staff in a corporate office failed. She trained herself by reading and speaking in English, standing before the mirror every day and asking her friends in the neighbourhood to take several mock interviews to build her confidence. She got through the interview at the next round of recruitment. Her mother remarked: "Priya turned her failure to get selected in the first instance, into an opportunity to do even better "! Priya said in response: "Mum, my longing was to rescue you from all your debts, which you incurred, while looking after papa during his long illness... He is not with us, but his example of faithfulness inspired me"!  

To most of us this girl looks a fragile, broken and struggling girl! But she had an inner tenacity and resilience which went beyond her age! 

What does not appear visible or prominent does not exist in our optic. That was what happened to me. I noticed the leaves, flowers and water drops, but missed seeing the most resilient of all, which was the slender strand of a web! I missed seeing it ! The second photo gave me a chance to feel inspired although I missed noticing it live! 

This spoke to me of how 'conditioned' living can blind our eyes to miss seeing sights that have a depth of meaning!

Raihan Vadra is a young photo artist, resident in New Delhi. His mother used to take him along with her when she used to go for wild life photography. At the age of 7 years he too got interested in photography. While playing cricket at school he got injured and lost vision in one eye. He thought of it as an end to his dream to be a wild life photographer. He overcame all the disadvantages associated with limitations in his vision. He is now a contemporary photographer of some repute, specialising in wild life photography, street scenes and installation art. During a solo exhibition of his photographs, a large collection were of photos of the recent student protests in New Delhi. Raihan presented them in the exhibition, an exquisite collection of rare inspiring and adventurous street scenes,  which the photographers with full vision had missed capturing ! 

The inner strength and openness to take steps to triumph over hurdles come to us when we know that we are here on earth for a purpose. The earlier we sense that purpose, the more will be our aspiration to be pathfinders in spite of the obstacles. 

It takes a life time of orientation to discern the strength in a strand of web... and yet to finally find it comes only from a purposeful journey! I feel glad that the second photo made that possible!

Often, we will be given, what we did not find ourselves! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)