Each of the photos above is that of a Bulbul at day break yesterday in our garden. They reminded me of the inner awareness of the environment expressed through the body movements affecting their posture, look and alertness.
The inner awareness regulated the body behaviour.
I have been following the recent 35 days old protest of students in New Delhi to express their deep concern about the failing system of the different entrance examinations with paper leak,
The police action towards them when they took out a procession shocked me. A similar action of impoliteness and cruelty occurred while the Members of the parliament took out a procession. I do not want to comment if those processions were needed.
What I feel grieved is the videos of police charging the students with their lathi with forceful movements towards students intending to harm. I wondered if the riot control response involves beating up an individual instead of just engaging a crowd to disperse! The students and the members of the parliament were protesting with slogans. They resisted the police from stopping the procession, which gave legitimacy to the police action.
It is this I want to explore further! What might have been the inner frame of thinking and temper of the police to beat, intending to harm, from the videos that are circulating in the media ? To me it is a streak of force and violence! The police argues it as the only remedy to stop mass action in a civil society.
The violence starts at our home in our behaviour towards children. I still have parents who seek to know if corporal punishment is helpful to discipline children! I feel such a thought springs from the silent consent parents offer to justify corporal punishment. What does a child gain from such a punishment except physical pain! He develops anger and a distancing from parents. The children choose to do mischief unnoticed to escape punishment.
What if parents who are to be loving towards their children in their formative years, choose the pathway of instruction, correction and reinforcement !
This involves repeating our instruction a few times till a child develops the conditioning habit to do somethings in the way desired by parents. The pre-school children are not thinkers in a rational way as those skills develop only in mid childhood. Even the conscience formation which allows them to discern the right develops only around eight years. So all pre-school behaviours are internalised by the children based on how parents formulate the instruction for them to practice them as a habit. When a child does what is desirable, a pre-school child deserves to be appreciated and affirmed which then becomes an incentive, wanting to do what is acceptable. That becomes an incentive. Some parents tokenise such times with rewards.
The correction is to help a child to move away form his preferred behaviour to a desired behaviour with explanation, clarification and further instruction. When this is done when the child is ready and parents are not angry, it becomes a communication with the potential for change. Often when parents are composed and are affectionate even when a child is resistant, the effects of change would set in gradually.
The reinforcement is when a child receives praise and acknowledgement. Every effort a child makes to change is appreciated and affirmed. The negative responses from parents would make a child unwilling to change, because, the child reacts silently by refusing to change. It is for this reason, praise and gentle conversations bring better outcome than controlling children by threatening, punishing or fear generating saying such as, 'I will tell your teacher about your mischief' !
Any form of physical punishment which generates sorrow such as denying food, corporal punishment, screaming at a child, humiliating a child or frightening child with consequences would plant the seed of rebellion and anger in the early childhood.
When I watched the policemen charging the students with lathi held between both hands and beating students, I wondered if they were driven by anger, harm and intending to hurt. Is it strange that a police man behaves like this in a reactive way!
It is for this reason that the streak of violence resides in our interior, needs to be reconciled or healed. Otherwise we carry out violent action!
I wonder if there is a habit in our homes when parents would apologise to children when they lost their temper and behaved towards children impulsively! Are there family meetings once a week when parents listen to their children about how they felt about parental behaviour towards them! Are there occasions in our homes when children can negotiate with parents rather than being forced to do only what is expected by parents! Do parents behave responsibly such as eat the food that is served on the plate! Or, do they have a different standard to choose their food they like and yet insist that children eat what is served ! Whose habits a child would pick up except that of the parents by seeing their behaviour!
I felt disturbed seeing bleeding students and some in plaster after the police action. I also saw some miscreants, not part of the student group pelting stones, another sign of violent streak resident in some!
Let me suggest that we can plant the seeds of peace and goodwill to our children in their formative years, so that they grow up choosing peace, hope, goodwill and service as their normal temperament!
For this to happen, parents ought to be facilitating the gentle and hospitable temperament during their early childhood!
M.C.Mathew (text and photo)
