Remembering others who feel alone!

 

The Lilies have an origin, plant life and flowering stages!

I have had occasions in the recent weeks to come across biographical experiences of people in their youthful days, that reminded me about the way they responded to the opportunity to become present to others for an altruistic mission in life. 

I came across a senior citizen in his eighties involved in designing a home care programme with a strong medical component for those who are home bound due to diseases which need regular monitoring. I remember how Dr William Cutting in his mid eighties popularised movement as a way to stay fit for senior citizens in Britain by publishing books and uploading videos. 

Anna and I feel inspired by such examples of people, young and old in age, who see the needs of others as an opportunity to innovate and respond to make a difference in the community! 

This way of living with 'consciousness of others' in mind is an inspiration for us. 

When our garden is coloured by Lilies and  Orchids blooming around our cottage, they silently bring this message to us, 'be giving'!

Life, living and leaning can be self centred or other centred!

There comes a time in every person's life when seeking after an exclusive pursuit of purpose for oneself creates a void or a longing to be inclusive!

A senior citizen who makes a round of telephone calls or sends messages every day to few people is helping others to live remembered and encouraged! 

I found that as an inspiration!

That becomes a call to move out of our insular orbit to creating interface of contacts and relationships! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The wisdom from above !

The desert rose above tells its story of its presence in our garden. From flowers to new buds, it lives its cycle in the garden!

The presence of purpose !

This scene represented by photos taken at different times during a month brought a thought to my mind. I noticed the desert rose only when it was flowering. For most part of the year it is present and not not noticed ! It receives its regular attention from the domestic helper who waters it and mares it . 

Its purpose is ti bring forth flowers!

 

In the epistle of James in the New Testament of the Bible, there is a reference to wisdom (James 3:13-18). 'Who among you is wise and understanding?  Let him show by his good behaviour his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom' (v13). 

The reference to 'good behaviour in the gentleness of wisdom' stayed with me during the day after gathering the above photographs from the collections of the month. 

It was while at a meeting last week, I felt even more challenged by the phrase 'gentleness of wisdom'! When some matters came up for discussion, there were couple of people who chose to speak in an exhorting manner, whose words fell to my ears as gentle and intentionally upbuilding. Their thoughts and language were edifying. They spoke mindfully of the listeners. They represented a soulful view of the issues under discussion and lifted the discussion level to a new perspective which was good for all. Their depth of perception drew us to a deeper level of consciousness about what needed attention. They seemed to have listened to their inner voice before they articulated it as thoughts. The voice within is the 'gentleness of wisdom', 'from above, first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy' (v 18). They did not just respond to the ongoing discussion, but drew us to a larger and deeper issue at stake! They were not responders but initiators to lead us beyond the superficial! The effect of listening to words of wisdom, is that we would feel carried to a new level of seeing to discern and feeling to respond heartily!

It was while returning from the meeting, I read the passage from the Bible to get a glimpse of the truth in any conversation and behaviour as a reflection of the 'wisdom from above'!

The desert  rose flourishes in the garden to bring its flowers in due season. Its purpose is to give forth flowers which have a distinct colour and pleasing appearance. 

The thoughts and language in communication when upbuilding in effect, would be carrying the 'wisdom from above' !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

 

The formative family experience !

The cashew tree in our garden is now with fruits in different stages of formation of the fruits from the flowers. 

The tree started flowering in December unlike the normal time of March. The cashew fruits are normally ripe during the summer months. 

As I watch generations of cashew fruits in this tree, it became to me a symbol of family life !

Each family has people of all ages growing together and becoming people of their calling in the ambience of  family relationships. 

The fruits hang in the flower bunches, which the tree brings forth in the due season every year. 

The flowers and fruits find their shelter in the tree. 

I have had reasons recently to think about the way each family tree becomes a shelter for all its members !

A boy who found a packet of currency on the road side early in the morning, while he was on his morning run in Bangalore, handed it over to the police station near his home. It was a large sum of money. When he was interviewed for his conduct of honesty, by the police officer, he  said:  'I grow up in a home where honesty is a value which I see my parents practice'!  

This is the 'shelter' that a family offers to younger generation. The family is a canopy over all those who belong to it. The family has its instructive, formative, protective and creative impact on all who belong to it. 

I know of a home where children do household chores at home including cooking, on Sundays so that parents can have some time for themselves. What a thoughtful way of being mindful of parents ! 

I remember a seeing a father who is an artist, carrying his pencil colours in a knitted pouch, which his pre-teenage daughter made for him as a birthday gift.  He spoke about it in immense admiration of his daughter.

I have come  across a family, where each birthday occasion is made special, when parents and children share family life experiences and feel grateful towards each other. 

A family is the soil in which children are rooted!

Our children are the fruits, each family offers to the community around them!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

  

 

The beginning time!

                       

Anna and I discovered the brochure above, while sorting out old files, which was made to welcome visitors to the new facility of the Developmental Paediatrics Unit in the Centenary block of the Christian Medical College, Vellore in 2002. The floor space was called as ASHIRVAD floor as ASHIRVAD contributed towards creating that space and the Unit came into being in 1997 with a Memorandum of Understanding between CMC and ASHIRVAD. The Child Development Centre at Chennai which was established in 1983 got incorporated into this Unit with all its assets of equipment, furniture, library and resources and four of us working at the Child Development Centre appointed by CMC to form the primary team in 1997.

Now we have the news that the unit will relocate in the Children's hospital, at the Ranipet campus of the college probably from 2028.

This was the first unit in any medical college in India in 1997. The speciality of Developmental Paediatrics was thus introduced to become an academic discipline in India. The post doctoral Fellowship  and the PhD programme in this speciality started in 2022 gave the lead to other medical colleges to follow on ! The new leadership of this Unit after my retirement in 2008 took this speciality to a new level of service and academic distinction. 

This Unit  shall enter in to its thirtieth year in 2027. I feel grateful to Dr Samuel P. Oommen and Dr Beena Koshy, the first two of the three paediatricians who completed the Post Doctoral Fellowship in Developmental Paediatrics. They stayed on to provide leadership  and developed this facility to have the potential to become an Institute of Child Development. 

For Anna and me, this journey into this speciality started in 1983. I stepped back form full time clinical work in 2023. During this forty years period, two concepts evolved as a foundation for this speciality. Developmental Paediatrics as a speciality is a confluence of Developmental Neurology, Developmental physiology, Developmental morphology, Developmental psychology and Developmental therapy. The second is the home based approach to the Neuro-developmental formation  of children in partnership between parents and professionals. 

Anna and I recall our experiences gratefully, of having been able to evolve and unfold the above two perspectives while developing services at Chennai, Nagpur, Vellore, Pondicherry, and Kolenchery. The two publications, Vellore Experiences and  Developmental monitoring of infants and pre-school children which we were able to bring out during our time at CMC articulated this model. 

The other five recent publications, Bud to Blossom, Accompany your child, Parenting presence, Enable your child and the one due in March 2026, Engage your child  highlight the philosophy that evolved to be the heart of the speciality of Developmental Paediatrics in our understanding. 

We feel surprised at what all happened with that decision to move into child development in 1983.   

Anna and I spent one year at the Christian Fellowship hospital, Oddanchatram in 1982 as a gap year to discern the way ahead since we felt a sense of leaning towards moving into child development and rehabilitation. It was during that time we felt the opening to move to Chennai to start the Child Development Centre in 1983. 

As we were getting ready to move to Chennai, late Mr K.M.Cherian of the hospital visited us to wish us well as we were embarking on this initiative. He having been associated with the hospital from its early years told us: 'All beginnings are difficult. But God gives strength to those who want to respond to the needs of others'! He gave us a gift towards setting up the facility in Chennai. What he gave us was perhaps most of his one month salary! 

We began at Chennai by forming a charitable trust, ASHIRVAD. The first group of trustees were late Dr A.K.Tharien. Mr S.V. Waghmare and Dr Ray Thomas along with Anna and me as founder trustees. In its first meeting in 1985, one comment which Dr Tharien made was, 'Every beginning has a growth ahead...'! So here we are bearing witness to that growth process in our life time, well beyond all our expectations!

On this occasion of entering into the 41st year of ASHIRVAD on 30 March 2026, what moves us is the stories we hear from families whom we meet along this journey. 

The family above who sent us a photo recently through Dr Varghese Philip, remembering our contact with them in 1997, recollected that, that occasion was the 'beginning of a  recovery path' for their son. 

We have reconnections with some families which make us feel grateful for the opportunity we have had in making a difference in their lives!

Of all the surprises with which we live now is the willingness that CMC Vellore showed in inviting us back after we left the services of the institution in 1981. It is not usual for CMC to invite back a faculty to its fold after resigning from its roll. It was Dr V.I.Mathan who facilitated it in 1996 by saying, 'Now CMC is ready to have a  Developmental Paediatrics Unit '! 

The journey of forty years has many such surprises and turning points which brought us where we are now!

The flower above, from our garden is to remember and greet all those who blessed us in different ways during the last forty years along this journey into the unknown- parents, professionals, and well wishers ! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The changing roles !

Anna and I needed advice and guidance a few weeks ago when we both had a respiratory infection, which appeared resistant to what we did to look after ourselves.  

Lo, and Behold, a friend who is a respiratory physician in a tertiary care hospital came to visit us, as he happened to be visiting his parents. 

He came on the day, when we were planning to go to the hospital for a second opinion. 

He is a friend whom we got to know from his undergraduate days and had become member of the foster family group that was formed for medical students. 

Fifteen years later, we receive medical advice and prompt specialist support at a time when we needed it most ! Three days after following the protocol  he suggested we felt being at the threshold of recovery!

I realised how he was not just a former student whom we knew earlier, but a doctor taking care of us!

It gave a different optic ! A student with whom we were associated as 'teachers' is no more a just a former student. He has become an adult with competency and qualifications in his or her area of specialisation. 

That calls for a transition journey! He received from us earlier; now it is our turn to receive from those whom we knew as students!

In an emotional and cognitive mind set, he or she has transformed to be in a new role with a different status. That is the identity that I felt, that we were enabled to offer to this Respiratory Physician when he visited us! 

This change of roles in life is what senior citizens are invited to receive, as we look back to befriend those whom we knew as students!

M.C.Mathew( text and photo)

The heart of home schooling !

Anna and I had a pleasant surprise of a friend whom we knew during our time at the Christian Medical College, Vellore, who is a Paediatrician trained in the UK and holding a doctorate in Bio-medical engineering, visiting us a few weeks ago. Most of our conversation was on home schooling that she offers to her children. This meant that she stepped back from active clinical work and yet well involved in supporting organisations overseas involved in the home based care of children with neurodevelopmental needs.

I am gathering information about fathers or Mothers who offer home schooling to their children because of their desire to create a better all rounded formation of children in the early years of formal education. There are situations where parents have no option but to opt for home schooling as the local schools do not suit the children well. There are other parents who offer home schooling to give experiences to children well beyond the text booked learning confining themselves to the essentials, which is the pattern in many schools. 

What fascinated us from the visit of this friend was her joyful recollection of how it was a learning for herself. She even talked about knowing the geographies of some countries about which she had only limited information. She referred to this an an enlarging experience. 

It sets me thinking. We send  our children to school and leave the academic formation of our children to teachers. Most parents help with  the homework of children, which they might have to do each day. The subject wise interaction between parents and children is minimum. When we saw the photos of this family visiting toy and book libraries we realised that the mother and children were co-learners, with all of them sitting together and sharing information with each other from the book they read. 

That gave me some clarity on the essential part of co-learning ! When parents are keenly involved in the information package children are required to know and an interactive environment is created, the learning becomes joint learning!

The children learn what parents themselves seek to know! Helping children to learn can be condescending to 'teach' or giving an ambience of  'learning together' !

That creates the heart of home schooling- co-learning ! What a wonderful experience it is that children and parents can learn together! That gives home schooling more legitimacy !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo

 

People friendly habit !

I watched this feeding behaviour of a pair of Bulbuls in our garden a few days ago, which made me ponder on the way they relate to each other ! The feeding time for them is often like this, being together and taking turns to feed ! They pause to allow the other to feed! It is not self driven, but being mindful of each other!

This relational aspect stands out with some species of birds. 

Yesterday, I met  a senior citizen who is older than me, who was on his way to the local school in the late afternoon to walk back home with his grandson when he finished for the day. He travelled back to his school days. He mentioned about a habit of teachers seventy five years ago.  The teachers would visit the homes of students in the village. He remembered how few teachers visited his home when he did not go to school due to illness for a week. He referred to teachers as those whose attention was on students. Some teachers stayed in the class room for students to meet with them for any conversation or clear doubts on the subjects taught on that day, after the school hours.

It was then I recalled the occasion when some teachers visited my home from the school. They came to bring encouragement and stay connected with my parents. 

Some teachers left impressions with me which have lasted because they were interested in our learning and formation! I remember how the first hour was spent each day in the class for conversations. The teacher took time to give every student an opportunity to talk about any matter. In so doing, the students also stayed connected with thirty-five others in the class. 

In his mid eighties, this senior citizen lives with pleasant memories of his teachers and the school experience. 

The Bulbuls have a relational habit! Some teachers in the school where  that senior citizen and I went to, focussed on our formative process. 

During the two telephone conversations this week, I realised how people live longing to have conversations! In a digitalised environment, people look for human interface and conversations. 

The interest to stay in touch with others got even more activated following this conversation with this senior citizen!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)