Turn out, Time out and Burn out !

It was while driving up a hill range with 40 hair pin bends, I notched a pattern on the road design.  Almost after every hair pin bend, there is a broad space on one side of the road, which I found out, is termed as 'turn out' space. It is designed to offer space for road travellers to halt and wait as they drive up or down. I noticed travellers waiting at some of these spaces taking a break from the climb or descent. Anna and I too stopped at these 'turnout' spaces four times on the upward journey and three times on the downward journey. It was while halting, getting out of the car and moving about for a few minutes, we felt different and relaxed from the strain of the climb or descent along the narrow road. Even the car needed a break from the strain of being in the second gear during the decent and ascent. 

Such short 'time out' experiences are normal for most of us in our work life. We look for the week end to have a break from the routine of work. Some countries have designed work life to stay confined to five days, and some others to six days. A day off during the week is the norm in most countries. The Saturday work was limited to half a day in all the hospitals where Anna and I worked, which gave us a longer week end for rest, recovery and renewal for the next week. 

I remember two experiences of 'burn out'  during the fifty years of clinical work. The first occasion was in 1982,  following the sudden home call of our daughter during her infancy, when going to work became a drag and a burden. The second was for a season in 1991 when I was longing for further truing in Paediatric neurology towards an  enlargement of neurological thinking. This became necessary to continue  my involvement in child development and rehabilitation. There was no training opportunity in India at that time and going overseas was not an option. Training in adult neurology would not have met my need. 

On both these occasions, I felt work a burden and depleted of energy, enthusiasm and direction ahead! 

In the first instance it was the grief reaction that dominated and disturbed me. During a period of three months, I received help from three senior friends and was enabled to process grief to see beyond and trust in the unfolding of a purpose. It happened slowly and incrementally. 

In the second instance, the respite came from the offer of a three year post doctoral research and study tailor made to suit my needs under the supervision of two Paediatric neurologists at the Institute of Neurology, Chennai. It was during those three years, I was guided in to a new horizon in child development and rehabilitation with an outlook which changed my orientation and understanding of the Neuro-developmental needs of children by tracing the causal pathway for their developmental departure and finding formative pathways for their ongoing developmental prospects.  

The first burn out experience initiated me into pursue child development as a vocation. The outcome of the second burn out experience was recovery of purpose and getting anchored in neurological optic for understanding the developmental departure in children. In fact, Prof. C.U.Velmurugendran who guided me in this process commented when I finished my term that, my 'study and research, led to initiate a  subspecialty of Developmental Neurology at the Institute of Neurology'. 

A turn out, time out, and burn out are normal experiences most of us would go through in our journey of life and discovery. 

I return to the first photograph above. It symbolises the journey of life into the unknown of tomorrows. The mountain ranges ahead offer an invitation to keep moving forward purposefully and trustingly. 

The second photograph reminds me of the turn out, and time out experiences which  one can purposefully convert into supportive and restorative times in the journey of life. 

The third photograph is a symbol of the prospect of sighting a large water body while going through a burn out experience! A burn out experience is a time to look inward; but it is mostly a time to look beyond to see the oasis awaiting when one journeys on! 

How reassuring it is to know that our lives are lived between peeks and valleys, each experience bringing insights and depth to make our journey experience purposeful and altruistic! 

The turn out and time out offer protection from burn out and facilitate recovery process when caught in it. When one has experienced burn out once, the foreknowledge of the risk of it can restore a person to  a pathway of hope and wellness by attending to inner wellness.  

I noticed the Magpie robin above, which was comfortable perched on a cable for its sunbath. It flew away on hearing the roaring sound of a tractor which was approaching the site! 

That was a definite message of a protective step when faced with threatening noise level!

Living safely is the avian way!

Moving out of the emotional terrain of burn out on time is a safe way to stay well!

M.C.Mathew(tex and photo)

  

The differences as diversity!

The first and second photo of cashew fruits taken from the same position seem to indicate that one cashew fruit had double cashew nuts. 

The third photo taken from a different angle showed a different picture of three nuts in three different fruits! 

What we see influence our impressions or opinions. The above photos do suggest that impressions are at best tentative and would need revision by ascertaining facts. 

There are three steps we can take before we form opinions or act on them. 

As all facts are often scattered and sometimes submerged in first impressions, a honest fact finding search is essential as the starting point to form an opinion. 

Ther second step is to verify facts by enquiry, consultation and critical appraisal of what is available. 

The third step is openness to listen and discern an opposite view point before a final opinion is formed! 

There are differences in the morphology of the three cashew fruits above, although all three of them come from a common branch of the same cashew tree. This calls for even greater observation as similar looking fruits have some significant differences.

One trap that is commonly responsible for conflict of opinions is generalisation bias. 

A teacher of kindergarten who keeps a weekly individual journal of each of the 25 children in the class, told me that it takes about three months or more to get to know each child and the different ways they learn, behave and communicate. The teacher knowing the differences attempts to relate to each child in a personal way to make each child feel comfortable and accepted! With her fifteen years of experience, the teacher has developed an appreciative mode of relating to each child without resorting a common approach of instruction or correction. It is an important dimension of helping the formative experiences of children by individual attention and affirmation. 

I thought that the teacher was practicing a relational approach to each child in an individual manner, which even parents fail to practice. A family made a confession in a conversation that during the family time of engaging in indoor games all the three children had three different choice of games. The occasion became quarrelsome sometimes. They resolved the differences by each child having a choice twice a week to choose a game! The differences do not divide or create a conflict if differences are appreciated as inherent nature of each child. It took several months for the parents to resolve the habit of arguments before the family settled to play the indoor game! 

The openness to accept other opinions and consider them create an ambience of dialogue! 

It is often easier to practice conflict avoidance than conflict resolution!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The dawn beyond the gloom!

When I walked in the garden I noticed the first two bunches of flowers presenting a gloomy mood!  

When I walked further I found other flowers vibrant and radiant in the twilight!

When I reached back our cottage, the newspaper had arrived. In the front page on the right hand bottom of the Times of India, Cochin edition, on 14April, 2026, had  the report below of the change of political leadership in Hungary. The leader who reigned for 16 years in an authoritarian style is to give the space to a new leader who is committed to improve health care, public transport, welfare measures and relate cordially to the members of the European Union

Amidst the gloom of the Iran-USA war, where the authoritarian approach supersedes reason, logic and  fairness, the change of leadership in Hungary brings hope and direction and exalts the ethos of democracy! 

The gloom leaves us longing for peace, wellness and hope! 

A  garden symbolises hope and subsumes the gloom ! 

While we wait in suspense about the outcome of the enforced blockade of all ports in Iran to stop shipment of oil by the United States, we have reminders from the history of the past and the current event in Hungary that life and hope shall abound ! 

Till that happens, we shall tarry waiting for peace to abide in human hearts!

The Pope Leo reminding the world leaders from the Sermon on the Mount by Jesus ofd Nazareth, that 'Blessed are the peace makers, for they shall be called as sons of God' was not well received by the president of the USA. 

We hope that the mind sent for 'war' to settle disputes would get replaced by negotiations and compromises to accommodate each other! 

When I noticed plentiful fruits of season in our Rambutan tree in the garden, I felt that there is enough fruits for many! Is that not the reality with the resources of the earth! There is plenty to go around for all! 

So why quarrel or be possessive?

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Accompaniment in marriage !

Children with flowers lead the procession of the Bride to the isle of the church on her wedding day!  The page boys and flower girls accompany the bride symbolically recalling her growth from childhood in her home, to be now ready for her adulthood experience of becoming a wife and mother! 

Every time I watch this solemn procession in a church wedding, in this country or elsewhere, this symbolism is inherent to the wedding sacrament. 

In a civil wedding, the bride and bridegroom sign a register with witnesses authenticating their relationship and the civil officer giving a certificate of marriage. It is an event that gives a man and woman the right to be a husband and wife. 

But in a wedding where marriage vows are exchanged and a ring is given and taken in the presence of a congregation witnessing this solemn occasion, there is a collective engagement to facilitate family formation. 

Anna and I witnessed how this collective participation goes well beyond a ceremonial presence in a wedding service at the St Andrew's Church, Egmore, Chennai when we were members of that congregation from 1986 to 1997. Rev Peter Miller the presbyter of the church had a monthly fellowship get together for young married adults, which was an occasion for those who were married for five years or less met together for conversation and fellowship. Rev Miller referred to it as accompaniment in marriage. At a wedding service in a church a public appeal is made to the congregation to be prayerful and thoughtful towards the newly wedded couple. This church practiced that intent through this monthly meetings. It was from that experience, I got to know the value of transition support for recently married couples, which a congregation or a neighbourhood friend circle can offer! 

The page boys and flower girls leading the bride to the isle on her marriage day, or groomsmen accompanying the bridegroom are not just traditions, but statements of the collective dimension of a marriage relationship. A man and woman grow into  becoming a husband and wife, by the enablement of the couple by the caring companions. The transition of the 'two becoming one' is through a process of 'leaving and loving' in a journey of intimacy and mutuality! This journey needs companions and enablers! 

The pre-marital readiness that is customarily offered to those who are engaged to be married is only a starting process in enabling the formative experience of becoming a husband and wife. The couple would thereafter need further enablement to be a father and mother! 

It was while attending a marriage service recently, I was reminded of the responsibility that rests with all those present on that occasion to bear the couple in our thoughts to long for their wellness and oneness!  I remember how grateful some couples felt when Anna and I sent greetings to them a few times in the early years of their marriage relationship! 

A marriage is a festive occasion. It is also a solemn occasion to receive the couple into our hearts and tarry with them in their journey of formation to becoming one! 

In the Erickson's theory of psychosocial formation of eight stages from infancy to becoming a senior citizen, the marriage transition did not receive attention! I wonder whether psychoanalysts would consider incorporating marriage as a critical event in influencing the formative journey in becoming an adult ! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Given to give !

The blue mountains, known as Nilgiris in regions of Ooty, Kotagiri and Connoor in south India have a special place in the  of geographical history as holiday resorts. The Kodiacanl hills too have a similar significant place in the tourist history of hill stations. 

I have had an impression that the mountain ranges acquired its name because of the bluish hue of colours that one can observe in the morning hours over the 'Nilgiri' hills. 

A recent experience in another range of mountains indicated that on  a day when the sky is not cloudy but blue, the mountains will have a bluish hue lasting till the sun is bright and radiant after sunrise.

The sky is not just a canopy over us but a provider of different hues of colour in nature! The landscape is created by the plant life which receives the given hue of colours, humidity and light! The rocks, trees, plants, flowers and the grass on the soil receive and reflect what they are given !

What we are given is lot more than what we carry with us as our own !

When the overgrown flower beds in our garden were cleared of overgrowth of grass by our domestic helper and the plants looked different with fresh looking soil underneath, I realised that the domestic helped exercised her sense of stewardship unasked for! 

What is given needs keeping!

It is for the same reason why any war is against the norms in nature and a breach of the 'covenant of stewardship' expected of humans in response to the abundance in nature of which we are the keepers !  

To have a desire to possess power and dominate over others is a poor reflection of human behaviour! The current state of affairs in the global scene, is a competition to establish control over others. It is a time of lamentation for earth to be restored to its role of being a source of wellness for all! Now the global powers bargain over fossil oil, minerals, controlling sea and air passage, or monitor nuclear power! 

When Anna and I gazed in amazement at the sunrise over the 'blue mountains' last week, there was a refreshing experience of the bountiful earth we are blessed with! 

The earth is ours and all on who dwells on it! 

How can we bring this consciousness to lead the rulers of the world to dwell in humility and accountability and to be better stewards of what we have been given! 

Each day, we receive sunrise and sunset! We are given this blessing to spread goodness far and wide!

"O Lord my God, When I awesome wonder,

Consider all the works Thy hands have made,

I see the stars, I hear the nighty thunder,

Thy pow'r throughout universe displayed. 

When through the woods and forest glades I wander,

And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees,

When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,

And hear the brook, and feel the gentle breeze; 

Then sings my soul... How great Thou art, How great Thou art"

That is how the hymn writer Carl Boberg, experienced nature!

M.C.Mathew( text and photo) 

Listening to the sound of wind!

 

During a recent visit to a hill station in Tamil Nadu, Anna and I had an opportunity of feeling the charm of winding roads of rural India. 

We got the assistance of google maps to travel through the state high ways and rural roads, which gave us a delightful experience. The avenue trees provided the canopy over roads in many parts, thereby making the road journey an experience of travelling back in memory to about fifty years ago. Most of the highways had similar avenue trees giving shade to make travel cooler in summer days, when air conditioned cars were not common. Since the widening of roads, these trees lost their history. It is no more a practice to nurture trees on road side in most high ways. 

The winding roads is another experience of travel to the mountain peeks. The winding roads and hair pin bends, this time forty of them, made the travel a unique experience, to watch at one stage five levels of the road. Watching a dam from a height and distance added to the diversity of sights, different from the ordinary. 

The  tea estates over the slopes of the hills added another dimension of history.  That took us to think about the pre-independent history of India when the Dutch and British turned cooler places to be a settlement for holidays or regular stay, converting vast areas into tea estates. 

A Magpie Robin kept us company when we halted to watch the panorama of the hill side and valley. 

The day breaks early for tea plantation workers at 7 am, who were already in the estate plucking tea leaves. 

It was after a long break Anna and I travelled long distance  to a hill station. The journey and the recollections of history of life of people in the hill stations reminded us that they live at a different pace. They walk long distances each day. The grocery shops provide the essentials and not the luxury goods. The mode of transport is mostly public buses. The houses are like old fashioned Bungalows or  thatched houses. They are so used to tourists and visitors, that they dot seem to be disturbed by people around them! 

It was while returning after the two day stay in the hill station we felt the contrast. When we draw close to nature and experience the serenity of less inhabited places, there is an inner resonance of stillness and solitude within ! 

We noticed that a Magpie robin was alert to the sound of wind!  

We came back thinking, that it is this inner attentiveness we loose, when we live pre-occupied, immersed in the  daily  routines and chores!

That was a timely recovery of consciousness to long to live from within!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A recollection time of memories!

Anna and I had an occasion to attend a wedding festivity during this week. The parents of the bridegroom who were alumni of CMC Vellore, had the delight of some of their class mates coming for the occasion from different parts of India and overseas. 

This batch of medical students performed a musical for the governing body of the CMC in 1985, where all the sixty students were involved. Those who were not able to sing managed the light and sound arrangements. It was hilarious to hear the class mates recall happy memories of that occasion and other events during their college life. The director of CMC Dr L.B.M.Joseph while introducing the batch of students to the governing council said, that 'Music brought the students together into a harmony.  So they sing in one voice'! 

While listening to their story time, Anna and I felt close to them because of the years of trustful relationship they have retained from the time of their undergraduate days at CMC. For Anna who was an alumnus of CMC, it was a refreshing experience because she too has had similar cordial relationships with her class mates during the last fifty years. 

This is one unique aspect of student life at CMC Vellore. As all students stay in the college campus in the Men's and Women's hostels, the sense of family bonding sets in which lasts into later years. 

The decision to make the undergraduate training to be a residential experience was an intentional decision of its founder Dr Ida Scudder. For her the student life is a 'learning and formative' experience ! Dr Scudder envisioned that they were not just students but 'doctors in training' for whom finding their vocation was important. The foster parenting system was one nurturing process that was a formal structure  that the institution built into developing a faculty-student relationship towards offering a formative experience to students. 

 that 

It was an encouraging evening, when I felt that this batch of students have memories which they treasure and celeb suprate! They stay connected and supportive !

We returned encouraged and refreshed after the wedding. The married couple also had their training and formation at CMCV. So they too will also celebrate their tradition and experiences of student years as the alumni of CMCV !

The motto of CMC, 'Not to be ministered unto but to minister' is reflected in the lives of its alumni ! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)