Learning to grow old !

The windy evenings along with rains are common in the pre-monsoon period in our area. The casualty yesterday was the breaking away of one branch of a Rambutan tree in our front garden. 

The tree had many fruits and were in the ripening stage. 

A careful examination of the reason for the weakening of the branch helped me to suspect that the plastic cable  tied around it restrained the growth of the stem. The plastic cable was for birds to rest before and after feeding from the feeding station. 

The plastic cable restrained the growth of the stem circumferentially weakening it to bear the weight of the foliage and fruits. With a strong wind blowing and swaying the branch and foliage, the branch succumbed at its vulnerable site! 

 

I realise that the cable had gone deeper inside the bark thereby chronically stressing the branch from growing !

I feel sorry that we did not keep a watch over the effect of such  an act of tying a cable around the branch rather tightly! The copper wire inside the cable was solid and not elastic. An ordinary plastic wire or nylon or cotton thread would not have had a similar impact. 

I took time to reflect on this after seeing this site in the garden!

The tree remained vulnerable at a braking point for weeks. It was not noticed. 

That is how some people crumble emotionally and behaviourally when faced with long standing stress, not well attended to. As I grow older, I realise there are more vulnerable situations because of the process of ageing, affecting  me physically, behaviourally and cognitively. 

A self audit is therefore a desirable practice as a protective and preventive step to remain safer ! The trigger events are too many to tilt the delicately balanced comfort level! 

Living well while growing older is a worthwhile focus of attention. I picked up a book from our book shelf at home yesterday, written in 1985 by Dr Paul Turner, a Swiz medical practitioner, Learning to Grow Old. At 72 years while he wrote this book while he was reflecting on several stories of older people loosing their wellness emotionally and socially. He referred to two turning points in life- becoming a youth and later an older person. The elderly have to grow up well, coping with the losses that would occur gradually. And yet it is also a time of celebration of life and grateful recollection of experiences in the family, at work place and social ambience.

I felt enthused by the aspirational view that Dr Tournier had for himself at 72 years of age. 

The branch of the tree was full of fruits. It is broken, but it leaves  behind fruits !

That is the call for fruitfulness, when one learns to grow older!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

A healing story !

  

Blog post of 12 October, 2020,  waymarksonajurney.blogspot.com

 

A healing story and Workplace Relationships

 

Jesus of Nazareth healing a centurion’ slave without seeing him, at the request of the Jewish elders and friends of the centurion, recorded in the gospel of Luke 7:1-10 reveals about work-place relationships. The versions of this healing story appear in the gospels of Mathew 9 18-26 and Mark 5: 22-43 with some differences. A similar story of healing of a nobleman’s son is narrated in John 4:46-43.

 

Jesus often offered His gift of healing to those who were socially disadvantaged. The two exceptions were healing the nobleman’s son and Jairusu’s daughter, who was a synagogue official.  

 

The healing event in this story concerned a ‘slave’ of a centurion. A centurion was a Roman army official who had hundred soldiers under him and held a position similar to a Sargent general. This healing event took place at Capernaum, after Jesus had returned following his visits and discourses.  In this healing sotry, e come across:

 

A slave

The Centurion

Jewish Elders

Friends of the Centurion

Jesus of Nazareth

 

1.A Slave (v.2)

 

A slave according to the Jewish tradition was, purchased and sold at discretion of the slave owner. Often a slave remained bonded to the owner till he was released. A labourer was eligible for his wages and had freedom of choice of the type of work he did, as against a slave who was under obligation to remain subject to all the conditions the owner imposed. A slave’s predicament was unfortunate socially, and economically.

 

However, this slave, who was highly regarded by the Centurion either because of the merit of the slave or the goodness of the Centurion, or because of both. It was exceptional for an owner to esteem a slave in the way that this Centurion did. He was concerned about the sickness of his slave, who was ‘about to die’ (v2).

Another place in the Bible where a ‘small girl in captivity’ from a Jewish lineage, was valued for her thoughtfulness was at Naaman’s home (2 Kings 5:1-14). Naaman was a captain in the army of king Aram. Naaman suffered from Leprosy and this girl reported to Naaman’s wife, about a prophet in Samaria, who could heal her master of Leprosy, if only he could go there (V3). That was how Naaman set out to meet Elisha and returned healed after dipping himself in the river Jordan according to the instruction of the prophet. 

 

I get a feeling from these two passages that there were high officials, who just did not have a utilitarian attitude towards their servants but regarded and valued them. 

 

Father Stan Swamy, a Jesuit Priest, 83 years old was  involved with the Adivasi communities for three decades  fighting against their forcible eviction from their tribal land. About 3000 Adivasis were lingering in different jails without trial for years now in some northern states of India, against which Father Stan was engaged in advocacy. In a video interview, he recently said, ‘The Adivasi people are my brothers and sisters’.

All those who work with us or for us or live among us are our brothers and sisters in the family of God. They are not servants, sub-ordinates, employees, or workers, but our brothers and sisters. When Jesuit Fathers work in institutions in any capacity, they are known to take a salary equivalent to the lowest paid person in that institution in order that they would feel all the challenges of living with limited means. That is one way they practice and advocate the social equity of distributive justice.

 

If only all of us can receive those with whom we live and work as our brothers and sisters!

 

2.The centurion

 

A Centurion according to the tradition at that time was a ‘Man among men’, who was known for his fidelity to Roman empire. He was valued for his valour, uprightness and just ways. The Centurions referred to in the Acts of the Apostles too were men of stature and valour, who occupied significant positions. 

 

Another Centurion of Caesaria of the Italian Cohort, Cornelius, about whom we read in Acts, 10:1-8, was described as, ‘ A devout man, one who feared God with all his household giving many alms to the Jewish people and prayed to god continually (v.2). It was he who was guided to send for Peter to come to minster to him, around the same time when Peter was having a vision of a sheet of living four-footed animals were brought before him for him to cut and eat. We have a reference to another Centurion (Acts 23:12-25), who picked up the news from Paul’s nephew of a plot of 40 Jews to ‘slay’ Paul, while he was to be taken to the Council for trial. It was the centurion who led Paul’s nephew to the commander, who in turn decided to move Paul to Caesarea. The responsibility of shifting Paul from the prison to Caesarea was given to two centurions (Acts 23:23). It was to a Centurion, Felix, who was entrusted with orders ’for Paul to be kept in custody and yet have some freedom and not to prevent from any of his friends from ministering to him’ (Acts 24:23). It was a Centurion, who helped Paul to jump overboard and swim when the shipwreck occurred (Acts 27:42-43), against the plan of the soldiers to kill all the prisoners, lest they swam and escaped. We have such a commendable report about some centurions about their honesty, fairness, capability and upright and just ways. 

 

The centurion in this healing story was similar in attitude and behaviour. Let me high light five commendable features about him:

 

Generosity (v 3)

He was keen to help his slave, who was sick and about to die. A slave did not normally receive such attention or care normally. To think of the slave the way this centurion thought was an act of showing unmerited favour. 

 

I remember an instance in the Finance committee meeting of the Christian Medical College, Vellore, a few years back, when a retired Income tax commissioner, Mr George Cherian, a member of the committee, brought to the attention that there were some retired employees of CMC who were getting less than 3000 rupees as monthly pension. He persuaded the committee to consider giving at least 5000 rupees as pension to families who had no other income. All of us in the committee were persuaded to recommend that as a practice. 

 

Our generosity ought to extent to the weakest among us, another attitude worthy of emulation in our work place.

 

Friendship without barriers (v.3)

The Centurion sent the Jewish elders first to entreat Jesus to come to his home to heal his servant. That was a diplomatic act of the Centurion at its best, by sending the Jewish elders as his emissaries to Jesus to invite Him to his home to heal the servant. The Romans are not religious and therefore do not have much in common with the Jews. The Jews did not have cordial relationships with the Romans, as it was the Romans who were ruling over them.  It is evident from the willingness of the Jewish elders to meet Jesus that the Centurion kept good relationships with the Jews, in spite of the lack of cordiality between them. 

In fact the Jewish elders were able to tell Jesus, that ‘He is worthy for you to grant this to him’ (v.4) It was this, Jesus spoke in the sermon on the Mount, ‘If you love those who love you, what reward do you have?. And if you greet brothers only what do you do more than others’ (Mat 5.46).

I remember of an incident that Dr Elsie Philip, a former chairperson of the Christian Medical Association of India narrated about two farmers who lived  near Plakkad. Joseph and Thomas were friends and practicing Christians. They owned adjacent farmlands, which they cultivated and lived well. Jacob had a habit of extending his fence to Thomas’s property, which he continued doing in spite of disapproval from Thomas. Their relationships broke down. Jacob had a Stroke with paralysis of one side of his body and was no more able to cultivate his land. Thomas offered to do so and for years as Jacob was incapacitated. This generosity and kindness helped Jacob to be confessional and reach out to Thomas. They restored their relationship. It was Thomas who crossed the barriers, which made all the difference in their relationship.

 

The Centurion in this healing story was one such person who extended his friendship to the Jews in spite of the social barriers that existed. Another habit to pursue in our work places that differences of opinions or attitudes do not create barriers in building relationships!

 

Benevolent Centurion (v.5)

The Centurion built a synagogue for the Jews. It was an act of extreme kindness to build a synagogue for the Jews, when the Romans were not aligned with the Jewish faith in one God. But Centurion was willing to go beyond that inhibition to build a synagogue for a community. The normal human tendency is to stay in the comfort zone of one’s own allegiances, lest one becomes a target of suspicion and criticism.  

                                

The work-place that we belong to, ought to be more than just an assembly of like-minded people, but a place which develops into a place of belonging for all those who disagree, dissent, oppose or criticise. The attitude of the Centurion to be benevolent towards those who differed with him on matters of faith made him a friend of the Jewish elders.

 

I remember being with Professor Malathi Jadahv on a Paediatrics ward rounds, while working at the Christian Medical College Hospital Vellore on a Monday morning in 1981. Around 9 am we had just started the ward rounds. The residents looked less prepared for the bedside round as they did not know enough of the latest about the children. Dr Malathi stopped the round and invited all of us to the teaching room and made us seated. She turned to the residents and asked why they were not current with information about children. That was when they mentioned about a busy weekend with several sick children in the ward, all of whom needing attention and emergency procedures. She enquired if they had their breakfast. None of the four had breakfast. Dr Malathi ordered breakfast for them and asked them to take a break till 3pm in the afternoon. Dr Malathi and I along with two interns continued the round. The residents returned in the afternoon with a ‘thank you’ note and a cake for Dr Malathi. Every act of kindness usually promotes goodness in return. Doing good to others, in our work-places, is a habit all of us can cultivate. 

 

Humility (v.6)

The friends of the Centurion when they came to speak to Jesus, repeated the words of Centurion, ‘Lord, do not trouble yourself further, for I am not worthy for you to come under my roof’ (v6). His position as a Centurion did not create an exalted view of himself in his esteem. Although the Jewish elders earlier introduced the centurion to Jesus, as one ‘worthy for you to grant this to him’ (v.4), the friends of Centurion clarified to Jesus the way the Centurion felt about himself. The centurion was not carried away by his position or the projection the Jewish elders made about him to Jesus. It revealed how the centurion viewed himself in a humble manner, in spite of his position and standing. He thought of himself soberly and ordinarily, not in an exalted way. 

 

Another good practice in work-place! It is this habit of staying humble, which would make our colleagues feel comfortable about those who hold leadership roles.

 

Faith in Jesus (v.7)

The message that the Centurion’s friends carried to Jesus was, ‘I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you, but just say a word, and my servant will be healed’. The Roman official, having heard about Jesus came to believe in Jesus and His power to heal. A good example of a person from another faith or no faith background came to trust in Jesus without going through all the traditions or rituals associated with following Jesus. 

 

The Centurion happened to be a silent believer and follower of Jesus, which is what we find even today among many people. There are many thousands who listen to the gospel messages in the radio and television programmes and at least some carry the message of Jesus in their hearts and seek to live godly lives. The denominational Christian traditions in our Churches sometimes can be an offence to those who want to transcend the rituals and live by the teachings of Jesus. Faith in Jesus is not synonym with Church membership; instead what affirms faith in Jesus is life of integrity lived because of personal allegiance to Jesus of Nazareth and be on a pilgrim journey of faith in Him.

 

3 Jewish elders (v.2)

The Jewish elders who went to meet Jesus, ‘earnestly entreated’ Jesus (v.4) that the Centurion was worthy of receiving favour of Jesus going by goingto his home to heal his servant. I like the way the Jewish elders pleaded with Jesus on behalf of the centurion. It was because of their attachment and appreciation for the centurion.

 

                    

Our workplaces are places where we come across people who are wounded, grieved, distressed, and broken because of financial stress or family discord. This calls for us to take notice of others in a thoughtful manner rather than in judgmentally when they fail to come to our expectations or fall short of work output expected of them. 

I remember an instance when I felt trapped by my impulsive behaviour while talking to the secretary in the office, ‘You came to work late again’! Instantly her face was down cast and eyes full. It was then I came to my senses and made her seated to enquire about her circumstances at home. Listening to all the difficulties she had to cope with during the weekend, I realized that she still came to work, out of her consideration to help in the out-patient service to run smoothly. She was more than generous, whereas, I was rude with my remark.

 

We can convert our workplace to be a welcoming and comfortable place, if we can carry an attitude of concession and tolerance of the special circumstances of others. That was what the Jewish elders did to the Centurion.

4.Friends (v.6)

Jesus was on His way to the Centurion’s home. It was then the friends of the Centurion arrived, requesting Jesus to ‘say a word’ to heal the servant of Centurion. They carried the message that the Centurion did not feel worthy of Jesus coming to his home. I feel moved by the interest of the friends of Centurion to plead with Jesus for the sake of the servant of the centurion. The friends became the champions of the need of the Centurion.

       

Our workplaces can become such sancturies of mindfulness for others! How much we know others and their needs while we work with them! Dr Samuel Oommen and Dr Beena Koshy were my former colleagues in the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at the Christian Medical College, Vellore. An opportunity arose for Beena and her husband Regi to go the United Kingdom for study leave, which meant that Samuel would be the lone consultant in the department to oversee the clinical work while he was in the last stage of his PhD research. I remember a conversation with Samuel when he encouraged Beena to proceed for her study leave. Samuel said, ‘I ought to free Beena for her study leave, although it would be difficult to manage. It is an opportunity that I have encouraged her to take up’. This interest to promote the opportunity of a colleague for further training, even when there would be several constraints at work, occurred to me as true generosity towards others at workplace. It is this spirit, which builds genuine friendships at workplaces. 

 

5 Jesus of Nazareth (V6-9) 

 

Jesus had set out to go to the home of the Centurion (v 6) and while on His way, the Centurion’s friends arrived saying, ‘only say a word’, as the Centurion did not feel worthy of a visit form Jesus. They quoted the Centurion to Jesus, ‘ For I too am a man under authority with soldiers under me and I say to this one, go; he goes and to another come, and he comes and to my slave, do this and he does it’ (v.8). With these words, the Centurion affirmed his faith in Jesus being able to heal his servant by pronouncing a word for healing, without having to come to his home. Jesus ‘marvelled at his faith’ and said that, ’I say to you, not even in Israel I found such a great faith’ (v.9)

 

 

What was special about the faith of Centurion! The Centurion was making a public declaration that Jesus had authority to proclaim healing by his word and that would certainly come to pass. And that was what happened, when ‘those who have been sent returned to the home’ found the servant in good health (v.10).

 

The psalmist in Psalm 37:3-5 reminds us: ‘Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your ways to the Lord; Trust also in Him and He will do it’. It was this, the Centurion practiced to which Jesus responded by healing the servant of the Centurion. Jesus honoured the trust expressed by the Jewish elders, friends of the Centurion and Centurion himself. Jesus is a friend and provider of those who put their trust in Him.

 

Late Rev. A.C.Oommen referring to this healing story said,  that healing is facilitated by corporate faith. In this story, the centurion, Jewish elders, friends of the Centurion and Jesus of Nazareth participated to experience healing of the servant. According to him, healing becomes a reality when ‘God is at work while we are at work in faith’! This healing story demonstrated this reality.

 

Let me conclude by referring to the messages we can carry about workplace relationships from this healing story:

 

Our colleagues at workplace are our brothers and sisters. We are expected to be generous towards those who work with us and for us. Build friendships without barriers, even among our opponents. Live benevolently thinking of others and their needs at workplace. Live in humility with a true estimate of ourself. Find friends who can be part of our lives for us to grow in our faith journey. Jesus would bring healing to our midst as we trust Him and collaborate to take care of the needs of others in our midst.

 

The Jewish elders and Friends of the Centurion were in the interphase between the Centurion and Jesus, which brought healing to the servant of the Centurion. The four men in the story of healing of the paralysed man (Mark 2: 1-13) were in the interphase between the paralysed man and Jesus. The health care professionals are in the interphase between those who come to us with health needs and Jesus of Nazareth. Ours is a mission of up-building people in faith in God, while we live mindfully of the unspoken needs of those who visit us in our hospitals. 

 

I recall what late Dr Sheela Gupta did for almost four decades at the Pandita Ramabai Mukti Mission at Kedgaon, Pune. Having finished her training to be an Obstetrician at CMC, Vellore, she decided to spend her lifetime of service with women from broken homes, abandoned young girls living without parents, etc and accompanied them to feel healed of their traumatic experiences and to equip them to be self-employed. Her special interest was to prepare them to get married whenever possible. While talking about her mission, she told me once that, ‘It is in the ambience of a loving and affirming atmosphere, women can experience growth and inner healing and physical wellness to move on in their life. Out of their brokenness can come a new life, when they experience the love of God and the care of others around them’. Dr Sheela turned her workplace into a transforming experience for women, who were looking for pastoral care for their personal healing and wellness.

 

The story of the Centurion turning to Jesus for healing of his servant is story that tells a lot about workplace relationships. 

 

Let me end by quoting form a hymn by Fred Kaan:

 

‘Help us to accept each other

As Christ accepted us

Teach us, as sister and brother

Each person to embrace

Be present, Lord among us

And bring us to believe

We are ourselves, accepted

And meant to love and live.

 

 

Teach us, O Lord, our lessons

As in our daily life

We struggle to be human

And search for hope and faith

Teach us to care for people

For all, not just for some,

To love them as we find them

Or as they become

 

Let your acceptance change us

So that we may be moved

In living situations

To do the truth in love

To practice your acceptance

Until we know by heart

The Table of forgiveness

And laughter’s healing art’

 

 

M.C.Mathew ( text, all pictures from the website-acknowledged gratefully)

Thinking mindfully towards children!

This photo of January 2022, is of a child looking at the photos on display, where children and parents were welcomed in my work place. I do not recall the details of what this child might have been looking at or interested in! This photo reminded me one of the usual experiences when toddlers and pre-school children visited the room. They moved about in the room drawn by different displays and toys in the room. 

This photo reminded me of the room where families came for conversation about their children. 

As child moved about uninhibited in the room and seemed to engage meaningfully most of the times, parents had an opportunity to get an insight about the Child's Corner at home that we often talked about in parent's meetings from 2000. 

A home is also a place for children. Most of the arrangements and order in the rooms are oriented towards adult friendly conveniences. Children  during the infancy, toddler year and pre-school years seek for experiences at home that can give them an exploratory experience to grow in their understanding and play pathway in their learning journey. This learning journey can be enhanced if a child has a space dedicated for him or her with toys, books, craft materials, and a physical setting with a low table and chair for a child to feel comfortable and inviting to engage. A shelf accessible for child to use to store items of interest that he or she gathers will give a child a sense of belonging to the home. The wall can have a white board for scribbling and a bulletin board to display the scribbling or drawing a child does or to display phots of activities a child would have been part of. When such a space, the Child's Corner exists in home a child is drawn towards such a space. It is a place where the siblings spend time exploring and communicating. It also becomes a family corner where parents can also join in with children in promoting their exploratory journey by being engaged to lead them on ! 

It was during the last 30 years of my clinical work, I realised that a room in the work place where parents and children are welcomed can also be made similar to a Child's Corner at home for the child to feel less uncomfortable by the hospital ambience. 

The impressions we create in a child's mind through the environment surrounding them at home or a day care or a pre-school or a hospital consultation room ought to have the ambience of a child friendly setting. The current setting which modern hospital rooms offer to suit the convince of medical professionals appear alien to what a child is naturally comfortable with.

I have a desire to see class rooms accordingly modified to give a child friendly look. During 198-6 to 1997, when Anna and I lived in Chennai, our interactions enabled five schools to adapt the Kindergarten class rooms to seat children in low tables and chairs in groups of four. Such an interactive environment made difference in developing a social ambience which children at that stage needed. This led to using a more child friendly performance audit rather than use the usual grading system for their learning appraisal. 

I sense that parents need help and support to think more practically to make their homes child friendly with a Child's corner !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Receiving hands !

One of the habits of children is to have their palms open to receive. It is while watching this nature of theirs to receive, it occurred to me that life symbolises stories of receiving from the time a person is conceived and formed in his or her mother's womb. 

The gift of giving and the grace of receiving are intertwined. 

I met a senior citizen in the shopping complex. He bought three packets of roasted cashew nuts. While he was about to get in to the waiting autorikshaw, a person came to greet him. After the conversation, he gave him one packet of the nuts. 

I watched the delight in the faces of the senior citizen and the other person who received the gift. The giver and receiver looked delighted. It reminded me of the gift of giving and grace of receiving!

I noticed that the conversation itself was a gift given to each other! Those three or four minutes of conversation between those two friends appeared to bring cheer to both of them. 

An attitude of openness to hear and listen to a person is the gift we offer. The grace of listening is a feedback to the person on how that person is received and welcomed to speak! 

I realise from few conversations I have on phone, how people wait to receive the gift of being heard! 

I remember the text in the epistle of James in chapter 1, verse, 19, of the New Testament of the Bible, where the author calls for an attitudinal change: 'Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry'(NIV).

I begin the day with an even more desire to have this attitude to grow within me. 

Let me remember those who are waiting to be heard! They wait to receive the gift of listening! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Listening to discern by habit !

One innovative practice that became useful in developmental appraisal of laterality or handedness in children, who had motoric developmental delay was to add one objective criterion to the appraisal  process  The weight distribution of the body by making a child stand on two different weighing machines which are calibrated synchronously became a valuable tool to find the difference in the muscle bulk difference between both sides. The use of a dynamometer for measuring the strength of the grip in each hand was another complementary test to help in deciding on the handedness in pre-school children. The two tests together helped in monitoring the clinical evolution of handedness when children had differential neuro-motor findings on each side. It was an objective way to help parents to choose the handedness that was emerging rather than parents insisting on promoting only the right handedness.  

It is now thirty years since this approach evolved to a level of satisfactory objective clarification, which was needed to identify  it as a tool in deciding the handedness in pre-school children. 

It was an observation initially which could evolve into a clinical  evidence by fine tuning the process of appraisal. 

This experience came back to me to suggest that observations can be developed further into valuable source to help in decision making! 

The impressions ought to evolve into evidence if the impressions are to be valid. 

I find this playing a role in behaviour Science. Our impressions or opinions guide us in our thinking and searching. Often those initial thoughts stay without  contributing to the objective evidence. 

I was gathering information about a dispute that needed attention. I realised that both involved in this unsettling dialogue based their rationale on their impressions. The factual state automatically clarified the position and both were regretful of having been influenced by their first impressions. 

The substrate fo our thinking is often influenced by our past experiences. But that alone is not strong enough to form impressions. The facts and truths of the current situation would need to be actively explored. 

Having had an exposure to dispute resolution process, I find that the differences in opinion can lead to argument, disagreement, discordance, dispute, conflict, confrontation and hospitality! 

Of all the practical aspects to avoid a dispute or find a way beyond dispute is strengthening listening and discerning skills. Listening is both an art and skill. 

One challenge I have before me is to listen uninterruptedly even if I have an opinion emerging in my mind or a question to clarify! I find that when a person was listened to uninterruptedly, then that person feels heard and received! That is often a favourable starting point for exploration of the issue for dialogue. 

Listening appears to be one sided externally. But listening with heart is a participatory process in the story of the speaker! 

What facilitates trustful conversation is the attitude, of listening without curiosity or comments but with openness to listen and discern. 

The conversation becomes deeper to be a communion when listening becomes appreciative and facilitatory!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Giving from fullness !

The Sunbird above is a regular visitor to our garden. It makes two or three visits in the morning on different occasions from the dawn. It keeps coming back till it has gathered enough honey. The Hibiscus flowers in two bushes next to each other in the garden are visited by Sunbirds and Bulbuls. 

The Hibiscus plants have enough flowers to feed the Sunbirds. The life of a flower is two or three days, during which time they feed the Sunbirds. 

I visited the collection of photos of children with their parents that I have,  who used to come to the department where I used to wrk. The parents came seeking help for the developmental needs of their children. 

I received a letter from a family who visited to receive help for their child who was not able to walk at three years of age due to spasticity. The family sent the photo of that young man who is now independent and is pursing his education. The remark of the father was: " We felt guided at the right time...". 

Every opportunity of engagement with others is potentially an occasion to make a difference !

What if listening or helping become a demand or a burden!

The 'giving fatigue' is real and every person in a giving role needs to keep a watch on the early signs of that fatigue! 

One way to guard oneself from that downward path is to have a personal audit every week using a self administered check list to keep a track of the changes taking place in the inner ambience. Becoming aware is the first step towards attending to upbuild oneself! 

The personal  debriefing if possible every week is a necessary practice to stay inwardly alert and attentive to one's own wellness. When 'giving' to others is an overflowing experience, the giver stays full even after having given to support others. 

I remember the practice of a counsellor. Every time he is called to listen to others, he takes about three minutes of silence to prepare himself. After welcoming the visitor he would suggest that they have a three minutes of silence. It is during that time the counsellor arrives to be present to the person waiting to talk! The closure of the conversation is also with three minutes of silence, during which time the counsellor arrives back to be present with himself. This cycle of movements and arrivals to be with oneself made a lot of sense to me. Although it is not yet a practice for me, I have a sense of awareness of the value of such pauses to make listening deep and discerning! 

The Hibiscus flower is giving out of its fullness!

That message comes afresh to me is about being attentive to remain well within and not impoverished!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Fruitful trees !

The garden around our cottage has a different look now as the Rambutan trees have fruits that are turning red or yellow. This has brought squirrels back to the garden after having been away for a while. Soon the Bulbuls, Parrots and Bulbuls also would linger on in the garden during the day. It will be a festival time for them. 

This season comes once a year for about two months. We look forward to the fruits to ripen now. The  birds and our friends who visit us would relish the fruit!  

The five trees of Rambutan in our garden are ten years old. Seeing them grow from being saplings to trees who spread out the branches with the rich foliage is a pleasant sight. Now with fruits, the look is even more enchanting! 

The fruitful trees bring the message of living fruitfully! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)