The Giver's journey!

I received a message from the general secretary of the UESI yesterday about the home calls of Mr P.C.Varghese and his wife Mrs. Saramma Varghese. Both of them seem to have moved on a few hours apart from each other.

Mr P.C.Varghese, an associate General Secretary of the UESI and Mrs Varghese a faculty in agricultural science in Allahabad agricultural university were people who would be remembered for their self giving regards and thoughts for students as they invested in their lives for their  spiritual formation. 

I remember meeting PC in a student camp as a medical student and what influenced my life was his genuine concern and interest in the lives of students. As a third year medical student, I was looking out into the future, with opportunities wide open to move  overseas after completing the studies. That was what I noticed among my seniors in the college at Nagpur. It was during the time in the camp, PC raised a question as to whether I have visited a mission hospital. 

The same year, there was an opportunity to meet with Dr A.K.Tharien of Christian Fellowship Hospital, when he came to Nagpur. He invited me to visit the hospital at Oddanchatram. It was during the visit  in the summer of 1969, I experienced a world of realities in rural India and the valuable contribution a mission hospital offers to people who live in difficult circumstances. The hospital providing tube wells for residents in the villages, offering livelihood by giving goats to rear, offering mid day meal to children at school and starting Balwadi pre-school programme for children in the villages, gave me an introduction to life-centred approach practiced by a mission hospital. 

The traction to remain in India and be involved in a needy area o service was planted in my heart thorough the question PC asked me. Although I had only short periods at N.M Wadia hospital at Pune and C.F.hospital at Oddanchatram during my working years, I felt rooted in the consciousness of being engaged in a needy area of service. It so happened that the needy area of service that Anna and I explored was  child development and rehabilitation at Chennai, Nagpur, and Vellore.

As I recollect, PC was the voice of concern and reason that prompted me to set aside the traction to follow the trend of that time to look for opportunities of training and working overseas. I feel grateful that his question opened a new outlook to life and opportunity to be professionally engaged!

PC was a giver in many ways to many students all over the country! When I look at the last photo of flowers from our garden above, I notice the petals showing the strain of the heat of the day with the edges beginning to crumble!

I recall a season in the life of PC when the work setting became dry and straining that he moved out to be a minister at large. It was during that season I had another long season of contact with him. He carried hurts and disappointments on account several changes he experienced at his work place. But the graceful way he was growing in reconciling that situation with peace and comfort was the bright side of his 'Gethsemene experience' !

To see PC living his calling with magnanimity, acceptance and forgiving heart was a true demonstration of a pilgrim's journey focussed on his calling and direction in life. 

A law graduate by training he had a gift in apologia presentation of the life and mission of Jesus of Nazareth to students ! His personal conversational style was intimate and upbuilding. He brought a spark of comfort and hope to his listeners. He was a light to many who needed handholding to move on. 

I recollect his teachings from the life of Jesus of Nazareth, which carried a message of love, acceptance and forgiveness. His style of communication warmed the hearts of listeners. He was a student of the Scripture and widely read because of which he brought freshness and new insights in his presentations. 

PC lived being a plant, flowering and blessing others with his life and words. He blessed others by living his vocation. Now he rests in his eternal home. 

His smile and warmth are the memorials in my heart!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

The parenting strength!

I was fascinated by the sight of the thickness of the stem on which a small custard apple was hanging in our garden! I wondered if such a thick stalk was needed to carry the weight of a fruit which is only about 200 grams in weight. Is it  a unique feature of this variety of custard apple ?

A cloe look at other fruits and flower bearing plants confirmed my suspicion that it is the pattern in the trees and plants that they bear flowers and fruits in stems that are strong enough to hold them. The fruits and flowers therefore remain protected and supported!

It is into a home a baby is born! That home holds the growing baby by its supportive, protective and enabling role! The stem and stalk that hold the fruits and flowers above, are disproportionately strong to bear the small weight of the fruits and flowers! 

That was a message that intrigued me! 

It is from a position of strength the plants support the flowers and fruits. 

A closer look at the resilience of the homes is necessary to find if the homes are well anchored to support and nurture children!

I confess from my observations that the supporting role of homes in the formative journey of children is fragile and weak when children face challenges or disadvantages. The five stages of psycho-social formation till an infant becomes a young adult according to Erick Erikson, are through stages of Trust, Autonomy, Initiative, Industry, and Identity. How dependent children are in the home and parenting support in this journey of their formative development!

I took time to review my experiences of the role of home and parenting when children go through demanding experiences! What occurred to me is that formal services to augment the ability of parents and the supportive role of a home to strengthen their resources when children go through vulnerable seasons of life do not exist adequately!

In the recent years, a small initiative that Anna and I are part of to help in forming Parenting Forum in  couple of cities, gives us an impression that such initiatives give a new flavour and direction to the parenting experiences of some families.  

Strengthening parents and the home environment shall offer promising prospects towards making parenting more effective for children to feel secure while in transitional stages of development!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Building relationships !

A plant is a symbol of new life ! Its new buds and flowers announce the vibrancy of life within! 

An infant at ten months of age who starts the attempt to stand to walk does not give up although he or she would fall several times in the process! The child often falls without hurting as the parachute reflex gives a protective cover! It is that determination which makes the child walk and run in the next few months.

The resilience of adults to remain relational is not as steadfast an it is in an infant to overcome the hurt suffered during falling while attempting to walk! 

The adults dwell far too long on hurts, disappointments or loss suffered while relating to others. The broken relationships lead to estrangement, animosity or indifference. 

I attended a meeting recently where most people I knew during my student days were the participants. It was while being in the meeting, I thought about the distance in relationships that come up due to differences of opinion or attitudes or way of life! What separates us from others are unforgotten memories or unforgiven thoughts! 

What unites us or brings us together are many experiences of shared journey that differences would naturally get subsumed. It needs the vision of the journey ahead! An infant focussed on walking uses the experience of falling to learn how not to fall but to walk steadily. 

At the end of the meeting it is this feeling that stayed with me. We have a lot common with others that stresses or strains in relationships are means to help us to grow in endurance and tolerance to continue building relationships. 

I returned from the meeting experiencing the joy of building relationships overlooking the differences and distractions. I felt how accepting each other and endeavouring to be relational can bring an inner ambience of comfort and hope !

The plant lives its life giving and losing. It loses its flowers, but grows to give more! 

That is a mission worth pursuing in life!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The flowers and fruits !

Many flowers in the cashew tree, but only few fruits ! That is the pattern in some fruit bearing trees. Each flower in such trees shall to become a fruit! 

I have gathered that yield of fruits can be increased by timely modification of the soil environment by adding fruit yielding enrichment of soil with nutrients. 

The Rambutan trees in our garden are now in the stage of flowering. Our gardener has been supplementing the trees with nutrients to increase the yield of fruits. The language used in farming circles to describe this activity is- more 'conversion from flowers to fruits'! 

The human side of  this phenomenon, is  how much we go out of our primary orbit of being to become mindful or useful for others ! It is not enough to be an achiever with credentials ! The credibility of a person is dependent on how much that person is a giver rather than only a taker! 

Symbolically flowers and fruits have a common purpose- they are the gifts of a plant or a tree to others. 

A fruit bears the seed in the cashew tree. The fruit therefore is the means to be 'fruitful' with new saplings from the seed.

To be fruitful would therefore be is all about self giving !

I happened to hear the life experience of a neighbour whose brother and mother have been in the hospital for a few weeks now with organ failure. He recalled how neighbours rallied around to support the families in a significant way. He talked about the surpassing ways that the neighbours offered help at a difficult time ! 

That sounded to me as neighbours becoming 'fruitful' to a suffering family. 

To be 'flowers and fruits' for others is an opportunity. That brings in to being our inherent connectedness and fraternity! 

When we carry within us an urge for promoting wellness of others,  we live our lives as 'flowers and fruits' to others! 

M.C Mathew (text and photo)

The becoming process !

It takes a week for the buds to blossom in the Lilies. It is a process that takes place  in tune with the inherent biological clock!

While the bud is a forerunner to becoming a flower, the morphology of the flower is determined by the plant. 

The Human becoming process 

The 'human becoming process' from the time a baby is conceived is determined by the genetic and epigenetic pre- determinants. Just as the soil conditions, weather and fertilisers influence the formation of a bud and its opening to be a flower, so are the influences of many details in the ambience in which a child grows up, for the 'unfolding' of him or her as a person. 

This 'person becoming' although is central to child development, is often not consciously attended to during childhood. The parenting education needs this orientation to monitor this becoming process. 

As a child I grew up in a scenic environment of a rural setting, where people lived relationally and mindfully of each other. Each family lived from the produce of the land. Most of my childhood was formed by sights, thoughts and practices I experienced around me. I would have naturally followed the path of being a teacher at the local school, because my parents lived  content- ended lives as teachers. 

But the decision of my parents to send me for pre-medical course at Nagpur changed the becoming process in my life! It took a while for me to adapt to this decision of my parents and find a meaning in their choice. It was only during the third year in the medical course, I found the vocation in being a doctor. 

This transition from becoming a school teacher to becoming a doctor happened because my parents 'saw' in me more than what I thought for myself! 

This personal experience has affirmed me that the 'unfolding of a person' is a process where others participate actively! 

The Unhealthy influences 

I have a suspicion that the becoming process of a child in the current context is lot more complex and convoluted. The media, social world, modern life style, wealth aspiration, pursuit of success in career, or acquiring influential positions in society seem to have a dominant influence in the formative process of young adulthood. 

The doctors at a Medical college in a city in the state that I live are boycotting the out patient service in protest, for getting some of their 'demands' granted by the government. 

We see an aspirational generation around us, who seek for their wellness and prospects. They would set aside the obligation to attend to the needs of those who come to the hospital, for the sake of pursuing their personal interest at any cost! 

It is this which raises a question about the human 'becoming process' ! Do we 'become' more humane or self seeking! 

The Opportunity 

I admire the graceful presence of the Lilies in the garden. Its colourfulness and waving presence in the gentle breeze, is a metaphor of a 'leavening presence' ! But for them, the garden of trees, plants and creeper would look evenly green! Its presence is a complement to make the garden look even more charming!

How Simeon, a devout elderly person, seeing Mary and Joseph bringing their son to the temple, prayed, "... For my eyes have seen Thy salvation, which Thou has prepared in the presence of all peoples. A light of revelation  to the gentiles and the glory of Thy people Israel" (Luke 2 :30-32). It was that infant Jesus who grew up to be a teacher, healer, and saviour. How could Simeon be such a discerner that he could speak about that infant Jesus, as to who He would become later in life! Simeon became pointer to Mary and Jospeh about the special vocation their son would pursue in life! 

That is the intuitive gift that Simeon carried to articulate prophetically the future profile of Jesus of Nazareth!

There are some children in our families, class rooms in schools and colleges and people in work places who have the prospects of becoming people who can make a difference! 

The opportunity to identify such people and facilitate their formation to become what they can become in future, is what elders in our homes, schools and public places ought to focus on. 

I suspect that children who behave differently or deviantly are those who need attention as there might be something unusual in some of them ! 

I am not sure if the ten percent of children who are gifted are recognised earlier and nurtured to blossom in our homes or schools, colleges and work places! 

Their fullness and prospects in future rest on the shoulders of elders ! 

The human becoming process is enabled by others who care !

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

From Seeing to an Encounter!

The Egyptian star cluster flowers (White pentas) are in full bloom in  our garden now. These star shaped flowers arranged in a circular fashion in a bunch provide a decorative look. These flowers attract butterflies and bees. They need sunlight and moist soil to thrive well. The flowers remain open and fresh for about two weeks. 

The symmetrically arranged five petals, creating a hollow in the centre, when seen in a cluster offers a visual feast.  

They are small in size but elegant with an aesthetic look !

I read in the Wikipedia that these flowers symbolise purity, innocence and honesty! In some cultures these flowers are seen as harbingers of blessings and bounty. The florists use these flowers when they want to represent peace and harmony in flower arrangements. Some cultures associate the five petals with, Air, Earth, Fire, Spirit and water or even with five senses that humans have. 

The white flowers represent beauty and love, and the purple or blue varieties represent symbols of solace in times of loss. 

This flower first described from East Africa and Arabian peninsula received worldwide attention as they are good pollinators attracting butterflies, bees and hummingbirds. 

They have medicinal value and are included in herbal menu to treat medical conditions. 

I confess that small flowers escape my attention. The flower clusters above were the first blossoms in this season, and they caught my attention. As I read about these flowers, there was a meditative orientation that had set in within me! 

Every meditative experience is a journey inwardness and deepening of the sense of awareness and presence.  I was drawn into a larger meaning of these flowers beyond just sighting the flowers! 

Seeing leads to beholding! There is a language of conversation between what we see and the feelings awakened within! 

This awakening within is what gifts us with insight, foresight and hindsight! 

That is one outcome of such an experiences of an encounter!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

About this blog !

It is only occasionally I come across in our garden five flowers in a stem of this variety of Lily, as in the above photograph. It made me pause and reflect! An uncommon sight has its appeal to arouse thoughts. 

Having crossed 5100 posts in this blog in 13 years, it is time to pause and express gratitude to all those who visit the blog regularly. I do this because the comments that I receive bring me encouragement and endorsement.

I made this blog biographical and reflective. I started writing to create a personal conversation within. It has become a space for becoming present to others. It is a journey inward that I make when I write the reflections. 

I feel grateful for the deepening of consciousness about life and its calling and the insights about life and living, which this daily exercise of writing brings to me. The inner journey is a sacred and solemn experience. It creates awareness about the direction of daily living-towards confessing, loving and forgiving! 

I wonder if I can request feed back from some of you who visit this blog, on its content, readability and its personal appeal! 

That you for your response!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)