Becoming fruitful !

The red and yellow Rambutan fruits in our garden are ready for harvest. The flowering started in February and now the fruits are ready. 

I noticed a few transition stages in their growth to be ripe fruits. The flowers when became raw fruits at the early stage, the trees dropped many raw fruits. A few weeks later, the wind and storm caused damage and many more raw fruits got dropped. When the fruits were reaching the maturing stage about six weeks ago some more were lost. What survived are now ripe and fully formed fruits. 

The fruits which got dropped became the manure for the tree. The soil received them to nourish the tree. 

What was evident was that the trees did not have any tender leaves during these preceding months. The trees converged to nourish the fruits. In one sense the fruiting season is when the trees turn the attention from growing to fruiting! 

This is an annual feature when the trees have about five to six months in this stage of flowering and fruiting. 

As we distributed the fruits to about twenty-five families in our neighbourhood, Anna and I found that this annual feature, since we returned to our cottage to live here twelve years ago, has a vibrant story to tell us about life itself. All the trees were planted when we arrived to live here. Now all the five trees grow to give. 

This is a life lesson for us- Grow to give! 

A Rambutan tree becomes the tree that it is meant to be, only when it flowers and gives fruits for others to receive them. 

Life is fully lived only when we offer the fruits of our lives for others to receive! 

What is this fruit of full living! 

It dawned on me while visiting two homes yesterday that just the visit sparked an encouragement in the families. Both families have had  some difficult times recently. I returned feeling awakened to the resilience they carry within ! They live in the midst of illnesses which they endure and yet feeling ready to move on! 

The South African thought of 'ubuntu' which Arch bishop Desmond Tutu often referred to represented a vision: each person becomes a person by being with others. 

We as humans are relational beings helping each other to become fully human and humane. This dual journey is the formative journey that we embrace more so in mid-life. The journey beyond mid-life is to become an elder ! 

The fruits above in the Rambutan tree are ready for anyone to relish! Our lives too are an offering to bring hope and purpose to the lives of others! That is the calling in life! 

I ponder and pause to internalise this truth more!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Doing good as the motto !

 

The flowers in our garden look different since the monsoon rain subdue their colour, vigour and odour! The usual fullness and fragrance are missing!

This season was to be a celebration time for students waiting to begin their academic year in schools and colleges in India. 

However, the students waiting for their medical college admissions got disappointed as the National Entrance and Eligibility Test for which they appeared was cancelled due to leakage of the test paper. Now they await for the next test and the academic year for them would begin two or three months later. 

Every year in the recent years, there was a strong suspicion of some disorder in connection with the organisation of the entrance test for medical admission. 

This brings back a debate that some teachers in medical colleges raised when the national entrance test was imposed. The concern was the transparency and integrity of the system in setting the examination paper and valuing them, more so, the valuing was to be done digitally with hundreds of supervisors involved in this process !

Now that suspicion is upheld with the government cancelling the examination and ordering for another entrance test! The corrupt practices of leaking the examination paper to gain financially is now under investigation. 

The beautiful flowers in the garden get dampened by incessant rain. 

The moral decline in value system and the indulgence in practices to gain financially impair the ethical standards needed in such situations. 

This is the down side of life style changes in the society where success is attributed to being wealthy. The wealth acquisition becomes a greed and people succumb to this violating all moral precepts. 

The escalating war in West Asia, caused by irresponsible acts of the USA, Israel and Iran spring from such a moral distortion. For each of the three nations, personal gain alone matters. The global value system of equity and equal opportunities for all got subsumed by the desire to control, dominate and gain financially. 

I met a couple last week end, both retired professors from the Christian Medical College, Vellore, who inspite of their physical limitations reach out to others to support them in times of need.  Their gentle message was 'Do good all the time and that becomes a leaven to influence people and behaviour'!

When the collective system fails or succumbs to existential pressures, the moral fortitude of some can become a lamp in darkness. 

I feel disturbed by the way a nation like the USA, who has 'In God we Trust' inscribed in their bills, turning to an orientation 'In wealth we trust' initiated by its current president. 

The Benedictine monks in the late 8th century who sponsored the rescue mission in the Alpine mountains to save those who were crossing the  mountain ranges when caught in a snow storm, comes back to me. They established network of mountain monasteries, valley hospices, medical dispensaries, supply depots for travellers and took care of pilgrims. The rail and road connection between Locarno and Zurich developed inspired by this noble service. The saint Bernard rescue dogs were used probably from 1050 initiated by St Bernard OF Menthon, an Augustanian canon. The Gotthard Museum located in an old road house of 1834, brings together the stories and recollections of acts of service done to rescue people from an impending calamity. 

I feel enthused by a verse in the New Testament of the Bible in the book of Galatians 6:9, ' Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up'! 

This calls for hope and doing good with liberality and goodwill! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

our garden 

The communicative presence !

I watched a single Bulbul, who was alone in the nutmeg tree in our garden, which was joined by another Bulbul and how they exchanged bird calls on a cloudy morning !

Each became present to the other! 

Becoming present in a communicative way in a conversation, is a transformative experience bringing a level of trust and nearness. 

I realise from conversations in the recent months that those with whom I was in touch were looking for sharing experiences and thoughts to receive resonances of cheer and affirmation. 

The two Bulbuls seemed to connect with each other emotionally! 

It is this which calls for attention! I felt inclined to audit how much I feel for people with whom I am in touch. Am I in touch with people for what I might need from them or am I in touch with some people for what I can offer by way of conversation, support, affirmation and encouragement. 

The way to stay in touch with people ought to transcend a utilitarian purpose! Each of us can stay in touch with some for their sake or for supporting their needs and stay near to make them feel supported!  

When a relationship has a self-giving dimension, it enables others to feel valued and appreciated! 

The communicative presence is such a way of carrying others in our thoughts and heart !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A joint experience !

This sequence of a toddler  attempting to crawl, assisted by his mother is an evidence of perseverance on the part of the child and mother! 

When the usual child development sequence is impaired, such a perseverant effort alone can make the child move forward developmentally. 

It was a moving and awakening experience to watch this joint effort of the child and mother giving a new experience for the child. 

This is an act of nurturing the initiative of a child by patient and thoughtful support! 

What was central to this effort was the gentle touch the mother offered with words of appreciation and encouragement! The self-giving mother and a responsive child in collaboration! 

The only thing we added by a word of support to the mother was to offer him a toy in the front, to have his focus on reaching the toy which becomes a motivation to move. In fact the concentration shifts from movement to playing by reaching out for the toy!

The way the mother responded enthusiastically to that suggestion indicated that the mother and child are soon going to be fulfilled by their joint efforts. 

The parenting experience is therefore a joint experience- parents and the child make a partnership for mutual encouragement!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Parents showed the way!

In the early years of my involvement in child development, I was not sensitive about the physical ambience to be made child friendly when we invite children and families for consultation. A child needs that provision for his or her attention to be drawn by sounds, sights and movements. 

A toy shelf was added to the room which made a signifiant difference in observing the cognitive, behavioural and communication levels of children. 

I recall how a child friendly ambience provided information about children beyond what parents could describe. 

From this stage,  we moved on by requesting parents to upload short videos of children taken during solitary and group play, when they request for a consultation, which helped us to prepare ourselves to be ready to make further observations by providing an environment in the consultation room, which would make the child explore and interact. 

It was from this experience, we turned to video consultation for parents who had difficulties to travel. We uploaded video tutorials for parents to take the anthropometry and screen for vision, hearing and language ability. We used protocols to get information on sleep, diet and play. 

When I retired three years ago, this form of video based consultations were available for parents located in other countries, provided they came at least once for a physical consultation. 

Let me confess, it look a while to move to this path and provide a support system for parents that was easier for them to respond to!

I have conversations with Paediatricians on the video platform now, which has evolved into a dependable communication portal for discussion on child development and rehabilitation!

Let me confess, that parents had to persuade me to shift from insisting on physical consultation to video-based conversations as much as possible. Thank you parents. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Given and carried forward!

This logo above designed in 1997, when ASHIRVAD, an  Initiative for child development and integrated living, was offered to partner with CMC Vellore to start the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at CMC,  the first of its nature in any medical college in India. That was the beginning of the speciality of Developmental Paediatrics in India. This logo inspired us because of the call it communicated to 'build to belong'. The Developmental Paediatrics Unit initiated its professional training programme in 2005. 

It will be thirty years next year since starting the Unit. 

Of all the things of significance since then, one recollection that brings a sense of fulfillments is the way a collaborative spirit emerged where parents, children and professionals became the building partners to belong to a common purpose. 

Fostering child development was that common purpose. The parents of children initiated the process; children became the focus of attention and professionals became the path finders. Thus this process became a joint building mission. 

Each child and his or her parents presented a situation that was exclusive to their situation of need. It is this experience of listening and discerning that provided to initiate the building process. 

One child we welcomed at 2 years at the Child Development Centre, Chennai is in her early forties living well inspite of few health related needs. Her parents are her unwavering supporters. They in their sixties  have their health constraints. The messages we receive from them tell us a lot about the effects of a partnership that emerged out of the vision to 'build to belong'! 

As Anna and I look back, what moves us is an outcome, larger than our dream! 

Jesus of Nazareth used five loaves and two fish, given to Him by a boy, to multiply to feed five thousand people, as recorded in the gospel of John in the new testament of the Bible (John 6:1-14).

Such surprising experiences do happen in the lives of all of us. What we witness now from the partnership ASHIRVAD had with CMC Vellore in 1997 to initiate the Developmental Paediatrics is such a surprise. There are about thirty Developmental Paediatrics Units in India which came into being since them, which train professionals in child development. 

The logo 'Build to Belong' was a vision given to us, which continues to unfold! 

We stay surprised and grateful!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Essential for an adult but not necessary for pre-schoolers

When a mobile phone becomes a toy or a pacifier to an infant, I guess it is an undesirable start for that infant! And yet it is commonly used to occupy an infant ! Having been given the phone the infant gets used to cry till he or she is given the mobile phone. A pattern which would have an inhibiting influence on the child to engage in toys for social or interactive play! The communication intent and language acquisition process might get stalled by this habit! 

During a conversation with a family I discovered that the parents use the mobile phone to occupy the child as it frees them to attend to their domestic chores. Thus the interactive and social time with the infant get reduced. For some infants and toddlers, the loss of social interaction with parents is a disadvantage leading to delay in developing social and communication skills. 

As we moved into using smart phones as against a mobile phone of the first or second generations, the phone is a mini computer where gaming,  viewing cartoons or surfing are easily possible. I saw a mother turning to her three year old son to down load a programme to watch, which showed how versatile that child was in the use of a smart phone. I do not come across the parents using the 'child lock' facility to protect the toddlers and pre-schoolers drifting into viewing what is not healthy for them. 

The discipline of using the mobile phone includes designing a protocol of practice that infants,  toddlers and pre-schoolers ought to follow! 

I feel disturbed when the smart phone is a more common toy than other toys for an infant or toddler! It is an indication of a poorly structured parenting practice !

I have in my conversations with parents suggested that they have a charting of the time they and their children spend watching any programme on the phone or TV. Some families who did that for about six weeks were conscious to monitor their habit to make it reasonable and create social interactive times with their toddlers and pre-school children! 

I want to suggest that while mobile phone is an essential part of an adults life, it is not a necessary part of children till they are six yers of age or above that!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)