Being Together !

I have often noticed a green Imperial Pigeon in our garden in the mornings in the nutmeg trees, looking for fruits. It is one of the birds who appears in the twilight time. 

I noticed a pair today, in the grooming station, being together, looking around and looking at each other attentively. Till one of them flew away, it was an unusual scene of communicating through their presence to each other. There was no chirping. The grooming was the only activity interrupting their attention to each other during the time. The way, both kept looking around with an intent to look and choose the next flight direction, I wondered whether they were a formal pair in courtship!

What intrigued me was the quiet presence, which they offered to each other. 

A home is a place where we are present to each other!

I remember, a mother telling me how much she looks forward to her husband returning home in the evenings. Their dog jumps on him and receives his attention first on his arrival. The two toddler children would be the next ones, who want to be carried and embraced. When this is over, he would greet his wife and they would sit together for a while, holding their hands. She said that this time, where they share those quiet moments, without too many words bring a warm experience of being together, before the routines of the evening takes over. 

I find that the time Anna and I spend in quiet presence creates a sense of gratitude, nearness, and appreciation. The words that we communicate after such times are upbuilding and heart warming. Such times bring an inner awareness of shared experiences and the joyful memories of the day. 

The home is a place where each person is needing attention. Most children would need parent's time in the evening to spend the leisure time together. If sometime can be spent for activities which children look forward to, then the evening times become better transition times. 

A couple shared how the evening times are planned at breakfast table before children leave for school. The joint activity with parents in the evening might be playing together, making something together, visiting, or singing, etc. As children have an idea of how the evening is planned, it is easy to get them to complete the home work on returning from school. The family time together from 6.30 pm is an entertainment time. Once it was over in an hour, it would be easy to get children to the dinner table and prepare them for the bed time around 8.30 pm. 

Even the dog gets his time to play with the ball and to run in the ground. 

I like how the TV viewing time was planned in that home. That half an hour time is, often after the home work was done. 

If a dispute and quarrel were to occur between children, they have got used to the practice of sitting down quietly for five minutes to 'cool down', after which that was forgotten and they were back to be together. 

As I listened to this evening time rituals in a home, it was clear that the parents planned well to give time to nurture relationships. To feel for each other and relate affectionately is what parents seem to have chosen as the ambience in their home. 

The structure of the time, the parents created at home in the evenings, seem to have made the evening time as cherished family time. The pressure to somehow get through the routines before bed time was replaced by a smooth transition planning to bed time. On some days, when there are interruptions with visitors, the family would compensate for it during the week ends. 

The relational dimension in a home lays the foundation for having a sense of security, belonging and acceptance. Each of us would want to feel loved and received. When that happens, most of us grow in self giving and mindfulness. A home when this spirit of caring is the ambience, them relationships become intimate, mutual and trustful. 

An adolescent boy who has some difficulties in writing, told me that he found his home and parents most supportive. While the teachers at can be demanding on him, he found his home a place of considerable support. He developed a way of avoiding  some spelling errors in with the phonetic way of writing words, which his mother introduced him to practice. 

To make a home environment supportive of everyone to flourish, is possible, when parents have found their fulfilment in each other and their collective interest and energy sustain a home!

Some families have chosen family life mentors, with whom they meet periodically for debriefing and conversation. The marriage enrichment and family formation are two dimensions that the Family Mentoring Support can offer!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)