A hiding place!

I took this photograph to get a closer look of the rain drops on the leaves! To my surprise, I found a grass hopper hiding under the leaves while editing the photo! 

It came as a timely reminder to me of  a call that come to me in 1997 to 'stay hidden' !

Anna and I relocated ourselves at Christian Medical college, Vellore, 1997, to start the Developmental Paediatrics Unit by incorporating the ASHIRVAD Child Development Centre, which functioned at Chennai from 1983.

I was given a car parking opposite the Physical Medicine Department, outside the then Nurses Hostel, which is now occupied by the Mother and Child Centenary Hospital.

There was a thick hedge of creepers on a wire netting boundary between the road and the nurses hostel compound. There was one parking space with other cars on both sides. I saw the name boards for the parking space of other cars. I could not find my name board, although I was told by the General Superintend's office of that being my parking space. I went under the creeping foliage and noticed a name board hidden with my name. 

On the first day at the hospital, I thought that this hidden name board had a meaning and message!

When I went to meet the Director and the Principal, I got a similar orientation from them: "It was not common to welcome professionals for a lateral entry at CMC. But they made the exemption for me because the institution was keen to start a specialty of Developmental paediatrics at CMC in its Centenary year and wanted to acknowledge the good work we were involved in with ASHIRVAD. You might have to remain hidden for a while in CMC before you are recognised or valued"! 

'Remain hidden' as a say of living at CMC for the next fifteen years before I retire at 60 years! It came upon me as a call and vision! I remember going through that experience as a comforting and directional path for me. By them there were already some indications of dissent from some faculty, about which I came to know personally when one administrator told me, that he being part of the administrative team had objected to inviting me to join CMC. There were questions asked about the privileges given to me at professorial level for housing, salary, leave benefits, etc.

During the next five years, it was pleasure to live and work anonymously! Th first public appearance I made was to take the series of weekly Bible study for the final year students. That became an opening for being in touch with students. By then there were some good relationships with the faculty and the work of the Developmental paediatrics was progressing well. I was told firmly by the administration that I could not continue seeing patients late in to the night. But to cope with the extra load of work, the administration sanctioned a post of another consultant. 

There was a gradual departure from the original desire to 'stay hidden'! I thought the opportunities and invitations were occasions to do good. The major challenge was the invitation to be a deputy director in the seventh year of being at CMC. That was when I was keen to conform to my earlier choice to stay hidden. But the then director invited Anna and me for lunch and persuaded us to make an exception to accept the role and be involved in the human resource planning for the middle level faculty! After another three months of resisting it, I yielded to the persuasion. Two years later, it led to becoming an associate director. I discontinued form that position after two years when I found it difficult to be reconciled with a choice the institution made on the undergraduate admission policy.  

I look back at those four years and still keep lamenting about the departure from the initial choice I made to stay hidden! The only comforting thought about this experience is how graciously God turned that slip into an opportunity to be involved in planning and organising of the faculty retreats, 22 of them, which get referred to even now  by some senior faculty as life changing experiences! 

I feel I made a similar breach of my calling, when I agreed to be in the governing board of CMC Vellore and its chairman in 2012. I yielded to pressure and persuasion on account of my regards  for the then director. The first three years turned out to be a valuable experience and helping in evolving a futuristic direction for the institution. On a few occasions, I was able to help in some directional changes which were most valuable for the institution.  Even this ended up in me having to leave the position after four years due to my inability to conform to some choices that I was forced to consent to!  

There are times, when a call is more than just a casual incident or a perception. It resonates within because it alone can make full coherence of life and its formation. 

As I watched this grass hopper stay hidden, I remembered the passage from the Bible, in I Thesselonicans, when St Paul expressed his ambition in life: ''to lead a quiet life, work with your own hands and mind your own business"!  This was a resounding message for a way of living, while preparing to relocate in CMC Vellore in 1997.  

Every departure I made became significant turning points to restore the calling and redeem the perspective to life and living!

Late Dr Hans Burki, in his life Revision Seminars at Rasa, Switzerland, that Anna and I were invited to attend helped us in this journey to live contently in our calling ! Our lives are learning resources. The losses and gains are together working on all of us for our formative growth and integrative living!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)