Fallen walls!

During the last one year, the walls in the different places in the property we live in, fell following the heavy rain-in eleven places to be precise. As the rebuilding has just started, Sasi our domestic helper, took me around for a tour of these places, where the walls fell at different times during the last nine months! 

In fact it is during the last nine months, I too had a fall from cordial relationships with people whom I have known even for twenty years! There were a few with whom, I thought the relationships would remain intact, because we were engaged in a mission to uphold values and good practices. But even this rather hopeful relationships fell apart!

So the physical walls and relational links fell apart, both around the same time!

In fact one person because of whom I was dragged into associating for a collective activity inspired me to be involved by quoting to me the Nehemiah story of rebuilding the wall at Jerusalem, stated in the book fo Nehemiah, in the book of the Bible. Instead of rebuilding, it ended up me being blamed for all the unpleasant events of the period of time when I was associated with the group. 

The wall collapses because the soil gives way due to the draining water exerting pressure on the soil!

The relational links broke down, because of pressure to conform and consent to practices or choices which were not the best of options in my overview! 

What does one do when relational links are broken down! 

The Mason who is rebuilding the wall in our compound spent the whole day removing all the parts of the broken wall and building from a new foundation. There is a pile of old stones gathered which according to him are unsuitable at least for this wall. The wall was built forty years ago and the stones bear the marks of wear and tear according to the mason! So the stones would need their surfaces to be chipped before reuse.  He even excavated the earth to get fresh mud to fill the wall! The new wine in a new bottle!

The relational links can be rebuilt only through personal realisation, mutual confession and common resolve to trust, no matter what might be the disagreements! 

During that season of intense disagreement lasting for almost a year, I wrote letters, spoke personally and took efforts to have small group meetings. I mad public confession of my acts of commission of which I was made aware of.  Even that was used against me ! So I withdrew from usual engagement with all the companions!

Watching the mason at work, I get a sense of the laborious and attentive effort to rebuild the wall and proof it from any damage the earlier wall suffered form! 

What then are the safeguards for relational links! Keep building relational links, with trust, truth, and openness as the ingredients! When this value based mutuality declines, it is important to dialogue and persuade and when it fails, step back and allow the space for each person to choose and follow his or her way in the journey! That is why we leave some relationships after a while and build new relationships. Between Jacob and Easu, in the Genesis story,  there were several years of separation following the initial break down of relationship before they met briefly to accept each other, only to choose to go their several ways after that!  All relationships are transitory except marital relationship and relationship with God, who is the substance of our being.

So in the journey of life, I carry some fallen relational links. Although with most of them, I have occasional contacts, it is social and casual !

Let me suggest at the end of forty five years of having been associated with seven organisations, with two of them from their initial period, regard relational link as an opportunity to serve and do good! In fact it is good to do good even more to those who cannot and would not reciprocate! This helps us to leave the marks of grace and not of expectation! 

I lament over the broken relational links, because, at some stage expectations and aspirations creeped in, which caused me to drift from my calling! Even the banquet, in the parable of Jesus of Nazareth,  finally ended up being the gathering of people from the streets, lanes and by-lanes, a suggestion about who ought to be our focus while offering to do good!    

As I commence to turn back and read the pages of years of history of my life that have gone by, I realise that there would be regrets, pain and confessions...

Cardinal Basil Hume, of the West Minister, London, seems to have said before his home call, about the Benedictine years of long training as a preparation for 'life, living, memorials,  death and life after death'!. 

So these reflections are both a summary and new learning !

A wall consists of stone and soil. The relational links are a confluence of seminal values and acts of kindness!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)