The falling petal!

It was the last petal of a blossom of lantana flower falling off following a shower and wind!

The stem which was home for a blossom was finally bare. 

A symbol of presence and absence!

Our lives are a blend of presences and absences.

Being a only child to parents, they cherished my presence with them till I left for college, initially at the Union Christian College, Always and later at SFS College and Government Medical college, both at Nagpur. The tis the beginning of long years of absence from physical proximity to my parents. My father moved on while Anna and I were at CMC Vellore. We returned to be with my mother in 2012 and she too moved on two years later. The companionship we offered to her did not take away the sense loss she experienced for my long years of absence form home on account of working in other parts in India or overseas.

My absence form my home surroundings became a presence to other situations. Anna and I spent two years in Pune, with Anna working at N M Wadia hospital while I pursued my community medicine post graduate training at the BJ Medical college. it was during that time some valuable friendships developed which we still regard and maintain. George, a dear friend was the one who taught me scooter ride in his own scooter. George Jacob and Mary were tow friends with who we had lot in common during those years. Anna and I remember the distressing experiences that Mary faced when she lost her brother in a road traffic accident. The experience of accompanying them during that difficult time gave us san introduction to the mutual benefit when we walk with those who are grieving. George and Mary were a good examples to us of the way they cared for their parents and offered a genuine concern whenever possible. Toji was another young man, who was a regular visitor to our home and became a friend who thought of us fondly. He and later his wife Elsa were friends through whom we got to know a lot about the way the new generation of younger people viewed life, work and family life.  Both Mary and Elsa took premature retirement in order to be avaihalbe at home to support their children. They chose to accept the reduction in their income for the sake of upholding quality of life in the family.

We had two spells, one year each at the Christian Fellowship hospital, Oddanchatram. It was during this two seasons, we got a glimpse of the essence of 'living in a community' accepting a 'simple life style, sharing a common purse without a salary and working primarily through the hospital for those who were socially and economically disadvantaged.  Meeting Mr Cherian, a laboratory technician, and Ms. Kunjamma at CF hospital, a senior nurse who were with Dr A K Tharien and Dr Jacob Cheriyan, the founder members of the hospital, were seminal events in our lives. Mr Cherian, who by them was getting visually impaired, gave us a gift to start a Child Development Centre at Chennai, when we left the hospital in 1983. 

Getting to know Dr Tharien and Dr Cherian even more were significant experiences. I had known them from my student days, when they used to visit me at the Medical college Hostel, Nagpur whenever they came for any meetings or passed through Nagpur. Knowing the special circumstances that I was going through, they offered me a loan scholarship from the Christian Fellowship society, Oddanchatram which along with a merit scholarship I was getting from the government reduced pressure on my parents in supporting me fully financially. When I returned the loan money in 1975, to the CH Hospital, they refused to accept any interest, which too was an unusual gesture. The two people who influenced my thinking on the vocation of Medicine were Dr Tharien and Dr Cherian. Their homes contributed to our formation and expansion of thinking. 

The year, in 1977, spent at the Mahatma Gandhi Institute of Medical Sciences, Sewagram stands out as a critical event in connecting us with the history of the post-independent India. Dr Susila Nayyar, the founder of the institution, a former Health Minister in the Jawaharlal Nehru's cabinet, the first prime minister of India, was also the head of the department of community Medicine, where I spent a year. Dr Nayyar was also the personal physician to Mahatma Gandhi. The ashram at which Mahatma Gandhi spent about 15 years or so was close to the hospital. Dr Nayyar, in her early seventies at that time, for some unknown reason would call me to her office for conversations. She wanted me train myself in community paediatrics. So half of my time at work was in department of paediatrics. 

It was during long hours of meetings with her at least twice a month, I got introduced to the aspirations and longing of the leaders who envisioned independence for India. Her life and vision for India was deeply rooted in humanitarian, altruistic and service spirit, which moved me often, when she illustrated her story with some personal examples or from what he knew of Mahatma Gandhi and Jawaharlal Nehru. In fact as a mark of identification with the national spirit of self reliance, I was wearing clothes made from hand spun yarn for ten years by then. May be it was this discovery that Dr Nayyar made about me, which made her give her time to prepare me for a long term service at the Medical college. When I decided to leave to Nagpur for further training in Paediatrics, she invited me to come back to work after three ears of training. If I still carry a slender interest in party politics in India, it was because of this contact with Dr Nayyar, who showed me from her example, that political affiliation was to serve people and make India a better place for the marginalised. 

The time at the Medical College, Nagpur was a formative experience of considerable significance, thanks to Professor Dr Mrs Deshmukh who gave me considerable attention in sharing her clinical skills of diagnosis and management. The beginning was a difficult experience. Another senior professor who was in the selection committee had ignored my application two times even though I was the first eligible candidate in the list for section. He preferred to choose on two earlier occasions others under some pretext or other. As this professor was not in the selection committee on that occasion, I got automatically chosen. That gave me an opportunity to choose Dr Mrs Dr Deshmukh as my post graduate guide, which made all the difference. In fact she even encouraged me to conduct the first exchange transfusion for a new born suffering from jaundice during my training. Although I had some difficulties with the other senior professor, it got resolved and my training period was a memorable experience. I was not fond of child neurology, but had a special interest in Neonatology and paediatric cardiology. This was also because of the advanced skills which Dr Mrs Deshmukh had in these two sub-specialties.

At the end of my training I had made up my mind to stay in teaching profession and joined the faculty at the Nagpur Medical College. But six months later, there was a call from CMC Vellore whether Anna  and I would relocate ourselves at Vellore. Arpit was then two years of age. It was following the suggestion of Professor Shead, who with his family was returning to Australia after serving CMC for about ten years. He thought that Anna being an alumnus of CMC, might make a contribution to the student community! In fact his prediction came true. Anna became the professor of Pharmacology and served as women's hostel warden, and as the co-ordinator of the department of Continuing Medical Education during our second term of service between 1997 and 2010. 

Our first term of service in CMC Vellore was from 1980 to 1982. The term of two years was an outstanding experience of working with Dr Malathi Jadhav, a professor of unusual clinical skills and high academic standards. I felt grounded in approaching complex clinical situations. It was an experience of learning child health related matters from a wholistic and family perspective rather than only from the perspective of childhood illness. 

Leaving CMC Vellore in 1983 to start a child Development Centre at Chennai was because of a sense of call, about which I shall refer to later. The time of two years was full of experiences of lasting  impressions. Some faculty whom I remember now who influenced me are Drs. P Zachariah, Benjamin Pulimood, L.B.M.Joseph, Jacob John, C.K.Job, Sushil Chandy, Paul Brand, Earnest Fritchy, etc. One medical student whom Anna and I got to know then, with whom we have contacts even now is Dr Joy Thomas and his family. Even that story would need a mention later because it has been a formative experience in my life.

So looking back, it is only be letting go, any one of us can move in life. For me, some of the above experiences where I experienced the trauma of leaving from my family situation or choice was because of having become comfortably present in one situation. Leaving the familiar setting meant beginning all over again somewhere else. To be absent from your place where you have sent roots, offers an opportunity to move on life to be present in another context. 

The petal in the picture was loosing its place of belonging in a flower, when it was falling on the ground. Once we have done done what was assigned to us, there is a final departure for all of us. 

But before that happens, often our lives have several experiences of  presences and absences. It is only when we are comfortable to be absent, we can be present!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)