I almost missed it!

I was on a morning walk after the drizzle to look for water drops hanging from the leaves. That was when I noticed the lantana flowers outside the kitchen.

It was only when a butterfly got disturbed by my presence, I noticed its presence!

It is likely that we go through the daily chores not noticing some events of significance! I feel such instances are too many, when we feel pressured by many things to do! Most of us have many things to do, however one might try to keep things in order. 

One experience I begin to trust more is the value of being still or pausing in between. That is how one returns to be in touch with oneself to have a personal audit of order and wellness. 

Yesterday, a colleague asked me yesterday, 'are you under any pressure'? Yes, I was under pressure due to the undergraduate lecture that I had to take at 2 pm. Although I was ready with the content of the lecture, I felt anxious as to how I might be received by the students! As students do not come to my specialty for their clinical posting, I have limited contacts with them. Except a few who keep in touch with Anna and myself for personal reasons, there is a strangeness with the present batch of students. Now that Anna is not involved as the research co-ordinator, all forms of formal contacts with students have declined.  Why should students reach out to some of us who are much older, when there are limited natural opportunities! 

So it is for the faculty to create those opportunities. Dr Rex, the former Dean, of the college suggested to Anna and myself to explore if a foster parenting process can be introduced for helping students in their formation! The Dean formally proposed to the faculty and even prepared the list of the faculty who might be able to offer this support for students. After four years, Anna and I have found the contact with about twenty student valuable. Some personal conversations and formative engagements do take place when we meet for the foster fellowship. 

One foster student mentioned to me that it is difficult to break the 'hierarchy' that exists between students and the faculty! Also there is suspicion about the intention of the faculty! In fact one student of the first foster group mentioned to me once that, 'The students wondered whether our interest in students might be because of a reason for benefit'!

While at CMC Vellore, the foster students were like family members who ket in touch and got involved in our lives. They found it normal to drop in and share in the tea times or meal times and thought of us as their companions. Some of them who are in their thirties and forties living in different places still reach out to convey their thoughtfulness. I received a message this morning from two such friends remembering us.

During this journey of life, we can appear 'busy' and carry on and live unaware how much we miss because we do not live vigilantly. The is what happened when I almost missed the butterfly this morning!

So when I went for the lecture, I wanted to make it as an opportunity to open myself to them with regards and welcome for building relationships. That did yield some good outcome. One student came to visit to speak about the lecture and share briefly about some experiences. Another of couple of students came to invite me for the inauguration of the park they are renovating in the college campus. Another two students came to invite for the formal occasion of the installation of the new college union. 

I have had some difficult conversations with students on certain matters such as initiation of fresh students, approach to learning, meeting etiquette during public meetings, inter-batch relationships, cheering instead of jeering during performances, etc. Such conversations seemed to build some relationships. But it has not gone beyond! 

The faculty-student relationships are being redefined in many institutions. The educational institutions in the recent years have become more focussed on preparing students for employment! The formative and personal all round development do not receive sufficient quality of input from the faculty! In the medical colleges, the students have begun to join for preparation classes, organised by private agencies,  for entrance test for the post-graduate examinations.  This suggests that from the time a medical student joins the medical college, the focus is on getting into post-graduate training rather than make student life to be an experience of transition from being a medical student to a doctor. Most students take two or three attempts to get into post-graduate admission, during which period they are fully engaged in academic learning through coaching programme. For about two or three years after finishing the qualifying examination, the focus is on class room learning in the coaching centres! If almost 100 percent of students have to go through the full time coaching programme, which is financially demanding on them without a salary, then we have already rewritten the earlier emphasis of skill and personal development during the early years of medical education! 

During my involvement in the governing council of CMC, Vellore from 2013 to 2017, I made an effort to resist this trend for medical students and free CMC from this memory based entrance test for the post-graduate admission and stay with one CMC used to conduct of fifty or so years where clinical, reasoning and observational skills were tested to qualify for the post graduate admission. Now even CMC Vellore has to conform to the national entrance tests. 

I get a sense that the next generation of doctors begin their medical service with heavy debt of bank loans, which they have incurred for their undergraduate and post graduate trainings and coaching for the entrance tests.  They feel burdened by this obligation to clear their debts and therefore are less socially sensitive to make their service as an offering to the most needy! 

It is this additional reality which invite Anna and myself to be even more involved with students so that they have conversational opportunities to explore their own call and sense of purpose in being doctors. 

Anna and and I celebrate all the opportunities for doing it. I hope we relate to students thoughtfully, caringly and self-givingly! 

Even this is at risk of losing, if we condition our availability to the students based on the immediate outcome! Being with students informally is an investment for their formation! I draw a lot of encouragement from Anna for this, as she is naturally oriented towards the students!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)