I watched this pair of white Ibis moving away from each other, while finding the feed from the lawn. I found it intriguing that they moved away from each other, separated by a narrow stretch of barren land. Why is that hey could not be beside each other!
This sight kept returning to me as a metaphor!
During my recent years of involvement with families I noticed a phenomenon that was not so evident the past in family life. During the COVID season both husband and wife would have been working from home. The prolonged physical presence at home made them share in the experiences of the day that earlier conversation time on return from work place was no more a practice. Due to social limitation during that time, they were confined to home in the evening and during week ends. They needed an involvement to break this monotony. The whole family, parents and children made the internet their home to do different activities- entertainment, playing games, social media viewing...!
I presume that the post COVID season has only changed the earlier pattern slightly. The husband and wife are in two different directions of pursuit. Only some are on the same page with a common pursuit!
The Ibis pair having drifted on their own for fending food for themselves would come together sometime!
This coming together is not what is happening in many families, as some addictive practices need gradual ands well planned withdrawal plan.
In order to break the ice and renew conversations and increase the sense of togetherness, I recently suggested a couple to read something interesting to each other, play carrom, Othello, Uno, or go for a walk for half an hour or cook a dish together or do something that would make them feel drawn toward each other.
The traction to go on, on one's own journey path might have happened inadvertently initially; by the time a person recognised it and took some steps to undo this, the spouse might have become reactive and unforgiving.
The resolve to avoid distance in relationship is therefore a protective and preventive step. Once the emotional distance has occurred between the spouses, without attributing it to one person alone, both spouses need to take steps in a gentle, forgiving and forbearing way to build the bridge in restoring relationship. If necessary, it is a good enough reason to seek help from a senior couple to help in this reconciling effort.
We are meant for each other in marriage. If so, growing in intimacy, trust and mutuality would be the normal and only way forward in marital journey.
The Ibis returns to be together; that is their normal behaviour.
Growing in marriage relationship is a blessed experience if the spouses can make that as their ambition in marriage!
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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