Trusting a closed palm!

 I happened to watch a bird show in a Zoo a few months ago. 

Three hens and a Rooster were moving separately in the garden. They were residents in the Zoo released from their shelter for the bird show. 

The cock was called by name by their trainer showing a fistful of food. The rooster flew to position itself on a pedestal and moved towards the feed offered. When the palm was opened it received the feed and flew away. 

Later I noticed the rooster in its shelter looking around, while visitors passed by!

A Rooster's trustful behaviour intrigued me!

Although it was tamed and trained to behave in a particular way, l still stay surprised by its behaviour to do all that it did, at the sight of a closed palm of its trainer!

How has this trustful behaviour evolved! Every time a Rooster did that was asked or expected it received a reward of acknowledgement. This conditioning develops into a habit. 

I have since watching this turned into a question in chid Development!

I watched a mother stretching her hands to carry her infant daughter. She did that a few times and did not carry her. For the mother it was fun generating. For her daughter it was distressing. After a few times of her mother not carrying her even after stretching her hands to carry her, her daughter moved away crawling to her play corner of toys. 

This sight gave me an I night to the conditioned behaviour. The mother failed her daughter from trusting her! The mother did not keep the offer of carrying her. 

There are many instance when parents would make offer to their children to make them do something they want. A five years old child in a conversation during a consultation told me, that his parents told him that they would take him to the Go-cart play station if he learned by heart the multiplication table of five. He did that three weeks ago and he was still waiting to have a ride on the Go-cart. 

There is a difference between cooed fist offer and open fist offer. The parents offered an open fist gift of taking him to the Go-cart station. The closed fist offer would have been, he can expect a surprise if he learned the multiplication table by heart. 

It is necessary to think about this in parenting practice. Often for various reasons, we are not able to fulfil a fore disclosed gift to a child instantly due to some inconvenience. For children if instant gratification does not happen it is akin to not happening. We cannot often make them wait as they are too young to practice patience and wait for the reward to come by. 

In our parenting practice, I wonder if parents can use incentive to motivate children with closed fist offers! In the closed fist offers there is no statement of time, event or object or specifics. This gives freedom to negotiate and choose the time and the reward with the child. Often they are happier with that as the decision is mutual made just before it was to take place. 

The test factor in relationship is central and seminal. By three years most children would have enough experiences of parental practices which would make a child trustful or doubtful! It is this habit,  which would stay with them when they grow up. 

I heard a statement from a wife about her husband. Her husband had offered to take the family for an outing to Munnar. He would repeat the offer to children when they ask for an outing. It was now two years. It did not happen. He would offer to come at 6 pm to go to children's park. He would return late and forget to apologise. It looks like that the family is not able to trust his offers. 

The personal integrity in behaviour is the foundation for children to learn trustfulness as a virtue. 

I heard another incident which gave me an encouragement about parental trust generating  behaviour. A mother who was to have come back for the family to go out for dinner in a close by restaurant got delayed at work. She telephoned to her husband and children and apologised.  Instead she offered to get food from the KFC. Both husband and children were delighted. A thoughtful gesture of keeping the Trust Quotient high!

I want to suggest that Trust Quotient is the deciding factor in family relationships. It is necessary for  children to grow up trusting parents; when it happens parents would also be able to trust children when they grow up.  

The Trust Quotient in relationship is the foundation for it to flourish!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)