I watched this bird moving 360 degrees in its posture! That brought back some memories.
When I was involved in the governing boards of the Emmanuel Hospital Association, Christian Medical Association of India and Christian medical College, Vellore, one discussion that I keenly listened to was on the 360 degree participatory assessment of the faculty and staff. Those above and below in the hierarchy were to give a report on the performance of a person which was then taken into consideration for evaluating the leaderships skills of a person. It looked a novel idea and I am yet to see it practiced in a manner that it was expected to be done.
It is yet another experience if a person himself or herself can take time once in three to four months to have a day of retreat to have an overview of the previous months with a desire to know more of oneself. During the years I was involved in organising the faculty retreats at CMC Vellore when Dr George Chandy and Dr Sunil Chandy were directors. I remember using three personal audit forms for the faculty to review their lives: Life, Living and Learning; Communication process ; and Relationship process. Subsequently, I added one more personal audit tool for use during personal retreats- Life in the family. Since I use these personal audit process two or thee times in a year, I have come to believe that there is a dimension within us which remains dark or minimally known to us unless we use a structure to journey inward.
I have come to believe in the value of retreats not as a time just time to listen to what a speaker would say, but as a personal time in silence to listen inwardly and respond to the voice from within to receive instruction, revelation and correction.
It was 37 years ago, Anna and I went for our first one month long Life Revision Seminar organised by Dr Hans Burki, during which, we had a close encounter with our inner experiences. Becoming familiar with our personal biography, which exists in our remote memory, became a resource for 'revising' the way we live, think, believe and respond. It was one occasion when we realised that life was often lived like being on a conveyor belt following the routines of each day. When we feel good we celebrate and when we feel sad we mourn, both remaining in our subconscious level colouring our thoughts, feelings and attitudes. The past within us alters or guides the way we live. How enriching it can be if we are aware of all that is going on in our lives, most of which are in the subconscious level.
Yesterday I had a dream of a bush with fruits. Someone was plucking the fruits. I got up at that time from my sleep crying and feeling sad. As I revisited this dream with seven questions that guide us to interpret dreams, I became aware of what was silently going on in my life. Anna would retire shortly and I too in a few months. The dream was a symbol of our lives. God intends our lives to be made as an offering for others. Fruits are for others. The sadness is because of 'losing our fruits' when they are taken away without acknowledgement or taken for granted! Is it not in loosing we shall gain! Is it not giving away the fruits to others the only way of fruits going life to others! They receive the fruits and might plant the seed in the soil for another sapling to grow from it! So what is sorrowful about it! It became an experience to turn sorrow into gladness at the end of interpreting the dreams. That gave a revised orientation towards others and how I can view them through a grateful optic.
Becoming friendly with our inner world of happenings, relationships, attitudes and responses become possible when we take time to be on a personal retreat. That is one step towards a friendly orientation towards ourselves. That is the beginning of a journey to discover the mystery of many hazy experiences in our lives. Life is for Living and Learning!
M.C.Mathew (text and photo)
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