Shades of colours!

This flower has at least four shades of pink. This has fascinated me. Other flowers in the same plant  show similar hues of colour. 

But some other flowers have a uniform colour.

Flowers are different in different ways. Most of the rose plants in our garden produce flowers of just one colour. 

This has led me to think about the way we view each other. We receive from others what hey offer to us. They do so based on their orientation and perception.  However different it might be from what we consider or perceive, we are still called upon to receive others and their point so view. 

In the book, 'Conflict without casualties' by Dr Nate Regier, the co-founder of Next Element, a global training advisory firm specialising in leadership communication and building cultures of compassionate accountability has a lot to say about differences being a complementary virtue in most occasions. Our differences in thoughts or behaviour do not become a reason for conflict, but a means for diversifying the perspectives. That is what fosters growth in thoughts and breadth in perception. 

People are dissimilar and so are their thoughts and behaviour. 

So conflicts are inevitable. Conflicts produce energy and an opportunity to revisit our own thoughts and perceptions. 

How not to make conflicts to be a reason for stress and distancing from each other is the real issue! When conflicts come knocking, we tend to struggle and form opinion about others because of whom different thoughts are generated leading to a conflict. Instead, it can be a time for intense listening and careful consideration of our perceptions and beliefs. 

The purpose if conflict is to create and not to destroy or accuse each other. 

Having gone through a major conflict three ears ago, I have come to believe now that I became weary of living with differences and gave up when it was no more possible to negotiate. Since then, I have had time to think about transformative communication. We tend to turn a conflict into a drama by mismanaging the energy of the conflict by self-justification, a human urge which gets us into trouble.

The other way is to choose to co-suffer with others, which is what compassion means in Latin. Com means with, together or alongside. Passion means suffering or struggling. An approach with compassion in a conflict would let us struggle together empathetically attributing due dignity to each other and trust each other to find a way forward. There is a mutuality of regard and listening attitude which would bring new light. It is here I find now that I had finally failed, although I went a long way in this pursuit. So the conflict ended in casualty. 

I have spent last three years to practice communication with whom I have been involved at that time. Only some have responded with an olive branch. This has further shaken me because human feelings generated at the time of conflicts seem to have lasting memories. 

I can cause suffering to myself. I can cause suffering to otters. Together we can cause suffering to all around, which is what happens when we belong to a group committed with a responsibility.  

Often a conflict ends up to be a drama ending in separation or distancing. I remember some conflicts during my engagements which brought enlargement in relationships and greater nearness in friendship.  

A rose has many hues of colours and another flower might be uniform in colour. But both are flowers and colourful. They are both flowers with fragrance. 

Humans are similar by nature, different but meant to belong to each other!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)