All these Rose buds are from the same rose bush. The first photo is sharp on the flower and has absent leaves on one side; the second is less sharp on the bud and leaves and the leaves are partially eaten by insects and the third is sharp on the damaged leaves. None of the three photos truly represents the whole rose bush. But all the three pictures show that the rose bush is under attack and its wellness is already compromised.
Let me summarise, how I felt the pressure of circumstances upon my life during the last three weeks.
1. Two conflict ready nations
The two Prime Ministers who did not exchange greetings at the United Nations last week were ours and Pakistan's. The prime minister of Pakistan in rage spoke about war between India and Pakistan. The Indian Prime Minister elaborated on the challenge of terrorism and without taking the name of Pakistan classified that nation as a rogue nation. The President of the USA and the Prime Minister of India behaved in public as old school boys holding hands and tapping shoulders as if they were catching up since they last met. The President of the USA at that time was being dragged into an impeachment inquiry. The Prime Minister of india who keeps boasting about the achievement of abrogating the article 370 on the autonomous status of Kashmir, cannot promise when the restrictions on normal life would be lifted even after 52 days. All the news tricking in raise serious concerns about the brewing trouble of resistance movement, by the Kashmiri people.
I grew up experiencing four wars India fought, one with China and three with Pakistan. The former Prime Ministers did all they can to reduce tension and prevent war. The Home minister of India in the recent weeks has referred to likelihood of war and India's readiness to react. The Pakistan Prime Minister spoke about possibility of using nuclear weapons, if a war were to take place between the two countries.
It looks like both countries are speaking a language which can precipitate war and it would be the common people who would lose out in the long run. The unwillingness of the Prime Ministers of both countries to keep personal contacts alive, although officially are not able to negotiate is a dangerous situation. The back channel communications is known to occur even during extreme hostility between nations.
I became faint of heart sensing the escalation of tension taking place between two 'conflict' ready countries in the last three weeks.
2. Dim in sight
Following a viral keratitis, I have a blurred vision for the last three weeks. I remember a similar experience about 35 years ago, which took six months or more for my vision to return fully and needed lubrication of eyes for at least one year. It is this awful reality that dawned on me when two Ophthalmologists confirmed that I needed intensive therapy for keratitis. Two friends, who themselves are Ophthalmologists kept telephoning me to keep encouraging me to be diligent with treatment. At the end of three weeks, although the keratitis is probably in the healing stage the blurring of vision continues.
Although I see therefore dimly, I feel good that I was able to do all the chores I was permitted to do.
When one has a physical limitation one normally becomes conscious of it and becoems a reason for anxiety.
In the book, Self awareness, (Harvard Business Review), H James Wilson in his chapter referred to the Physical self, Thinking self and Emotional self. It is when the physical self is in stress the thinking self and emotional self suffer. I found reading that book helpful as all the articles are related to different dimensions of Emotional intelligence.
The experience of loss is a demanding state to be in. I have had to cope with a irregular heart about two months ago which has not fully resolved. I sense an apprehension about other health related challenges for which I am required to undergo tests.
One can crowd all the losses and intensify the level of apprehension. Or one can receive the changes as part of the ageing of the body and travel beyond the physical to dwell in the plane of thinking and emotional self, engaging in logical thinking and spiritual awareness.
I was helped by reading the book of Lamentations in the Old Testament of the Bible. The prophet Jeremiah, known as the weeping prophet would have written this book in 586 B.C. The fifth chapter, the closing chapter, is the one who turns the lamentations of the earlier four chapters in to hope. His concluding statement in chapter five, 'Thou O Lord, dost rule forever..'(v.19) is a note of hope and trust.
I carry that in my consciousness while I wait !
3. Children's health survey
While engaged in the health survey of children in a local school I came across a frightening situation. Many children have Halux Vulgus probably due to wearing shoes that do not match the size of their feet. A significant percent of children are overweight. Many have the habit of nail biting which affect the pulp of of their fingers. There are some children who have neurological markers.
I was appalled to discover all these which would need concerted action co-ordinating children, parents and teachers.
Most of these clinical situations would escape the attention of paediatricians whom children visit for acute illnesses. Parents might not be aware of the implications of these clinical departures. The teachers might not have all the time needed to take a remedial step.
I felt disturbed because, many children go through their childhood without receiving help to make a change.
This is compelling me to find a way forward to help children
4. Conflict in church life
In the recent weeks, the two factions of the Malankara Syrian Church, orthodox and Jacobite, have been in intense conflict on account of the ownership of the church properties. One faction is legally permitted by the Supreme Court of India to be the rightful owners of all property, which denies the other faction from using the churches for worship which they have been using for scores of years. This would mean that one faction would loose the property and the place of worship, even if that faction is the majority in that congregation.
How it is playing out in public is causing immense embarrassment to the followers of Jesus of Nazareth. The church which advocates, love, forgiveness and peace is now unable to practise these foundational values in a conflict prone situation.
Where are the Christian statesmen or women who can lead the church factions out of this impasse! The government of Kerala proposed a negotiated settlement, which was not agreeable to one section. Some church leaders of other denominations offered to help, which is yet to begin.
I remember that late Dr A.K.Tharien, a strong believer in reconciliation was involved in settling disputes between factions in the church. His approach was personal conversations with people concerned to upbuild their hope in negotiation. When a conflict arises, the emotional distance is the strongest resistance. His ability to persuade people to give peace yet one more chance helped on number of occasions.
Never have I witnessed such a disregard for reconciliation among the ecclesiastical order and the laity as it is now.
This reveals the marginalisation of the gospel and emergence of peripheral issues in the life of the church! What will church gain, when grace, love, and peace do not bind us together anymore!
5. Displaced flat owners
About 370 flats in three multi story buildings along the backwaters in Kochi occupied by people, were recently found out by the Supreme Court as illegally constructed, violating the coast line environmental regulations. Those buildings are due for demolition according to the courts ruling.
Most of these occupants would have bought the flats by investing their savings or taking loan from banks. Now they are homeless and have lost their investment.
I thought of them and wondered how they would cope with having to return to rented flats, having lost the flats they owned.
The senior citizens, working people and children alike would face serious physical loss and go through a traumatic experience emotionally.
Some would need psychological counselling.
Such a large number of flats would have not been constructed if the authorities were alert before the construction started.
Now the blame game is on! How does it help when we have pushed 370 families to their edge of existence! A ownership of a flat is the aspiration of all people. Now that is shattered!
This summary of my lamentations on account of the events mentioned above help me to see the brighter side.
Beyond Lamentations
Anna is returning today having been away in Bihar for three weeks. I read press reporters advising the government of India about peace with our neighbouring country as the only solution and not war. I am able to write although not so much to read. To be able to write without strain on the eyes is a big relief. I already have an offer of help from someone who is close to the school to raise some of the issues related to the health of children studying in the school. Some church leaders have agreed to meet to discuss the way forward. The court has offered compensation of 25 lacs to the flat owners who have to vacate the flats.
So there are some signals of hope although they are still small steps.
What is resounding in my heart is the prayer of Jeremiah in Lamentations: 5. 21, 'Restore us to Thee, O Lord, that we may be restored. Renew our days as of old..'
There is an urge to return to God, the well spring of our lives, when we are distressed.
I sense that in my own life and I hear similar aspiration in others.
The three rose buds remain in a damaged environment.
The restoration o four orientation is therefore the only hope!
He who watches over us 'does not slumber or sleep'! Thanks be to God who meets with us in our valleys and lifts our hearts to a higher plane of hope!
M.C.Mathew(text and poto)
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