The mountains and the valley get a new look with the early wrong in sun!
The darkening clouds loose their dusky impact on the plants and foliage when the sunrays fall on them!
I have reflected on this theme today!
All of us walk through the cloud of loss and grief sometime of other.
That is what a mother experienced recently when her daughter died with no symptoms of any illness recently.
Anna and I felt awful and silenced as we received the news and found out the details.
The darkening clouds do leave us helpless and grieved.
Sometimes the sun does not appear for days together. So the darkening clouds hover our inner space of mood and perception.
For all those for whom the darkening clouds cast their sorrowful shadows in life, the hope of sunrise is a difficult experience to comprehend.
Sometimes, we can accompany our friends knowing that loss, grief and doubt are there to stay and life might be a 'valley' experience for awhile.
While I was in this dilemma, I remembered reading about the experience of Sheryl Sandberg, in her book, OPTION B on 'Facing adversity, building resilience, and Finding joy'. Sheryl having lost her husband in an accident in the Gym, had to cope with the trauma of the accident that led to his health and the challenges of recovering from and be in a substitute role as a father to her tow young children.
What comes through in the pages of the book is the way she lived her loss and grief of separation form her husband Dave. She processed this by truly grieving privately and publicly and choosing to converse this with people who were ready to enter into her loss experience. She found listening to the stories of those who walked similar journey helpful because that created a bond at a deeper level.
She chose to enter in to all situations where there woeful be a reference to her husband in conversations to turn her loss into happy memories of the good times. Not act it created a compensation for the loss experience, but it became a transition to live with the loss, not in grief alone, but also in celebration. She and her children turned their home to be a place they celebrated every memory of Dave which turned out to be an experience of grateful remembrance and joy recollection.
Th returning point for Sheryl was her visit to the grave of Dave on his birthday, which was 156 days after her departure. At the end of her visit with her brother and sister, she wrote in her journal, 'We are all headed for where Dave is... I am not happy yet...I know I can survive. I know that I can raise my kids. I know I need tons of help- and have learned to ask for it- and I believe more and more that the core people are in this with me for a long a haul...But at the end of he day, the only person who can move my life ahead, make me happy and build a new life for my kids is me. 156 days in. Hopefully many more to go. So today I end this journal. And try to restart the rest of my life'.
Death is a departure, but death also is a transition into another life journey for the one who moved on and the rest of us left behind.
It is now thirty-five years since our daughter Anita moved on, on her journey in life at three months of age. After the grieving period that seemed to prolong for a year, it dawned on Anna and me that all untimely departures would have a message for those left behind. It was then we were able to find a message synchronising with our question from three important events that took place during that year of grieving! All the three events were related to bring an awareness about the unspoken needs of children who were developmentally challenged. Anita became a messenger which gave us a vocation to consider and pursue since then. When Anna and I realised from the responses of the director and principal of the institution where we working, that I was free to train myself in Neonatology or in cardiology and not pursue full time involvement with developmentally challenged children, we were left with the only choice to receive that as our calling. That is what we did. But during the next six months when we stayed on, we found ourselves restless and purposeless. There was an inner turbulence and meaninglessness that had to come to stay.
Now looking back over the last thirty five years of full time engagement with developmentally challenged children in Chennai, Nagpur, Vellore, Pondicherry and at Kolenchery, I feel that valley experiences although are painful and distressing, it can be a turning point of much significance for us and others whom we seek to serve!
It is now thirty-five years since our daughter Anita moved on, on her journey in life at three months of age. After the grieving period that seemed to prolong for a year, it dawned on Anna and me that all untimely departures would have a message for those left behind. It was then we were able to find a message synchronising with our question from three important events that took place during that year of grieving! All the three events were related to bring an awareness about the unspoken needs of children who were developmentally challenged. Anita became a messenger which gave us a vocation to consider and pursue since then. When Anna and I realised from the responses of the director and principal of the institution where we working, that I was free to train myself in Neonatology or in cardiology and not pursue full time involvement with developmentally challenged children, we were left with the only choice to receive that as our calling. That is what we did. But during the next six months when we stayed on, we found ourselves restless and purposeless. There was an inner turbulence and meaninglessness that had to come to stay.
Now looking back over the last thirty five years of full time engagement with developmentally challenged children in Chennai, Nagpur, Vellore, Pondicherry and at Kolenchery, I feel that valley experiences although are painful and distressing, it can be a turning point of much significance for us and others whom we seek to serve!
What is evident in the first photo of the mountain and the valley is that even when the dark clouds seem to cover them, the light still falls on the mountain and valley.
The light of life is present with all of us however intense and desperate our situation might be, because Jesus of Nazareth did say that, 'I am light of the world'!
That is the only good news- the valley and mountain shall shine forth one day! What is life when it has not felt the deepening and growing experience thorough encounters with a good blend of mountain and valley experiences!
M.C.Mathew (text and photo)
No comments:
Post a Comment