A pre-school child amidst adults!

Amidst an occasion of festivity of an engagement function of a couple, I found this child seated alone with his mother coming to him in between with photos on her phone, to show him what was happening at the stage, which was not visible to him from a distance. For about an hour this child was alone most of the time with his grandfather opposite to him! 

Everything about this child symbolised to me of the way our children are made to grow up. They live in the adults world and benefit from the 'generosity ' of the adults. His mother was an exception. She did come to him every few minutes to engage him, to which he warmed up with a smile and cheer. 

Yesterday in a meeting with some professionals, it came up again. How are we to engage a pre-school child, considering that a pre-school child is new to many experiences. It is only by helping a child to relate to the experiences by connecting with him with what was happening in the adults world, he would have glimpse of all that happen around him. 

This function was at a resort. I counted about seventy pre-school children in this crowd of about five hundred. Most of them were carried or made to sit in the chairs. They occupied themselves by running around. I saw some parents restraining them and reprimanding them for running around. 

I did not notice any child with a rug sack of toys or books or drawing materials with which he or she could occupy themselves, while adults pursued their interest. I wonder why parents do not carry a rug sack of materials that children can be occupied with, when they have to go to places where adults would need to socialise! I wish all tourist resorts or entertainment parks would have a children's corner, where children can be present to explore their interests with toys and activities under supervision!

Think of the paradox! Adults bring children to a place where there is no play pen or outdoor activities designed for children. I thought that it is mandatory for tourist resorts to  have a place designed for children.

Parents forget that the 180 dB live music, flood lights everywhere, crowded place with adults trying to have a conversation amidst the drowning music, and food meant for adult's palate can be intimidating to some children. I noticed infants and toddlers incessantly crying while being carried. I presume that it was due to the high decibel music which was heavy on their ear drums. What appeared to be an evening hour of fun and relaxation for adults, was not so for the pre-school children. The absence of the older children in the gathering did suggest to me that they had the option of  choosing not to come for the function. The pre-school children had no such option. They are made to follow wherever parents go. I know of some families who take pre-school children to late cinema shows thinking that they would sleep. Instead they stay awake watching the 'adults only' scenes. 

I wondered while sitting in that place, whether a pre-school child gets mindful response even from his or her parents! The primacy of attention for the needs and aspirations of a pre-school is not given to them. 

If children at this age of one to five years were to grow up in an adult's world, they would receive attention based on how adults view children. Adults want children to be well fed, well dressed, well behaved, well educated, etc. 

But what a preschool child needs is a physical space at home where they can create a child's corner, emotional space to relate to parents intimately, social space to have meaningful relationships with other children, moral space where they watch values and virtues upheld and practiced and a cognitive space where their enquiries and interests are attended to, to expand their knowledge and thinking skills. 

I wish more parents would make their homes child friendly. I wish more parents would consider the pre-school years as formative and be more attentive to their felt needs and unspoken needs!

All pre-school children have only one childhood. As parents we have no option but to upbuild them during this period, which would be a foundation for their future formative experiences. 

This blog appears like a lamentation! After forty years in Child Development practice, I do feel that a pre-school child grows up in an inhospitable environment at home !

The place where I work is entering its second decade this year. My earnest hope is that we would engage parents to think mindfully of a pre-school child and make their homes more child-friendly!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)