The three views !

Two flowers when viewed from right, left and from above gave me three different views of the same flowers. I took time to get a sense of its meaning in the day-today life experiences. One sidedness is the norm, when we view circumstances, conversations, news, events and reports. 

During the on-line conversations with families from few countries yesterday, I got a clearer view of the way families view children from the adult's perspectives. Most parents who moved to other countries from India following the job opportunities that came up in a big way during and after the COVID season, took up jobs which make them work on shifts in order to take care of children. Most parents having been tired by their work schedule leave children in the day care support centres or allow children to occupy themselves in watching TV or use mobile phones to surf the internet. I felt disturbed and frozen by how parents disregarded the need for children to be engaged in childhood experiences of outdoor exploration, meeting other children to play with, family times of interaction, pursuing activities of singing, paper craft or indoor games or planned activities during the week ends or guiding siblings to plan for joint activities !

I found most parents self absorbed in activities of their own personal pursuit! This is one sidedness! We fail to see the needs of our spouses, children, neighbours or people living in disadvantaged situations. The culture that surrounds us is acquisitive and possessive that it is pushing us to in conform to it to achieve whatever seems to bring social standing or acceptance dominates the thinking of many. 

From this one sided view, it is important to move to an integrated view of life, living and learning. 

When I put all the pictures of the flowers I took, I noticed the reflection of the flowers in the water,   an ant in each flower feeding on the nectar, the changes in the hue of colours different light conditions brought to the flowers and a breathtaking view of the spectacular order in the arrangement of the petals to create shape and symmetry. A flower from a distance did not reveal all of these. 

The compulsions on families are many. Amidst this, children need space and attention in a more effective and sustained way in our lives. Parents need to grow up as children grow. To  be able to regard and approach children corresponding to the changes taking place in their lives and be relational to give and take, is what seems to be less common now-a-days. We force children to conform or leave them unattended.

Hearing children to listen and discern is one dimension that needs attention in family life. A child becomes noisy by crying more often that is needed or appears mischievous because that seems to be the only way a child seems  to receive attention. 

I know of a family who having noticed their five years old son is noisy and disruptive, chose to give him time in the morning and evening by doing several activities of his interest. In three weeks he was talking and not crying as before. 

To bring children in to the focus of our attention is one way of cultivating an integrated view  of family life. An adolescent boy or girl or a grown up son or daughter need attention and affirmation that would make them stay endeared and communicative. It is no more telling them what to do, but gently and lovingly helping the to chose wisely and discerningly!

Parents feel lonely because they do not get enough of regards from children and children feel distant from parents because parents are forcefully demanding and less caring!

I find these two flowers symbolic of a message. There is more in a flower than one can get from a distance. It is coming closer to view the flower, one gets  a rounded view of the flower and its pot. 

Parents and children need to come closer and feel the joy of mutual discovery. 

Parents need to discover their children and children their parents! Parents are changing; children too are changing. Parent-child relationship would be therefore dynamic. 

Let us reset the common ground of meeting between parents and children regularly! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)