Children, who formed my thinking, 2012-2022

I have felt moved to visit the photographs of hundreds of children I gathered during the last ten years, while working at the Developmental Paediatrics department at MOSC Medical college. These children influenced my thinking, shaped my outlook and prompted me to stay focussed. 

Let me share some insights that enhanced my understanding of Child Development of pre-school children, during the last ten years, some of which were first time discoveries. 

1. Children who are disturbed

The two children above represent children who live alienated, disturbed, grief stricken or depraved. They are often thought to be disruptive or misbehaved. But what they carry within themselves are events and stories of sadness and anguish, because of which they live expressing  discontentment. 

I am not sure if they are understood at home or at places where they go to learn. 

Every time a pre-school child is sad, there is a lot more hidden inside which a child cannot express as they cannot process the turbulence within. What they do is an aberration of what they feel within. It is necessary to draw near to a pre-school child who is sorrowful or angry to get a sense of what is going on within. The is possible only when we stay calm and inquisitive even when a child is reactive. Most children hide their disappointments till they can no longer carry them. When an outburst takes place through a disruptive behaviour like throwing or hitting someone, think of the inner state of that child. He or she is in. state of not being able to cope, which is why the express the way they express. They are yet to learn a sober way to communicate. 

2. Children who feel displaced

A child at the beach selling toys and singing to families drew my attention to listen to his story. He earns about thirty rupees by this form of 'begging' in order to take care of his sister and sick mother. The other photo of another two children selling flowers at the way side do that in the morning and evening, when children are not at school. The children make flower garlands while at home to sell in the market. When children are at school their mother cooks. They earn just enough to subsist. Their childhood is taken away by the force of circumstances and are already 'working children'!

Sometimes our children get displaced because parents are preoccupied with work while at home. Some parents convert home to be an extension of their work place. We are working parents who act as professionals at home and feel disturbed when a pre-school child wants to take our time and attention. 

There are other ways of displacing our children- emotional distancing, indulgence by letting them watch TV or play with mobile phones, or leave them unattended in the mornings and evenings, when they are looking for parents to become their play companions. Most pre-school children find play as a medium of finding meaning and pleasure. 

3. Children who are trapped

The photos of two children below remind me of the traction children suffer from the media world. I feel appalled to discover that there are children from almost six months of age who get introduced  to the TV and Mobile phone. 

The human interface which they need for developing communication skills, social interaction and attachment behaviour get displaced by the media world that they are exposed to. It is a sign of failed parenting under the compulsion of circumstances. 

However strongly parents might feel about giving good time to children by introducing them to cartoons, let me suggest that infants and toddlers would benefit more from the real world around them than from the virtual world, where they are made to be passive and not expected to be interactive. 

I have parents who use to telephone and TV to relax while at home. A better way to relax is by being with the pre-school child who has stories and experiences to narrate, through which we get to know more about the thinking process in a child. 

To set apart time for a pre-school child  is one sure way of moulding and helping in his or her formation. 

4. Children who are explorers

I found this child spending about twenty minutes exploring this toy and connect the shapes with the slot in the toy. It is an exercises which gives them an experience to use their visual and sensory  modalities to augment the skills they need to develop for advanced learning. The second photo of two year old is another reminder of how they develop the concept 'me, myself and mine', which is a normal child development journey towards readiness for social interactions. 

5. Children who need space at home

I felt fascinated by these two children who are self driven to play. It is this observation which helped me to be an advocate for creating a Child's corner in each home where a preschool child spends his or her time to engage in the childhood creations. 

A chid's corner at home is a dedicated space for children where parents and  children meet for enlarging the world of a child by parallel play, reading to them, introducing creative art, singing, dancing, colouring and drawing, etc. They are conversational times which form the foundation for intimacy in family relationship.

6. Children who build sibling relationship

The siblings are the immediate companions of an infant or a toddler. Both the younger child and an older child need to find in each other meaningful companionship. They grow up together in a family imbibing the atmosphere of caring and  sharing which form their character. I feel inclined to explore this more and reflect on different patterns of sibling relationships. One challenge is to invite older children to be actively involved with the younger siblings and find it as a pleasure in giving and receiving. 

7. Children  and out-door life

It is fascinating to watch children grow up finding the environment around their house a good enough place to explore and discover. A walk with children would be an ideal way to create a learning instinct in children to watch birds, insects, plants, flowers, stones, and so much more which take place around us. This gives children an introduction to the setting in which they grow up. 

8. Children and Pedagogy

All children need a structured learning environment to develop formal learnt skills. It starts from personal reading habits to formal schooling. It is the schooling which gives them an identity educationally and personally. A home is a place here informal learning takes place by parents raising questions for children to think and offering narrations of events with illustrations for children to have an enlarged view. It is when a child is shown pictures of Munnar or backwaters with the house boats he or she gets to capture which we as adults have experienced. 

The demand on a pre-school child to read, write or do the home work would get reduced if he or she gets help from parents to know more than what the class room requirements demand. A child is at school to know the way to learn and the home becomes the place where learning takes place to widen the horizon of a child. To help a pre-school child to develop attention span, it is necessary to introduce them to carrots, card games, memory games, paper craft, etc  which become family times and an interlude to the home work demands. 

Our aim is to help a child to be a learner by habit and instinct, rather than be a student having to learn only for class tests and examinations. 

9. Children and parenting

The two contrasting pictures of a child and mother in  communication and another mother and child looking bereft struck me to consider the circumstances in which our children grow up.

Parents are the resources for enlarging the opportunities for a child. Parents who are drawn towards their children in a self giving way make children comfortable to be themselves. They might make mistakes. What they need to receive is instruction and reinforcement and not punishment and threat to deny them of some  pleasure they are fond of. To be naughty is mischievous is normal for a pre-school child.  The pre-school child imitates a lot of what they hear and see at home, but they end up doing some things in a messy way as they perceived most of them in an incomplete way. 

Parents are providers and companions to a pre-school child. We as parents need to move away from the position of disciplining a pre-school child to being a companion and confidant. We need to be polite while speaking to them. Even when they behave angrily, it is good for us to practice soberness and kindness.

10 Children and enablers

All children would need  enablers help them move on! The role of professionals and policy makers is to create space and opportunity to upbuild them. 

Parenting is for enabling. A child would transcend his or her 'playfulness' or mischievous manners as we discern and discover the abilities which a child is wanting to express. The habit of conversing with a pre-school child is a sure way of enabling the thinking process. 

A child might resist, refuse or disrupt; they too are transient stages when they are two, three or four years old. They are discovering and experiencing new frontiers. Parental view of children ought to be that they are learners and therefore enabling is the way forward. 

Let me conclude my observations of the insights I received, by watching children and parents during the last ten years.  I express my gratitude to them for what they gifted me with.  I  share the flowers from our garden with all of them, who have been sign posts and resources in my learning journey in child development!

To all children and their families who brought a new consciousness of myriad of realities they live and experience, let me greet you with, 'Three cheers' ! You have contributed to my thinking on matters related to child development.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)