Absence from blogging!

The the longest period of absence from blogging in the recent years, was the last one week for me. 

It was a week of discoveries, turbulence, disappointments and anxiety. I felt lost in the muddle of things happening in the department where I work. It seemed that there was a traction towards inertia and apathy amidst a big challenge before us, calling us to move on. I could not measure up with inner resilience to adjust to the difficulties before me.  

A family of two children with a rare Neuro-developmental disorder seemed to have waited for one year to get a suitable time to visit us. The three departments who were involved in looking after the children did not suggest to the family to get in touch with us. It was from CMC Vellore, where they went for their needs, they heard about the department where I work now. The family did contact the department for a time to meet with us but could not get time when they requested for it.  

Among the many difficulties of the last week, it was this news that I discovered from the family who finally got to come to visit us through the initiative of a consultant in another department, which pushed me in to a state of shame and sadness. 

I spent the week in regret and grief over the distance that exists between families and this department. 

I knew that I had to recover form this shock and grief! While walking in our garden I noticed this Rembutan tree with its ornamental fruits. I plucked some and Anna packed them in packets. I distributed them to some families in our neighbourhood and in the hospital campus. 

It was during this process, I had a sense of being of some use to others. 

For senior citizens, this sense of being of some use to others is critical lest they slip in to a feeling of being redundant. 

We live among friends and foes. We receive kindness as well as inhospitality. Both are formative when we look back. 

What is important is  to free those who are inhospitable from our expectations of courtesies! They too might have hurtful experiences because of which they live reduced lives and feel distant from others. 

I realised how the inhospitable people and me are alike-self absorbed in our inner agony! 

Most of us are wounded people and some of us have recurrent histories of such experiences. In fact, it is the wounded people who often turn out to be kind and thoughtful. It is when we feel our own pain, we become aware of the gravity of pain of others.  

To feel hurt is normal, but to withdraw being kind to others is self harming!

So I return to be in touch with myself to feel the ambience of pain, because it is pain that reminds us of having to give attention to ourselves. 

One week away from blogging gave me that time to stay with myself and process my inner world of distress. Not that I have arrived, but the darkness is turning in the direction of light. 

The sight of the Rembutan fruits in our garden initiated me into this journey towards light.  Life is for fruit bearing! Fruits are given away and the tree is not often remembered till the next season of fruits. This is the cycle of life!

How are we to live then!

The tree stays where it is rooted. 

Each of us is rooted in God, 'in whom we live, move and have our being'. It is to God we shall return when the darkness intensifies because it is in Him we shall find the light to guide us!

'Lead, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom, Lead Thou me on

The night is dark and I am far from home, Lead Thou me on,

Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see

The distant scene; one step enough for me..' !

Live in the hope, that one day, none of us would have to categorise anyone as inhospitable, but all are neighbours, no matter how they are to us!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)