A friend brought me a rose flower with its long stem and leaves around it to greet me.
I noticed only two buds and a flower when it was handed over to me. When I turned it around I noticed the third bud. With the third bud, the flower received even more significance of integration, which symbolically meant to me the coming together of the body, mind, soul and spirit making life wholesome.
There are promising hidden dimensions in our lives. We can get carried away by the obvious and feel content about the state of our being. This was an example of the presence of a hidden bud, reminding me of the vigilance I need to discover the hidden joys, sorrow and insights I carry with me hidden in the biography of my life of seven decades, and yet unknown to me.
Our life is larger in content and depth than what we are familiar with. There is more to life than what we see or hear ordinarily.
As I watch this flower in the vase on my table I feel grateful for two experiences. First for the one who picked up the flower for me. Secondly for the bunch of buds and a flower as a pointer to expanding my outlook. Another journey to discover more of what is hidden in my life and in the life of others commence now.
How unwise I would be if I were to view others based on the obvious and the external! They are more than what they reveal. There might exist in a deeper plane more sober and pleasant truths in their lives.
All relationships require this orientation. Each of us is growing and expanding in our inner consciousness. When we meet with a friend after a while, we do not meet the way we left the previous time but and as new people with fresh insights and different orientation. Tis is also a challenge. To be open enough to hear and feel about the way the other person is changing with new discoveries needs patience.
I looked at some easy and difficult relational experiences of the last one year. The easy relationships were on account of listening to hear and receive and accommodate the new orientation of that person. The difficult relationships were on account of not being able to align with some perspectives. The differences in perspectives could not be mutually accommodated. What was wise in such situation was to accept to differ and put no pressure to conform to each other's perspective. I remember waiting for almost two years hoping that differences would not divide or disrupt working relationships. But the differences turned in to a hostile outlook.
I wish I had pursued to resolve it. I went a short journey to do so. But could not stay in that course for too long. Looking back over what happened during the two years of learning to stay open, I found that the changes taking place in orientation became too divergent to be coherent. So some relationships would break down.
I can now recall how different orientation to life and working style can position us in an incompatible situation in relationships, that it would be necessary to withdraw from stressful relationships peacefully and cordially. This withdrawal can be temporary to give soberness a chance to mediate between people. But it can be also a long drawn process where meaningful relationships are difficult. When that occurs, part as friends allowing freedom of space for each person to pursue the direction that seems to be right. It is important to bless and thank each other when relationships come to a natural ending at a depth level. From then on it would be casual friendships with no mutual obligations. I wish it could have been true in my situation!
But that is not how it happened at my work place in the last six months. I have been lamenting about it especially because I had almost two years or more to sense the directional change taking place in work style and perspectives in few people but left it unattended without a dialogue to find if it was reconcilable.
The people with whom we work change. We too would change over a period of time.
All of us are travellers on a journey into ourselves and into the opportunities in life in pursuit of purpose and meaning. When the definition of purpose and meaning differ between people while working together, it is natural to find a distance developing, disrupting an earlier trustful relationship. That is when, one resolves the differences by pursuing to find a middle path or withdraw from a depth level communication style. Whenever possible this is to be done respecting the other person and honouring that person for the good times in the past.
We would have acquaintances, friends, confidants companions, mentors and formators in our lives. We need to find our way of relating with each category of people.
There are more hidden truths in our lives and also in the lives of others. Our familiarity with ourselves or with others do not assure that we know as we ought to know the depths of our lives and that of others.
That is why all relations with ourselves and with others need a contemplative flavour. It was when I held the twig of the rose flower and turned it around, I discovered the third bud that was hidden. It was an attempt to discover by pondering over the surprising sight!
Our journey in life is also for discovering more from the biography of our lives and of others with whom we relate.
Remember that each bud would blossom. Just because what we discover seems to be small or appears insignificant, let us not trivialise it. Even small discoveries of truths about ourselves or about others would have the potential to blossom at an opportune time.
M.C.Mathew(photo and text)
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