We are non-starters in living till we are able to receive ourselves and consent to live with our temperament, attitude and choices. Most of us live conflict with ourselves and others because we live longing for what we cannot find or receive. There is an heightened bench mark of expectations we place upon ourselves and on others.
Knowing ourselves is the starter to say, yes to ourselves. William Try, a widely travelled human potential development specialist, makes three simple propositions to help us start on a journey into ourselves.
First get balcony view of ourselves by watching our common thoughts, attitudes, actions, reactions and disappointments. 'The balcony is a metaphor for mental and emotional place of perspective, calm, and self control. If life is stage, and we are all actors on that stage, then the balcony is a place from which we can see the entire play unfolding with greater clarity'. This proposal to emotionally withdraw from a stressful situation and watch the scene evolve with a sense of detachment when, reason and logic do not have a place in a quarrelsome situation is a sure way to stay composed instead being dragged into the thick of a disgraceful outcome.
The second is to go deeper and listen to our thoughts empathetically. Psychologist suggest that most of us have 12000 to 16000 thoughts a day, out of which 80 percent of them might be negative, ' obsessing about mistakes, battling guilt, or thinking about inadequacies'. There is a self accuser resident in our mind, binding us to a negative self judgemental mood. What if we tame this voice by receiving it and diffusing it by giving no attention to take a centre stage in our conscious thinking. What is not given attention soon looses its grip our mid set. So we overcome the harshness we carry towards ourselves and become a friends of ourselves with understanding and sympathy.This form of inward listening starts a conversation within ourselves and making us feel what is going on within us.
It is when we sense our feeling we become kind to ourselves. This empathy towards ourselves is a genuine way of becoming a friend of ourselves.
Th third way to say yes to ourselves is to uncover our deep needs. If we pay attention to recurrent thoughts, they often point to unfulfilled needs and concerns. We can ask ourselves questions about our needs, aspirations and unmet needs. The author suggest s that, 'Among our basic psychological needs, two universal ones stand out in particular. One is protection, or safety which promises the absence of pain. Another is connection, or love, which promises the presence o pleasure. How can we protect and connect? Since life is, by nature, insecure and since love often feels insufficient, it is not always easy for us to meet these needs fully. But we can begin the process'. So to know our needs is to embark on a personal readiness to live with what we have and stop striving for what we cannot have.
These thoughts by themselves do not prepare ourselves to say yes to ourselves. But they give us a way to know ourselves to the extent that we can know ourselves. The mystery that we are is beyond full knowledge.
It is because of this reality that humans turn to God who reveals more of ourselves to us, as we stay open to His presence in our lives. Those who seek to know themselves would soon turn to seek for God, because truthful knowledge of ourselves is a gift of revelation!
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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