We have about 1 kilometre long walls around the three properties we are bequeathed with.
Since we started to live in our cottage seven years ago, some portions of the wall did fall during every monsoon. So rebuilding has been an annual ritual. Every time we rebuilt the walls, we reinforced them with granite stones or cement bricks. We have not been careful enough to make channels to drain water before the monsoon started.
As I watched the Maison rebuild the wall, I noticed him choosing each stone to fit in well with the adjacent stone to fill the gap well. He had a plan and went by it. He rebuilt it to last.
Did the walls fall because they were not built to last! Every mason builds a wall to last, lest his reputation is at stake.
While I watched the Maison building the wall, my memory went back to the 1 kilometre long walls we built around the three properties during the last seven years. They were built by different builders in different seasons. Each of them had a particular style of building. We notice that some portions built by a particular Maison look different aesthetically and in its finish. No portion of that has fallen so far. It certainly speaks of his skills. Perhaps he had the benefit of better soil conditions and better water drainage during the monsoon.
Whatever might be the case, one message I receive from this frequent episodes, is that walls would fall when they are less secure or made vulnerable.
Falling is common when children start walking around one year. Adults fall when they live recklessly or dangerously or defiantly.
It was during the last three weeks I got a sense of this reality in a personal way. I experienced a few trusting relationships crumble, which I thought would be lasting relationships.
What looks strong and stable too can fall!
How are we to respond when this happens! The last and least thing to do is to blame oneself or others. It might be possible to rebuild some relationships by patient and gentle approach. But it might be hard to rebuild some relationships. When the strain of separation overwhelms, one needs to return to celebrate the season of good relationships and grow in gratefulness for it. That is one way of sparing others from one's tendency to blame or be angry.
I have come to realise that all relationships would change as we grow. What we sought from each other at one stage might not be what we need from each other years later. We need to allow relationships to change accordingly. What decides any relationship is not how close or distant we feel towards others. But how we regard others even when we have disagreements on some matters. Others are worthy of our regards and respect. When it is difficult to trust, refrain from ill will or suspicion. The cloud of strain in relationships is for us to endure it till trust is redeemed.
We tend to build relationships to last. But allow relationships to have natural closure when we feel the call to move on, on our own. The only relationship qualified by unconditional fidelity is in marriage. Therefore it has the potential to last.
While we build our lives, let us be generous to support others to build their lives. We can be generous to others when we free them of our expectations or demands. We foster others by our good will and generosity to offer them freedom to be themselves and to choose their way!
To receive gratefully and gracefully what is given and stay content when what one longs for is denied is true state of contentment.
That is the journey that I pursue for myself! When I fall, I shall resume the journey again!
Anna and I felt most surprised a few days back, when the auto driver whose vehicle we hire often, came home with a jackfruit and vegetables from his garden. He said, that he thought of us and wanted to share something from his garden. He recalled a few occasions when we were thoughtful towards him. His kindness surprised us. To be kind to others is the way of living!
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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