The 'holding strength'!

Some walls around our property have signs of weakness and appear vulnerable to fall apart! It was during the rebuilding of a wall, I discovered that long and tall walls need a concrete belt to hold the wall strong and erect!

The picture below of the building process of having a concrete belt stretching from one end to the other in the middle of the height of the wall offers protection and strength to the wall. The belt holds the wall below and above it and sustains it during adverse conditions in the soil created by flooding!

While walking in our garden on returning from the building site of the wall, my thoughts were about the holding strength. 

That is when I noticed a bunch of jack fruits hanging from the stem sustained by its stalk, which appears small and weak, but strong enough to hold the jack fruits for about two to three months till they are ready to be plucked. 

I noticed the bell fruits hanging from a stem, each fruit being  held by its stalk. The rose flowers are held by their stem.

It was when I noticed a King fisher perched in a branch in the picture below, two aspects of the 'Holding strength' surfaced in my mind. Being held and holding on!

The branch holds the King fisher because of its strength. The Kingfishes holds on to it with its paws. The branch is ready to hold the weight of the kingfisher. It is left to the Kingfisher to trust inits strength and hold on to it and rest its body on the branch. 

This duality in the holding strength, is an important dimension in human behaviour. 

Yesterday, an administrative officer told me an experience. A professional in his office was given warm welcome and freedom to organise his section and develop the service effectively, which he did for a while. He began to slip by coming late, not being courteous enough in his dealing,  avoiding to take responsibility and falling short of good practices. That professional failed to hold on to what was offered to him to stay effective. When he was asked to leave his position form the organisation, as the short comings were many, this professional realised how he slipped from his role to hold on to the trust that was reposed on him. 

The picture below illustrated to me some aspects of this duality of the holding strength. The goat tied to the tree has enough freedom to move and graze in the grass. It is held by the rope, but is given the freedom to move but within a perimeter. When we are given any responsibility at work and freedom attached to it,  it is for us to be effective and enterprising. It provides an enabling experience! Why? The shepherd chooses the best grass land and anchors the sheep to graze, lest it wanders off by tempering sights. 

All of us are held by our families, relationships we build within and outside our families. The freedom that we are offered to function from within this framework is for our good. Each of us is therefore expected to be responsible enough to function within that setting to exercise our abilities and skills. That is how we can hold on to what holds us. Being held is not enough, but one has to hold on to it by responsible behaviour. 

When I returned after the walk, Dulcie was still sitting in the place where I left her after her morning walk.  I was not sure if she would stray or wander off into the garden. I was surprised to see her waiting and getting up to walk with me into the home on seeing me. That surprised me. I experienced the duality of the holding strength in her behaviour. She walked with me for a while and when I had to go to the stream to visit the building site of the wall, she was left behind. She was given her morning walk. She was given what she needed.  She decided to hold on to the trust that she was expected to uphold by staying where I was asked her to stay!  

It was by watching the concrete belt on the newly built wall, I meandered into these thoughts. 

There is a lack of consciousness in some children in the recent times about how much they are held by their parents in affection, love and protection. Parents amidst the compulsions on their time, do not create enough opportunities for pre-school children to experience the intimacy with their parents. It is the expression of that intimacy which conveys the message that hey are being held lovingly in the embrace of their parents. When this communication suffers, the children's desire to hold on to parents also declines. That is how, the drift starts and children get enticed by the temptations around. While reporting on how children in the middle childhood get introduced to some special drinks which have stimulating substances, a psychiatrist mentioned to me that most children who were brought to him for consultation were those who had not experienced intimacy of relationships with their parents.  

The holding presence of parents in the life of their children is significant for children to grow with a sense of belonging. When they experience that, children will hold on to their parents naturally and normally, which alone will lead them to experience fullness and fulfilment. 

The 'holding strength'- it is a dual experience of being held and holding on!

For parents,  it is a way of becoming present to their child and for children it becomes a reason to keep returning to their parents! The duality in parenting function! The concrete belt was the reason for the strength of a wall; the emotional bonding between a parent and child is source of strength for parenting and child development!

This theme of the duality of the 'holding strength' is best expressed in the words of Jesus of  Nazareth: 'I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing'. (John 15:5)

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)