I had a terrible experience yesterday as I was looking for two bags and not finding them. I thought Anna may have kept them elsewhere and found myself blaming Anna for misplacing it. After a search Anna found it. I took time to reflect on my thoughtless and impulsive behaviour!
Those of us, who have had some experiences of loss often live in fear of yet another loss that might come upon us. I was in that orientation yesterday. The fear of loosing one more time ! This fear is unfounded and unjustifiable.
I was looking at some photographs this morning, in my desktop, which I have kept in a folder of special photographs.
The first one in this is one of Dr Frank Garlick, looking away into the distance in silence! I remember this scene well. We had come up the mountain with Val and Frank on our last visit to Brisbane and at the mountain top, Frank was taking in the breathtaking view of the valley all around - beholding in silence!
I recall the conversation after we sat down after that long stillness of internalizing the beautiful view! Frank spoke of 'beholding'! It is a way looking not just to see and talk about it, but allowing the sight to stay within us as a theme for more seeing even when the scene is no more in view. What we "behold", we carry with us.
It dawned on me as I reflected, that that I have the sights and experiences of loss lingering within me which colour my perception and behaviour. The interior terrain of loss makes us live fearfully, anxiously, and with suspicion! That was what happened to me yesterday.
This is a snare that we can easily slip into! The sense of loss grips us when we feel what we have been given belongs to us and yet we know as the apostle Paul says, "What do we have except what has been given"! The spirit of good stewardship is to use what we have been given without possessing it. We are keepers of what has been given to us. We can live responsibly and gratefully without the arrogance of possessing or owning, which is what make us get attached to things around us!
I have the pictures below in my special folder which have been taken over a period of about fifteen years! I go back to look at them as I find the pictures look at me and speak of all that has been given. The sights of the birds and flowers remind me of the gifts I have been given!
If only we can live in the awareness of all that has been given and remain content, we can face the losses in the way a relay racer experiences passing on the baton. There is a loss as the baton is handed over to the next runner. However it is a way of entrusting the baton to the next runner, who can complete the race that was started. If someone takes the position, which I feel was legitimately mine or I get excluded from anything I feel was mine by right, it will not be a loss, but an opportunity to stay beholding in stillness, awaiting the mystery to unfold in due time!
Jesus of Nazareth has presented a way of life for those who want to live mindful of others. 'But I say to you, do not resist him who is evil, but whoever slaps your right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. And whoever shall force you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, you shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...'! (Matthew. 5:40-43).
All the pictures above capture my attention and invite me to stay beholding the goodness of God around me, as each of the photos is about the richness of life all around us. The three birds convey beauty, composure and alertness even though they do not know where they would find their next feed.
The grasshopper on the rose is an example of the provision for those who neither sow nor reap, which we find in the words of Jesus of Nazareth, recorded in the Gospel of Mathew, chapter 6, verse 26.
'Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, neither they do they reap, nor gather into barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?' That is the optic for beholding in silence!
Beholding leads us to be assured of who we are and whose we are. We come to believe the words of Jesus of Nazareth telling us we belong to Him. This becomes the ground of our inner consciousness!
I long for this to be a growing reality!
Frank and Val offered their friendship and companionship to Anna and myself for forty five years. They shared their life experiences and these became pointers to us, inviting us to be on a pilgrim path of living freely and fully!
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