Looking upward and Forward !

The two movements that I noticed in this Tailor Bird before it flew away was upward and forward movements.

Those two movements brought home an insight that I needed in my troubled time!

I revisited an institution with which I have had some association for a while. Some greeted me warmly, some casually and some others appeared indifferent. 

That brought mixture of emotions!

How are we to face when we are in a perplexing situation! 

The Tailor bird  looked upward and forward before it took a decision to fly away!

That sight reminded me of a commissioner, about whom there is a reference in the Daniels's book of the Bible in the Old Testament (Daniel. 6:10). Daniel entered the upper portion of his nouse where the roof was open and turned to prayer three times, when he was forced to stop to pray to God. His prayer did not save him from being put into the lion's den for disobeying the King's decree, but he was protected from the lions devouring him. The King next morning brought him out of the den, rejoicing in the power of God who protected Daniel. 

I have often wondered what this phrase, that he 'prayed looking upward' would mean to me! It is when the Tailor bird looked upward, it could see the open sky! For birds, the land marks for their flight path are the different tall structures and  trees in the flight path.  It is by looking upward it moves away from the obstruction along its flight path. It is in the air it finds its flying space. To look upward also woeful mean that we lift our eyes away from the confounding circumstances that can toe us down to comfort or convenience. 

It is in the relational plane one might find some obstructions, resistance, or indifference when one chooses a path different from what is popular. Sometimes knowing that to be a reality, one needs to transcend the relational tangles and move on into the freedom of pursuing the purpose and opportunity, which synchronise with the calling from within.    

A bird while on a flight station does not make it its dwelling place. It moves between different flight stations and flight paths. It follows the instinct of finding new flight stations, which gives a bird a chance to enlarge its frontiers of sight and experience. 

Daniel by withdrawing from people who dissuaded him from praying to God, found freedom to live with an inner calling he felt in his life! He continued being the commissioner in the King's palace, but personally chose a path to live his conviction of praying only to King. the living God and not to the king. 

The upward and forward looks symbolise to me of the insight, with which we are called to live! Its is not by conforming to what seems natural, we shall find fulfilment. It is not by engaging with the  external pressures that are contrary to a pursuit, we shall nurture our insight.  It is by moving away from the compulsions of a situation and pondering over matters calling us, we shall find the next step towards the pursuit of our insight or calling. Daniel chose that path without explaining, negotiating, or justifying, by setting apart time to pray and to be quiet! During those three times of habitual prayer he strengthened himself and found the resilience to go through what might be ahead of him,  for not consenting to the decree of the King. 

I find that to fly into the next flight path is easy for a bird. For us, who are in a net work of associations with people, to move away to pursue an inner vocation, different from what is perceived to be the popular, is often followed by some consequences of criticism, alienation, indifference, and public opinion swaying against us. 

I was suggested by my professors in 1982 that pursuing further training in Paediatric cardiology or neonatology would be ideal for my professional career. I nurtured a longing to get trained in Paediatric cardiology and was in the final stage of joining for the course. It was at that critical phase, there was an awakening within to respond to the needs and opportunities and be involved in supporting  neuro-developmentally challenged children. That led to starting a Child Development Centre at Chennai in 1983 and the formation of a charitable trust ASHIRVAD. Forty years later, when Anna and I  look back, we stay amazed how that step led to the beginning of a school for developmentally challenged children at St Andrew's church, Chennai, Early Learning Centre at Nagpur, Developmental Paediatrics Unit at CMC Vellore, child development facilities at PIMS Pondichery and MOSC Medical College, Kolenchery. When Anna and I retired formally, what surprised and moved us was the evolution of these facilities naturally without us striving for them. 

But at that time when I felt moved out of the main stream of Paediatric specialties to be involved in with Neuro-developmentally challenged children, the speciality of Developmental Paediatrics did not exist in any medical College in India till the Developmental Paediatrics Unit came into being at CMC Vellore in 1997 through the joint initiative of  CMC Vellore and ASHIRVAD. I recall many dissuading voices and pressures that Anna and I experienced in the initial years. 

The services for developmentally challenged children took a new mushrooming professional response in the last forty years. Anna and I had several conversations with Mr Maniratnam, when he designed the story of Anjali, for the film produced by him in1989, to create an a arousal of social responses to children and families with neuro-developmental challenges. In the later years, we found promising responses from professionals to support children with Neuro-developmental needs. A model that evolved in the recent years is providing therapy for children, initiated by professionals. The parenting readiness to welcome and support children with Neuro-developmental needs attention, but not sufficient enough to practice   a child development plan at home by altering the parenting practices. 

When the attention of ASHIRVAD turned to this aspect of majoring on 'parenting readiness for a Home Based Learning practice' by enabling parents to be co-therapists, through the publications of Buds to Blossom, and Accompany Your Child, and uploaded videos in the social media,  on creating a child's corner  at home and play as a means of promoting child development, I found reactions from professionals and administrators. In fact, I found the resistance to this approach so disturbing that I voluntarily left recently from that place where I worked for ten years. 

The philosophy of nurturing the pursuit of developmental support for children along with creating programme for  'parenting readiness' did not find an acceptance even after that model was highly appreciated by parents from the feed back we received. This place was more comfortable with the approach of a 'Therapy centre' which to me was reducing the child developmental approach to a therapeutic model. It is parenting which promotes child development. The professionals become facilitators to support parents in their parenting role of creating facilities at home to promote child development of developmentally challenged children. I felt disturbed by the popular professional model of 'Therapy centre'! I needed space and scope for pursuing the philosophy of 'Parenting Readines for child development initiatives' of Neuro-developmentally challenged children at their homes. I felt I need a new terrain or a platform to pursue this!

Forty years later, it is another beginning towards focusing on engaging parents to create a home for developmentally challenged children to optimise their child development prospects. This means parental physical availability, adapting the home to create facilities for the special needs of a child in a Child's Corner, receiving professional help to plan for the development of the child, parents developing skills to make the home child friendly to promote child development, and enlarging the opportunities of a child to develop skills to integrate with a learning environment at school, etc. 

I know that I live in a cultural setting now when migration of professionals overseas for work and permanent residency are happening in large numbers, that in many homes (30 percent or more) the parenting of developmentally challenged child is by surrogate family members, often by grandparents, sometimes by a single parent when the other parent has already moved overseas. 

To create a Parenting Readiness Plan, is an opportunity and a challenge. 

Parents when they discover that their child is developmentally challenged, they start with an acute distressing situation of shock and denial. Their awareness of responding to the special needs of such a child is elementary or non existent. Often the seeking help for professional support would meet their needs only partly. Along with the domestic responsibilities and work related demands, it is burdensome to attend to the needs of a child who is developmentally  different. The time, facilities, financial involvements compound the difficulties. The pre-school facilities existing for such children is mostly in the urban and semi-urban areas.  The situation at home can become stressful and parents might live fully stretched. That is what takes away the joy of parenting. 

So the philosophy of pursuing the plan for 'parenting readiness for child development of developmentally disadvantaged child ' is not an easy path to follow!

The Tailor bird flew away to its own destination from the comfort of the foliage it enjoyed for a while.  

I too feel the call to move on to pursue a new horizon in child development of developmentally disadvantaged child!

Daniel's experience is an encouragement. It is through a hostile terrain one has to travel to live the inner awakening! The difficulties are sure to be along the way. 

The journey in itself is a destination. 

I feel encouraged by Daniel's resolve to live his calling!

I also o feel encouraged by the affirming response of many parents and some professionals. 

To me, the missing link in the child development and Rehabilitation services is the focus on Parenting Readiness Plan.  

Now that I no more have to be a clinician, offering consultation to children and families, I feel invited to move towards creating an awareness about Parenting Readiness Plan for parents of Neuro-developmentally challenged children. 

I feel that the first step is to bring out the three publications currently in the editing stage or formative stage: Towards Parenting Practices of Neuro-developmentally child; Manual of Ideas for a Child's corner at home and  Enabling a developmentally challenged child- a professional's handbook. 

 

I wonder whether short videos in the social media, on some practical matters such as Bed time practices, Meal time practices, Play time practices, Interactive times, Family times, etc can be a starter to dialogue with parents on parenting practices!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)