I am no good at photographing flying birds. It is an art that I am not sure of picking up as it requires instantaneous skilful changes in the camera settings.
What fascinates me is watching the flight through the binoculars. There is a sequence of body movements before the birds take its flight, which is different between the bird species.
They fly instinctively, in response to sighting a prey or sensing a threat or reaching out to a birdcall from distance.
All birds are movement driven!
That is the distinct feature of the avians.
I kept pondering on this to get a sense of what is distinct about humans !
I feel that humans are relationship driven. In the Biblical narration of the creation story, a woman, Eve was created for companionship for the man, Adam.
The meaning of relationship is best understood by watching a three months old baby. Usually most babies track the movement of the mother by searching for her in the visual field. When the mother responds to the search, baby fixes his or her gaze delightfully and with a smile of recognition kicks the legs and flaps the hands, wanting to be carried or played with. It is this reciprocal behaviour between a parent and a three months old baby, which develops in to a bonding, which is preferential attachment. This grows in to a stable and incremental relationship where a parent is drawn by the baby and the baby longs to be in the company of the parent.
When this preferential attachment is stable and intimate, both the parents and child become connected emotionally and relationally for the years to come.
All subsequent relationships are founded on this primal relationship.
I had a telephonic conversation with a friend whom I have known for thirty five years. This relationship was largely mutual for most part of these years. Since we live in two different continents, the contacts are infrequent. I listened to this friend recalling some glimpses of the years of contacts, conversations and visits. At the end of this, this friend commented, 'Why have you retreated from earlier involvements'!
This made me pause and reflect! Have I retreated from my involvements or have I moved into new involvements!
It is an important issue for all of us, who relate to others! Some friends might have a fixation of thoughts or expectations and when one moves beyond that orbit there is suspicion! I suffered from the pain of such a suspicion during the conversation.
I have been discovering three strands in any relationships. First is a respect for the position, opinion and choice of the other person. Second is pursuit of mutuality where there is openness for giving and taking. Third is freedom to set the space of distance or nearness.
This foundational view of relationships defines the three tangible outcomes; we keep the relationship alive as long as mutuality is explicit; we regard relationship to upbuild each other and we grow in trust towards each other.
So it is natural to stay related or wean oneself from a relationship at the volitional level. But even when a relationship has become distant or superficial, cordiality and friendly orientation would continue.
Just as a bird has flight as its inherent behaviour, we too can choose what is homely to us in every relational setting.
The growth of a person can transcend the plane in which some earlier relationships existed, in which case there is a need to revise the content and contour of a relationship!
However all are our 'neighbours' whom we are called to 'love as ourselves'. This shall put an end to enmity or jealousy or intolerance which can strain a relationship..
Le me suggest that we too are voyagers in the journey of life. We leave to move on and seek to arrive in the relational plane of our calling.
Anna and I invested considerable time and attention to build relationships with students where we work. A the end of six years, we realise, that what was then a natural inclination has become effortful now. This suggests that students have changed and we too have changed. They and we live conscious of this change, and adjust to live in the friendly plane rather wish for the relational plane to return.
So the relational values of respect, mutuality, and freedom guid all relationships.
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
Photoblog: childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com
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