Young and ageing !

The first bunch of flowers are young and it is the fifth day since they are in full bloom.

The second photo is of a bunch of flowers in the same plant drooping and falling off one by one since it has been in full bloom for three weeks. 

For me this plant with the young and ageing flowers brought some consolation after a terrible slip I made in not turning up for a meeting today at Alwaye for which I gave my consent about three months back. 

I was asked to be on Holter monitor for 24 hours by the cardiologist yesterday, since the irregularity of my heart rate and rhythm did not settle down after the usual medical measures. So I was connected to the Holter in the afternoon and this experience unsettled me and made me emotionally anxious. 

I was aware of the meeting on Sunday and had prepared myself for the meeting. But amidst the inner turmoil and anxious thoughts in the seventh year after my by-pass surgery, I forgot to inform the organisers of the meeting about my inability to come. It was when they called an hour before my scheduled talk, I realised that I had forgotten apologise for my inability to go for the meeting. 

I cannot believe that I disappointed and embarrassed the organisers. It is the first time I could not turn up for a meeting without informing earlier. I spent most of the day in deep regret. I could not forgive myself or overcome a sense of guilt.

When the Holter monitoring discontinued, I got out into the garden and was struck by the sight of the flowers in the front garden. Although I watched these flowers every time we go out or come in, it did not speak to me in the way it did this afternoon. 

There is a difference in being young and ageing. 

When one is young, most of people are in the prime of their health, brimming with energy, enthusiastic and well structured. There is a spirit of being fully alive and being in charge of one's circumstances. One is organised and follows an order in life.

When you grow older, there are more unexpected things that one comes across in life. The energy level might drop. One can be forgetful and might not even recognise it. There can be a sense of complacency arising out of declining interest and inability to cope. 

But what inspired me is the sight of the plant holding together the young and ageing flowers in its stem. It gives the same attention to all the flowers in the plant. When the ageing flowers gradually fall off the plant becomes regretfully bereft of them till new buds and flowers bloom. 

Yes, I too belong whether I am young or ageing. To you, God of my life, I belong. Even when I fail to keep a commitment and forgets to apologise before hand, I still belong and am anchored. I cannot change the ageing process or blame it for my slips, but I can become more alert to be accountable and responsible.  

The flowers became a gift to me and uplifted my spirit from heaviness of guilt.  Although I let down the organisers, I hope I can compensate in a meaningful way!

Growing old also needs preparation and planning! I learn this one more time!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)