I am waiting for you..!

I usually let children who visit me for consultation to play with my diagnostic kit if I am sure, that it will be safe in their hands. I have not had any accidents in the last thirty five years.

What engages me is that some children are insistent to have my kit than play with attractive toys which are prominently placed in a toy shelf in the room. I still have not figured out why this is true of only. 

I have had some more insights about it this week, when parents directed a three year old child to the toy shelf and sat with the child to play with the toys. The moment they stopped playing with him, he returned to my kit. He wanted to imitate the way I used the kit.

Between two and three years, most children have  a fascination for what the adults are fond of or use regularly. Children at this age would look for an opportunity to get hold of the make up bag, cell phones, pens, writing pads, etc which the adults use. Most children would explore the vanity bags of their mother and the brief case of the father. If denied an opportunity, they would defy and still do it.

This is an exploratory instinct driven to enter into the adult's world. Most children between two and three have fantasies, imaginations and dreams to be like their father or mother do what they do. They fulfil that aspiration by trying to do the way adults would do, to actualise their fantasy.  

An ideal way to let children grow into expanding their imaginations is to invite children in to share in the adult's experiences. However, if the adults think it is done by giving them the cell phone to play with or use computer indiscriminately, or watch the serials in the TV, meant only for adults, then we are skipping an important phase in their developmental process. 

What children need would be the time of adults for nature walk, outdoor games, picnics, visiting places of interests for children like science, park, beach, zoo,etc., read stories which can help children to be anchored emotionally and morally, engage them to make things that unfold children's imagination such as a tree house, swing, etc. This creates a shared experience through which parents and children learn and get to know each other. This is how children who are occupied experience their formation!

When the parents tried to stop the boy from playing with my kit, he retorted, 'I am waiting for you to play with me'.

Waiting children and missing parents!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)          

Memories are formative

This photo represents the facial gesture of a nine month old infant who is about to mouth his hands. I was captivated by the pleasure of  the anticipated self indulgence, this baby communicated for a few seconds on his face. With the mouth wide open and the hands about to reach the moth, there is a mischevious delight on his face.

Do infants at this age retain the memory of an earlier experience! This delightful expression suggests so. 

If it is so, there is a need to engage  parents to help them to communicate to infants soberly, lovingly, affirmingly and intimately. 

I have had three children brought for consultation recently, for some adverse effects following physical injury they suffered during infancy, due to angry outbursts of care givers. It is the first time in my clinical practice, I come across undisputed evidence of 'battered baby' state. I consulted senior and junior colleagues to confirm if this happens where I work now. They suggested that parental behaviour towards infants is changing as most parents go through stressful times. When a baby cries incessantly and both or one of the parents have had a difficult experience at home or work, it is not 'uncommon' to pinch or slap a baby. This has shocked me.

There is a need to bring the focus back to the psycho-social behaviour of infants. Their memories of experiences of first year of life are long lasting. A baby responds to affectionate ways of interaction with equal or more reciprocity. All the infantile experiences are first time experiences. We can prime an infant to have a happy or anxious predisposition depending on how and what we convey.

An eighteen months old baby is used to crying desperately when she watches a dog physically or in pictures. While probing into the past experiences, the mother confessed that, she used to frighten her daughter when she was hesitant to eat, by casually saying to her that the 'neighbour's dog would bite if she did not eat well'. This has stuck with her and any sight or mention of a dog provokes her into crying. 

Let us fill the lives of our infants with as many pleasant and affectionate experiences as possible. Not that we can eliminate painful events, but we can protect infants from being victims of our anger, irritation or impatience.

Parenting of infants (children under one year of age) needs further understanding and responsive action from all of us. They will become what we envision them to be!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)           

Make learning an interactive habit.

This is a greeting I received last year for the Teacher's day from one of the medical students. I have visited this quotation often during the last year. It is an inspirational quotation.

I have been a teacher in five  medical colleges during the last 25 years now. I look back at many events which have shaped my life for which I am grateful to my colleagues and students. 

A teacher is a co-learner with students. The students facilitate the learning journey of a teacher.

A student once came to me while I was at the Mahatma Gandhi Institute of Medial Sciences, Sevagram to tell me that many children in the village that  he came from, suffered from Measles and some had died. It was the year 1976. The Measles vaccine was expensive and was not part of the National Immunisation Programme. I talked this over with Dr. Ulhas Jajoo, a class mate during my under graduate days at Nagpur, who was also in the faculty at MGIMS at that time. Jajoo was contemplating to start a food grain based insurance programme for village folks to help them to get subsidised health care at the hospital. Each family would have to give their premium of health insurance at the harvesting time as grains, which would be stored to sell back to the villagers at the cost price, form which the insurance premium in cash would be deposited to the hospital.  Jajoo was more than glad to include Measles immunisation as part of the insurance package. That was the starting of a life saver for children from Measles in some villages around Sevagram.  

It was a student who challenged me; it was his observation and social passion which set in motion an intervention plan. 

This form of student- teacher interaction is most critical to make medical education a corporate learning experience. Teachers need to be contextual, relevant and effective. The students, who are primary learners can lead teachers to make learning a growing and enlarging experience for students.   

Students influence the teachers to be thoughtful and gentle; teachers mould the attitudes and values of students. Both are interactive experiences, which alone can make medical education process life-centred and not just disease centred.  

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)    

Conversations that upbuild

There are some special moments of communication between a parent and a child and this is one such occasions. It is a delight to watch such occasions. 

The mother was talking about going back home in the bus to play with his tricycle. This boy loved travelling in bus. While back at home he enjoys being pushed around in his tricycle. It is recall of memories of pleasant experiences between the mother and the child, that brought this joyful communication.

This gives an indication how relationships can be sustained and refreshed in a family setting. I have been making enquiries from families about their habits of family conversations. Most of the conversations are about events, difficulties or plans and much less of pleasant experiences or anecdotes. A lot of conversational times are around dining table, while watching TV or while travelling. 

There are few families who have dedicated conversational times during which times, each member of family shares memories of happy occasions, remembers others gratefully for their support during specific times of needs or narrates stories or anecdotes which brought encouragement. Such occasions contribute to grow in intimacy between members of the family  and create space for communication and upbuilding each other. One good story or pleasant experience invokes others to narrate similarly. 

We live and relate to a world of many conversations, presentations, arguments, accusations and conflicts. They unsettle, confuse or intimidate us. We need to speak to others to convey love, affection, appreciation and gratefulness. It is this which creates a fabric of character of mutuality and interdependence within  a family. This makes us more humble, less critical and grow in appreciation of others. 

We are under obligation to prayerfully seek ways to promote tolerance and collegiality in an atmosphere where competition, drivenness for success and self seeking have become acceptable social norms. 

It is children of today who would later decide the social character of communities. Let them listen to stories of gladness that would encourage them to flee from cynicism and trust the world to be their 'home'!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)             

Existential challenges

The coconut farming has become common in many places in south India in the last twenty years and is becoming less practical in Kerala, which was the home for coconut plantations for decades. The coconut trees are more susceptible to various diseases, the price has declined while the cost of production has gone up and the climbers to pluck coconuts are no more freely available. What was a stable crash crops for farmers in Kerala is getting replaced by rubber plantations. Anna and I have been trying to get a climber to pluck the coconuts in our garden for the last two months with no success.

Most of the unskilled workers who work in the farm, construction sites, fuel stations, industry, etc. in Kerala are migrant workers form Bihar, Uttar Pradesh, North Eastern states, etc. Now with rural employment scheme where each unemployed person can get jobs up to 200 days in  year, these migrant workers do not have to come to Kerala looking for jobs. They are better off in their own states.

I read and hear this issue being debated widely in Kerala. Will there be enough unskilled workers in the future in Kerala!  

All the adolescent children in our neighbourhood, having completed their schooling are looking out for higher education. The school drop outs in the past became unskilled workers. Now this too will not happen as educational opportunities even for someone with less abilities exist in many schools in Kerala. 

There are vast stretches of land uncultivated even in our village as farm labourers are not to be found. 

This points to a global phenomenon. The unskilled workers and even skilled workers in England now come from other parts of Europe or Asia. The professionals have a global market open before them for employment. 

This is an alarming situation in Kerala- painters, plumbers, masons, carpenters, farm workers, domestic workers, etc. are likely to become extinct as young people do not see this as a job career for themselves. 

This vacuum of work force to support the social infrastructure will hit life in rural areas even more.  The workmen prefer to go to towns or cities for better prospects and people prefer to migrate to live in towns and cities by disposing off their farm land. In our village, those who live in our neighbourhood are elderly people, and a few others by choice.  

No wonder more and more gated communities are coming into being, which offer to take care of many chores of life.

I wish the Churches in Kerala who own large properties consider this as a mission to help the ageing population by creating self-supporting communities!  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The Gentle Shepherd

This painting by Nathan Green based on the saying of Jesus,'..and the sheep follow Him, for they know His voice',  from the gospel of John, Chapter 10 and verse 4, is most inviting and revealing. Let me share three of my first impressions.

The embracing Jesus- one hand below the cheek of the sheep represents the receiving attitude of Jesus. Jesus is always welcoming and receiving all those who move towards Him.  The other hand is positioned to stroke and comfort as that is what a tired sheep would need. Both hands seem to cover the face of the sheep to protect by creating a space for rest.  The painter communicates his personal experience of his relationship with Jesus through that portrayal of the two hands. 

The kneeling Jesus-  Jesus comes down to our position. He does that spontaneously. His incarnational journey began when he was born in a manger at Bethlehem. This brings a call to all those who profess to follow Jesus. It is not condescending but identifying with all those with whom we are in touch is the way set before us. This is a genuine way of befriending and accompanying people. This is the only way  the missionary heart of Jesus of Nazareth will be revealed to a broken world.

The looking Jesus- There is a communication  of acceptance, gladness and warmth in the look of Jesus. The facial smile is gentle to ally any fear and guilt. It is a receiving, pardoning and caring look. The painter portrayed mercy and kindness in the facial expression of Jesus. The lighter stokes of paint creates a diffuse halo around the  face and hands of Jesus. This adds a special effect to the painting. His presence is graceful. 

This  painting is larger than any of these thoughts. It is gospel in summary.

A seven year old child told me yesterday after the sunday school that 'Jesus is a gentle shepherd'. She said it so joyfully that I sensed that she became a good news bearer from her own personal experience during the sunday school lesson.

M.C.Mathew (text and photo) 

Living Lovingly

Anna and I have actively kept in touch with worship congregations during our stay at Pune, Sevagram, Nagpur, Chennai, Vellore and now in Kerala. We have often found such occasions spiritually refreshing and biblically instructional in our formative journey.

Now that we live in  a new cultural milieu in Kerala of strong heritage of Christian spirituality, we are beginning to understand how church life is strongly linked to denominational fidelity. In the village where we live, there are fifteen worshipping congregations, all belonging to different denominations. There is a strong boundary which each denomination prescribes for its members that interdenominational co-operation or collaboration is nominal and minimal. Sometimes there is intolerance and intimidation, which makes interdenominational relationship difficult and stressful.

A minister of one congregation mentioned to me that three denominations used to use the same church building for their sunday worship services and weekly meetings in one city where he was a vicar of one congregation. The church building was also used for day care of children and senior citizens, drawn form all denominations and other faiths, during the week day.  

On the same day, another minister dropped in to greet me. He drew my attention to six church buildings closed to worshippers due to conflicts between groups within the congregations. Sometimes worship services are held under police protection. He knew of my interest in dispute resolution and reconciliation and invited my attention to this opportunity.   

I have recently got in touch with Bishops of three denominations. I realized how each denomination speaks of its 'faithful flock'. I wonder whether the 'faith community' is missiologically getting preoccupied with being 'faithful flock' of denominations!

A senior minister, whom we know for fifteen years, who is likely to be nominated to the panel for selection of a Bishop, mentioned to us this morning how he feels for the diocese which is full of internal conflicts. 

We returned from the Sunday worship today, with this longing in our hearts, 'how are we live to lovingly' amidst so many pressures and divisive practices! This is the missionary call we feel in our hearts, ever since we have come to live in Kerala. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)