Bird Behaviour

A pair of barbet birds were in our Bell apple tree for a while a few weeks ago. 

One of them had a piece of the fruit in its beak and was offering it to the other bird. The other bird did take a bite, but did not stay. It received the fruit and flew away thereafter. The bird who brought the fruit to entice the other bird for courtship was left alone. 

It is common for birds to attempt different theatrics to impress another bird during courtship. This was the first time I had watched the barbets relating to one another in this way. 

As I pondered over this encounter of the barbets, it occurred to me that traditions and practices for building relationships differ from couple to couple. 

In most parts of the world, marriage relationships are no longer life-long relationships. The permanency of marriage is no longer a value that people commit themselves to. I agonise over this. 

Yesterday, when a single mother came to talk about her travails in taking care of her developmentally challenged children, it occurred to me that conveniences take precedence over convictions. Her broken marriage is irreversible due to multiple factors. 

I wonder if young couples receive ongoing marriage upbuilding support. Most couples do join for pre-marital counselling courses which are a requisite in some church traditions before a couple can be married. However there seems to be very little that is available for continued support. As  the couples face new experiences, such as pregnancy, child birth, upbringing children, schooling of children, change of jobs, transfers to another work spot, etc. which strain the marital relationships, the ambience in the home can become turbulent and stormy. 

Marriage enrichment programs that exist do offer a platform for couples to come together and learn from each other's experiences under supervision. In my enquiry, during the last three years, with many families showing signs of strained relationships, I have not come across an awareness about the possibility of marriage enrichment, that they can be part of. When relationships get threatened and they cannot find solutions, it is not even common for the couple to seek for marriage counselling. 

As I watched the barbets, I realised that one of the birds suffered the trauma of rejection by the other. This made the bird stay frozen in its perched position on the tree for a while. 

There are several times when married couples experience trauma and strain in their relationship. Many couples are able to diffuse the strain with forgiveness, patience and resolve. But there are times when they need support from someone who can walk with them during the stressful times till they can return to mutuality in their relationship. 

The marriage relationship is sacred and the sanctity is preserved by making time and space to deepen the relationship. It is in that ambience of love and tenderness that children can feel nurtured during their growing-up years.    

I wish every couple would choose to nourish and build their marriage through the support they can receive through marriage enrichment! Marriage can be sterile or a celebration depending on how much a couple will treasure the marriage relationship to make it mutually upbuilding!

M C Mathew (text and photo)