Looking forward and upward !

It was after about two weeks, the sky was visible early in the morning. The dark cloud had covered the sky most of the time. 

As I woke up and looked up to the sky, what I sighted was the half moon. It lifted my spirit from a slumber and weariness of the last few days, when a few events in succession caused  a stormy feeling within. 

This half moon would be a full moon soon. There is a constancy and certainty to it. This cycle of appearing and disappearing to human sight is a reality. Its existence even when not visible is also a reality. 

For people in my age bracket, inspite of our life experiences, which affirm the reality of God being present with humans in their solitary journey, need affirmation and fresh experiences to stay trusting. That was what sighting this half moon for a short while before it was covered again by the cloud, did to me. 

It was as if the curtain was removed just enough for me to have a glimpse of the canopy or the arena of God's presence. His presence in human history is constant; but humans perceive and stay with it only when their longing eyes are given a glimpse of it regularly!

A little later at dawn, I watched a movement in the Neem tree in our garden, facing our portico, where I normally stand to spot bird movements. The three pictures of an Oriole above, brought another sense of awareness which I needed to feel revived to look forward to. The bird stayed in the tree only for a minute or so before it flew away to its next flight station. 

The first picture symbolised to me of its presence although part of its beaks and neck were hidden.  But it's one eye was visible. Hidden but visible enough! 

The second photo symbolised to me in its intent look a forward direction for the flight path. 

The third photo of its upward look was for choosing the air space for its flight! 

That posture of looking up reminded me of sighting the moon earlier, while looking upward. 

The bird was in movement and flight ready!

That awakened within me a consciousness that the present season in my life is a transitory position and experience.  

There were three experiences in the early part of the week of feeling let down by people to whom I gave the little I had.  I realised following sighting the moon and the Oriole that I was hovering over the present and the past, revelling in the good experiences and lamenting the difficult experiences. 

Movement from the green pastures of wellness and acceptance to a desert road is part of the movement forward in life. I wondered whether I stayed far too long dwelling on the good times and the difficult times and lost sight of the journey path always open before me.

I was engaged for the last two weeks in writing a text of 42 chapters on a theme, Towards readiness for parenting- a dialogue starter on child development of preschool children, in the post COVID season. With only a few topics left to complete the text, I felt moved when I realised that this writing project started abruptly during a week when I felt shaken and shattered by crisis experiences.  It is as if I needed to be shaken to look at an opportunity for reflection on a theme, which might be of some value for some parents. I stay wondering at the way some thoughts on this theme surfaced in my mind which I had not considered earlier. The pain of disappointment paved the way for the birth of a text, which could be considered for publication. 

This is a small parallel to the pain of child birth! A mother turns the pain of child birth to looking forward to welcoming her child. This is a paradox. Pain is the pathway to gladness or delight. No mother would normally complain about the pain of child birth, after having been through it, because she since then would be engaged in the delight of seeing her baby growing up!

Sometimes when one is rattled by circumstances, he or she might need a confluence of messages to find the recovery path!

That is what happened yesterday, when I look leave from work in the hospital to recall, recollect and and find the path ahead. A book arrived yesterday ordered by a dear friend, who probably had no knowledge of the troubles I have been through for a week now.

The title of the book has the text, 'How looking Backward Moves Us Forward'. I was arriving at the end of a quiet day yesterday, in a state of composure of mind to look forward. The theme of the book affirmed to me that life is a journey and the only way of living well is by  embracing the future. The stories of regret are pregnant with lessons to help me grow in fortitude and steadfastness of purpose!

I close this blog with a confession that others with whom I have been associated might have experienced occasions when I let them down. It is now the season in my life to acknowledge and apologise. I was doing it bit by bit during the last four years. Now I shall hasten that process, all being well!

Life is rooted in the soil of giving and forgiving! That stands out as a message for me in my forward journey!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)