Kites and Boys

The earliest memory of flying a kite was when I went for a scout camp when I was in the high school.  The four groups had to make their own kites with news papers and fly them as part of group activities. It was to be a learning experience  

One thing about flying kites, which the scout master explained to us still remains with me. He said that it is for entertainment only and not for competition. His rationale was that we lose the fun and thrill associated with it when it is made into a competition. It ceases to be a leisure time activity; instead it becomes achievement centered.

I liked this emphasis then and now. Having lived in central India for fifteen years, I came across several hazards associated with competitive kite flying including accidents and fist fights. It destroys the spirit of this creative sport.

I watched this boy trying to fly his kite. In spite of his efforts he could not. He needed longer thread and  an open space.

 I do not see boys pursuing this game anymore in urban or rural areas as commonly it used be during my school going years. I wish it would come back as one of the favorites of children! It is a means to develop skills of patience, co-ordination, precision, planning , etc. It is an ideal activity for children to build their sense of determination, perseverance and self confidence. As it involves some principles of physics, it introduces difficult concepts in an experiential way. It can be a family activity on a sunny and windy afternoon. It creates an opportunity to make a kite and fly it. Often others gather to watch and help, both of which create social contacts in the neighborhood.

Let me recommend this as an ideal leisure time activity for children, especially for boys.

M.C.Mathew(text an photo)

One plus one is a larger ONE

One of the popular novelists in Malayalam, probably Thakazhi, seems to have observed a class room scene in the High Ranges in Kerala, where a teacher was introducing arithmetic lessons to the pre-school children, about which he wrote in one of his novels. The teacher asked the children the answer for one plus one. Everyone in the class except one answered as two. The one who differed said, 'a larger one'. He called the attention of the teacher and showed the waterfall in the mountain, where two streams of water joined

together to become one larger stream.     

The logic of the child was as much rational as the logic behind the arithmetics of the other children. 

The arithmetics is a simple summation and follows the logic of numerical norms. This is a quantitative measurement.

What the child referred to was, synergic expansion, which has a lot to do with behavioual science. If we were to be kind to others, we often receive larger measure of kindness in return. It is not just reciprocity but generosity. If we help some one in need it moves many others to help. When we visit a senior citizen staying alone, others too join in to visit. When we keep our street clean, then others too feel inclined to do so. 

As Anna and I walked to various offices during this week to say farewell to friends and acquitences, we were touched by an unusual warmth of many. One person, came back to visit us to say, how much, he appreciated us enquiring about his health and family. He said, he too started this practice among his friends and they now talk more about themselves, when they meet for coffee break instead of  talking about films or criticizing others or gossip. There is synergy of larger good when we sow seeds of goodness. 

Jesus of Nazareth 'went about doing good', we are told by the writers of the gospel, who described his life and doings. One good deed has the potential to have a larger impact, as many good deeds will become synergistic functionally. In fact doing good, even in the midst of hostility is the way to authenticate that doing good is a virtue.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Children of Rainbow colors

The las time I watched a rainbow was one year ago on a cloudy afternoon. There is something special about a rainbow, as it appears occasionally and  short lived.  One can rarely see the entire arc of the rainbow in the sky. Sometimes all the colours cannot be distinctly visible. It captures one's attention and is a visual treat.

I watched this and took photographs after finishing a series of consultation with children and families. One story that I heard from a family was how the family spent five years struggling to help their son who was autistic in behavior. The breakthrough came, when they realized that his screaming and what they thought were 'tantrums' happened to be sensitivity to loud sounds. Since then, they kept the TV at a low volume, protected him with ear plugs while traveling, and encouraged him to use ear phones while listening to music. There was substantial recovery and even attempt to listen and respond to speech sounds after this. When they came to visit , he has been undergoing auditory training to overcome this hypersensitivity. The family narrated apologetically how they misinterpreted their child's irritable behavior. 

As we came out together outside the hospital reception, they spotted this rainbow in the sky, which their son watched intently and shouted, clearly,'Rainbow'. The family was astonished by this. I had always believed that children with autistic behaviour do process language, but may not be verbal. For him to have recognized it as a rainbow, which is a rare sight, he would have retained the memory of a picture he had seen in one of his kindergarten alphabet books. He associated it promptly.

It was a turning point in my own understanding of children with autistic behavior. If we can introduce them to different experiences, they would retain the memory, which would be a foundation for language development. Children with autistic behaviour are sometimes referred to as children of 'rainbow colours' as they have range of abilities, even exceptional,  which are nascent, and not expressed. Their abilities get expressed sporadically and unexpectedly just as it is with the spotting of a rainbow at unexpected times. 

One insight I carry after thirty five years of experience of relating to children with special needs, is that every child can surprise us at any time however developmentally challenged he or she may be. Therefore, give them opportunities.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Living by leaving our cares

These are pictures from 2008, when Robins were noticed in our garden since we started living at 350 South Road in the Christian Medical college campus, Vellore in 2001. 

As I began to follow their presence and behavior in the rear portion of the garden, adjacent to the Bamboo grove, I noticed one Saturday afternoon, a male Robin gathering pieces of dry leaves form the ground(picture1). It flew away and returned after a short while. It repeated this a few times. As I watched it fly away into the wood, I was able to locate its destination with the binoculars. It was into a hollow in the trunk of a tall tree. A little later, I noticed the female Robin at the mouth of this hollow(picture2).

For the next three months or so, I spent Saturday afternoons in the garden to keep watching the Robin.

One afternoon I noticed the Robin with food between its beaks (Picture 3) ready to fly away into its nest in the hollow of the tree trunk. That was the first indication that the eggs were hatched and there were little Robins in the nest.

As I recollect this fascinating life cycle of this family of birds, I realize that they follow a pattern that suits their habitat.They are tiny birds, often left to the mercy of other birds such as Parrots, Warblers, Koels, etc. These birds can chase the Robins away. And yet they have formed a family and survived the odds. On a bright sunny winter Saturday, it was a delight to see both the Robins, sunbathing on a tree next to its nest, the male Robin with  food between its beaks(picture4).

I recall the words of Jesus of Nazareth, 'Look at the birds of the air. They neither sow or reap, but their heavenly Father cares for them'. Jesus spoke these words to His close companions, to communicate the need to be freed from anxiety.

There is an inner state of anxiety all of us carry with us in different intensities. Anna and I, as we leave Pondicherry to relocate in Kerala, in another five days, too carry a measure of anxiety. It is on such occasions the story of the Robin and the words of Jesus come together to assure us, that , 'to live is to leave our cares upon Him who promised to care'. When we slip in to anxiety, the consolation is that God still cares for us, even more.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

Birds have something to tell us

All these photos are from one walk in the Nilgiris. Let me leave it for you to identify the birds. It is unusual to see all these birds on one day as they are not common inhabitants of the place.

These birds stay around in the same place, unless they are disturbed. In fact it is during the mating season they relocate themselves and look for new mates. Once they establish their territory and found their mates, they do not allow birds of the same family to occupy that space. The birds respect each other's territorial control. 

This is the mating season for birds in our campus. I have located five nests which are being made. The male birds take the lead for this. The female bird usually hovers around the nest that is being made.

One fascinating sight is that the habits of the birds change once the nests are made and the eggs are laid. The mother bird is often in the nest or around it and it is the  male bird that one often sees. 

There is a distribution and sharing of responsibilities even among the avians.

I come across trivial disputes between husbands and wives over chores at home. While, each person carries on discharging his or her own responsibilities, there is an overlap of many responsibilities at home. I know husbands who are most willing to cook and woman who are willing to do the shopping on their own. Many couples complement and take over each other's function according to the need.

The harmony in relationship springs from sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and consideration for each other.

The marriage relationship grows in romance and intimacy as we refresh the relationships with new discoveries and appreciation of each other. What rocks the marriage is not quarrels but staleness and casualness. Does our spouse become dearer to us as we walk together in marriage relationship! Do we communicate this to our spouse!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Gifts from Nature

Anna and I came across these flowers in the wild at Connor on the side walks and hedges. If you were to travel by the heritage train from Mettupalayam to Ooty, you would see similar sights all along.

The nature preserves its panaroma during every season. There is no gardener to plant, prune, and tend them. The live, grow and and fade away only to appear again at the next season. They live from the bounty of light, rain and the fertile soil the nature provides.

Often they are subject to the fury of nature such as storm, drought or fire. They survive even that. I am not sure, whether passers by look and admire these flowers! Sometimes pests destroy them and there is none to protect them. This is the natural history of these wild plants and flowers.

What strikes me as I think about it is the quiet existence of these plants and flowers to provide honey to the bees, and butter flies and complete the plant cycle  through fertilization.

Let me tell you how a seven year old  a child described this, who was on this walk with his parents ahead of us. 'Everything is beautiful. God must be caring for them'.

The nature seeks attention from us as it is under threat.

There is an order and pattern which is preserved in spite of several environmental changes taking place.  The ecological system survives the odds humans create during the process of environmental modifications and infrastructural development. There is so much use of land for construction that the open spaces are getting reduced, which would affect the natural habitat of the flora and fauna.

I wish we will be more thoughtful about our environment. We need to reduce the use of plastics, pesticides, and indiscriminate disposal of toxic waste, which harms the plants and contaminates the water table. 

Often, these good practices begin with an example shown by some one who cares. Professor Jacob John at Vellore started  rain water harvesting about 20 years back much before it was made mandatory for every new building. The neighbours followed to do the same.  

There is so much richness all around us in nature that we need to foster the habit of appreciating it. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Our space and Other's needs

As I watched this Mina resting in this tiny branch, in spite of a strong wind, I realized that this bird required very little space for itself.

Immediately after, this, we were at a restaurant to have our lunch. The restaurant was crowded. Every table meant for four was occupied with one or two. The manger requested the guests to make space for others waiting to be seated. A quarrel broke out with few guests refusing to accommodate others at the table in spite of the manager politely requesting. Children were willing, but not adults.

As humans, we seem to claim our space as our right. We like to control, exercise authority over people, demand that others  adjust for our sake, seek position and attention,  consume more than what we need, use more electricity or water, mindlessly acquire things we would not need.. etc.  This is a form of pre-occupation.

We talk about austerity and simple life as a virtue. It has been difficult for me to practice this. But every time I am reminded of it, the words of late, Dr, Hans Burki resounds in my heart,  'simplify, reduce and renounce'.  It is a valuable motto for our journey in life.  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A Climbing frame for body kinesthetics

A climbing frame is one play facility most pre-school children will look for in a park. It has some special features that make childhood play stimulating.

From the time a child is able to stand, which is around ten to twelve months, children are trying to climb. Every height they can reach, they attempt to climb, although some such attempts end up in injury.

Why this instinct of climbing in pre-school children! Most of the household items such as cupboards, tables, shelves, electricity switches, door and window handles, etc. are above the reach of children. Children at this age are fascinated by things which they see placed on surfaces or places they cannot reach normally. They are driven by curiosity and like to explore things.  Children at this age watch adults climb on a ladder or a side board to access what is kept on a loft. Adults normally keep attractive things which they do not want children to access on their own at a height. This itself is a stimulus for a child to reach them. They do not have an adequate three dimensional view because of which they cannot judge the height correctly. They often underestimate the height.

It is important to offer children practices to climb. They would climb anyway, how much ever we forbid them from doing it. So it is necessary to give them exercises in climbing. In fact Professor Howard Gardener, in his proposal of Multiple Intelligences included Kinesthetic intelligence as one f the dimensions of intelligence.

The climbing frames are often placed over padded surfaces or over sand or grass to protect children from injury when they fall. The distance between the bars are not more than one foot. They have rounded rods, which are smooth at the corners to prevent injury to the hand. The structure is often connected in the centre with bars to all the four sides to facilitate movement between bars and the different sides. It is often painted with led free paint in different colors. It is only five feet tall when used for pre-school children. In child friendly parks, usually this climbing frame will be under surveillance to protect children.

Let me suggest that a temporary climbing frame made with bamboo is an ideal substitute, which can be properly grounded in the soil. I have come across references which suggest that children who take to climbing frame, may have an inclination for gymnastics.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A lit candle

When do we normally light a candle! When we need light in the dark or for a decoration or as a symbol.

Let me share some thoughts on the symbolism that is normally associated with a candle. 

A candle produces a little light and is often placed in a candle stand. It burns and will burn out one day. It needs to be lit by someone. By itself it remains without its full function. The wax of the candle appears in   different colours, sizes, shapes and odor. There is a diversity about its appearance, but has the same function at all times.

Most poets and mystics associate a candle with life. Dr. Hans Burki, a mystic from Switzerland would not allow the candle to be blown out when placed on a birth day cake and would prefer to have one candle on a birthday cake. He strongly believed in the symbolism of a one living life  that a candle represents. He saw in the candle a representation of a human life, burning, when lit by someone who cares. For him, the giver of life and light was Jesus of Nazareth.

Let us ponder on this theme. A candle while it may represent many symbols, also represents a living life. In the orthodox churches, the candles at the altar will not be lit from Good Friday till Easter to remember the crucifixion of Jesus and His death. This highlights the symbolism of a living life  in a lit candle. The candle reminds us of life and death, two realities which we need to embrace with an open heart and open mind.

One of the ways to start a conversation about life and living with children is to have a lit candle on the dining table, while having meals. It is an opportunity to bring associations of life with God, friends, celebrations, being a light, etc.

Every home ought to have several symbols, that can have a confluence on enhancing meaning to life. Often symbols communicate profound meanings with an appeal, that lasts.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Two Roads and One way

All of us would often come to face this question: which way to choose from the options set before us!

That is what Anna and I faced for the last two years since we retired from the Christian Medical College, Vellore, about our physical location for the next phase of our lives. During the last two years while at Pondicherry, we seemed to have moved towards making this choice. We have had an inner leaning towards wanting to locate in central India and had not entertained the option of coming to live in Kerala. But we saw the need to return to live in kerala becoming clearer as we waited and pondered.

Let me suggest three practical steps in decision making.

The first consideration is the need. It is important to consider all the needs and not just our personal conveniences or prospects alone. Think and consider how our choices will bring some good to to others and not just to ourselves alone.

The second consideration is to clarify which choice would be more consistent with the general direction, ethos and sense of purpose with which we lived so far. It is unwise to choose a step which would invalidate what we have lived for or pursued as a calling and value. There may be an exception to this. But those who would like to pursue a constancy in one's ethos in life, it is necessary to choose that   which would endorse and expand the ethos. The journey in life reveals a pattern as we revisit our choices. This suggests that a retreat from an earlier decision may be necessary, when one is aware of an inconsistency that is setting in, which contradicts the values we want to uphold.

The third consideration is all about the way a particular choice would unfold to express one's gifts, abilities and skills. It is necessary to be open to develop new skills, but it is also important to make sure that there is an opportunity to exercise some skills that one already has. Every change is stressful. It is good to reduce this by making sure that the transition is within the scope of one's ability to cope.

I share this becauseAnna and I have been through this process recently. It is important to avoid an adventurous option, unless one is convinced beyond doubt. Avoid a choice for the sake of the thrill or popularity it may bring as these last only for a short time. We live with what we choose. A habit of discernment in prayer is the most helpful means to go through this process of choosing the ONE WAY.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

In the beginning and Now

Although Anna and I have spent only 15 years of our working years at the Christian Medical College, Vellore, it is one experience  which has affected our lives significantly. Anna was also a student at CMC for her under graduate and post-gradaute studies.

Dr. Ida Scudder, the founder of the institution in 1900, was herself led to study medicine and return to Vellore, through  a special experience in her life. Dr. Keith Sanders passed on a letter, a few years bak, which Dr. Scudder wrote about this to a friend. for safe keeping. It is  a moving account of a turning point in her life.

When she had set out on a  long journey to start a medical school, there were three foundations she envisioned for this institution.

The first was the creation of the chapel, which connects the main Medical College building and the Women's hostel. Her biographers mention this as a symbolic in her vision. Accrording to Dr. Scudder, 'we live and learn and what facilitates the both is our meeting with God'. Dr. Scudder had this chapel built with a circular interior with a high dome and windows in all directions, where students and the faculty would meet on Sunday evenings for worship and fellowship. There were morning and evening prayers at the chapel during the rest of the  week. The Sunken garden in front with its pool, was historic place as the annual graduation ceremony and important functions used to be held  there  earlier. At the heart of her vision for the Medical School, was her openness and reliance on God, which was expressed in the circular dome with its open windows. 

The second was her personal engagement with the students and the faculty by speaking to them at the Sunday chapel services, week after week from  a chapter from the Bible, I Corianthians 13, which is the  passage on love. This she did, to reinforce that CMC was to be a place of service of love. She pursued this mission ardently and patiently. Dr. Scudder was also available in the chapel premises on Fridays to meet with the students and the faculty to listen and interact, as an expression of her commitment  to practice this culture of love herself in the community. 

The third foundation that she laid, was her habit of being in touch with people in the town of Vellore. She would go out to play tennis at the Ladie's club, visit patients from Vellore at their homes, go out to conduct road side clinics, and be part of the social net work of the town. Dr. Scudder did this to connect  CMC with people among whom the students and the faculty lived. That was her way of being incarnational  to serve. This sprang from her motto, she chose for CMC from the sayings of Jesus of Nazareth, 'the Son of Man came to minster and not to be ministered unto'.   

I find these foundational values still well hououred and practiced at CMC Vellore. Every institution has an ethos. Dr. Scudder chose values that would live longer. It is amazing, how her vision is still treasured at CMC with a passion!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Educational awakening in rural India.

There are three major changes taking place in the educational scene in rural india.

The first is what you notice in this picture- adult education. The young shepherd, is enrolled in an evening coaching programme to help him continue open school learning so that he can upgrade from his fourth standard to High school level. He uses his spare time during the day, while watching over his flock, to continue his learning process. Let me complement his enthusiasm.

The second is the recent concept of community Colleges, where those who learned through the open school system or vocational stream can actually enhance their skills by joining for technical programmes, which  would enable a person to find a job. It is possible for a person to acquire a recognized certificate or diploma which helps him to compete in the job market. This form of learning is loosely structured, not time bound and credits are given to achievements. The exit examination is not the only deciding factor that decides the outcome. Many who do courses in community colleges are already employed, but seek to get advanced learning or a formal certificate.

The third is literacy training for adults. About twenty percent of adults above 40 years in some parts of rural India may still be illiterate. Even if literate, they are not technically comfortable to transact banking independently or fill an application form or access welfare services. There is commendable change taking place in this area, with more non-governmental and governmental initiatives to make rural population 100 percent literate and technologically well informed.

What each of these programmes needs is volunteers who can offer to teach. The centers offering these services offer concessional or free educational service as those who join for these courses are are economically disadvantaged. Most of these programmes need volunteers who can offer free service. In fact volunteers can opt to help during evening hours or during week ends. 

The rural India is getting awakened. Should we not play a role to hasten this!

M.C.Mathew(photo and text)            

Knowing and Knowlewdge

SUNDAY MEDITATION

Psalm139:2 and 6

Let me share some  reflections on two phrases David, the psalmist, uses in these verses.

In verse 2, He addressed God, by saying, 'You know when I sit and when I rise' The subsequent three verses are his confessions of his consciousness of God, knowing him and his activities, thoughts, speech and movements.

The first phrase is  GOD KNOWS ME. This is a source of comfort and rest. This knowing that is referred to here, conveys God's intimacy and proximity. David had earlier experienced this reality of God in his life, when he referred to God as his Shepherd. A shepherd is present with his sheep, at all times, day and night, watching, leading, providing and protecting.

One mother rushed to the adjacent room, hearing her child cry. The room was noisy with 15 other children playing. She heard and recognized the voice of her daughter in the din. The mother went to look for her with her out stretched hands and her daughter was received in an embrace. It gave me an insight, on how much a mother is tuned towards her child and discerning of her need even from a distance.'Call to me, I will answer' is a oft repeated promise in the Scripture. David even while facing Goliath, said, 'In the name of the Lord, I go. 'I am always with you..'is an everlasting covenant, that God made with humankind.

The second phrase is MY KNOWLEDGE OF GOD(v.6). David speaks of this as a wonderful experience. God is big and large in Solomon's experience that, while making the prayer of dedication of the temple he built at Jerusalem, he said, 'heaven and earth cannot contain you, how much less this temple'! It is a mystery that humans who are finite and mortal can relate to an infinite and eternal God. There is a limitation to our knowledge of God as humans.

But God is constantly revealing Himself to humankind to enlarge our knowledge of Him. He revealed Himself in nature; He spoke and made Himself known to us through the prophets; He later revealed Himself in Jesus of Nazareth; God reveals Himself in a believer's life through His Holy Spirit. Every believer is on a journey waiting for a deepening experience of God, which then can enhance knowledge of God. Sometimes our knowledge of God is made more real through adverse circumstances. Job's confession at the end of his suffering that, 'so far I have had only a hearing of God, but now my eyes have seen Him..' is a pointer to the reality that God designs our circumstance to enlarge our knowledge of Him.

These two realities, God knows me, and My knowledge of him are like two sides of a coin. They are resonances of each other. This is what gives a follower of Jesus an anchor in all circumstances. We cannot hide ourselves from God and He does not withdraw His loving presence from us.

When Cardinal Basil Hume recollects his childhood, refers to a dream he had later in his life. His knowledge of God as a child was, as one, who watched over him to punish for every bad deed he did. In this dream, he is given a jar of cookies. He looks around and having made sure that no one is watching him, hesitantly puts his hand to take a cookie. Suddenly he hears a voice within himself, 'Son, take one more'. Cardinal Basil Hume was overcome by an enveloping love of God that, He began seeing God as his loving Father from then onwards.

Our knowledge of God needs revision. We can be skeptics; fearful; feeling distant or let down; angry and disbelieving... at best all these can be transient experiences in our lives. God Loves us ought to become a resident reality in our lives.

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)  

Ready to Help

During the time of setting up the Hall of Residence for short term stay of children with special needs, at PIMS,  in February, 2012, Anna and I felt overwhelmed by, a refrain of requests from some student friends, 'How can we help'! 

So for the next three weeks or so they produced nearly 200 child friendly pictures which can be put up; made several posters which depict childhood; came to stick and put up all of them; offered to visit children in the evenings to sing and play with them; kept dropping in, in the evenings to decorate the place for the inaugural day.

The other group which helped, was students from THE STUDY, a school where many children from PIMS campus study. They contributed 65 paintings drawn by the senior classes, telling their own story of their childhood. Their paintings decorated the walls, adding colour and artistic elegance to the interior of the Hall of Residence.  

There was unusual support from the painter, carpenter, domestic support staff, nurses and other overseeing staff. 

It was one of the most memorable experiences of our time at PIMS. We felt surrounded by much encouragement and kindness. 

Anna and I had always thought of students highly for their creativity, willingness and spontaneity. This time, they surpassed our expectations.

When we met with them to say 'farewell', we realized that 'working together for a project' builds friendships that transcend teacher-student boundary.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Rhythm and cycle

This was the first flower bunch of lilies we noticed in our garden after we planted the bulbs about six months prior to this. 

Most lilies will flower once  year and a few of them twice a year. The shoots and leaves spring from the ground after the monsoon showers. The flowers would appear a few months later. The stalks and the leaves last for two to three months. There will be no trace of them for another three to four months. For more than half of the year bulbs are buried in the ground.

This annul rhythm and cycles year after year suggest an interesting phenomenon about life itself. The lilies can be present above the ground only for a season. They require an equal amount of time to remain underground. This is essential to its survival. It follows its pattern undeterred by circumstances. I noticed that even when the monsoon showers were sparse, they would still send out their shoots.

We are conditioned for a rhythm in our lives. The systole and diastole of the beating heart has a rhythm. We have a sleep and wake rhythm. We have a rhythm of work and leisure. We have a rhythm of activity and rest.

Why such a rhythm and cycles of them! This rhythm is to preserve our sanity, well being and health.

What is most disrupted by the life style changes is this inbuilt rhythm. Humans almost fight this rhythm. The average sleep hours has declined to about five hours for most professionals, from the physiological need of seven hours. Most professionals live with chronic sleep debt. Some live chronically tired. Some live driven by work and land in a burn out state. This destroys their personal health and offsets the well being in the family. This paves the way for an early onset of life style related diseases. 

'There is rhythm to life. Find it and live by it', this was the advice given at a conference of Paediatricians, by a life-style specialist! 

M.C.Mathew(text an photo)

Where we are, is our place

These two flowers were noticed while walking through the woods  when Anna and I lost our way. We  were getting tired and becoming anxious to get back.This was the surprise we found then, which revived us.

The flowers were  present in an unusual setting. Not many would have noticed them, as they were not at a site where people would normally come to. 

This experience left  me with some lasting impressions about life and living.

Some of us are called to visible positions of responsibility or leading.  Some others are positioned in lesser visible responsibilities. There will be some who have to be content with quiet presence, unknown or unheard of. 

Although small in appearance or positioned away from visibility, these flowers  have a uniqueness, of colour, texture and elegance which compensate for what it is not. It is unwise to compete to be anything else than what we are given to be. That does not stop us from making  effort to improve our lot. What is important is to find value in who we are and what we are becoming. The eye cannot take the place of hands and the hands that of the legs. Each is important but there is coherence only if each is integrated well with the total. However insignificant we may feel sometimes, we too contribute towards the total. 

I like a chorus, which children love to sing,' This little life of mine, let it shine, let it shine..'. We will be lavished with what we need and not what we want. That makes life a restful journey.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A second chance

This is the cashew tree in the PIMS campus, which is blossoming and bearing fruits at an unusual season of the year. Normally Cashew fruits are seen in the trees during summer season. 

This was one tree in the last summer, which did not have fruits although there were few blossoms. This is a tree standing next to the tube well, whose bed received silt during the drilling of the tube well and showed signs of withering. I noticed about four months back, that a lot of red soil was deposited at the bed of this tree, for its use elsewhere. Of course, the tree benefitted and blossomed to produce these fruits.

This tree is at the junction of the road, which proceeds to the hostels and residential area. I remember standing here and looking at this tree on several occasions during which occasions,some students would engage me in a conversation. Once the conversation was on the issue, 'What happens when one fails in the examination'! I was able to share with them the story of the tree. It is a living example of resilience. 

There is always a second chance. The tree received soil supplements and revived itself.

Whenever there is a set back,  it is good to look back to learn from it and look forward with even more enthusiasm. We fail when we do not learn from an experience or keep preoccupied with the set back. We are endowed with prospects; make necessary changes to make another effort. What reinforces failure is blaming and justification. What is needed is to move forward with acceptance and openness. God is our enabler.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

In appreciation of memorial plaques

                                                                                                 

Auscultation in pre-stethescope era

There are portraits, murals and wall texts  such as these, depicting the history and story of medicine in many strategic places in the teaching blocks and hospital area at the Pondicherry Institute of Medical Sciences. The founder of PIMS, Dr. K.M.Cheriyan was keen for students to be introduced to this journey of science and practice of medicine. 

The history of medicine of several centuries are represented in these portraits. For a student of medicine, it offers a fascinating insight of this journey which is still continuing. During my post graduate training days, pneumoencephalogram was the only investigation available to diagnose ventriculomegaly. But CT scan replaced it even before I completed my training. The progress in medicine in the last 50 years has been exponential.

Surgery during pre-anaesthetic period

What fascinates me about 100 or more of such portraits and wall texts is the educative value of these. They convey foundational values in the teaching and practice of medicine. It is a way of countering the culture of commerce which is finding its way in to medical education and hospital practice.

A small inscription, 'Christ among doctors' displayed at the wall of the main reception area is often unnoticed by many. But I like the way it is presented in a wooden frame, in a subdued way, at the entrance, in contrast to all the other large and easily visible portraits or wall texts etched in marble.  

To me this signifies that, Christ's presence with us is invisible, but sure and certain. It does not need an unnecessary loud or imposing announcement. Christ Himself was humble and took upon Himself the form of a servant, and lived among others to bring His healing and blessings. His ways of serving was intensely personal yet avoiding or seeking popularity. He disappeared quietly when others sought to bring laurels to Him. He made His intention known, when He said, 'the Son of Man came to serve and not to be served..'. He shunned popularity of any sort.

This plaque, is a symbol for all of us to carry with us a humble, gentle, and self-giving character of Jesus. When Jesus is among us in this form, how can we be in any other disposition of attitude and values!  

 The vocation of Medicine is noble because, the focus is on others and not on ourselves. 

Let me complement Dr. K.M.Cheriyan for thinking of this dimension, when he established PIMS.

M.C.Mathew( text and photo)  

Electricity shortage and wastage

Most of us are familiar with such sights when the lights are not put off on time. An Electricity official told me that there will be a gain of at least of 20 percent of electricity consumption, if wastage can be limited. He suggested that if every user puts off the switches when electricity is not needed, this gain will automatically be significant.

This has to do with civil consciousness. Somehow, there is a neglect from our part in doing what we can to keep our premises clean, use water sparingly, use dust bins for throwing away trash, limit use of paper, etc. We are not tuned to the voice of the environmentalists about the damage we force upon the nature and its resources by chronic defaulting.

A warden of the hostel told me that he reduced the consumption of the electricity in the hostel by one third by having sensor-controlled lights, which would come on when there is a movement and would go off when it ceases. These lights in the corridors, stair cases, toilets, etc. are usually recommended for green buildings which many people access. The cost is recovered in less than one year, by the reduction in the electricity bills.That is a long journey for most organizations.

In a mobile phone driven culture, we walk talking, that we miss seeing a light that is burning unnecessarily or a tap that is leaking. Save our national resources to the extent that we can and create a civil consciousness about our environment! If we use our environment, its upkeep is our responsibility.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The Family Table

This photo is of the breakfast table set to celebrate Anna's sixtieth birthday. The four plates  kept upside  down represented Amy and Arpit and Aswathy and Anandit who could not be present on that occasion, but joined us later. 

Usually, The Family Table has been a conversational time for us, where we talk about ourselves  to each other. We refrained from sharing news or even discussing issues at The Table. We protected this time as a time to relate to each other in an affirming way. There were times when they were less than this. We kept returning to our desire to keep it family centered.

As our children are away in different places now, Anna and I  keep our Family Table as an occasion of remembering children. Since Amy and Aswathy have come into our lives only recently, we love remembering them, sharing our pleasant memories of times spent with them or conversations we would have had with them. We are growing up to receive Arpit and Anandit as adults. However their childhood memories refresh us immensely. 

If young children are at the table, let them lead the conversation. Their interests and experiences ought to be the only focus. One of the parents reading a book for  a short while before or during a meal is a good conversation starter. I hope we will not reduce this time to watch TV unless it is an exception.

When Anna and I are alone at The Table, we will share own experiences to stay connected. It is one occasion, where we find love is shared to  make it a time of communion. There are other times when our physical tiredness may reduce it to be a meal time. But we tell ourselves not to make that as a habit.   

It was Anna's dream to have it this way. It has been a blessing to us.

The Family Table IS NOT just for sharing a meal, but it is a time of COMMUNION. Late Dr.Henry Nouwen used to say, ' The Table and the bed are places of communion for a married couple'

M.C.Mathew(text an photo)

Beauty creates an inner Movement

Let me share some thoughts on beauty which arose  in my mind after visiting a show of Aster  and Chrysanthemum flowers at the international YWCA guest house. There were about 1000 flower pots  on display. These pictures taken with a compact camera do not convey the ecstatic beauty inherent in these flowers.

What flowers represent is their 'given' beauty as shown through their colors, pattern, shape, petal formation, fragrance, and its delicate appearance  in natural light. Many art lovers and trainees begin their journey into the world of art by dwelling on nature, particularly flowers.

The ability to appreciate beauty  is cultivated by streams of thoughts expressed in human history, philosophy, Religious books, writings on nature, discoveries in the science of horticulture and floriculture, poets and their poems, and of course watching beautiful things such as pottery, artistic works, creative visual art, photographs and videos, etc.

When one draws experience of appreciating beauty from such a wide exposure, most people are moved by a sense of awe, wonder and suspense. It is this, Dr. Ravi Zacharias, a well known apolegetic communicator and expositor of philosophy of human mind, refers to as a movement within: 'to worship God in the beauty of His hoiliness'. Humans do not create beauty, but we replicate beauty. I recently discovered that in Hebrew, Greek, Latin and Sanskrit, the words beauty and character have some common roots. So beauty is more than external and certainly not limited to the exterior of the body.      

Most artists portray beauty by painting  different scenes of nature and humans. For many artists of modern times, beauty is also abstract  as shown by their paintings. Most artists engage in painting women, their face, body, and in many different ways. The paintings of nude women are commonly seen in most art galleries. These are art forms of human imaginations. Most of them carry an erotic origin, intent, expression and appeal. There are exceptional paintings of artists, which create an inner experience of serenity and inspiration.

We are in an advertising era in commerce, business, retail market, media, etc. One common advertisement subject is women. What the advertisement media is encashing on, is the sensual appeal, women's body creates. Its origin was in in the entertainment media and now even for religious meetings, we have begun to use women as the subject of the advertisement.

I am appalled by this distortion of beauty by parading women's bodies in all forms of sensual appeal. It is a body exposure and has almost nothing to do with even a trace of beauty. It is exploitation of the sacred human body, in whom God is resident, for something less than sacred, often for a profane purpose. This is despising womanhood, for which women themselves and the designers of this advertisement medium are responsible.

Dr. Hans Burki, an adult educator and spiritual director, once said: 'Beauty is epitomized in women. When you look at a strange woman, look transiently at her face alone and not stair at any other parts of her body. You will be drawn towards a worshipful and grateful attitude. Every true appreciation of beauty draws us towards God and greater holiness is its effect upon us '.

Let me suggest, beauty has its origin in God. Every encounter with beauty will enhance God consciousness. This is the bench mark to decide, whether what we encounter is beauty or its perversion!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

    

Messy play- only a passing phase

This sight is one of the regular happenings in any home when children are between 9 months and 24 months of age. Children like exploring, want to feel, move, throw, manipulate and know how each toy functions. They scatter the toys all around and the house looks unkept. The building blocks, stacking rings, pieces of puzzles are often all over the house. This can be annoying. Some of the toys would get damaged while manipulating or by rough handling.

However, every child will need to go through this as a  part of their cognitive and beahvioural developmental sequences. It is important that we 'tolerate' and support this phase rather than get annoyed with them or keep toys inaccessible to them or deprive them of the experience of learning by exploring.  

Let me suggest some good practices to let them go through this phase,  enjoying with them and sharing their sense of discovery. Have about six to ten toys placed in a place, which they can access any time they want. Join with a child when ever possible, when he or she is ready to play to demonstrate the function of each toy and how a chid can play with it in different ways. Try converting it into a time of 'hide and seek', and turn taking play while playing with stacking rings, etc. This is the way to take the child forward in his or her play development to parallel play. When the child moves away from wanting to play, try putting back the toys in the shelf. Often the child will also join in to do what the adult does. It may be good to be available to attend to the child when he or she is ready to play again. It provides the child a social setting to play interactively which is what they are looking for. In fact some children throw or bang toys to draw attention of adults.

Taking away toys from them because they have damaged a few is not a wise step. Giving them toys to play only when adults are around is also not good enough. What is advisable is to take away all the toys that a chid was playing with for a week and replace them with another set. This recycling keeps the child interested due to the newness that he or she would find when given another set of toys. Usually if a family has three or four sets of toys and introduce one new set each week, most children would stay engaged.

What children at this age would normally need is a corner in the house, which is theirs, just as adults and others have their corners. When adults use, TV, Computer, mobile phones, etc. for their needs, children need toys for their occupation. Children are most fascinated by toys which their parents can make with tooth paste cartons, empty non breakable containers, paper boards, etc. In fact when they are given an opportunity to make them, it is even better. Yu would be surprised to notice that  the toys which they have helped parents to make are their favorite ones.

This messy play is a passing phase. It is necessary. We can make it easier by recognizing its seminal value.   

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

   

A lesson in delegation and trusting

During my travel from Vellore to Pondicherry on Monday mornings, when Anna was still working at Vellore, I used to see this sight of bullock carts on auto pilot going from, Arni to Gingee. The cartmen would normally leave Arni around midnight, to reach Gingee at dawn to collect sand from the river bed. Often five to six carts would be moving together. 

The cart men would lie down to sleep in the luggage carrier of the cart, while the oxen would take the cart to the destination. I have deliberately slowed down the car to observe, how the oxen would cross road where there are cross roads or choose the right road when there is a bifurcation. They do it confidently and easily.  One cartaman told me that, that it would take five or six trips for a new ox to get familiar. When the oxen have reached the place, they would stop even if the cartman is asleep. 

I have viewed this as an outstanding example of trust which the cartmen exercise with no hesitation. 

We place lot of emphasis on delegation of responsibilities to members of the staff in an organization or at the work place. We do so with too much of of supervision sometimes. One of the reasons for tension or conflict at work place is, that the delegated responsibility is still tightly supervised that a person does feel let down. He or she does not feel trusted to do what is expected. Most people would feel even more responsible if they know that they are trusted to deliver. Any form of unnecessary interference or remote control or supervision that stifles initiative would only promote dependence and not capacity building. 

The delegation is best done to a colleague, when there is proven track record of trustworthiness. Once it is done, it is wise to wait till he or she approaches with a question, difficulty or suggestion. This promotes empowerment. Most people would like to work in  a setting where they are also the decision makers.

When Jesus of Nazareth decided to have a meal with his immediate followers, before his crucifixion, he asked two of his followers to prepare the room for the meal. Jesus guided them to the place and we read nothing more than that in the Gospel narration about any other instruction. All the details were left to the discretion, planning and imagination of two of his followers. In fact, the 'last supper' became a symbol, which His followers celebrate every time when they meet together to worship. An outstanding example of delegation and trust! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Carrying just enough

This is a  sight I watched at Lamptaput, Orissa during one of  my visits. Woman would return home after their work in the field, having bathed in the stream, with a head load carrying a bucket of water and wood and sometimes another bag hanging with provisions from the other hand.  

I have followed some of them for a short distance to see if they would drop water from the bucket they carry on the head. They do not. Obviously, they have perfected the art of balancing. These women do it daily and with great ease. Often the walk can be for about forty five minutes. None of the younger woman, I observed seemed to do this way. They carried either a head load or a hand load.

I recall this to draw an insight for myself at this time, when I too have to hold many things together at this time of relocation. There is a balance or state of stability, each of us has to find sooner than later. This needs willingness, openness, and effort, all of which takes time and attention. 

Let me suggest that, we need to unload, if the pressure is palpable, to begin on a journey to find a state of well being. There is a natural obsession to do more and more. This suggests a greed for doing more of the same, in the hope that there will be more gains from more work.  

Instead, there is a state of well being only if we have a blend of experiences, not too much or too less of anything. The lady in the picture knows the right proportion of weight she has to distribute between her head and hand from her experience. This is the key: can we work without generating stress from the work we do! 

A woman shows the way! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Refreshing memories

These are two sights of the seven sisters and squirrels at the water bath and food bowl at our garden at Vellore, which we maintained for ten years. When we were saying farewell to our home at Vellore 2 years back, we felt sorry that we would not be able to replenish the food and water every morning anymore. I have pictures of birds and squirrels waiting on the adjacent trees for the replenishment each morning.

The birds and squirrels sometimes fed together  . Our friends, who knew a lot about bird behavior found this surprising-co-existence without competition.

One way of reducing the stress of transitions or changes of any sort is to recall pleasant memories. This takes away the stress of loss and brings back hope that a new place or situation will have new memories of equal delight.

It is important to recall the larger canvass of life and fill it with as many details as we possibly can. As humans we tend to drift towards dwelling on our losses ; the way to find the grace to adjust to a change, is to recollect, so that memories will fill the vacuum of a loss. We need the habit of living with memories and gratefully acknowledging all those who added colour to our life. While writing this, I remembered, Shekhar and Ela who helped us immensely to maintain our garden at Vellore. They did it with attention.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Adjusting to changes

This was Delphine's bed for nine years at home  during our stay at Vellore. 

When we moved to Pondicherry, Delphine refused to use it. She would be on her chair or be under our bed at night. We tried to introduce her to her bed by simulating all the settings she was used to at Vellore. She did not comply. There were few other changes, we noticed after our move to Pondicherry. She  wanted to be near us. She was not so comfortable when visitors came in, till she was sure that we were ready to welcome them. She slept longer during the day. She was longing for us to be back from work as she was alone for 8 hours a day. She had Ragi, our house keeper, during the day when we were at Vellore. Delphine enjoyed her walks and was present to children, who wanted to play with her. She was adored by them. She showed no signs of adjustment stress in her behaviour to them.

During all these moves and changes, we did not observe irritability, indifference or snappy behavior. Delphine adjusted without any indication of change in her basic temperament. She missed something she was used to, but did not react to it.

As Anna and I go through another change and relocation, we remind ourselves that change involves adjustments. But adjust to it with ease and comfort. When we feel heavy with the pressures of change, we will remember Delphine's good example.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A hostel around a pond

This is a picture of the water pond at the Men's hostel, Christian Medial college,Vellore, on the occasion of the hostel day celebration in 2007. 

Anna and I have been to the Men's hostel on  few occasions, when Arpit and Anandit were residents in the hostel. When the alumni return to the college for the Alumni week end, I have seen former men's hostel residents return to the hostel and stay around the pond and even jump into it, if the water was clean enough.

The water pond located in the expanse of the courtyard of the hostel is place where several hostel events take place. After a week of initiation, the fresh students were ducked to become eligible residents of the hostel. When there were happy occasions, such as house parties, birthday parties, block parties, class parties, governing board parties, etc.  the party often ended with friends ducking each other with force or by consent in this pond. It was around the pond, friends would gather around for social chats late night. There were occasions, when the mischievous behaviour of students were punished with ducking. Sometimes students ended their quarrels by having a common ducking session. The stories about this pond are diverse and  humorous to listen to.

It was on the pond, a temporary structure to convey the theme of each Hostel day was usually erected. This used to be the highlight of every year as many men students would  spend several nights for couple of weeks, preparing parts of this structure, without leaking out the theme or the design of the structure to the women students, who normally spy on them to take away the element of surprise. There are several more happy memories, students would have of the  events that took place around this pond. 

Even for a one time visitor, the pond is a special place as the Edward Gault drive way, named after the professor of Pathology and the warden of the Men's hostel, who took the lead to construct the hostel, is circling around the pond. The hostel itself has been a happy home for generations of men students; and it would have been less than that,  had it not been for the pond.

For Men's students at CMC, Vellore, this pond was a meeting place. It is a pity, that,  it is becoming less of it now, as many students are driven by the internet world. 

A medical student needs to be a well rounded social being if he wants to be a holistic physician later !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)