26 September, 2012

Girls made to feel disadvantaged

This is a revealing photo of a group of children, whom I met in a village. I have no clue why the girl in this picture preferred to pause with her knees bent. She refused to stand erect in spite of my request. It was not because of any physical ailment as she was running and playing with no indication of any physical discomfort.

The boys in the picture were her neighbors. I got an insight about why this girl paused this way, when I heard about what girls go through daily, in a rural setting, from a senior friend. 

Most girls get up early in the morning and go out to fetch water with their mother. Sometimes it is long walk of half hour or more one way. They then clean the court yard and sprinkle water all around the house. By then the mother would have got everything ready to begin the cooking for the household for breakfast and lunch. That gives a girl hardly anytime to get ready for school. They often walk long distance to school, sometimes missing breakfast. Many girls have one large meal in a day, which is the mid day meal provided free at school.  

On return from school, the girls join their mother in cooking, washing up and getting the clothes ready for the next day for the men and boys at home. By then it is past ten at night and they go to bed tired sleeping on a mat, while boys get the privilege of sleeping on a mattress. Many girls, in spite of advocacy for gender equality by well meaning people, live reduced lives. Boys are preferred to girls and treated better at home.

This photo, where the girl pauses with her bent knees is a true portrayal of what she is made to feel by the domineering boys. 

Many girls grow up subdued, harassed and exploited. The adult men and boys are responsible for this. Girls are denied all the courtesies they rightly deserve. It is rare to see men or boys get up and offer a seat during a bus travel to women. Sometimes women carry their infants in their arms and travel standing. Neither the bus conductor or men around feel concerned. This must change. 

I am an activist committed to restore fullness of life and opportunity to girl children!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)                   

25 September, 2012

Gift that lasts


 I realize now, how frequent internet access interruptions can dislocate one's desire to be in touch. I have not been able to post my thoughts for the last four days, as the access to the net that I have had, was not able to upload photos and sometimes even the text. This gives me an indication that my desire to write regularly on this blog may perhaps come to halt as it is unlikely that the speed promised by 2G will improve in the immediate future in the village where Anna and I now live. 

Let me give two illustrations to introduce my theme, 'Gift that lasts'.

Dr. Achamma Balraj, our neighbour while we were living at the Christian Medical College Campus, gave us a pot with a desert rose plant. She has a lovely garden with desert roses of different colors. This Photo was of its first blossom. We gave away this plant to another neighbour when we left the campus at our retirement and Anna and I were delighted to see this plant in blossom whenever we visited the campus, the last being a few days back. A few others have its cuttings which too have blossoms. 

The second photo is the lawn we had in the garden at our residence in the CMC campus. The grass for this lawn was given to us by Dr. Jacob Chacko, who had saved the grass in a pot, when his garden in the hospital  campus was taken up for new buildings in that site. We counted up to 54 such large or big lawns in the college and hospital campuses, which were grown from the lawn that we originally developed outside the Developmental Paediatrics Unit in the hospital campus, from the gift of the pot of grass given to us in 1997. This lawn outside our home is one those 54. The current occupants of the house we lived in, have kept the lawn in its original form, which delights us immensely.  

Both these personal experiences taught us an important lesson. Both gifts we received had the potential to last or perish, depending on how they were received and cared for. Many invest in our lives  their time, love, and care. Their gifts can stay and end with us or can get extended to others depending on how we pass them on. A gift becomes life giving only when its blessings are passed on. A gift turns to face its end, when it is contained or limited by us. 

There is greater value, if we can let the gifts we receive,  get extended to benefit others. A gift is for sharing. In doing so, we value the giver and the gift. Jerome, a seven year old boy, who visits me for consultation, brings with him his paintings, he makes with a water colour paint box, he received as a gift for his birthday. It i a delight to listen to his conversation about his painting. He invites me to share in his joy over the  gift he received. 

May we be those, who make the gifts we receive, last!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo) 

20 September, 2012

Hospital is also a Home



There are several things which constitute a hospital to become a 'home away from home' to those who visit the hospital or stay in the hospital.

One of my particular interests has been to photograph the entrance to the hospitals I have been to. This picture, displaying the entrance to Children's hospital at Westmead, Sydney, evoked much interest in me. The entrance has a wooded appearance, with a lawn on one side, with much of the buildings and structures associated with the hospital, almost given a subdued appearance from outside. The children's play area and the beautifully set out arrangements for children to move about are striking at the entrance. There is sense of space and openness, which is what would make children comfortable. I like the way the machines, walls, roof, etc are made to appear like being in a homely setting by decorating them and making the corridors, parent's waiting areas, play rooms, etc appear to be places waiting for children.

It is now the fourth time I am engaged in setting up a Child Development Centre, since the first one in 1983. Although it is difficult to get full approval from the hospital planners for the 'wild' ideas  to create a homely feel at the Centre, where children and parents spend long hours each day, I receive a warm appreciation for some of the concepts we are experimenting with,  in the place where I am now involved in setting up the CDC.   

The emphasis in a hospital is often to create space for a need and economize the use of space to make the hospital financially viable. Ever since this has become a compelling influence, we come across hospital planning becoming greatly influenced by cost effectiveness. This results in buildings getting squeezed into every space available and the built in space getting occupied compromising on aesthetics, convenience, and open spaces.

Although the hospitality we offer to patients in the hospital is a crucial issue to make patients feel at home, let me suggest that the physical ambience with lawns, play areas, large waiting areas, meeting points, and less intimidating setting where patients come for procedures, etc are critical details that would influence the mood and well being of patients. I wonder whether there will be greater attention to the colour of paints we use inside and outside the hospital buildings to make the buildings look more inviting! I wish, we can get rid of the white coats which professionals often wear! I wish there will be piped in music and live music sometimes that can liven up the place and people! A hospital is a place to promote recovery. We need to define the components that make this process of recovery more natural!  

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

19 September, 2012

'Going to the mountains is going home'


I was fascinated by the above inscription at the entrance of a botanical garden located on a small hill, which is an important tourist attraction in  a metropolitan city. This famous quote from a conservationalist echoes a significant message even after 100 years. There is a danger of disappearance of our heritage sites, buildings, mountains, forests, etc. with the post modern urge to make all things look new, to suit the visual taste of tourists and make all of them income generating through eco-tourism. 

The words of John Muir sounds strange and out of context when viewed with a modern yardstick.What is rather special about what he wrote is the phrase, 'going to the mountains is going home'! The Ten Commandments were written on a rocky plate by Moses, listening to the voice of God in his heart. For Moses the mount Sinai had become a home, where he had an encounter experience with God, out of which was born the Ten commandments. It is when we are 'at home', God refreshes us with the consciousness of His abiding presence with us. 

A mountain is symbolically a place of rest, by the mountain drawing us close to nature and its exquisite beauty. It provides an ambience for relaxation. The sights in the horizon and the panorama of the valley create a feeling of wellness and fullness. The air is lighter and the quiet setting  evokes a serene sense within a human soul.  

The sea and mountains are two destinations our souls long for, when we live driven lives with pressures and stress. It is one thing to go to a supermarket or a Mall or a food court or to go to watch a game. It is yet another experience to offer our soul  the bliss of a mountain, to lift the mood of our soul to praise, thanksgiving and reverence. We are humans, living our lives in a hurried pace, where holidays have replaced 'rest and refreshment for our soul'. To be in a mountain and stay in silence, listening to the still sounds, from within and without, is therapy to our soul. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)     

More than just hot, brown and sweet

Anna and I got used to having a cup of coffee in the morning from the time we began living at Chennai in 1983. Its origin was, mainly out of curiosity  to explore why many people waited patiently for a long time to buy freshly ground coffee powder from a shop, located in the adjacent street from our house.  We ordered each time for a mixture of peabery and robusta seeds to be ground, like what most people did. It was only after we moved to Vellore in the mid nineties, that we replaced the mixture of seeds  with peabery brand. The coffee tasted even better.

Our next experiment was to enjoy black coffee and later without sugar. That is when, we realized that the flavor changed significantly when milk and sugar were added to it. We went on to experiment with coffee powder from Coorg, Brazil, Mexico, Srilinka, south Africa, Columbia, etc. Some friends introduced us to Hazel nut coffee. In fact, we got familiar with different flavors that we offered choice of different flavors of coffee when we wanted to serve coffee to visitors. It was during this phase we realized that the flavors depended on the soil chemistry of coffee plantation, the atmospheric humidity, temperature, sunshine, rainfall, etc. The way the seeds were roasted was one of the deciding factors for particular flavor. The international coffee brands choose their seeds and roast, grind and brew to create a particular flavor, which is kept as a secret formula.

Anandit and Aswathy gifted us a coffee seed grinding machine and a coffee making machine while we were living in Pondicherry. It led us to learn even more about coffee and why it tastes differently in each restaurant. There is an art and science of coffee making. It is not just about a drink that is 'hot, brown and sweet'; it is about growing a coffee plantation, roasting the seeds, grounding them and making coffee in the right proportions starting form boiling water in a particular way,  which  are all skilled activities.

I use this as an illustration to suggest that we become more mindful of many routine things we do so that we do not reduce them to be a chores to be gone through. Instead, it  is as much as we give attention and take an interest in what we do, we convert each of our experience to bring freshness to our lives. One advertisement of yesteryears which the Colgate tooth paste manufacturers used to air was, 'speak to your teeth while you brush'. It is all about being present to what is present before you. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

  

17 September, 2012

Surrounded by Godly favor

'Tho hast enclosed me behind and before, and laid thy hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me' Psalm.139:5

While visiting  a botanical garden, Anna and I felt surrounded by flowers that held our attention for a long time. Some were usual flowers and some were exotic and unusual such as this white cactus blossoms. This feeling of being present amidst an unusual sight was rather special. Everything around looked blending with each other to give a look of aesthetic glory.

The psalmist uses a similar allegory of being surrounded by God's nearness in different circumstances. I had a mail from a dear friend, to mention how it was to feel surrounded by God's nearness when he had an angioplasty at a most unexpected time, without any symptoms in the past of chest pain or discomfort. He referred to it as 'unbelievable'. Our lives are full of such unexpected events and happenings.  It is during such times, when we are almost overtaken by anxiety or fear, this experience of the psalmist comes to us as a comfort and assurance.

An 'enclosure' is made to make a place safe and secure.  The enclosure is an announcement that the place is protected and is set apart for a particular purpose. 

We are such people protected and set apart for a purpose. This understanding of God who choose to  'reveal His Son in us' is too much to grasp or consider. It transcends logic and explanation because, according to St. Paul, He chose us,'while we were still in our trespasses'. This enlarges our vision of God and brings into our interior a humbling orientation to confess as Mary said, 'Let it be unto me as you have said'.

It is this a five year old boy said, while climbing a tall climbing frame in the park, to a question by a friend,' are you not afraid'!  He said turning to his parents, that, 'when my parents are with me, I have none of it'. This is an invitation to trust and let go!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

15 September, 2012

Rocks in a garden


One of the important sights in any garden is its rock collection. For someone interested in geology, the stones represent the history of age, content, the distance it may have travelled in the river or the years spent buried under the earth. Listening to him fascinated me. 

It is from the rock we receive blue metal, sand, stones, granite, tiles, etc. It is the pre-cursor for many applications in our daily living.

One of the recent applications in many gardens to make rock gardens and cultivate plants, which thrive well in rocky surfaces.

What continues to fascinate me is the history Rocks represent. When we read inscription in a museum the approximate age of the stone, some times in thousands of years, it is awe inspiring. We have before our eyes something that has survived thousands of years, by withstanding all the fury of nature.  What is in a stone,  that lets it happen! 

It is in its  chemistry. Its composition has the capacity to survive against all odds. 

I hear stories of intense stress almost daily from families whom I meet with in my work. They suffer from being battered by many odds and feel heavy of heart. It is only in the recent times, I hear an appalling disinterest to persevere against the odds. Life is offering greater challenges than some people can cope. They need an inner strength; they need an inner spirit that can revive hope; they need to find a meaning for their lives amidst the chaos and disorder.

As humans we are endowed to be resourceful in all circumstances. We have been given charge to 'live and multiply'. Instead, life has become a burden for many. A senior professor told me today, that the only way to suppress the struggles of daily living is to resort to transient amnesia by consuming alcohol.

Let me suggest another way. The rock garden is formed by filling the in between surfaces with soil. The soil in the environment of the rock allows the rock garden to survive. It is only in the setting of relationships, friendships, and camaraderie humans can survive the odds they face in their daily life. Jesus of Nazareth said, 'Come to me all those who are heavy of heart, I will give you rest'. We are accompanied by God of human history, whose watchful eyes are upon His creation. If rock is strong, how great is the strength of the ONE who gives it strength! Our well lived lives ought to convey the strength of the One who is forming or lives.


M.C.Mathew (text an photo) 

The contrast in urban life

These pictures are aerial views of an important city, taken five years back. Since then I have been to this city a few more times. The recent pictures also reveal the contrast between the two types of housing and amenities.

This is probably true of cities in developing countries, where urbanization is taking place at a faster pace than what the facilities can cope with. 

I know of this contrast existing in developed countries. Mr. Dave Andrews, of Brisbane with his family has been involved in responding to the needs of housing of low in come group. Dave used to be Delhi in the late seventies and early seventies primarily involved to help young people who were caught in the hippie culture and were drowning in substance abuse.

Dave after returning to Australia decided to live in the sub-urban Brisbane, where housing, civil amenities and educational prospects of the low- income families were terribly disturbing. 

After thirty years of working with the local churches, civil authorities, philanthropists, Dave  got the the local administration to persuade the builders to make affordable living accommodation for the low income group as a mandatory requirement before they would be given permission to build in the developed areas of the city.

I have been recently reading books and articles Dave wrote, which encouraged me immensely to believe that a single voice is never a feeble voice. There is a prophetic appeal when one or few people campaign for the needs of the disadvantaged and it unsettles those who have been hitherto indifferent to  the needs of others. Alone voice soon becomes loud enough to prompt others into action. 

I wonder whether we are familiar with the social needs of our community. I realized that my income has gone up by five times in the last ten years. The income in the church we worshipped until recently had gone up by seen times. And yet, the commitment to social causes has increased only marginally. 

Our daily prayer is that, 'Let Thy kingdom come'! The Kingdom of God is of love, mercy and charity.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

14 September, 2012

Brick buildings and neighborhood

One of the losing arts of construction is using different forms of brick work. This archway made of locally made bricks, in the passage between buildings, make an aesthetic contribution to the setting.

The interesting thing about this brick work is that it is not plastered with cement or any protecting covering. The bricks reveals the texture and colour of the soil form which the bricks were  made. 

Only some type of bricks can be used in this form without the protective plastering, which can withstand rain, humidity and heat.

The naturalness this provides, with tile flooring and brick walls which support the arch ways and the open space it creates even in a built up area ,
make it rather special.

I remember that late, Lawrei Baker, a British architect, who made India his home and lived in Trivandrum,  used to promote brick made homes. I lived in such houses during my visits to Asha Kiran Hospital, Lamptaput and felt that it is sustainable model of building houses, using raw materials available locally. Today I noticed that the interior of the auditorium at the MOSC Medical college is made of brick work.

Baker introduced a new concept about a house. It is a connecting link with local people and the neighborhood. He symbolized it by using building materials which are locally available  and getting the local masons, artisans and craftsmen and women to build it. A house is thus integrated with the local community in its design, setting and construction. Those who live in the house therefore are emotionally linked withe the local people. That is one way of creating a friendly neighborhood around a home. It creates a social model of building where imposing structures are avoided, but space is created for use according to the need, which merge environmentally and with other buildings.  

We are in  post modern era. It is necessary to trace our roots and traditions lest we lose a heritage which has formed us.

M.C.Mathew( text and photo) 


13 September, 2012

Buds shall blossom

Anna and I will, all being well, join our new work tomorrow at the M.O.S.C. Medical college, Kolenchery. This will be our second job after our retirement form Christian Medical College, Vellore.

Our time at Pondicherry was shortened due to the declining health of my mother and the need to relocate near to her to offer her the support she needs now.

Every new job has its own challenges. One challenge for both Anna and myself is the need to become familiar with the way medicine is practiced in this 100 percent literate state. Anna has never lived in this state of Kerala and I am returning to live here after 45 years. For both of us it is the first experience of working in any medical institution in Kerala. 

Some thoughts of anxiety returned to me several times during the day. As I was glancing through my archives of photos, this picture of rose buds taken few years back, brought back some memories. A friend was getting ready for his hip replacement surgery. Looking at the rose buds in his garden, he turned to me, said, 'the buds shall blossom'. He spoke that confidently. He left behind his anxiety of all the risks of surgery and turned cheerful because, He saw in those buds a hopeful sign, that all shall be well. He went back to his drawing room and turned on the music system to play, ' We shall overcome..' the song that was very dear to late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 

So we get ready to go to work tomorrow with this hope, that we will be given the grace to overcome. 

The rose buds are provided, color, fragrance and elegance. God is that provider.

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The paths before us

These pictures of two different paths through a Reserve forest made me think about the journey in life.

The first path is winding and curvy in many places. It takes a longer time to travel, although covers a larger space of the forest.The second path is straight and makes  little turns. It is shorter and takes lesser time to travel.

They were both in the same forest, meant for different purposes. The long and winding path was meant to give the travelers a wider view of the panorama of the forest. The second one was created to take the travelers through areas frequented by the animals for a close up view.  

Let this give us much comfort when we view our journey in life. Sometimes we find ourselves taking longer time including periods of waiting to get what we want. There are times, when we seem to make excursions or detours without making much progress in our career, family life or personal life. Such are the times when we enhance our world view of experiences, insights and perceptions. They are meant to give us a wider and larger view of the canvas of life. 

I often wondered, whether I wasted my two years studying public health at the beginning of my professional career. Now I realize that it formed my inclusive thinking on health care. It has been natural for me to think of epidemiology, environment, community dimensions in health care, which have been critical in my thirty five years of practice of Developmental paediatrics. 

The second path, which is straight, symbolizes another  season in our lives, where we make quick progress and move directly into what seems to be good for us. This is a valuable period when we experience a greater fulfillment. Such seasons help us to plan ahead and move forward. Sometimes we get driven by our achievements on such occasions that life brings pauses, detours or departures form the routine to allow us to recover, enlarge and grow deeper into the mystery of life. Life brings us a blend of experiences to prune us that we may bear fruits. 

It is necessary to welcome both seasons in our lives. 

I met a class mate of mine at school, yesterday, who briefed me of his life journey. He began as a teacher, moved on to journalism and is now a civil rights activist supporting people for their just needs. He gave me a hand out, he prepared on free market. His analysis was as good as that of an international economist. When I asked him, how he developed such a wide perspective, he mentioned of his ten long years he waited to get a promotion as the head teacher at school, because of leadership suppressing his promotion. During those ten years, he read, wrote, published and got involved with people and their needs. He enlarged his mission in his life, while going through a winding path. 

Let us welcome life, because, God is accompanying us in this journey during all seasons of life. Let us receive different seasons in life, because they are meant for our formation!

M. C. Mathew (text and photo)  

12 September, 2012

Tell me before you decide

 Let me share an experience which helped me to revise the way I practice Medicine.

This 7 year old chid, used to come for consultations with her parents. After she has been through a long spell of using muscle relaxants and undergoing the prescribed exercises, she was still struggling to walk due to stiffness in the muscles. They returned during her summer holidays, for the next phase of her treatment, which was,  applying a cast of plaster of paris on her legs and keep changing it to new ones every three days till her muscles had relaxed well. She would then be on further muscle relaxing exercises and regular use of some stabilizing ankle support to keep the muscle in normal tone after the cast was removed.  

That was what happened and the family returned for a consultation after the cast was put. The girl looked unsettled, non-communicative and did not establish any social contact  with me unlike her usual pattern. She even refused to answer any question. As I persisted trying to reach out to her,  she shouted at me with these words, 'Tell me before you do anything to  me'. 

I was lost for words. It was true that I had not explained to her about the plan to put her legs in plaster cast or any of our thoughts or rationale behind doing this. Her parents did not explain to her anything either. So she protested, while the cast was put on her and the resident doctor told her to comply with the 'order' of the senior doctor. So there were several slips from the medical team by failing to solicit the willingness of the child or taking time to explain the process and procedure. 

It took a while for me to recover from this terribly embarrassing situation. The parents too were in a state of shock on account of what and how she communicated her anger and distress. Later I realized that she was looking forward to her holidays to spend time with her friends. We took away that opportunity from her, with no effort made to prepare her to cope with her  disappointment. Everything was imposed on her without seeking her consent.

In hindsight, I realized that I often left most of the explanations about therapeutic procedures to parents. It was only when I observed her distress, I realized the need to take responsibility for some of the preparatory conversations with a child, before any procedure is planned. 

We as clinicians, violate the autonomy of an individual, by not making joint decisions for therapeutic procedures. It is important to let even a child be given an opportunity to express his or her feelings, which I feel would be crucial before any final decisions is taken for the treatment plan. I remember this child mentioning to me later that, she missed being with three of her friends on their birthdays because parents decided to come away for her treatment, without consulting her.

I feel, that clinicians  have a long way to go, to involve a patient while making decisions for treatment. I am glad, that it is now mandatory to have informed consent from patients including from children, when therapeutic procedures are considered.

We have no rights over our patients; they have right of information about the plans we make for them. Let us move towards participatory decision making in clinical practice!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)            

Jasmine in the courtyard

Anna and I have made an observation that most houses in our village,  we have passed by on our walks, have a bush of jasmine with white blossoms. It is a traditional belief that the fragrance of jasmine will fill the home. Most women keep a small bunch of it as habit in their hair. They use it at their time of prayer to a deity. It is often kept in a basin of water in the drawing room, which fills the room with its fragrance. 

It is  a plant which gives flower throughout the year. It requires little attention, watering or manuring. It requires little but gives away a lot.

An elderly woman told me that it has been a custom to have a jasmine plant in the courtyard as a symbol of what each home should be- fragrant and giving. 

We live in  a season where our homes are far form this. One of our neighbours told us that most women  fear the evenings because their husbands return in a drunken state and turn the home in to  a battle ground.

The first indication of a mission, that is difficult but critical, is to address the social evil that push people to  be alcohol dependent. Now days in many homes of the labour class, the women work and the men spend most of the income for substance abuse. Many men experience depression, job related stress, frustration due to struggles of life, debt due to loans taken to educate children or marry their daughter, etc.

We do not succeed in de-addiction programme unless some of these social challenges are addressed by pro-active community initiatives. One minister of a Church showed some interest in this issue. That gives me some hope.

Home is a place of fragrance and self-giving.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

Way side Flowers

One way to get familiar with any new place is to connect with its flora and fauna and people. In one sense, being in this village which has a population about 2000 people, is interesting. Most people stop to ask us, about our names, work and the home we live in.  Of course, they recognize my parents and most of them would have something to say about either of them  as both were teachers at the local schools. 

What fascinates me is the wildly growing grass and plants all along the road and the irrigation canal that flows through our land. I am glad that there is less upkeep of this place, so in that we are left with these sights of  plants and flowers, which no one cultivates, but is present there for us to behold. They are helpless when the gardener removes them thinking of it as a weed. However, they grow back in no time and flower again. 

I sense one revealing aspect of the nature in this. The smallest plants and flowers are most resilient. Whether in summer or winter, they are there. They do not surrender to the schemes of those who tend gardens and fields. They are almost unsurmountable. That is why perhaps, Jesus of Nazareth in the parable of the wheat and tares, suggested to let the weeds grow, lest we disturb the wheat. 

There are tares of corruption, that would need immediate attention, as it is taking place through the initiatives of the civil society in India today. But we are on a self defeating journey towards development, when we mechanize everything to be economical, displacing artisans, craftsmen, indigenous people and their way of life. We have replaced wild honey with farm  honey, even in  a village like mine.   

Let me suggest that, we view many things as 'tares', where as they  fulfill a purpose which can be most valuable. These flowers growing wild tell me, that the village panorama will be impoverished without such sights. Let us fight the 'tares' that harm humanity. Many' tares' we fight unnecessarily can be due to our short sightedness.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)      

11 September, 2012

The light within

Anna and I completed one week of our time in this village to which we have moved, to stay with my mother. We live in a cottage, the old portion of which is 80 years old and the renovated portion in the front is 40 years old. It is both our home and storehouse now. For the last one week, a hosts of workers and ourselves were making an effort to make this home livable for us. With space being a big constraint, we are learning to adjust with what is possible.

A question surfaced  in my mind today. What is the light within me like now! It caused me to pause to tune to my feelings and thoughts since we arrived here. There is a calm assurance about the rightness to have relocated here. Anna feels more strongly than I do now. There are different people who are trying to welcome us and make our adjustment easier. There are irritations such as when the autorikshaw driver refused to carry me home after shopping, as he claimed that he did not know me enough. It was dusk and I could not find another one till much later. There are power interruptions several times in a day- toady there were five times till now. There were three breakdowns of mechanized kitchenware, which are not repaired even after one week, in spite of several reminders to the service agencies.

Amidst these mixed experiences, this candle brought back home a truth that is central to our lives. Jesus of Nazareth said, 'if the light within you is darkness, how great will that darkness be'! If anxiety, anger, reactions or blaming were to occupy the centre of my life, it will create an intense darkness within me. Instead, if I can protect the light of hope, patience, acceptance and hospitality from being extinguished, it shall lead me on. It is not the 'night' that I fear, but whether the light within me will keep burning even if it can only be a dim light for the time being! 

I am responsible for this choice. God is the enabler to help me in making that choice and staying with  me to fulfill my choice.  

A domestic helper told me today, 'You returned to your childhood by coming back here'. It revived my spirit, because. all new beginnings start by 'returning.. ' because, the old testament prophet Isaiah says, in doing so you shall find  'your salvation'( freedom) .    

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

From hand to Mouth


One of the fascinating periods in childhood is the first year of a child. Parents mention about the habit of their children to mouth their hands, and objects with some concern. 

The second among the three photographs  of this child gives us a clue about its origin. This is an automatic visual-oro-facial reflex, which is activated, when any child sights an object or when the hands are in the midline, in the visual field of the child. This is a reflex which lasts for about three to four months from the age of three months of an infant. It is likely that some babies will persist with hand mouthing even up to one year and beyond, which may be more incidental than habitual.
There are three aspects which parents ought to remember. As soon a child is able to play with toys, the mouthing of the hands would decline, to be replaced by mouthing of toys. As children begin to move about and enter into a social and interactive process, even this would decline. It is when a child is unoccupied or about to fall asleep, an infant may mouth the hands.

The thumb sucking is different from this, where most infants simulate the pleasure of sucking from the mother's nipple by thumb sucking. There is a pacifying or soothing effect. This occurs when the child feels unsettled or when there are too many changes in the environment. This again is a transient phase, although parents feel anxious about it when children mouth the thumb at 5 years. This when it occurs, is more to do with a developed habit, which would fade away when another activity is offered to replace it at the occasions when it would normally occur. If it occurs at bedtime, offering a cuddly toy or being with the child at bed time or reading a story, etc. can help immensely.

It is important not to fight with the cild if the child is already used to suck the thumb habitually. It may be necessary to talk about this to someone who has more skills to help to find a way forward. Most children leave it behind when a more interesting engagement is offered consistently. It is related to  a state of anxiety, separational stress or any form of deprivation only occasionally. When parents feel pre-occupied with it, it reveals the anxiety of parents. Being anxious is no way to deal with it. Instead parents need all the support to view it as yet another passing developmental phase during infancy. 

One mother told me that every time she saw her one year old girl suck her thumb, she would go back to her childhood, to think of all the punishments she received from her parents to stop her from sucking the thumb. It is a suffering parent one should think of, while parents talk about thumb sucking of their child.

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)   

10 September, 2012

Silence in a relationship

This painting by Max Liebermann, a German jewish painter(1847-1935), whose art work was on display in his family villa at berlin, has aroused within me some searching questions about the way this painter has portrayed a sombre moment between a mother and child. The more you meditate on this picture the more you are drawn in to the mystery of silence. 

Considering that the woman is the mother and the girl is her daughter, it is an occasion in their relationship, when the daughter conveys sadness  and the mother engaging look.  Whatever may be the state of affairs between the two emotionally, one thing is likely that it is a quiet moment in which both are present to each other. Both are captured in a pensive mood with the body contact and posture communicating a distance  between them. 

Some resort to silence as a way of getting over an experience which was stressful. Some use silence to listen to one's emotion, feelings and inner conversation to make sense at a deeper plane. There are others who convert silence to be a time to still their inner being by breathing exercises to feel connected with oneself and the reality of God in one's life. 

Let me suggest yet another dimension of silence in communication particularly between parents and children. We communicate through speech, gestures, other non-verbval communications. When does silence become a means of communication? When words are no more sufficient to convey the profound feelings. It is an occasion, when being still and present to each other in an affirming way is a deep experience when words cannot unfold the feelings adequately.

In a relationship with children this is an essential component to build intimacy. A father recently told me that his five year old daughter would love to come and sit on his lap, when he is reading the news paper. She does this often. There is hardly any conversations between them on such occasions. Obviously the child is seeking to be near her father. Children, depending on their temperament, would want to be close to their parents in silence, when they are disturbed, sad, anxious, or feeling affectionate. 

This aspect of being with our children in silence can to lead to revealing discoveries. A teenage girl, after being with her mother, while her mother was painting a nature scene, broke down to say how she was feeling attracted to her class mate. That led to a most meaningful conversation which helped her to feel supported while she was getting ready to close that relationship.

It is necessary to allow silence to be exercised in our relationship with our children. Parents need to resist too much intrusion by questioning; instead make silence as an occasion to communicate, love and affection so that it prepares children to be drawn into an experience of being protected by the affirming acceptance and presence. Silence can be a prelude or postlude to most meaningful conversations with our children. We can trust silence to be creative enough to deepen relationship with our children, if love is the ambience of that silence.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Each leaves a mark

I was fascinated by  this chandelier, in the photo, while waiting for a function in a hotel. Each light in it leaves a shadow on the roof. I looked at all the 15 chandeliers in the hall and observed the same. I noticed that even the holders of those lamps cast a shadow on the roof. In fact some of them  leave shadows disproportionate to their size due to the multiple light sources casting the shadow.

Anna and I arrived at our new place and began finding everything new and unfamiliar. Who are we in a strange place! How are we to find relationships with people whom we have not known! Most of them would be unfamiliar with our story or background. When these thoughts lingered in my mind, this sight of the chandelier, I watched two months back, came back vividly  in my mind. 

Each of us has a place where ever we are located. It is a location good enough for us, as that is the place we can leave a mark through or our being and doing. We are given the light and energy to leave that mark, from a source, which is able to make our presence distinct. It is when we look for a distinguished role or an imposing presence, one can feel disappointed. That is not for us to seek for or strive for, if we are tuned to God as the source of our life, time and season. 

I felt this coming home even more clearly as I watched our domestic helper telling me her painful story of several adjustments, which have made life most demanding for her. Yet, she lives with a cheerful spirit, because, she has health, ability to work and a hope that she can hold all things well. She values her small role and thrives on the dignity of labour.

None of us can afford to despise our selfhood, however struggling we may be, to accept ourselves. We would feel lighter if we can shed our ambitions and continue the journey through the current scene with our hearts free to stay content even with the little place we are offered. We are created beings who will be given enablement to leave our marks distinct enough for others to feel blessed through what we are and what we do. 

This comforts and assures me as we go through this period of adjustment during this season of our relocation.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Then and Now

Each of us returns to recall events in our past and some events remain alive in our conscious mind or surface in our dreams or conversations. Those events can be pleasant or unpleasant. The pleasant events give us much energy and encouragement. Some unpleasant events so affect us that we feel drained emotionally by their hold on us. They seem to colour our view of the present sometimes denying us freedom to live 'fully human, fully alive' as the author, John Powell suggests in his best seller book of yesteryears.

I remember   watching this plant which tells its story publicly. The withered twigs in the bottom tell the dry spell it suffered from, almost threatening its existence. With the change of season, it recovered to bear its blossoms. The dry grass around the bush tells us that the hostile terrain in which it is located, still continues.

The story of this plant holds our attention. The plant lives with its past publicly, but is not held back by its past. It grows, blossoms and reproduces through its seeds. It chose to live beyond its past. It reveals its past but it is integrated into its life, even to give it an overcoming will.

Some of us live with a wish, that our past was different! Let me suggest that however difficult or distressing  our past may have been, it adds only strength to our character. It provides us with insight, clarity and conviction to trust in our future with hope.

One way to revisit the disturbing events in our past its to wait patiently for it to reveal their purpose. Sometimes the wait can be long as our mind reveals truth about our past only when our heart is ready to cope with emotions attached with such an encounter. We ought to be grateful when meaning of events in the past still evade us, for, it is a protection to our soul. We ought to be grateful when past events reveal the meaning, because it has been well timed to give us a new impetus and affirmation to move on with a sense a purpose.

Life is a treasure and a mystery. Let us live it with an awesome outlook to life. Our personal story is a sacred story, in which resides nuggets of truth, revealed and yet to be revealed.  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)


09 September, 2012

Plants as food source

There is an increasing interest to discover more  use for plants as medicines in Chinese Medicine, Naturopathy, Ayurvedic medicine, etc. Plants are used to make inks and dyes, oils, cosmetics, soap, etc

While at a friend's house, they served us a refreshing drink and we just could not identify by taste or odour its origin. It had a stand-alone taste and flavor

The hosts, who own a garden at the outskirts of Pondicherry had made the drink from the Hibiscus flowers. They dried the flowers in the sunshine, added lime, water and sugar and made a extract out of it. They used a spoon full of the extract to prepare one glass of the drink. We were delighted to discover how organic farming is producing newer ways of using different plant products for human use

 Let me suggest that we ought to be even more alert to find new ways of using the plant source as a food resource for us. There is so much dependence on animal source for food in spite of some health risks associated with  meat and meat products. The plant Kingdom has a variety of sources from which we can find protein and carbohydrate rich food for human consumption 

I am not proposing a blind or forced vegetarianism. But what I am proposing is to harness the resources  of plants for preparing food for human consumption, so that we include more body friendly food in our diet
M.C.Mathew(text and photo

Multiplying where positioned

I have been fond of ornamental palms for some time. I have come across about 12 varieties of palms during my visit to public or private gardens. In fact, we have had five palms in pots, for thirty years in our garden, four of which we gave away recently to a childre's home and carried one with us, while relocating in Kerala. 

The ornamental palm tree that I have a particular interest is the one, which would multiply with new shoots. The palm tree whose photo you can watch here, added three more stems during the last two years. The palm we brought with us has twenty two stems from one common root. They grow by multiplying. What draws our attention is its stem and the lush green leaves, which sway easily in the wind and dance to its tune. It occupies prominent place in any garden and is often noticed by visitors.It needs water and seasonal manure and nutrients. The leaves need trimming and the drying leaves need to be cut away.

The specialty of this type of palm trees is that once it is planted in a soil with access to water, it multiplies to form several root bundles from which the new stems spring. It has no choice of the soil, shade, or terrain. The gardener places it where ever he chooses to do so. In fact only some gardeners think favourably of the palm tree and its needs.  The palm tree overcomes the hostile environment and multiplies its stem.

I carry with me a message from this palm tree. We have some choices open to us in life, Many a times, we are not given choices. We are made to go through circumstances or experiences that we did not choose. On such occasions, we resent, react, question or try running away from such situations. Is there  an alternative1 The palm tree reveals us the alternative.  

No matter what the circumstances are, we are called to bear fruit in several folds. The ability to do so is given to us by God of our circumstances. How can we be anything else, when we are told by Jesus of Nazareth,that, 'I am the the wine and you are the branches'! 'His full giving has only begun', 'when our hoarded resources are exhausted' in the words of Annie Johnson Flint. None can deter or stop us from demonstrating God's multiplying grace, whatever may be the circumstances!

M..C. Mathew (text and photo)   

Knowing for Loving

'O, Lord, Thou has searched me and known me. Thou dost know when I sit down and when I rise up; Thou dost understand my thoughts from afar. Thou dost scrutinize my path and my lying down and art intimately acquainted with all my ways' Psalm.139:1-3.

While Anna and I were on a pleasure boat ride in  a shallow lake, we observed the skills of a sporty boatman, who negotiated the boat with ease and confidence. He deliberately swayed the boat a few times to give a thrill of movement and speed, perhaps for the benefit of Aswathy and Anandit who were with us in the boat. After the ride, I enquired of him the reason behind his confidence. He recalled having known the lake for thirty five years and the current boat for five years. He learned swimming in this lake and used to fish here before he became a boatman, taking the tourists each day about thirty trips.  He knew the boat, lake and what the tourists needed.

The way David, who wrote this Psalm, meditates on God's knowing of him, is a revealing truth about the character of God. God was intimately familiar with all that David was part of. David was aware of God's knowledge of his physical activities, thoughts, choices that he made and the happenings in his daily life. This dispelled from his heart any fear of being alone or lonely. One of my frequent experiences with people I meet at work is a sense of loneliness. David gave a strong refutal to this from his personal experience of God.

What  does it mean to be Known by God!  It is an experience of being loved. His knowing of each of us is to fill us with agape, the self giving love of God. Love is an overriding inner experience than, fear, anxiety or loneliness because love offers us a feeling of acceptance, belonging, rest and comfort. 

St. Paul in 1 Corinthians 13, testifies of love as revealed in Jesus of Nazareth, as 'patient, kind..bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...' (Vs 4-8). It is this Love of God which anchors us when we are swayed by guilt, disappointment, grief, ecstasy, anxiety or fear. God is accompanying us to love us and not to intrude into our lives. He cares enough to wait patiently for our return to respond to His love as portrayed in the character of the waiting Father in the story of the prodigal son. Love holds us together, lest we become fragmented with many inner contradictions. Love offers us the 'balm of Gilead' to heal our brokenness and nurse our wounds. Love liberates us from the pain or set backs of the past and carries us forward to love life and cherish the opportunities ahead.

A five year old boy who cane to visit us yesterday, looking at fish in the aquarium, told me, 'Someone must be caring for them'. God knows us and therefore He cares for us.  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

07 September, 2012

An outer and inner journey

Anna and I have come across many walkers and cyclists on the high way, during the last two weeks, who are on their way to the Velankanny Church, from different parts of south India. This is an annual pilgrimage for collective worship, where thousands of believers gather. The traditional belief among many devout  followers of the faith is that, a visit and prayer in the church during the festival time of the church would bring healing to those who are sick, and grant favors from God to those who are waiting for a child or a spouse or a job, etc. 

They make this long journey on foot or bicycle, a time of penitence and preparation for an encounter experience with God. Some make this physical journey with considerable austerity, fasting from non-vegetarian food, abstaining form alcoholic drinks, etc. They sing and join in for communal prayers during this walk. Some of them chant psalms and prayers of the saints to create an attitude of inner prayer, while they walk.

So there is an outer journey which is closely linked with many inner events. In fact, the inner events sustain them during the long and tiring physical journey. The awareness of God, His love and presence in one's life, His forgiveness and promises become so life giving that, most devotees by the time they reach the church are in a state of heightened spiritual awakening. 

The inner journey of confession, prayerful trust in God, surrendering to receive God's grace and visitation are in themselves a resource to experience healing and well being. This is in contrast to drivenness with which we live, where meditating on the scripture, prayer, worship, etc. receive short or transient or no attention in our daily lives. Therefore such pilgrim journeys offer some benefits similar to what we receive during a retreat. 

God is not distant form us that we have to make a long physical journey to find Him. The novelist Paulo Coelho, in his seminal novel, The Alchemist, tells us that the treasure we seek is within ourselves and not far away from us.  The truth is that most of us live reduced lives, having gradually lost the awareness of God's presence with 'other things and cares of the world' choking and crowding the reality of God, like what the weeds do to the seedlings. God is our nearest companion to us, but to lose the sense of His presence is like living in darkness. Such occasions of physical preparations of renunciation and habits of rhythmic prayer spread over a period of time, become necessary for us to regain the consciousness of God's nearness, recognize His soft voice and experience His affirming love.  

An outer journey is symbolic of of the inner journey. It is the inner journey which draws us towards God. We are all seekers after God. Those who 'seek shall find' was the statement of Jesus of Nazareth. May we seek; let it be our daily habit by choice!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

Make-believe-play

One of the special seasons in the life of a child is when he or she is passing through the season of pretend play. It is a fascinating period in the life of a child, because it helps the child to expand his or her imagination, imitation and exploration. This enhances understanding, experience, social interaction and communication.

I observed our neighbour's daughter often present with her father when he would wash the car. She would gather water in a bucket and help in cleaning and drying. Of course she sometimes irritated her father, by splashing water on the car after he had dried the surface. I noticed her father ready to put up with it. She was given a small bucket and a sponge. It was she, who often cleaned the back of the car.

I noticed that her bicycle was always sparkling in the cycle stand. I remember asking her once, 'how is that you keep your bicycle so clean'! 'My father keeps his car clean always', she replied. Many good habits begin through pretend play. However, cumbersome it may be for adults, it is necessary to appreciate this developmental process as an essential part of childhood formation. Any attempt to negate it, as pretend play can cause some inconvenience, such as the need to tidy up a place after a child had played, will be interfering with the need of the child to have this experience for childhood formation. Denying a child to go through this phase is a disservice to their creative and formative process.

As adults we can feel sometimes disturbed by this pretend play. A child may want to join her mother while rolling chapatis; it is good to give her a chance. Another child may want to paint, when a parent or a sibling is doing the same; let him or her have an opportunity to play with colors. While mending a tap, a child may want to play with the tools. Let that be encouraged.

As I watched the children play with the toy cart on the road (photo), I noticed their delight in doing so. It is one way they gradually enter into the adult's world to understand and make sense of association of cause and effect. It is necessary to observe the interests of a child and make provisions to enhance them. If you were to notice a pre-school child keenly observing any activity and wants to be a participant in it, it is an indication of child's natural interest and inclination. All wise parents would observe this and create opportunities for enhancing their instincts.

Arpit used to play with toy string instruments when he was around two years. That is what made Anna observe his musical interest. He began his piano lessons and joined a children's choir in the pre-school years. Now he plays four or five musical instruments well and is musically highly accomplished. It began as pretend play.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)          

06 September, 2012

Hall marks of a Place

Every place has some distinctive features for which it is known. The Union Territory of Pondicherry is known for its tourist attractions of the old French settlement, lakes, marble silk cloth, hand made paper, pottery, Pondy lamps, etc.

The Pondy lamp shades are made of specially made light transmitting rough paper around the light source at the centre. These lamp shades are in shapes of a dome, rectangle, square, etc. The paper is heat resistant and its shape is held by scaffolding made of finely split pieces of bamboo. It is one of the commonest decorating item tourists look for in Pondicherry. They are sold in different cities in India and overseas.

It is difficult to trace its history. Some say it has been a common sight at the Pondicherry homes for over 100 years. Its origin is connected to the French nationals who had some special tastes for interior decoration. It is an ideal way of illuminating a room when you want a uniform diffusion of light without the light source blinding the eye. 

This is made by many families as part of cottage industry. Many women's self help groups are involved in producing it and marketing it. Of course its price is variable with popular shops charging even three times its actual prize. 

I have learned something from this example of making an item of utility a branded item. It is made of naturally available components and recycled paper. It highlights the prospects of finding different ways of using less expensive, locally available and easy to maintain components for making something of much value. In an industrialized world, there is an invaluable place for handcrafted items as they represent human ingenuity, creativity and imagination. I feel challenged to support artisans and traditional craftsmen as they are threatened by machine manufacturing. We need to preserve a vast resource of experience that is associated with traditional handicrafts.   

M.C.Mathew( text and photo))        

Child at parent's work place.

This is a common sight I come across, of children accompanying parents to their workplace. I see it at the hospitals, offices, shops, street vendor's outlets, etc. Children for lack of anyone else available to take care of them at home, end up being with their  parents at work place during school holidays, in the evenings or when a child is not able to go to school due to transient illness.

A work place contributes least to a child. In fact it introduces a child to the world of adults, their conversations, and work related experiences too early. For most pre-school children, it is too much to process this experience with much meaning or appreciation. Most parents expect them to be passive in such situations without any plan to give them something to do, that would interest them. They are bored and restless, and helpless in such situations. To occupy a few hours in an ambience which is least child friendly is intimidating to a child. Making them play in the computer or play gamin the photo was engaged in passive child labour. 

In a fast urbanizing India, both parents will choose to work,leaving children in various forms of cild care. One child care facility which is non-existent is, open child care facility, where parents according to their need can can get the children to stay for short duration during the day. One facility I love to explore while going overseas is the open child care facility. They are run by volunteers, often by senior citizens to promote childhood well being when parents are occupied elsewhere. Such facility although is not a good enough substitute, it is far better than children, spending their time at the work places of their parents.  If such facility can be run by churches, NGO's, etc. in a school premise, it can help children to have a comfortable and stimulating environment.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)