A Loten's Sunbird and an Egret!

The Loten's sunbird was tunefully singing and an Egret was on its morning stroll in the field below! I watched this sight with a sense of wonder! Every time the Sunbird raised its bird call, the Egret stopped and remained still and moved forward slowly only in between the bird calls. It was a rhythm worth watching to sense the different silent rhythms in nature. 

This was in my mind when Anna and I visited a family friend in the evening. We arrived at the home when their three years old son was on his play time in their garden. He had about an hour of exploration in their garden each evening, while one of the parents waited in the veranda to stay in his visual field. Every few minutes he would appear with a leaf or a stone, a feather, or the blade of the lawn grass! His parents took keen interest in what he brought and told him something about his collection. He usually placed the collection on the table and came back little later with another object. He continued this exploration while their dog lay in the corner watching the boy moving around in the garden. 

When we were driving back home after our visit, what Anna and I recalled for our conversation was this rhythm we noticed between this child and his parents. Every time he came with something that he picked up, the parents had something to say to share about his surprise and reward his effort with words of appreciation and information about the object. This natural traction between a child and his parents was an insightful sight for us. How gratifying it is for a child to have this time for himself and have his parents respond to his enquiring mind with thoughts and suggestions. 

This parenting role is an endearing experience for a pre-school child. For that family this is an evening rhythm of engagement which they do regularly for them to get to know the way their child is thinking, exploring and enlarging. Th conversation which started with a feather led to them pointing out birds perched in a tree! Then it led to show him a calendar hanging on their wall with pictures of birds! The boy's question was what do the birds eat! I saw first hand how the parents were practising and promoting child development by their interactive and engaging conversations!

The 'Third Parent' in most homes is the visual media of TV, mobile phone, home theatre, etc. I have parents who tell me that their pre-school child watches the media for 6 or more hours during the day. A sure way to silence a child and suppress the interactive instinct inherent in him ! In one home, the parents watch their favourite programme on the TV while their child  plays on the mobile phone games or watch cartoons. This was their evening routine for months starting from the COVID season. At the end of two years, the family noticed that their three years old child uses less words and more actions to express himself. He cries in exasperation till the phone is given to him when he gets up in the morning, so much so the parents had to buy a smart phone for their three years old son!

The terrible phrase, that was popularised during the COVID season was 'social distancing' instead of  just 'Physical distancing'! In fact what was necessary to popularise was 'social interaction' during the time when physical distancing was necessary to break the cycle of spread of infection. 

We now live with a double disadvantage. We made our children grow up during  the COVID season without the social interactiveness, which all pre-school children would need normally for their optimum child development. We introduced to them the visual media at a time when the development of  their language skills needed human interface and interactive ambience. 

Fifty percent of children  I welcome at the Child Development Centre in the recent two years are those with communication disorders, where as, it was only twenty percent in the three years preceding 2019.

There is a rhythm in nature which birds follow as it happened with the waterbird pausing to listen to a Sunbird! 

There is a rhythm of interaction between parents and pre-school children, which Anna and I noticed happening between a child and parents in the incident described above. 

I hope parents will act decisively to restore the rhythm of child-parent communication and keep aside the visual media from dominating a pre-school child's world! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The stream at the edge of our farm!

 

The stream at the edge of our farm has existed from the time I can recall, since my parents came to live in this farm eighty years ago. It has flowing water though out the ear. This stream is a home for fish, snails, crabs and other aquatic beings. It feeds the adjoining fields., some of which are rice fields, vegetable gardens or grazing ground for cattle. 

Almost every day the goats above are found grazing in the field next to the stream. The overgrowth gets replenished because of the water from the stream. 

A stream is life giving for humans and animals and preserves life of the aquatic inhabitants. 

A stream flows for others!

Do I go to work each day because I draw a salary for my work! Or do I feel the call to serve others through my being and doing!

I have pondered over this a few times in the recent months as I have to choose the timing for final retirement from going to a regular work spot each day!

I felt that when others recede from my attention at my work place, it will be the time to fade away!

Life and living are akin to being a stream to give life to others!

Some of the good pictures I have of Kingfishers were when they were beside this stream looking out for fish movements!

It is the stream that sustains their life!

What a gift a stream is to all around it!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Flowers and Fruits !

When I gather flowers for the vase at our home, I receive them as gifts given to us from our garden. Now the Rambutan and Cashew trees are flowering and the Bell fruit tree is full of its fruit! 

When the jack fruit is served on the table, it becomes the food for us to receive! The flowers,  the flowering trees, the raw fruits and the ready to eat fruits- they tell me the incremental nature of the gifts we receive from our garden!

The food when consumed, gives us calories and nutrients for our body! The fruit once taken is broken down to become the nutrients and they loose their shape, size, and distinctive appearance. They nourish the body and are even forgotten afterwards. 

This process of loosing the identity to nourish the body of those who eat the fruit engaged my attention today.  

This is the true nature of a gift. Once the gift is passed on to the receiver, the gift and the giver fade away sooner or later. 

It was while remembering the story of Developmental Paediatric Unit at CMC Vellore, when it completed its 25 the year a few days ago, I took time to remember all the residents, consultants, nursing staff, support staff and the administrative officers of CMC Vellore, who brought gifts of mindfulness and kindness during my 11 years from its beginning in 1997. Their self giving presence and service got integrated into the story of that Unit to make it what it is in 25 years. They nourished the Unit, and what and how they did are integrated with the history of that department. Their giving made the Unit to be what it is today. 

I had the e-mail of some of those who were at the Unit from its start in 1997,  to whom I copied the link to the post I wrote on this blog on 24 Feb 2023 to celebrate the 25th year of the Unit. The two replies I received encouraged me immensely!  

One of them was most generous in appreciation:

' Thanks a lot Dr. Mathew. It was a privilege and a blessing to work with you and the team . You will always hold the honour of being my first “boss”😊. I learned a lot and the time with you there, helped to build the foundation of where and who I am today. Yours and Ma’am’s dedication and answer to God’s call has been such a blessing not only to the children and families whom you served and continue to serve, but to the many of us who worked with you. As demanding and challenging as the work in Dev Paed was, I loved the hard work, team spirit and sense of calling we shared. You and Ma’am took such effort to help us feel welcome and wanted, with the dinners and fun games which you hosted despite your already tight schedules. Thanks for thinking of me and forwarding me the note and article. May God continue to bless you, Ma’am and your family as you all faithfully serve Him'.

The above words of kindness and appreciation is an expression of incremental giving! Having experienced and received encouragement, she recalled what she still remembers of her experience 24 years ago. 

I pondered over the way I live! How much I receive each day from many people as acts of their kindness! How can I be in this habit of incremental giving to bring cheer to others!

It is natural and even normal to forget acts of kindness. But if we can recollect and recall, we live with this incremental awareness of the several gifts of kindness and self giving we receive each day from many around us!

That creates an ambience within us to live humbly and gratefully because we have been formed by people around us! Our lives carry the marks and benefits of gifts of love of many from our childhood! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The smaller stones among the big ones!

 

The first two photos of the wall under construction in our farm and the third of the condition of the remnant of the existing wall, which too would need rebuilding, tell me a story of thirty years. This part of the standing wall was built thirty years ago; but the wall under rebuilding was built only five years ago. During the first monsoon one portion caved in (fourth photo) and during the subsequent two monsoons two more portions caved in, forcing us to rebuild. The life of a wall can go upto fifty years.

Having watched the rebuilding process, I discovered, that three things are important-foundation, the way the stones are piled one on top of the other guided by the science of equal weight distribution and the larger stones on the bottom to bear the weight of the wall. 

I noticed the art of building is that the spaces between stones are obliterated by packing them with small stones to give support for the big stones. 

It was this which was not well done in the wall that was built five years ago. 

The small stones support the big stones in a wall. 

It is while watching this process, it made me even more aware of the importance of all those who work in the supporting roles in our places of work. 

At 8.30 am in the morning and at 5 pm I watch the supporting staff near the punching station, arriving for work and leaving the hospital after the day's work. They are critical people who keep the health work service efficient and effective.

A maintenance staff told me that he comes to check the generator five times during his shift, which provides electricity when the main power supply trips. Even on a demanding day, he does it three times during a shift. I have noticed that the supply of power is restored in few seconds when the main power source trips. 

He is 'smaller' in stature and profile than the the front line workers in a hospital team. But he maintains the power supply. A 'smaller' person in a significant role!

I asked myself, 'how much I show kindness and express appreciation towards the supporting staff' who keep the rest of the work fully functional by their strategic roles, which are often subsumed by the more impressive tasks others do !

The smaller stones keep the bigger stones in place in a wall!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The message from a Flower vase!

 The picture above of my work place table is a symbol of many experiences for me each day!

The flowers symbolise to me the children who visit for consultations. The candles remind me of children who are ready to be lit, if only we can find the spark that is likely to glow! The vase of water that sustains the flowers is the ambience we create for children to grow and develop at home and wherever children are normally such as at schools. The table on which the flower vase rests is the facility that we create for children from which they receive all the enablement to become what they are bestowed to be! The sunshine that falls on the flowers through the window from behind represents the Grace we receive from God of our lives. Jesus of Nazareth admonished His companions to let children come to Him. 

The table on which the vase is placed is in a space with tables, chairs, shelf, and decorations and posters all around. In fact this open space is at one end of a large hall, which was designed as an autopsy room for the pathology department. As it was not used, we were given the space where we have the common meeting place and a therapy section. 

The first thing that I attend to, after arrival and few minutes of quietness each morning, is to change the water in the vase, sprinkle water on the flowers and add new flowers by replacing the ones that are drooping or shedding the petals. 

I light the candles occasionally. Sometimes some one in the professional group might light it!

I feel the struggle within in not having been thoughtful and considerate enough towards children and families! I sometimes feel inadequate to be able to awaken the spark in children! 

Yet that longing and invitation would make me light the candles now and then. 

Each day is an opportunity to bring cheer into children's lives. I wish I would feel well and enabled to be in this journey of being companions to families!

The flower vase is at the centre of my daily experience as a symbol of a mission which I want to see as a fulfilled vocation! 

I have had the practice of having a flower vase in the consultation room for forty years now!

At Chennai, the flowers came from the vendor outside the Child Development Centre; at CMC Vellore, Shekar brought flowers from the market; at Pondicherry, the flowers came from our garden. Now for the least eleven  years, there were enough flowers in our garden at our cottage to gather each day to have a fresh looking vase.  

The symbol of a flower vase is hope giving. The flowers were given! The grace of givenness and the the joy of Receiving!

Life is a journey to grow in this consciousness of the mystery of having been given! If so, loosing and gaining cannot not dominate.  Just as the earth receives its share of sunshine, rain, and snow, we too receive all that we need for each day. When these provisions diminish, it is  a desert experience, which too is needed to learn to live contently and steadfastly knowing that the Giver of all good gifts 'does not slumber or sleep'! 

This awareness helps me to return to live the calling as a pilgrim, moving when moved and waiting when the doors are shut!

Th journey itself is the destiny! Becoming the whole person is a calling worth pursuing, because life is for living vicariously!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Completing 25 years!

Today, ASHIRVAD remembers the founding day of the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at the Christian Medical College, Vellore on February 24, 1997. The Unit started at the invitation of CMC, Vellore to ASHIRVAD to sign a Memorandum Understanding to begin a new speciality service at CMC hospital. 

The decision to relocate at CMC Vellore took two years of consideration for Anna and myself and the board of Trustees of ASHIRVAD. We remember how late Dr Frank Garlick and Dr A K Tharien encouraged us to take this opportunity to bring this specialty as an academic discipline in a Medical college, when such a speciality did not exist anywhere else. Dr Willian Cutting facilitated the process by holding conversation with the administration at CMC Vellore. That is how the shift to CMC Vellore took place in February, 1997.

The beginning of this Unit was made possible by ASHIRVAD's Board of Trustees offering to incorporate its Child Development Centre functioning at Chennai from 1983 and transferring all its assets and facilities to begin the department. The staff at the Child Development Centre consisting of Premila, Annie, Sekhar and me formed the team to start the Unit. Now this Unit completes 25 years. 

 

The then director of CMC Vellore Dr V I Mathan in acknowledgement of ASHIRVAD's contribution to start the Unit, offered to name the floor where the department is currently located in the Ida Scudder Centenary building, as ASHIRVAD floor. 

 

The Director who followed, Dr Joyce Ponniah, the Medical Superintendent, Dr Chacko Korula,  and the Principal, Dr Ravi Korula,  were the leaders who allowed the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at CMC to take off to develop it into an academic speciality. It had the distinction of being the first Developmental Paediatrics Unit in a Medical College in India. 

 

I remember Dr Joyce on hearing that, the Out Patient services of the Unit finished late, even after midnight, took the initiative to post the first resident to the department. Dr Mathulla, the resident, was inclined towards neurology and that helped a lot to lay the foundations in the perspectives and approach to Neuro-developmental needs of children. 

 

I recall special occasions such as the award ceremonies where the Developmental Pediatrics OP service area, the Hall of Residence, its in-patient facility and the Office area received awards from CMC as the 'best' areas of service in the Hospital for a few years in succession. The three professional conferences were held on child development and Neuro-developmental issues in children, with participants from India and overseas. 

The three publications, in a book form, published between 2000 and 2004 of Neuro-developmental monitoring of Infants and Pre-school children, Review in Developmental Paediatrics and Child Neurology and Vellore Experiences were contributions to highlight the ethos, content and contours of the practice of speciality of Developmental Paediatrics in an Indian context.

To have been able to start the post-doctoral Fellowship in Developmental Paediatrics and the research programme leading towards the PhD of the TN Dr MGR Medical University were special events in the story of the last 25 years of the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at CMC. The beginning of a Sleep Monitoring suite with an EEG facility for developmentally challenged children at the Hall of Residence, the first of its kind in India at that time in 2003, embarked Anna and me on a long journey to study and publish different aspects of sleep morphology even after our retirement from CMC. That has thus far resulted in seven research studies, four publications and ten presentations in conferences.  

 

The Christian Osburg Terrace for children adjacent to the Hall of Residence came through the legacy she bequeathed to ASHIRVAD on her home call. Her Friend, Gisela Jahner from Berlin led the team of Friends of ASHIRVAD associated with EV Schule, to make regular financial contributions for the development of the Unit during this period. The large gift that came from Christmas Cracker through Dr Raju Abraham and BMMF (now INTERSERVE) helped ASHIRVAD to make a large contribution to build the ASHIRVAD floor, where the Developmental Paediatrics Unit is located. 

It was during our time at CMC, Ms Katharine Makower published the book narrating the story of ASHIRVAD till 1996, entitled, Beginnings. Ms Beulah Wood transcribed a week end conversation and enabled us to publish, Parenting your child in 2001, which is still in circulation. 

 

The two consultants Dr Samuel P  Oommen and Dr Beena Kurien were the first to finish the post doctoral Fellowship started in the Unit, who since my retirement in 2008, have taken the Developmental Pediatrics Unit, CMC, Vellore  to new heights in this specialty in India. The team of professionals in the Unit  is an assortment of specialists drawn from different disciplines. I feel enthused by them because they make the Unit academically and professionally sound. I remember the support staff in the Unit who have a sense of keen involvement in the affairs of the Unit  making the place friendly and hospitable. 

 

Anna and I, on behalf of the Board of Trustees of ASHiRVAD send greetings to all those who worked in the Unit since its inception till I retired. They helped in defining the content, ethos and scope of this specialty in India. Since 2008, the professionals and support staff have made this place a sought after service for children and parents from different parts of India and the neighboring countries. 

 

We view this Developmental Paediatrics Unit as a an expression of ASHIRVAD's logo, 'Taking Sides'!

 

Well done friends in Developmental Paediatrics Unit, for your contribution to make the place a home of hope for those who come to visit you! 

 

We at ASHIRVAD celebrate with gratitude and gladness this story of twenty five years of service to children with neuro-developmental challenges! The publications, Buds to Blossom, and Accompany your Child are efforts of the recent years to enable parents to provide a home based and parent involved developmental support for children, the ideas of which actually originated during our time at CMC Vellore. 

The 11 years at the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at CMC and the life in the community of CMC residential campus were blessed years of discoveries, insights, new clinical perspectives and reflective experiences, which formed most of who Anna and I are becoming. A significant accompaniment Anna and I received during this time was from  Drs Hans and Ago Burke, who by introducing us to the spirituality of Life, Living, Learning pointed us to a experiencing living by revising frames of thinking, beliefs and practices. The two publications mentioned below, have arisen out of this growing and enlarging experiences begun during our time at CMC Vellore and the accompanying pastoral care we received. The Bird Movements-our inner response and Flowers for the year, 2023  are therefore for remembering the story of ASHIRVAD for the last forty years. 

 

It was our baby, Anita Susan's birth and home call in 1981 and the question which Rev. A C Oommen posed to Anna and me at Anita's funeral service, 'For what reason was this life taken away from our midst at only three months of age', which sowed the seeds of this calling, leading to our life-long journey of taking the sides of children who were neuro-developmentally challenged! God was our path-finder in this journey on a less travelled terrain in health care! We found to our surprise and much comfort that neuro-developmentally challenged children and their parents are often 'wounded healers', who keep bringing new horizons in life and meaning and depth into the interior of our being. 

 

We look back over forty years of ASHIRVAD's mission as God's work in our lives and in our midst!

 

The trail that ASHIRVAD leaves behind at St Andrew's church at Chennai in its school of developmentally challenged children, at the Early Learning Centre at Nagpur, the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at the CMC Hospital at Vellore, and at the Developmental Paediatrics department at MOSC Medical College, Kolenchery is story that surprises us beyond measure! 'This is God's doing and it is marvellous in our eyes'! 

 

We stay in wonder and amazement at God's work in our midst! 

We feel moved when we remember all the professionals at Chennai and Vellore, from the time we started at Child Development Centre at Chennai in 1883.  

The team at the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at CMC Vellore created this history of 25 years of the speciality of developmental Paediatrics in India! They worked with devotion and commitment and what lives on today is a tribute to their sense of purpose and pursuit of service! 

On behalf of ASHIRVAD and Anna and myself, we offer them greetings of warm rewards, appreciation and gratefulness, with flowers and fruits. In as much as they do what they do, for the children in need, they do make an offering of love to God, from whom we receive the call and will to serve!

 

 

M C Mathew (photo and text)

 

During the Morning Walk!

What moved me during my Sunday morning walk in and around our garden are sights and scenes which reminded me of the abundance of signs of life in nature!

There were flowers, a cashew tree flowering to bring forth its fruits in summer, the Bell fruit tree  full of tender fruits, the Gaua and Jackfruits almost ready to plucked,  a goat tied to a post for its grazing time, and two red wattled Lapwing walking towards each other with pauses in between!

The nature remains silent during the day and night but with full of signs of life in abundance! 

It was when I was down loading the photos to the computer, I got consumed by a moving experience!

The two Lapwings were moving towards each other slowly and steadily! It was a friendly gesture! They are either a pair or likely to become a pair! They were becoming nearer to each other!

The nature has its rhythm and patterns!

A garden is a place where this can be noticed! 

It is our domestic worker who reminds us about the need to tend the garden! A garden can be wild or tamed!

The garden bears fruits of our choice because we tend the garden! 

Children are new arrivals in the garden of life in all families. They can grow up unattended or well attended to. As adults how much we care and provide to enable children, would decide the wellness and fruitfulness of their lives!

A mother having observed one of the twins catching up developmentally after a prolonged developmental stagnation, told me during the recent consultation: 'I was wondering if I should take long leave from my office work to be with him as he is showing signs of catching up developmentally. May be my presence would give him more opportunities to interact, before he would grow up to start his school'!

The parenting instinct and awareness often get subsumed in the existential challenges which families face. The financial compulsions take predominant attention of many families. 

I wish children and their needs would take a larger attention in the agenda of families!

The garden yields fruits as much as it is attended to!

Our sons and daughters grow up to be resourceful and fruitful as much as the parents attend to them! 

It starts by planning for the timing of the arrival of a child, spacing between child births, creating a child's corner at home, making children the centre of  our attention in the pre-school years where their formative process is active and dependent on parental involvement and interaction!

The 'third parent', the visual media is a ghost that we propped up in our homes, to which many pre-school children have got used to, that normal interactiveness, social awareness, reciprocal communication style and learning by exploration and physical activities have got excluded from the experience of pre-school children!

I wish parents would reflect on this! Is it not better to sing to a child and narrate a story while feeding a pre-school child, rather than make him or her watch a cartoon! 

The Lapwings were moving closer to each other! That is the normal process!

I wish parents and children would have a natural traction to move closer to each other! A family is the place of nearness for bonding!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Waiting for another winter!

The nights are becoming warmer and soon the ornamental sights in the garden of dew decorating the leaves and flowers would be missing!

It is a sight Anna and I wait to watch every morning during the cooler months of the year!

The dew in the silence of the night!

The gentle and kind way this gift is given to the plants is a message to power upon!

The passage in I Corinthians chapter 13 in the New Testament of the Bible is all about love!

Love is gentle and kind!

Often we can share that love quietly and gently!

I dropped a five hundred rupee currency note while leaving the cash counter and did not notice  it. Someone passing by picked it up and placed it in my hand while I was sorting out the papers in my hand. He walked away even before I could greet him for his good deed. I had to walk faster behind him to catch up to express my gratitude!

Often such quiet and gentle way of kindness strikes us as they are done without expecting nothing in return!

The plants receive the dew when unasked for! The plants give away flowers and fruits in return!

The gifts of love make life graceful for the giver as well as the receiver of gifts!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Amidst the changing world order!

I got up this morning to read about the news of the president of the United States of America speaking the language of war, supporting Ukrainian resolve to resist Russian invasion. His role at this time ought to have been a language of peace. He ought to have been rallying the nation's around him to bring peace; instead he remained non committal towards that mission. The United Nations as an organisation stood watching this drama of human devastation and loss of infrastructure in both warring  countries. His visit to greet the Ukrainians is most welcome! His olive branch to Russia is another side of the coin that was missing!

By 8 am I saw two workers going to the field with their kit to bud the rubber saplings in the nursery to prepare to plant thousands of trees in the next few months. 

I noticed an ant house in our nutmeg tree, housing them to multiply. 

I spotted flowers and fruits in our garden.

I watched a singing Magpie Robin forcibly evicted from its pupil by a Mina who by being larger could dominate to occupy the pulpit!

We live in a world of mixed realities. Most of us feel ourselves perplexed when humanity follow the instinct to live selfishly while some still pursue the call to plant, nurture and build an altruistic spirit amid an acquisitive culture. 

It is the time to move away from self preservation to an inclusive path of common wellness. 

A family at the end of consultation for their six years old son, who have a an aggressive and oppositional behaviour is running out of their patience to endure the episodic storm he creates at home. His father who is alcohol dependent stays detached from the reality of how their son in his early teen years, is behaving dangerously towards his mother and sister. The mother in her confession and concern told me at the end of the consultation that she knew of another family living close to them, who too have a similar dysfunctional family. She cared to enquire if there is something that can be offered to help them!

A wounded mother feeling for another mother!

This to me is at the heart of human goodness. 

I waited to see if the Mina which occupied the space it captured forcibly from the singing Magpie Robin, would break into bird song at least for a while. It did not! It took what it can and gave nothing for others!

I feel awfully sorry for the President of the United States of America. He spoke of giving more war equipment to augment Ukrainian resistance and persuade other countries to collaborate! Did he loose sight of his call to be a bridge builder between the two warring nations! What is the point in staying uninvolved in peace making by categorising Russia as a rogue nation! The President of the USA, of all people, is the most likely person to be able to influence the peace initiative! I feel that the Prime Minister of India although is a man of many contradictions that he creates and lives with, has been forthcoming to be neutral in this crisis and talks the language of peace and not war! But that is a feeble voice of reason!

Jesus of Nazareth had a profound heart searching message towards those who was ready to stone to death, a woman caught in the act of adultery. 'He who is without sin throw the first stone'! The gathering who had stone in their hands left the place one by one. Jesus turning to the woman, said, 'Go and sin no more'! (John's Gospel chapter 8). 

Oh! that, we would have more who would feel called to diffuse violence and usher in conciliation!

The world is a theatre for humanity to display goodness, for which we have been created and formed!

I hope we do not become weary in doing good!

The Magpie Robin lives with the habit singing. It was found singing in another site in our garden after having been displaced!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)