My work space

It is now 36 years since I have been in full time practice of Developmental Paediatrics and child Neurology, using different work spaces in five places I worked. 

It is likely to be the last place from where I would retire.

As I sit in tis work place where I welcome parents and children for consultation, visitors, colleagues, etc. I have a warm feeling of gratefulness and celebration, because it is a friendly enough place with a warm decor. Although there is not enough space to locate a table, I do not seem to miss it at all. It is the fourth space during the last seven years that I moved into recently in the process of recent reallocations of space in the department.  The three previous spaces are now well used for different purposes which have added new facilities in the department for children.

For me this has been both an outer journey and inner journey- outer because, I feel immensely pleased with the change towards making the environment simple and inner because of the growing desire to adapt and still be content!

I love to be in the present space because it is both open and yet private enough! I take time to reflect during the in between times with the lights and fans off, which indicate to others that it is a time to pause.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The gestational time!

Between the time a bud appears and it opens to be a flower it is usually about there weeks. Watching the buds to become a flower is one pleasant aspect of visiting the garden each day.

There is an opportune time for everything in nature. 

It is when we see this rhythm in nature, we get to appreciate the time that all of us need in our formation journey. 

Formation is process of inward unfolding of our being or true self, often spoken as the maturing process, which then manifests in our relational dimension. 

Some of us are naturally relational and some others need an effort to grow into this disposition. 

We continue this journey of formation by what we read, hear and process, think, experience, and internalise. 

Both pleasant and unpleasant experiences contribute to this formation process.  

Our true self emerges when we let go of our prejudices and perceptions when we receive enlightenment through our times of reflection and revision of our lives. We can be more than what we are today, is an inspiration for all of us to go on this journey to blossom even more!

We carry with us the image of a loving God who shall make us more loving an lovable! The freedom to allow ourselves to become our true self, comes by finding God as our maker and enabler. That is why faith journey can be transforming!

 One sign of the blossoming of our lives is, when our neighbour becomes more important to us than what they are to us now!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Hearing to listen !

I watched  recently these two birds, about thirty meters away from each other. Both birds are similar in size although I used magnification to the bird on right to highlight a point!

The bird on the left is a male bird engaged seriously in its bird song, which is what brought the female bird closer.

A bird call is a voice of identity and a message for friendship. It is after hearing this, the other bird arrived to listen to the tuneful voice and contemplate on a response. 

We hear to know, feel and process. It is this process which transforms the words to their meaning, context, purpose, or appeal. 

Listening is a way of taking in and pondering over what we hear.

In any conversation we hear and respond. 

The in between process of feeling what we hear before we respond is the critical step which would help in making wise responses. The impulsive responses are cerebral responses. The words which surface within us while waiting to respond are heart responses.  

Often conversations are without in between pauses. There is a hurry to speak even if it interrupts another person who is speaking. 

I still struggle with a habit of speaking for too long although I know from experience that five or six sentences at one stretch are better than a prolonged monologue. 

There is a deepening of our attentiveness and engagement when we hear to listen. We tend to hear to argue, contradict, dissent rather than to discern, which is another activity at the soul level. 

Listening creates the opportunity to filter, ponder, feel and sense which when done faithfully offers the inner space for discerning the response. 

Our mind is a high way traffic centre. To listen what we hear and discern the response, we need to grow in practicing inner quietness so that we hear the message and not the words alone. 

These were some thoughts, as I tarried with these tow birds for about 15 minutes. 

The bird with its bird call and the other bird with its listening orientation, reminded me soem good practices in hearing, listening and discerning!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Birds are messengers!

This might be the female bird of of the species Purplerumped Sunbird as I find them together.

I found this bird visiting this flower for a couple of days for an ultrashort time. 

I have become fond of this bird because of its pretty complexion. It stays hidden in thick foliage and one gets only a short time view of this bird as it is hopping between shrubs or flowers. 

One thing special about them is that they do not disturb butterflies or honey bees. It takes its own space and not of others!

That is something I carry back with me after watching some of these birds. The small ones do not exercise a dominating presence. 

Live and let live is their way in nature!

It is when we relate to people we realise how it is different in human relationships. The grabbing instinct within us is at work to rob others of their place or significance.

I have meditated on this a lot recently.

I look back over forty five years of involvement in different organisations and places of responsibilities. When there was a conscious spirit of welcoming others, there was space for growth for everyone. When there was an imposing presence, it did disturb relationship and diffused trust in each other. One of the recent experiences I have had, reminds me of this conflict that sprang up gradually between wanting to have greater control and regarding each other trustfully. The pain of such interaction consumes inner peace. It takes a while to feel free of the pain of separation from years of trustful relationship. To arrive at offering forgiveness and restoring relationships become difficult and often superficial.

Welcome birds and we shall feel ministered to! They sing and look at us. There is healing in their wings.   

It is not what we think of ourselves which gives us identity of worthier significant, but what we leave behind as memories for others to treasure. When I view that as a yard stick, I feel called to make that as my habit in relationships in the rest of time left for me. So another journey of personal renewal starts.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Beginning and Finishing !

A spider was at work to make its web when I looked at the space between two plants in our front courtyard. It had spread itself widely and I looked forward to seeing a spectacular artistic creation of symmetrically arranged strands of a web by afternoon. 

When I went to the spot by noon, the spider was nowhere to be seen and the web had disappeared. 

The spider abandoned what it started or it was interrupted by something in the environment. 

It is possible to start something with a plan on the outcome. It is yet another thing to be able to finish.

The starters might not be finishers often.

This has personal application for myself. I have a list of projects that I started of which only some could be completed. The others remain incomplete or abandoned. 

I have recently taken time to reflect on it. Projects which naturally have a long gestational time or project time are the ones which suffered completion. During the period of preparation or the beginning stage there were revision of thoughts or circumstances changed because of which the original idea looked redundant.  

The inner call to finish is often deterred by difficulties or hindrances. It is sometimes easy to let go than survive the challenges.

As for me, the web the spider left behind was an indication of its resolve and effort. That in itself is a reason to celebrate.

The initiative or effort if can last till one is able to finish, well done. If a project gets derailed, there is still something to be grateful for! 

What we invested as time and effort would sometimes bear some fruits different from what was originally planned. I value and regard those who design and make an effort to create. I respect those who move forward even when a hindrance dislocated the desired outcome of a project. 

We are men and women who can make a difference through the example of honest and faithful efforts. 

The Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation institute at CMC Vellore, which Dr Mary Varghese started remained in a low profile after her retirement till Dr Suranjan Bhattacharji took responsibility to revive it after about ten years. At that time it seemed that the efforts of Dr Mary were about to go in vain. But the institute is now the most sought after place for rehabilitation in india. What we sow would bring forth fruits sooner or later!

It is possible that we might sow and some others might reap the benefits! So beginners and finishers are alike because both laboured purposefully!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A beginning!

A school invited the department where I work, to conduct a workshop for teachers to create an awareness about children who have learning related needs in a class room! They were teachers and volunteers!

I have been used to this form engagement with teachers at schools at Chennai and Vellore earlier. It is the first time, this happens at Kolenchery. 

What encourages me about this is that this school is getting ready to establish a resource room for children who need help in the regular class room and is even ready to plan for  a new stream of learning for children who need a modified class room environment. 

It is happening at a time, when I visit the Bangalore Baptist Hospital once a month to support them to start a child development centre and an early learning centre for developmentally challenged children. The hospital has a plan to link this with the local schools as well. 

I have often dreamt of connecting child health departments in hospitals with local schools to support children who have  medical needs because of which their learning gets compromised. 

I heard from a family that their daughter missed thirty seven days in school year due to upper respiratory infections, each time for three or four days. Following their decision to treat her for vitamin D deficiency, provide pneumococcal vaccination, oral penicillin prophylaxis for three months and use of a nasal anti-allergic spray, the frequency of respiratory infection dropped to just one in six months. She did not miss the school any day in those six months. 

I wish there would be collaboration between teachers and medical team in an active and cordial way so that children feel supported to enjoy schooling and class room activities!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Leaves, Flower, Fruits !

A garden has leaves, flowers and fruits. 

When I watch our garden form the veranda of our cottage, I find myself at a loss thinking about, how with least of attention this cycle continues in nature. 

This story in nature is refreshingly inspiring because, it is a symbol of the abundance all around us. Humans receive all these gifts because of which we are sustained. 

Nature gives and gives...

It gives us a bounty of goodness. 

Yesterday, some of us from the department where I work, had an opportunity to visit a school and spend sometime with the teachers of the kindergarten. I was amazingly refreshed by the 'giving' attitude of the teachers. While discussing to design a child friendly class room for the first timers at school, I felt carried away by their enthusiasm to create an inviting class room for the four years old children. 

It is in giving we receive. The little we give has the prospects to multiply. The more we give, the more we receive! 

The repair and reconstruction continued in our property since the floods in September 2018. The last batch of workmen finished their work yesterday.  They restored the property well. I felt that most of them just did not work for their wages, but for restoring the property! They thought beyond their wages.  

To grow in goodness and self-giving attitude is a calling to live by! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Flight ready!

Birds are flight ready all the time.   They displace themselves from one environment to the other  to stay secure and to fend for themselves.

They suspend themselves in the air as high as it is needed and move between places. This is their life style. They move and live!

One of the challenges we face is the fear of dislocation. We get conditioned to our circumstances and routines. 

Yesterday, I felt the pressure to do something I was most uncomfortable to do ethically. I was made to feel not being considerate. 

I reflected over this dialogue and embarrassing conversation while on way back home. 

What disturbed me was the pressure that comes upon us sometimes to conform and lose our freedom to live in resonance with the voice from within. 

In a conversation with someone who felt my stress, I discovered that it is the way of life that we need to get used to.

There is pressure upon us to live the way others prescribe for us. 

As I returned home in the evening feeling the heaviness of the difficult conversations, I stopped at a wetland to watch the waterbirds. It was an experience which helped me to get back to my mooring- live in the freedom to choose when ethics or ethos is at stake!

Sometimes the environment makes us feel vulnerable to the pressures that comes upon us, as public opinion is to choose the easy way.

As I watched this bird soar high in the air, I wondered what made that bird make this hasty flight! As far as I could sense, there was nothing in the immediate environment which was threatening for it to fly away. The bird moved at its own volition. It felt that its time had come to move on, while other water birds stayed on in the wetland! It chose its own time and path. 

The inner sense of right or wrong is always present with us. We can either ignore it or choose it volitionally to live inwardly guided!

The least we can do to ourselves is to grow in the intent to do good and follow the path of righteousness!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Peace and goodwill !

Yesterday, I sighted this bird, probably an Emerald Dove flying between trees. It was different in colour and size from the usual doves I had noticed in our garden during this season. So I was keen to look for its pair.

Today, I noticed a pair of Emerald Doves, a male and female perched on the same tree but on a different branch.   

It is the first time I sighted a greenish dove with a white fore head with a chestnut underside of wings. 

As its brewing time is between January and May, and woeful need only a stick base for its nest, I am hoping that they woeful make the new tin one of the tall tress in our garden. 

I am still looking for nests in the garden. That would be an assurance to me that that we have kept our garden and environment bird friendly. 

Ever since I recognised the golden hour in the morning and evening for bird sighting a year ago, I have tried to go for a walk in our garden to get used to the sites where birds normally can be found. I feel I have made some progress. 

I feel terrible about lack of a proper camera system to capture their colours decently. The micro four third camera system I use because the camera is lighter in the hand, does not have telephoto lenses of the quality that one needs to photograph birds from distance.  

But sighting the birds, listening to their bird calls and seeing them fly are scenes that lift my spirit and create within me an awesome awareness of the abundance of goodness all around us!

It is two days now since forty police personnel of Central Reserve Police Force were killed in a terrorist attack in Kashmir, which has made us mournful and distressed. 

Sighting a pair of doves, who represents peace, goodwill and lot more, was a symbol of how much more we ought to long for peace in a broken world of turmoil! 

Because peace evades us, the longing becomes even more intense!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Tapioca harvesting!

Tapioca, rich in carbohydrate, used to be the stable food for many families during my childhood. It was easy to cultivate in the kitchen gardena and each plant would yield  enough food for a family in five months.

Later, rice, wheat and millets replaced the regular use of this starchy food. In the recent years Tapioca is in demand outside Kerala and in the middle eastern countries.  

Tapioca is consumed after boiling or cooking with coconut along with some curry preferably fish curry. 

The chips made out of tapioca is a favourite snack. Usually the tapioca was converted into chips after boiling and drying it in the sun for use during the monsoon season. The dried tapioca can be soaked in water and cooked with lentils, which used to be called as tapioca biriyani. 

During my childhood tapioca was not sold as most families would have their own from their neighbours. Now it is available in vegetable shops. 

Tapioca and pine apple plantations are commonly seen in land areas, which were earlier rice fields . 

The food habits have changed; the land use has changed; the cost has gone up for the produce1

The bottom line is that the farmers do not benefit  as the cost of production has gone up. I remember that the daily wage for an adult was 20 rupees during my childhood, which is now nearing 1000 rupees. The farmers who use labourers to till their land woeful end up in debt unless they have mechanised the farming. 

So in the rural setting agricultural farming is being replaced by poultry farming, cattle farming, etc.   

While farming was a trans-generational activity in a family in my childhood, it is now confined to the senior members in the family as their children have moved on to get employed for better remuneration.  

So agricultural farming is at a cross road in many parts of India!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Falling walls!

This is third time the walls around the front portion of of our cottage falling, with heavy rain since August this year! It is a worrying  experience! Obviously the workmanship is not good enough!

It brings in to focus a new dimension to life in a village! There are lesser number of skilled workers for specialised work now-a-days. Those who are available are older people. Although experienced, I suspect they are tired and less enterprising!

This is an existential question. To be good stewards of property is a challenge! Sometimes it is a burden !

The restoration of the property since the flood in August 2018, is still continuing. One immediate outcome of the efforts is that the water flow form the leaking canal has stopped since we did the plastering of the walls. The perennial water flow through the property has ceased which would be beneficial to the nutmeg trees.

We inherit these assets; to be keepers till we shall relinquish the control is a duty. However it shall be fruitful exercise when it becomes a pleasure ! I wish it would be so! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Twenty minutes of distant effects of cyclone Gaga

All the trees fallen or broken off in our property yesterday in the wind and rain, carry with them a history of fifty years or more of history except the banana trees. Six nutmeg trees, two aracnut trees, one coconut tree, two teak tree...

The wind and rain came when we least expected!

This is the third time in the last six months we have had an experience of the fury of the wind and rain. 

One tree fell on the electric pole adjacent to the house, and so electricity is also cut off!

Most of our neighbours too have also had their share of loss. The access to our home was blocked yesterday with trees fallen across the path. 

Anna and I were able to cut of the branches of the tree lying across the path early in the morning and make the road usable.

Eery loss is a reminder of the history behind it. My parents who planted all these trees planned well and used the property with a good sense. 

We are the beneficiaries of this investment of their time and efforts. Our labour is a means of benefit for others!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Movement towards and away !

Anna gave me permission to stop on the road facing the paddy fields, while on our way to the hospital yesterday. I had spotted an Egret and a Heron. By the time I alighted from the car and got the camera ready to click, both of them took to their flight.  

The Egret flew towards us and crossed the road. So I just managed a photo in flight. I suspect it kept moving its head to both sides, as if it was hiding under the wings! It flew into the horizon soaring high into the sky.

The Heron, not the type that we usually find in our region, was likely to be a migrating bird. It flew away in the opposite direction. So I was left with its rear view! Its wings were elevated above the body as if the body was suspended by the wings. It flapped the wings and then rested the wings in between. It too vanished from my sight sooner than I thought. 

I watched a movement forward of two birds, one in my direction and another away from me! 

After resuming the driving,  this movement towards and away form me stayed with me to ponder. 

I recollected instances in my life when people moved towards me to care, help, support and show the way graciously.  Some of those movements were significant and defining in my life. I remember vividly how, Mr Arthur Pont, the director of the Bible Medical Missionary Fellowship (Now INTERSERVE) in Britain in 1984 invited me to visit different prayer groups in Britain. Some of them whom I met during that visit, stayed on in our lives as friends who have been formative in our lives. It was a joy for Anna and me to meet some of them along with Arthur, three years ago in Britain, in the INTERSERVE office to renew fellowship and acknowledge the joy of their friendship. Another person who kept accompanying us was Ms Prema Fenn for over thirty years. She reached out to support ASHIRVAD financially, unasked ! These and such other stories move us!   

There were also people who moved away from us during these years. We have had a lot to do with the Union of Evangelical Students of India, Evangelical Medical Fellowship of india, Christian Medical Fellowship in Kerala, etc, when we were younger. But friends from these groups and others have moved away from us for various reasons, the foremost reason being infrequent contacts.  Also, it is a fact that they have changed and we too! Some have moved away away due to the diffeeences in outlook and values in life; some due to stress in relationship. One person, a professional with whom I collaborated a lot in the early years, from the latter group sent me a conciliatory message two weeks back. It brought joy unspeakable. 

So these movements both ways are real experiences of life! 

Whether it is a movement towards us or away from us, it is good to recall the flight of the birds! They chose to come and they chose to fly away!

Let us consider all friendships similarly-give others the choice to be friendly or stay distant! That is the way we offer freedom to others to be themselves!

So both movements need to be gratefully remembered. That is how we create space for others without any bias, control or demand and remain open and cordial!

I am aware now that each of us has an emotional quotient of ‘relationship readiness’!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo) 

Biography- 19 : Thirty five years with Camera!

I have had a weakness for cameras from the time I started using a compact camera, manufactured by Kodak in 1983, while Anna and I lived in Chennai with our two children. The first camera had no adjustments possible except shoot after putting a 35 mm colour film. It costed three times the monthly salary I was getting. It gave good pictures although deficient in many ways according to modern photographic standards. It did serve our purpose as we could click many photos of children and family occasions. 

The second camera we bought was an Olympus compact camera, which provided zoom function and gave better photos. Mr Jacob, a member of the church where we worshipped, who saw me clicking flowers on the roadside talked to me at length about photography. He was an accomplished photographer and had published two books on black and white photography. He explained to me the physics of light and shooting. As we lived in London during that time, it was possible to use the camera extensively whenever we went out visiting. The addition of a flash offered immense prospects, improving the quality and night time photography. The Olympus camera was the one I used when I started to take pictures of children who visited us for consultation at ASHIRVAD Child Development and Research Centre at Chennai. It was easy to use and small in size. 

The inspiration to take photos to have a documentation of the developmental progress of children with special needs came from two outstanding consultants whom I got to know during the time in London. One was professor David Morley, who had established an organisation, TALC to distribute teaching slides on several topics on the development of children. His was an outstanding example of using simple technology of good photography to disseminate scientific information on different child development topics. The other person was Dr Janet Goodall, who carried a compact camera and took pictures to illustrate different aspects of children's growth and development. She was a popular teacher and conference speaker who used her photos to illustrate and make her lectures visually impressive. In a recent letter from her, she was enquiring if I was still into photography!

The third camera was a Nikon compact, when the Olympus had a mechanical trouble after four years regular use. The Nikon served well and its colour blending although was not as good as that of the Olympus, it had a zoom property which was an immensely useful addition to photography at that time. The 35-80 mm zoom opened up photography in a new way for me. I got interested in taking street scenes, flowers, action pictures of children playing with toys, and got used to using films to make slides. In fact it was a new experience to use these slides when I was invited to speak at some meetings to share our experiences on child development and helping children to use their abilities to develop their residual skills. 

The difficulty with cameras made overseas at that time in the mid-seventies was limited service support even in metropolitan cities. The camera had to be sent to Bombay to have it attended to. This meant waiting for almost a month. I discovered a mechanic in Chennai, who though was not authorised by Nikon for repairing their camera, had considerable practical experience of mending such cameras. But he too had to wait for the spare parts. 

It was because of the long wait to get it repaired, I was compelled to buy the Fourth camera, a Pentax, which had a similar zoom like the Nikon, but the picture quality was superior. Its flash was more powerful which improved the indoor shooting. By then it was late seventies, and the 35 mm Single Lens Reflex camera had appeared in the Indian market. However it was prohibitively costlier. The only places where I saw the SLR cameras was in the studios and with professional photographers. I fell for it because of the improved sharpness and colour blending which these cameras offered. I remember using the Pentax for about three years without any trouble. Then its flash failed and soon its motor that moved the film also failed. A photographer who heard my story of not being able to use a compact camera for more than three years, told me that they were meant for only limited use. I used to take about 100 pictures of children sometimes on a single day! 

I recall not having  had a camera for more than six months following the breakdown of the Pentax. There were occasions, I felt little lost without a camera. I remember longing for a SLR camera, although it was not financially affordable to buy one at that time. It was one the few occasions when, I felt rather helpless! It is good to have had such instances in life because one learns patience and grows in appreciation of all the 'things' one already has!

Anna and I were visiting friends in London that summer on our way to Rasa to attend the Life Revision Seminar. Ms Ann Yardely, whom we met was keen to bring a gift for ASHIRVAD when she would visit us in Chennai later that year. Because she was insistent, we mentioned to her about our desire to have a SLR camera to document children and their stories. That is how we got our fifth camera, a SLR shown below, which served us well for about five years. The slides and prints we made from this camera were of high quality that when I presented pictures of children in professional meetings in India and overseas, I felt that it met with the expectations of the minimum quality!  I had not realised how a SLR camera can give better results than the compact cameras available at that time. 

But the technology of the compact camera had changed by the mid eighties and the overseas manufacturing companies had established their sales and service outlets in many cities in India. The discomfort I had with the SLR camera was its visibly large size, which sometimes made children move towards the camera to touch and feel it making it difficult to click pictures.

It was this which prompted me to go back to a compact camera, the sixth camera, Powershot G2. It provided image stabilisation, optical zoom, macro facility and was digital with 4 megapixel configuration. It was a decent camera to begin the transition into the digital era. The image quality was excellent that I could blow up photos to a A4 size with excellent visual impact. It was small enough to carry around and could hide in the palm while engaging children and sue it without children being inquisitive to explore the camera. I think my interest in photography grew in to another level with this camera. I carried the camera with me during my travels and outings and which gave me an opportunity to learn to click without the earlier desperation to take photos with films with proper focus. I remember being helped by a professional photographer, Mr Rajan of Chandrika Studio, Chennai, prompting me to learn something about editing the photographs before getting them printed. 

One major concurrent advancement in technology at that time was the access to computer to down loading pictures from the camera to make power points for presentations, which replaced the laborious process of making slides and using slide projectors to present at meetings.  I feel grateful for this breakthrough in technology which became affordable and convenient. This camera is still functional even after regular use for five years. It was built to last. It had an alloy body and an excellent flash for indoor photography. I had to replace the battery two times during that time. I still like the camera. I would have liked to use it even now if its battery was available.  

It was while using this camera, I began to be conscious of looking for a suitable background when a photo was clicked. I made further progress in learning about the direction of light and shadows in order to bring the best in every shot. It became easier because during the replay one gets an idea of the quality of the picture shot and choose to take another one if necessary. This gradual improvement in the quality of pictures shot, made me a camera enthusiast. That is how I started collecting books on camera and photography. I often picked up a magazine while travelling, to read and stay abreast with the progress in camera technology! The quick transition from a few megapixels to ten megapixels took place in less than ten years. 

It was a desire to buy a camera with ten megapixels which led me to buy the  seventh camera,  Canon power shot SXI IS, which was advanced in its pixels, focussing, image stabilisation, almost bordering to the picture quality a digital SLR at 35 mms. It had also video recording facility which added to its versatile use while working with children. It provided an opportunity to record the syllables or words children would begin to use, when they had developmental needs. This made possible a serial recording of their speech and to keep them in the computer for comparison and  further assessment. It was not as sturdy as the earlier power shot camera I had. Its battery life was short, which meant having three batteries, two as standbys while working with children. Its picture quality was less than average. There were better cameras, manufactured by Olympus and Fuji, but I stayed with Canon as the service support was far better for Canon camera. I got tired while using the camera and was keen to replace it. It happened in two years time. 

That  was the background to buy the eight camera, Canon G1X, shown below, which to me was the best of the digital compact cameras I have had. Its 2.8-5.5 focal length lens with zoom and macro functions gave me excellent results. The picture quality was better because it had a 15 megapixel resolution. Its video recording was of high quality and did not carry the extraneous sounds during the recording. It captured pictures retaining the original colours. It had a multimode focussing, automatic and manual and had other adjustments like what one would find in a digital SLR camera. It had a built in flash as well as an option for an external flash, which made night photography easier. The programme in the menu covered a wide range of options that the pictures taken by this camera had  an added visual appeal. Th power point slides even when magnified to the size of a normal screen did not show any granularity. When its zoom failed, I still could take photos while engaging children in small rooms. As I had bought the camera from England, the service provider in India refused to repair it as it was already superseded by high end other compact cameras and the spares were not available in India.

The shift to the digital SLR, the ninth camera took place following the disappointment with the compact camera. Also the digital cameras were in the market for a while and there was a proven credibility for its sturdiness and durability. The prize had dropped a bit and the lens quality was rated high. Friends advised me to shift to Nikon, as its digital SLR cameras were rated high. I felt drawn toward the canon range and chose a 5D camera with its native lens. It is a camera that I have had now for ten years in good working condition and needs very little attention. Although the lens gets  mouldy, it does not necessarily affect the quality of pictures. The additional lenses- Macro, telezoom and prime lenses have served me well. It is heavy and I found it difficult to carry and shoot without a tripod during the last five years. I was able to use this camera for a wide range of photography. In fact I developed an interest in taking photos of birds since I had this camera. 

So when the mirrorless camera came into the market, I switched to it to see if that can be a suitable alternative, as it was lighter and still gave fairly sharp pictures.

I felt awkward to carry a bulky 5D Canon camera around for two reasons- it was a sought after camera until recently and used by professional photographers. Secondly, it makes others think that I am a serious photographer. So when there are professional photographers in a meeting, wedding or special occasions, they tend to think that I too am a professional photographer. The professional photographers have an affinity for their tribe and I got some benefits from them, offering me vantage positions to take photos. I had not realised till recently that owning a D5 SLR camera enhanced the image of a photographer.

  

The tenth camera was  a Canon M series camera with 21 megapixels, which is my regular camera accompanying me during my travels. It is light in weight and its lenses are equally light. I found it easy to carry around it in the shoulder bag. It is also unobtrusive unlike the 5D digital SLR. However it has disappointed me in its sharpness and zoom functions. The quality of pictures taken with its zoom function is below average. Th convenience of its light weight and easy to carry around, cannot be a good compensation for the poor quality of pictures. I did not go for another mirrorless camera, although Olympus, Fiji, and Sony market better ones, as I got interested in Micro Four thirds camera during this time.

This is the eleventh camera, which I acquired in 2017, a Micro Four Third camera manufactured by Panasonic. It is lighter than a digital SLR. Its lenses are manufactured by Leica and therefore has some class about them. Although it is not a full frame camera, it is good enough as the picture and video quality are comparable to those of a digital SLR. It has a dust and whether protected ally body and all its adjustments and modes are easy to use. It has a menu that is user friendly. I have used this sparingly as I usually carry the mirrorless Canon camera with me. Now that I have got little more used to the Panasonic and the picture quality has really charmed me, I feel inclined to keep this as my first camera for regular use. The prime lenses are of outstanding quality. I cannot say the same about the zoom lens. As it is Micro Four Thirds in its design of the sensor, it cannot match a full frame camera. But it has already become popular because of other advantages. The cameras of this family are also marketed by Fuji, Sony, Olympus, etc. Sony and Fuji seem to bring out something special in  their camera. The Olympus and Panasonic lenses are interchangeable.

I have been particularly impressed by the Leica lens, 200 mm of focal length of 2.8 used in the G5H Panasonic camera. It gives a zoom range upto 600 mm with an adapter the company provides. Having used this prime lens, I realise how easy it is to carry it around unlike a similar prime lens manufactured by Nikon or Canon or Sigma.

There are questions whether the Micro Four Third technology would get marginalised with the advent of the mirrorless SLR cameras marketed by Nikon and Canon during the last few months.  The recent announcement by Fuji, who is a leader in the Micro Four Third technology, that they would not go into mirrorless SLR design and Olympus confining themselves to this technology, it is likely that it has come to stay. The Canon and Nikon lenses which offer a wide range currently for the digital SLR cameras would be used in the mirrorless SLR with the help of converters. The native lenses designed for mirrorless SLRs might be better in quality and lighter in weight. It might take a while for these lenses to be available, although cameras would be available soon.

What is yet another challenge is the megapixel range the mirrorless cameras might offer, 40 or more, which would  need better cards to capture photos and higher storage capacity in the computer. The wireless connectivity for photo transmission might be available but if the transmission is slow, it can be be pain.  So, I have become a convinced advocate for using cameras with Micro Four Third technology. Even professional photographers have made the switch!

As I summarise my own journey into the arena of photography, spread over thirty five years I am aware that most of my experience are confined to taking pictures of children, flowers, birds, and landscapes. As physics of light and technological adaptations are still far too high for me to comprehend, I have been utilitarian in my approach to photographs. I had a need of some photographs and I seem to manage to take them! I am not even sure if the quality matches the standards needed of amateur photographers.

 I have been writing a photoblog from 2012: waymarksofajourney.blogspot.co

It is here I use most of my photographs. I have exhibited some of my photographs. I take time to meditate on the photos, which to me has been a growing experience in understanding myself, others and the environment!

The important gain I have had from photography is an incremental awareness about realities beyond what is obvious and visible.

It is one way of making the interior of my life richer by the different story line which start from the photographs.

For me photography is not just a hobby, but a journey into the lives of people, families, circumstances, nature, special occasions and the micro world. I would have missed the sights of small creatures in the garden but for the photographs that revealed them to me.

I have friends who are regular with photo-shoot outings. Dr Sanjeeth Peter, a cardio-thoracic surgeon is one of them. His photographs are of 'National Geography' standard. He sends a picture calendar every month and the photos in them bring a new world of content and quality. Sanjeeth is my favourite photographer friend with whom I have several conversations on birds, nature, animals, etc.

I do not have a similar passion. I wait for a sight to invite me to capture my attention. Somethings happens within me when I take a photo that has touched me! That is what makes me stay interested in photography!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A year more!

Every time we celebrate a birthday in the department, I feel moved by the team in the department, where everyone cares and remembers each other. It is a place that I love to go to and give my bit into the pool of efforts everyone is making to make a difference for families and children! I feel enriched and rejoice in the fellowship and the ambience in the department. 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

View of life!

I watched this Ashy Drongo, while it was drizzling in the morning! Its different head movements attracted my attention. I watched it fly away after a short while!

I felt that it was looking back, looking around and looking forward before it and later flew away into the wide open blue sky not return till I left the place!

It helped me to crystallise my thoughts as I have been reflecting on my life thus far! When I turned seventy years few months ago, I knew that it was the beginning of a new phase in my life!

Now I have begun to summarise my thoughts on different themes that I have encountered in my life's journey:

          Biography, Work as vocation ; Relationship for formation; Family for intimacy; Living for becoming; Parenting for giving, Life, Living and Learning, Sunday Meditation...

There are times, when recollection, reflection, and retreat become longing of one's soul! I sense that to be the instinct within me!

What calls me to do is a sense of thanksgiving for life for what it has turned out to be, while jointly living and sharing experiences with Anna! Forty two years of life with Anna which is more than half of my life has been a rich and abundant experience of the joys of life! What do I have except what has come to me from the ever so gracious self giving of Anna! 

It is to this dense world of experiences, I shall draw my attention to in the next several months, all being well!

M.C.Mathew(Text and photo)

The inside!

As long as the trunk of this coconut tree was present, its inside was not visible to us. When the trunk was cut, its inside is thrown open for us to see!

The inside is concealed in the external. The external is layers of insulation that protects the inside. Often we deliberately conceal the inside for fear of being found out!

The psychologists refer to 'darkness and shadows' and  the need to explore this dimension through 'depth' work! 

Our inside is a house of treasures and darkness. We need to encounter both of them in a conscious way through a guided journey to demystify the inside and make sense!

What is special about the inside within us.! It represents years of our experiences and insights  which  do not stay in the conscious realm. What is in the subconscious become the subject matter for our dreams and disturbing thoughts. 

Can we know our inside enough! There are psychological and spiritual tools to become familiar with our inside and BEFRIEND them! 

Some of us live with so much dislike for something about ourselves. It is this that we need to overcome and integrate them into our lives. The inner tranquil is a reality, however it might look distant as of now when we gently and thoughtfully process and separate the precious from the chaf. This is way to integrate our mind and heart, thoughts and feelings to a coherence.

Look at the inside of the stem in this picture. Is it not surprisingly colourful! So we can comfortably  and confidently set sail for an inward journey!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)