One of the questions I have often been asked by parents is about, why two children in the same family differ in temperament, attitude, behaviour, interests and choices ! I have not been able to find substantiative reasons to be comfortable myself to justify and explain the differences.
These two butterflies according to the gardener in the butterfly garden, belong to the same species. But they are different in size and colour. The gardener went on to explain to me that they are different in their behaviour and eating habits. The brown one seeks for honey and the darker one survives on leaves as well.
The Biblical story of Easau and Jacob, each loved more than the other by one of the parents, to me has been a foundational issue in understanding the dissimilarities in the behaviour of children.
However, it cannot be the whole or only reason.
One family who have three children between six and eleven helped me to understand this better.
The parents mentioned to me that, all behaviours are conditioned by the environment. When their first child was born, both parents were studying for their post graduate programme. So from the age of the first year of the child, toast and egg was the menu for breakfast. When the second child was 18 months old, the family got a domestic helper who usually prepared south Indian breakfast. The older boy resented it and the younger won was fond of it. When the third child was two years, the family went to have a short stint overseas. The breakfast at that time was fresh juice, toast, egg and bacon or sausage.
Now, all the three of them have three different tastes for breakfast and look for their choice each morning. Although the mother keeps changing the menu to accommodate all the three different tastes, there is a complaint from two children each morning!
It was good to hear this insightful narration and that gave me some relief.
The conditioning that takes place is processed differently by children. Some adapt and some others resist or resent.
The opinion of the parents to me was to avoid reinforcing anything as a norm as far as possible. Let children choose when they are older.
They had a concluding remark: Have norms on matters of importance- values, character and conduct.
What a sobering way of understanding a difficult situation! It is for this reason, I fall back on parents to be a resource for themselves!
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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