I spent forty minutes tracing the blue dragon fly and a green butterfly. I was spotting them for the first time in our garden! I got an opportunity to capture the photo of the dragon fly but the butterfly would not settle on any flower beyond a few seconds!
But in the process, I discovered the blooming lilies, Anna had transplanted about three months back! I was seeking after green butterfly, instead, I found the lilies!
This is what happened to me after I finished my post graduate training in Paediatrics. My interest for further training held my attention. So Neonatology and Paediatric cardiology became the specialties of interest for me.
I went to work in Neonatology in a well reputed institution under the professor Dr Malathi Jadhav, who was well known for her clinical competence, ethical practice, teaching skills, and training professionals with a mind and heart. It was during that spell of 2 years, while I thoroughly enjoyed the work and the learning curve exhilarating, there were parents who came back with infants who had some developmental delay due to all the difficulties they suffered during pregnancy, at birth or during new born period.
One family whom I persuaded to let their baby girl undergo exchange transfusion for high levels of bilirubin at 48 hours after birth, came back at six months of age with signs of the after effects of hyper-bilirubinimia. Another family came back with their baby who spent three weeks in the new born nursery for low birth weight, with signs of increased muscular tone and signs of convulsions. A third family brought their son at nine months of age with malnutrition and infection after spending two weeks in the nursery for infection during birth. All the three families had serious doubts about the worthwhileness of all the efforts to save them by caring for them in the nursery. That was a pre-ventilator era (1980) with limited technological support or investigative approach! While many newborn babies went home well and several benefitting from the special care given to them in the newborn nursery, such regular stories of families disturbed me.
One family whom I persuaded to let their baby girl undergo exchange transfusion for high levels of bilirubin at 48 hours after birth, came back at six months of age with signs of the after effects of hyper-bilirubinimia. Another family came back with their baby who spent three weeks in the new born nursery for low birth weight, with signs of increased muscular tone and signs of convulsions. A third family brought their son at nine months of age with malnutrition and infection after spending two weeks in the nursery for infection during birth. All the three families had serious doubts about the worthwhileness of all the efforts to save them by caring for them in the nursery. That was a pre-ventilator era (1980) with limited technological support or investigative approach! While many newborn babies went home well and several benefitting from the special care given to them in the newborn nursery, such regular stories of families disturbed me.
That is when the professor of Paediatric Cardiology in the same institution invited me to consider training in cardiology. It all began with me often being called upon to look after illness in children whom he was looking after for congenital heart diseases. For some unknown reason he took a liking for me and persuaded me to consider paediatric cardiology training. I too felt enthused by it as that was my area of interest during my training in paediatrics and my professor at the Medical College, Nagpur used to complement me for my clinical skills. So I was finally on my way to take up training in cardiology .
It was around that time our daughter was born. She needed three exchange transfusions for jaundice at birth. She developed some complications and finally infection and moved on in life at three months of age. That was a devastating experience for Anna and myself. At her funeral the chaplain late Rev. A.C. Oommen of the hospital in his tribute mentioned that, 'this appears to be a sad experience. but some good would come out of this experience'!
A friend, Rev Basil Scott from the UK, who visited us at that time from the BMMF too echoed this and encouraged Anna and me to be vigilant to sense a new call in life!
A few weeks later, a child of five years with Down syndrome with his family from the North East came to visit for consultation, asking for a cure for their son, so that he could go to regular school. After having done what was possible medically at that time, when they took leave of me, father holding may hand, tearfully mentioned to me, 'You need to do something to help such children and families'. That moved me because it was a cry for help!
Subsequently, when I met the director and the Principal of the institution to seek if they would let me do something at that institution to help children and families who had neuro-developmental needs, they were least inclined to encourage me. One of them instead told me that I consider training in cardiology and go overseas for experience and return to be in the faculty of the institution. The other person told me to go and work with Mother Teresa as she was keen to take care of 'handicapped children'!
But the experiences of families of the newborns who later developed sequelae of the neonatal events and the family of a child with Down syndrome kept resonating in my heart! Anna and I could not resolve this, till we finally thought of these events to be messages for us to take a departure from our earlier choice of further training in neonatology or cardiology.
My greatest hesitation to say 'yes' to the inner call to train to help children with developmental difficulties was the fear of having to learn Neurology. One reason I moved to train in Paediatrics instead of Internal Medicine, which was my first choice, was that in Paediatrics there was less Neurology. In fact I almost failed in my examination in Paediatrics as I did not do well in examining a child who had a neurological illness. I passed only because I did well in other aspects of the examination. I felt relieved that I did not have to do neurology anymore as the interest in neonatology and cardiology had captured my imagination.
But with the clear indications growing within me of having to move on to developmental paediatrics because of the series of experiences mentioned above, I had to overcome the 'fear' of having to study neurology and training myself in Developmental neurology.
The year Anna and I spent at the Christian Fellowship Hospital Oddanchatram in 1982 was a period of discernment and transition. That too happened in an unusual way. Anna and I left CMC Vellore to spend one year at CF hospital at Oddanchatram. We were to spend one month in retreat in the Life Formation Seminar with Dr Hans Burki in Rasa, Switzerland at the beginning of this one year. While riding with a friend pillion, to go to the Swiss air lines office at Chennai to get the travel documents for our journey, I was hit by a motorbike, on the shin of the right tibia from a motor bike driven by a police officer. That brought me to CMC Vellore for a three months of stay. Professor A J Selvapandian, the consultant who was treating me told me after looking at the several fragments of bones in the knee that it was not possible to operate and I was put on skin traction. He did not give me much hope of full recovery and full weigh bearing. Late Mr Bhakt Singh, who established non formal worshipping congregations in south India, while visiting hospital dropped into meet me and pray for me for healing. The next day morning when the X-ray was taken, it was reported that there was considerable alignment of the multiple fragments, which when Professor Selvapandian saw it, referred to it as something most unusual! I then recalled that when Mr Bhakt Singh prayed for my healing, there was an inner experience of wellness bringing peace and hope in an overwhelming way that made me sleep that night unlike the previous three weeks in the hospital.
When I left the hospital, I was walking with a pair of crutches with the knee joint in thirty degree flexion and stiff. But during the subsequent three months, I experienced considerable recovery and was back to normal weight bearing!
This experience at a time when we were preparing to set up a Child Development Centre at Chennai, under the auspices of ASHIRVAD, a Christian charity that Anna and I initiated, provided affirmation for taking small steps in offering services for children with developmental needs. So we moved to Chennai in November 1983 and the Child Development Centre began its drive on 14 th November, 1983.
The year Anna and I spent at the Christian Fellowship Hospital Oddanchatram in 1982 was a period of discernment and transition. That too happened in an unusual way. Anna and I left CMC Vellore to spend one year at CF hospital at Oddanchatram. We were to spend one month in retreat in the Life Formation Seminar with Dr Hans Burki in Rasa, Switzerland at the beginning of this one year. While riding with a friend pillion, to go to the Swiss air lines office at Chennai to get the travel documents for our journey, I was hit by a motorbike, on the shin of the right tibia from a motor bike driven by a police officer. That brought me to CMC Vellore for a three months of stay. Professor A J Selvapandian, the consultant who was treating me told me after looking at the several fragments of bones in the knee that it was not possible to operate and I was put on skin traction. He did not give me much hope of full recovery and full weigh bearing. Late Mr Bhakt Singh, who established non formal worshipping congregations in south India, while visiting hospital dropped into meet me and pray for me for healing. The next day morning when the X-ray was taken, it was reported that there was considerable alignment of the multiple fragments, which when Professor Selvapandian saw it, referred to it as something most unusual! I then recalled that when Mr Bhakt Singh prayed for my healing, there was an inner experience of wellness bringing peace and hope in an overwhelming way that made me sleep that night unlike the previous three weeks in the hospital.
When I left the hospital, I was walking with a pair of crutches with the knee joint in thirty degree flexion and stiff. But during the subsequent three months, I experienced considerable recovery and was back to normal weight bearing!
This experience at a time when we were preparing to set up a Child Development Centre at Chennai, under the auspices of ASHIRVAD, a Christian charity that Anna and I initiated, provided affirmation for taking small steps in offering services for children with developmental needs. So we moved to Chennai in November 1983 and the Child Development Centre began its drive on 14 th November, 1983.
Now it is thirty seven years since I have been in full time practice of Developmental Neurology helping children with neuro-developmental needs. My understanding of child neurology has been growing in most of the areas, that I am required to apply for helping children. In fact there is a spontaneous interest in Neurology now!
Just as I was given to photograph Lillies instead of the green butterfly that I was going after, I was given opportunities to specialise in Developmental Neurology, and not in the specialties I pursued.
What is given would bear fruits in thirty, sixty and hundred fold!
Sometimes one can long and wait to open a closed door and loose sight of another open door of many promises and prospects awaiting! Now I feel as if I always wanted to train and practice Developmental Neurology!
Life is not a dream or pursuit of our aspirations or preferences. Instead it is a vocation that the good Lord opens before us.
I found the dragon fly, but not the Green butterfly. What was given to me was Lilies.
We will not be losers, but we would be finders of of our path in to our vocation when we continue with what is GIVEN!
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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