As I watched this butterfly in the garden yesterday, I saw its different wing movements. The wings were closed for most of the time when it was still and opened the wings that too partially occasionally. To be able to watch a butterfly closely for a while is a rare experience. So I waited till it moved away.
The occasional opening of the wings revealed its rich design and eye-catching colour texture. Its appearance was subdued when the wings were closed.
That set in motion a train of thoughts in my mind. Having spent thirty five years in treating children as a doctor, I have often been intrigued by the level of openness of children for conversation and interaction. By the time they are in their teens, they choose to remain closed or open with others.
Just as the butterfly choose to open its wings depending on its perception of the wind, humidity, external threat, so too the adolescents choose their level of openness in different situations.
During a conversation with four teenage children recently, they asked me a searching question: ‘How can our parents expect us to be open to them, when they hide so much of themselves from us! They have been distant from us in our growing up years due to their preoccupation with work, that we are not near enough to them to open ourselves. The more they press us to be open, the more we like to remain closed ’.
To my searching question, ‘How can parents help you to be open’, one of them said, 'they need to stay close to us when we are growing up. We cannot be open to them instantly’.
I have noticed a mother and her two early school going daughters bi-cycling regularly. The mother is taking the effort to stay close to her daughters. I met a mother and her teenage daughter on bicycles. When I met one of them recently and mentioned about their cycling routine, she said, ‘we both have been close to each other and we enjoy our conversations’.
How much our children are open to us during the teen age years is predetermined by the openness we have built up from the early childhood.
In that sense parenting is a responsibility as well as a privilege! Our habit of relating to our children when they are young is seminal to creating a desire in our children to be open to us!
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
The occasional opening of the wings revealed its rich design and eye-catching colour texture. Its appearance was subdued when the wings were closed.
That set in motion a train of thoughts in my mind. Having spent thirty five years in treating children as a doctor, I have often been intrigued by the level of openness of children for conversation and interaction. By the time they are in their teens, they choose to remain closed or open with others.Just as the butterfly choose to open its wings depending on its perception of the wind, humidity, external threat, so too the adolescents choose their level of openness in different situations.
During a conversation with four teenage children recently, they asked me a searching question: ‘How can our parents expect us to be open to them, when they hide so much of themselves from us! They have been distant from us in our growing up years due to their preoccupation with work, that we are not near enough to them to open ourselves. The more they press us to be open, the more we like to remain closed ’.
To my searching question, ‘How can parents help you to be open’, one of them said, 'they need to stay close to us when we are growing up. We cannot be open to them instantly’.
I have noticed a mother and her two early school going daughters bi-cycling regularly. The mother is taking the effort to stay close to her daughters. I met a mother and her teenage daughter on bicycles. When I met one of them recently and mentioned about their cycling routine, she said, ‘we both have been close to each other and we enjoy our conversations’.
How much our children are open to us during the teen age years is predetermined by the openness we have built up from the early childhood.
In that sense parenting is a responsibility as well as a privilege! Our habit of relating to our children when they are young is seminal to creating a desire in our children to be open to us!
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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