The way to receive!

A vase of flowers from our garden in our drawing room on the central table makes us grateful for plants that give us flowers!

This has in the recent weeks increased within me an awareness  of how much we receive, for which we ought to grow in gratefulness!

There is an attitude of entitlement which can make us want more and not feeling content. This belittles the gift of givenness. 

The feeling of gratefulness can become an enlarging experience when we realise that we are given gifts of love beyond our expectation!

When we received an invitation for baby showers from a family, who is expecting their first child, we were reminded of how grateful the family is for the joy of waiting for the baby!

The grateful attitude enhances the spirit of humility!

When I go back to replenish the flowers in the vase, after three or four days, what I come across is again fresh flowers and buds in the garden!

When I heard the new president of the USA speaks at his inauguration, I sensed an attitude of arrogance and defiance and little of gratefulness to the retiring president, from whom he was taking over!

This gave me an opportunity to go through a mental check list of my own level of gratefulness towards others!

A question surfaced within me! Is my expectation of gratefulness from others an hindrance to receive and acknowledge many grateful acts of kindness I receive!

The regular ATM from which I draw money did not  have cash two days ago. I had to go to a ATM in the next village. I stopped to ask a shop keeper about its location. He came out of his shop and showed me the ATM. After the transaction, as I was about to get into the car, he came back to ask if I got the cash. I stopped to have a conversation with him as I felt surprised by his thoughtfulness. He works part time in the shop to earn an extra income to send his son to college in June this year. He is a regular teacher in a school. A teacher's attitude is giving. It was that generous attitude that he conveyed to me, more than what I expected. 

I kept thinking about this on my way back home! Do I receive what I am given gratefully or casually!

To grow in gratefulness is a way to bring cheerfulness to others! The shop keeper felt encouraged when I stopped to have a conversation with him. It was his kindness that prompted me to do so!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Wellness or Indulgence!

Every morning the feeding station in our garden is a reminder to me that birds behave regardfully towards themselves and others. 

The two species of Bulbuls who visited the feeding station one after the other left a message to ponder upon. 

Both pairs fed and left the feeding station !

To me it occurred as a mindful behaviour towards themselves and others!

When the feeding basin was without any birds, I became aware of the behavioural instincts of some species of birds. 

They feed enough at a meal time!

They are fliers and distant travellers. 

They feed just enough to be able to fly and cover distances in their travel to different  flight stations. 

I wonder if some of these birds are good examples about the rhythm of life!

They do not get enticed by the plenty!

They feed enough and wait for the next occasion to feed when. hungry! 

The food does not become the reason to eat plenty; living well to keep the body fit to fly becomes the reason to eat just enough!

A new speciality of Life Style Medicine is now catching the attention of professionals as early onset of life style related diseases seem to afflict younger people and deny them of the wellness that they need to live free of addictive practices and multiple ailments!

Wealth does not create wellness; wellness is an experience when one finds contentment as the way of life!

 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Each day brings hope!

 

I wondered yesterday, what is certain everyday in our garden!

The tree will give its fruits; flowers will blossom, and birds will come searching for food and shall find it !

What was even more fascinating to see the Bulbul engaged in bird calls to announce the  availability of food.

These are regularly occurring sights and events in our garden! 

About three hundred meters away on a tall dry branch of a tree, I noticed the Bulbul above, perched while it was drizzling at day break!

It too starts the day with the certainty that it shall find its feed for the day!

During the day, there were few conversations with friends. There were sad and delightful experiences to recollect. One of them, feeling heavy following a difficult experience said, 'This too will become history'!

Each of us is a person formed and shaped by our history and biography! 

A person having been through a gruelling experience recently  recalled the many affirming experiences of the recent months, which subsumed the recent difficult experience. 

The inner canvas of our life is within our domain. What we draw in that canvas is our choice! 

For the two birds above, the day break brings a certainty about their daily provisions. They do not sow, reap or gather food in a barn!

The thousands after twenty months of war in Gaza will begin rebuilding their lives with nothing of their own to support them! Neither houses nor resources or families!

I read about initiatives in different places to offer provisions for their rebuilding! They are signs that we live relationally and mindfully!

I find that birds are messengers of hope, pointing us to some certainties in life!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

A mouthful at one time!

 

Ever since Anna and I have had this opportunity to observe the Bulbuls at the feeding station, we seem to have made some surprising discoveries about their feeding behaviour! 

I suppose we are probably right at least about the Bulbul's feeding behaviour as they are the frequently visiting birds at the feeding station. 

Most Bulbuls wait for their turn to enter the feeding basin. They take few mouthful of feeds and return to be perched at the stump of the tree or in the adjoining branches of the Neem tree. They may return to have a second helping after other Bulbuls had their share. They might even return during the day for another helping. Some come back in the evening. 

This is in contrast to the feeding behaviour of a Squirrel, Barbet, Mynah or Babblers who would feed till they are well fed, before they vacate the feeding basin. Often Squirrels and Barbets take a large helping in the mouth, more than what they can easily swallow, while moving away. 

The Bulbuls therefore are not aggressive, possessive or gregarious feeders. They regulate their behaviour to practice mindfulness towards other birds. 

A billionaire in a conversation said, 'what makes him feel enthusiastic every day is wealth creation'. The president elect of the United States of America has a similar orientation towards his wealth and other oligarchs. 

I pause and reflect on this! The Bulbuls are a good example for considering the social virtue of better distribution of resources for the  benefit many!

Late Mr Ratan Tata, the chairman of the Tata group of companies,  seems to have carried that orientation, by practicing to live with what was just necessary. He distributed his resources to as many as he came across, who would benefit from it. It is unimaginable that he travelled in a second hand ordinary car, often self driven !

This is the wisdom of the wise! 

Have enough and remember others who are in need!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Greetings for Peace !

I gathered the photos of the flowers in our garden this morning to remember and greet the people in Gaza and Israel as they enter the ceasefire season, with the prospects of hostages returning and the prisoners of war getting released!

Let peace last and the rebuilding of lives receive global support !

As I heard this Magpie robin sing from a distance in the morning, while it was drizzling, it occurred to me that it was a call to sing from the heart !

Let language of love and trust bring people of Gaza and Israel together to live in harmony!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A formative family life!

I sometimes wish that the garden around our home has a permanent look like what is above!

The reality is that flowers too have their life time of presence, after which they whither and fade away. When I notice that the flowers become dry and fall off to join the soil beneath, they do so leaving a message of transitoriness! What is temporal has many limitations. However, the memory of flowers last as they brought colour, grace and beauty during their life time. The insects, bees  and butterflies thrived on them. On some occasions the insects feed on the buds, denying them the chance to become a flower. Some of the flowers become ornamental in our vase of flowers in the drawing and dining rooms. 

Our domestic helper waters them every day. The de-weeding and manuring also take place every month. The rose bush would need pruning at least twice a year.  

The presence of flowers in a garden is an announcement of a healthy integration between the soil and the weather conditions. 

During a conversation on on-line with a group, I felt the heaviness some carry upon their hearts about unsettling situations in life. 

I realise how some situations have a demanding effect that resilience to respond becomes not compatible with the demand. It is like a flower looking dry because the plant is not watered. 

Every family needs upbuilding for relationships within the family to be refreshing and intimate!

Often families turn to entertainment on the media to be a pacifier to diffuse the daily demands on them. The entertainment can have a transient effect of release from the heaviness. 

I wish families can be helped to find a rhythm and regularity in practicing  some rituals that  the communicative atmosphere in the home becomes therapeutic and supportive!

I know of a family who has a dedicated family conversation time every week when the husband and wife sit together to look back over the events of the week and schedule the activities of the coming week for themselves and children! Apart from this, they have a separate time of 'auditing the week' with their two children every week. It is a listening time  for parents to come closer to the inner world of happenings in the lives of their pre-teenage children. 

The challenge in every family for parents is to grow while their children grow, develop and change to be adolescents and adults. There is a concurrent journey parents ought to make to keep accompanying their growing children to feel near to them and retain their children to trust the parents as their confidants. 

The parenting skills which we need to accompany infants, toddlers and pre-school children are at one level; when they become middle schoolers and pre-teenage children, the parenting skills ought to become corresponding to the emotional aspirations of children. 

There is a need for parents to apologise to children for being impulsive, threatening, and imposing without feeling  the experiences of emotional ups and downs which their children encounter. Sometimes children suffer silently. Even when children have difficult dreams or appear moody,  we can inadvertently overlook the turbulence deep within children. 

There are two concurrent growing processes in the family life. The husband and wife are on a journey to become 'one' from the time they are married. The parents  are involved in practicing co-parenting.  These two experiences make a home, transformed into a formative ambience for parents and  children. 

A family has the opportunity to influence their children formatively till they are young adults! They are foundational years of a child's life. 

I have come across an inscription on the walls of some homes, 'A praying family stays together'! That brings a home to live by giving, forgiving and experiencing healing. 

To make a home seasoned with joy, communication and trustful relationships, the parents have to come to own their calling to be 'builders of their home'!

We need elders to be 'Friends of families' to upbuild family life! A supportive family offers their children a home they would treasure!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A cheerful afternoon!

Anna and I had a surprise visit from a friend yesterday, whom, we knew during her undergraduate training in medicine.  What a delight it was to recall memories and experiences that we shred together during those years! 

Our conversation meandered to the realities which the medical graduates face when they endeavour into further training and choosing a speciality!

According to a comment which Mr Bill Gates made, quoted in the social media, one among the three frontiers of science which would not restrict job opportunities when Artificial Intelligence would dominate the work space in the next decade, it is the field of medicine which would still need the human interface even more. 

When this friend shared how she, during her undergraduate training, along with her friends, family and few teachers volunteered to support families when they were affected by a flood and loss of property, it occurred to us that this experience left deep impressions in her life about the vocation of being a medical professional. This experience seems to influence her significantly to listen to health care needs of others with a feeling heart and an empathetic response. The conversation between a patient and a doctor is both factual and relational. Anna and I felt encouraged to hear this friend talk about exploring this relational dimension in health care to help people feel valued and listened to, to lead then to consider life style changes to contain the ravaging effect of some diseases. 

A taxi driver, who lost his wife two months ago, following multiple complications of Diabetes, resulting in renal failure and limb loss due to ischemic peripheral vascular disease told us, how in the earlier days of her illness, the medical consultations were more prescriptive than discussing on matters involving life style changes. For twenty years that she was treated for Diabetes, it was only in the last five years, the family had an awareness of the disease, its multi-organ adverse effects and care and caution that could limit the complications.  When all his efforts failed to have a kidney transplant done, he felt defeated in his efforts to bring respite to his wife. 

A team of Diabetologists at the Christian Medical College, Vellore under the leadership of Dr Nihal Thomas changed the treatment protocol of Diabetes, by starting courses for doctors, nurses and families to educate them. There are short term courses, to train nurses in counselling, foot care, diet and nutrition, and general practitioners in treatment protocols and multi-organ screening periodically. The life style medicine that has become speciality under the leadership of Dr Samuel Hansdak at CMCV is complementing to contain the complications of the  non-communicable diseases. These patient-centric efforts are towards restoring life and living to a desirable level of hope and recovery. 

During a video conversation with a Paediatrician from north India about a child with seizures, who responded well to treatment with anticonvulsants, she recalled how the family had spent years prior to this in experimenting with local remedies and rituals. The cultural and traditional beliefs besieged the family. 

It was an encouragement to hear our friend share her longing to bring   caring and mindful ways into the practice of medicine, where a professional can relate and communicate personally to people seeking help. The young professionals with such a sense of calling bring a beacon of hope, when the practice of medicine gets derailed into  a business for profit. 

This visit helped Anna and me to remember others who became connected with us and are in different places practicing medicine with a self giving vocation! 

We recall their friendship gratefully and greet them with good wishes and regards for experiencing the joy of service!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)