A daily question !

I hear this question  from parents "when would my child grow up to be an adult"! They often ask this in exasperation. They find it difficult to wait for their children to show signs of maturity and wise choices.

If 25 years of age is when one becomes an   adult then, it is important that we give even more importance to the adolescent and post adolescent years to accompany them with our availability.

There is a growing process which takes a different form and pattern after 18 years. Most children at 18 years would be at college and their lives are widely exposed to the social media, visual media and public opinion. They also have access to money for personal spending. The peer influences determine their behaviour.

I was reflecting whether people between 18 years and 25 years receive mentoring and formative support considering that many of them can lose their anchor in the good traditions they have been used at home at this stage in their lives!

I wonder whether there can be a greater attention of children of this age group so that they are enabled in this transition to be adults with caring support and personal attention!

I met a teacher at college who told me the other day, that he meets with seven students every week to keep in touch with them. He is encouraged by their trust in him and his access to them during their difficult decision making process.

M.C.Mathew (photo and text)

'Come and Visit'- President to strangers

Former president of india, Dr. Abdul Kalam, whose funeral would take place at his home village today would be remembered for his large heart and brilliant mind. 

Dr. Kalam after inaugurating an international conference on child development and disability at New Delhi in 2008, happened to meet some of us in the faculty as he was leaving the conference venue. He turned to us and said, 'come and visit me tomorrow at the Rashtrapati Bhavan. Let us talk about our common interest to help children with special needs'.

The arrangements for eight of us to visit him  the next afternoon was made by his office and we spent about five hours at the Rashtrapati Bhavan with him. He took us around the garden, where there was a meditation seat overlooking the garden and the distant panaroma. He spent about half an hour each day sitting in that place in recollection and prayer. For him, prayer was recalling life in gratitude and growing in inner preparedness to love and serve. He took us to the library which was getting digitalised at that time. He showed us around the important and historical rooms of the palatial palace.

The most memorable time was about the three hours of conversation when he patiently listened to the biographical stories of each of us and turned to his own personal story. He recalled a childhood story of his class being taken to the beach near his elementary school in the village. The teacher of mathematics pointing to the vast sky seems to have said, you learn numbers by counting the stars in the sky at night. It was this fascinating sight of the sky that stimulated him to study science that would take him into research later! 

He told me at that time he was keen to visit CMC Vellore, which he did later. 

He served his nation with dignity and grace!

Listening!

I have often returned to this photograph to meditate on listening skills. The body language in this photo reflects the mood of intense listening!

The look, facial gesture, body posture, emotional response and the ambience communicate the listening intent and process!

Every time I have to listen to families who have a story to tell about their children, I realise how stories can be long winding and peripheral that I lose the patience to listen! And yet on those occasions, when I have patiently processed the story, there was a truth that was central to understanding the needs of the family. 

Listening involves being present unconditionally! It is therapeutic when we listen to a person with openness. Those of us who are habitually required to listen need occasions for debriefing and silence to inwardly prepare ourselves to be receptive!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Drops of water!

For a photographer, drops of water on leaves and flowers is a big theme for photoshoot! Taking photos of water drops is a challenging exercise, especially if you do not have an access to a tripod. The wind sways the flowers and it would often make many water drops out of focus as it is in this photo. 

What is special is the sight of drops of water hanging just before they fall off! 

It is a pleasure to watch how the water drop falls off a leaf or flower. It leaves a leaf or flower gently! 

I wish all events in life carry such a gentle character, particularly all relationships!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

A sight that surprised me!

While it was drizzling, I happened to be walking in the garden. What I saw surprised me! A moth is out in the open in its outing in the drizzle! It was so small that I almost missed it!

Somehow small things hold your attention because of its special status in nature! In a huge expanse of space there exists a small moth which too is safe and secure!

How refreshing it was for me to return from the morning walk with an inner resonance that all of us are under the watchful eyes of a God who does not slumber or sleep!

M.C.Mathew( text and photo)

Left handedness!

One of the challenges I face in my work is helping parents to accept the left handedness of their children. There are physiological reasons for them to choose left hand as the dominant hand for activities of daily living. It can be also because of an insult to the left side of the brain that a child is forced to use left hand. 

In either case the family, neighbours and all those who watch a child use the left hand feel pressured to force a child use the right hand even when a child is conditioned physiologically or due to an insult to use the left hand!

I have been keen to find the reason for this compulsive insistence for a child to use the right hand for daily living activities. The best explanation I have so far come across is that culturally we are made to to think that the left hand is a 'dirty hand' and the right and is the 'good hand'!

Many children who have clumsy handwriting or struggle to eat from a plate without spilling are those who were originally destined to be left handers but made to use the right hand from early childhood. Even after years of efforts they have not been able to master the dexterous skills with the right hand!

I wish parents, teachers and rest of us would be freed form our cultural bondage and release children to use their preferred hand with no interference or prejudice !

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Slender and strong!

The monsoon season is a time to find some surprises in nature!

I found a spider web held strong to this plant  inspite of wind and rain. The other end was at a five feet distance. The spider was still in the process of completing its mission.

What apparently looks to be slender and fragile can also be resilient and strong.

There is the strength of power, which those in authority and position lord it over others. There is also the strength of conviction, which can stand up to power and control. The stories of Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Bishop Desmond Tutu, and Mother Teresa illustrate this. 

What appears slender and weak externally can be otherwise because of inner courage of conviction!

To such belong the opportunity to initiate change for the benefit of others! The Right To Information Act, which is a restraint against corruption is one such social change which came in to being because some activists relied on their conviction! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)