Freedom and movement

Anna has a collection of interesting and thematic party games that students visiting our home enjoyed playing. This one requires two to use their left hands to tie a thread. In a group the competition is to make the longest chain. Every time I watch this activity, I observe an innovative way the students approach this game.

In this group one pair mastered the art of one person doing one movement to tie a knot. It became so consistent that they exceeded the speed of all the others. 

Later I asked them how they managed to do this. The answer caught my attention. They moved the fingers without pressing the fingers down to tie the knot. While the others made the loop for the knot by pressing on each other's finger tip, this pair managed to form the loop away form the finger tip which gave them easy movement and reduced the time to tie the knot. Both of them were used to knitting and this gave them an advantage.

Movement needs freedom. Every time a person with Parkinson's disease wants to move, he or she is restricted. There is much resistance to the movement due to hypertonia of the muscles.

Each of has us an inner state which determines our freedom to relate, trust, engage and interact. This  inner freedom is conditioned by our memories, experiences, and attitudes. If the past has conditioned us to be fearful, cautious, reticent or cynical, then it is this we would communicate in the exterior. 

Every time a difficult experience befalls us, it can press on a previous inner wound or a raw scar, which makes us feel frozen inside. What we communicates outward subsequently is negative emotions or approach. 

True freedom is when we invite healing within ourselves. Healing comes through forgiveness, detachment and surrender. Forgiveness is a an act of love, where we offer worth to others even when they may not deserve. Detachment is a choice to let go, so that the past gets integrated into the ocean of of our experiences like the way pieces of a puzzles come together to create a mosaic. Surrender is an openness to welcome circumstances through the optic of faith in order to trust an experience or event that looks apparently trying, to bring something good ultimately. 

A child who was running to catch a butterfly fell down and got bruised; he did not pause for a moment to attend to his wound, but continued chasing the butterfly. When I asked him at the end of it, when he had not still caught the butterfly, he told me, ' the butterfly would not wait for me'.

Opportunities would not wait for us. So let us live and move in freedom to 'seize the opportune time' for it can be full of gains and benefits. That is why, Jesus of Nazareth said, 'If the Son can make you free, you shall be free indeed'. This freedom  in its fullness is a gift from God. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

             

A rhythm for well being

The above picture is that of the lawn Anna and I began working on in October 2012, immediately after we relocated in my mother's cottage at Keezhillom. It is growing, although slowly. It is a favourite site for us to sit and watch the morning sun and birds that come to feed from the bird feeder. Of late Daffney found this as her favourite spot to run and chase the ball when we play with her.

This is the first time, we are directly tending the lawn although we have had a lawn in both the houses we lived in in the last fifteen years. What are we learning from this effort?

Every day it needs watering. Every week, the weeds need to be removed. Every two weeks it would need a sprinkling of fertiliser. The grass needs to be manually cut once in a month. This is the rhythm of care the lawn requires for its upkeep. 

This has brought to our attention some valuable insights about our inner life. We would need a daily rhythm of rest, reflection and renewal. For most of us this would come from our set apart time of quietness in meditation and prayer. We would need regular debriefing, at least once a week to feel relieved of stress, pressure of work, or hurts or disappointments. This grants us well being and refreshment. We would need prolonged time, of at least half a day retreat, once month to revisit experiences and draw lessons for personal growth. We would need regular contacts with friends and well wishers to grow relationally. 

Why do we need to foster a rhythm in living? We are often driven by circumstances and demand. We stretch ourselves to fulfil all our responsibilities without being sensitive to our personal and family needs. We tend to set aside our personal needs to meet all other needs. This is a risky path for burn out and disillusionment. 

I wish all of us would be able to do something creative that allows us personal time to be present to ourselves. We are our best friends. In listenings to the movements within, we shall pay attention to the milieu of our heart of joy, anger, disappointment, fear, longings..... It is such an active personal attention which would help us to live fully rather than drag ourselves with a burden weighing on us!

The lawn is a call for measures for our inner upkeep! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)           

Full of grace at Ninety

Rev. A.C.Oommen is a well known interpreter of the vocation of healing and health care  and has influenced our lives immensely at the time when Anna and I were coping with the home call of Anita in 1981, while we were working at CMC, Vellore. It was he, at Anita's funeral service, who made a prophetic remark,'this grief of Anna and M.C will turn to make others joyful'. This prophetic call was one of the signs which led us to start Ashirvad Christian Concern for Child care in 1983. We are now into the  thirtieth year of the mission of Ashirvad.  

Anna and I have had several occasions during the last thirty five years to keep in touch with Rev.Oommen, the last being early this month at a wedding, where he was speaking.

He has crossed ninety years and lives with his daughter at Pune. He recalled our experience of 1981 and encouraged us to continue following the call of God in our lives. 

What is so graceful about him at ninety years? He is even more seeking after God and radiating His love. There is a connection which he establishes with people by remembering the seminal events in their lives. He speaks very little about his health or other age related needs and even deflects direct questions in order to be able to focus on others and their needs. There is a genuine and gentle way of listening and responding. He reposes faith on the person and finds a word of encouragement which meets a need at that particular time. 

During our recent meeting, he mentioned to us that, 'there are many in health care mission who would need encouragement and keep them in our thoughts'. This came as a call and we are still pondering over it.  

'Godliness with contentment' is a virtue of  ageing wisdom, which is what Oommen Achen conveys. His love touches and inspires. There is warmth and affection, which has a charismatic touch. His ability to communicate from the Scripture is even more sound now, because he speaks from an intimacy of fellowship with his Master. He does not just speak, but communicates lovingly. It is evident that this is the fruit of silent communion with God.

What a refreshing experience it was to have been with Rev. Oommen once again!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

Assist with consent

It is common to see now-a-days people walking on the street with a white cane. They are people with visual challenges. They can be partially sighted or visually insufficient. 

Usually as a part of self regulated life skill training, visually challenged adults, would be introduced to three levels of preparation. 

At the first level, they would be categorised into  those who were visually challenged from birth and those who have acquired visual loss. Those who were born with visual challenge, if intellectually competent and have hearing abilities would receive life skill training from early days where, mobility, communication and mobility are integrated. Those who acquired visual loss would have had sudden loss or gradual visual loss. Those with sudden loss would need psychological adjustment and counselling to cope with grief. Those who suffer gradual loss would have been already on training for adaptation to life and independent living in a graded fashion.

The second level is to assess the needs for independent living, mobility, work place adjustments, adjust to  learning environment etc. This would be planned according to the capacity of the person to cope with changes and adjustments. Those who are resilient would be introduced to full fledged preparation for independent living. Those who cannot manage independently would receive guides to help them- they can be human guides or canine guides.

The third level would be to adjust to social and community living. They would need assistance to travel, do shopping, move about to live a near normal life. This involves access training and mobility in public places.

The training to use the white cane is therefore a specialised training at an advanced stage of mobility training.  

If you were to see a person in a public place with a white cane, and if you desire to help him, one can do three things.

Draw close to him or her, introduce oneself and describe the location where he or she is. Ask if any help is needed and indicate how much you are able to help. e.g. 'I can help you to cross the road'. It is unwise to offer this help to someone form the opposite gender in our Indian context ordinarily.

The second step is to ask him or her how he or she would like to be helped. Most visually challenged people would want to be guided in a particular way and it is necessary to find and do precisely what he or she suggests. Having done what was requested, state what you have done to let him or her be sure that the request was followed. 

The third is to say 'thank you for trusting me to assist you' before you say good bye. We are only assistants doing what was instructed by the person. 

It is impolite to rush to a person, who is finding his direction with a white cane and without any prelude or permission hold him or her by the hand and lead. It would unsettle them badly. They would lose even their bearing and sense of direction.  

All visually needy people appreciate friendships and not just a mobility guide. We can offer that friendship even to a stranger, by the way we introduce and conduct ourselves.

M.C.Mathew(photo and text)   

Giving and Receiving

I have also wondered about making, giving and receiving gifts more rational. It is an important expression of thoughtfulness in social relationships. However, it is a wastage of resources if the receiver finds no use for the gift.

Let me suggest three practical ways of viewing gifts with pragmatism.

We give gifts to express our appreciation and affirmation of a person. What if you state that in a self made artistic greeting card! The receiver will read and re-read and would be touched by our act of kindness. It is better than telephoning or sending a SMS or a mail. A greeting card especially hand made carries a message of efforts taken to convey the feelings of appreciation or commendation. Even if only a bar of chocolate accompanies the card it becomes a significant gift. The card would get displayed in the bulletin board at home or stay in a prominent place for a long time. A greeting becomes a means for an emotional bonding.

Most people, whom we would want to give gifts are known to us. We would be familiar with their needs and interests. It is therefore easier to find something they would need or use. However it is necessary to avoid expensive gifts as it can make the receiver feel embarrassed. Also, expensive gifts would make the receiver feel obliged and would feel compelled to reciprocate. Then the giving and receiving can become even a competitive activity. This defeats the spirit of love and regard, which should alone be the factor that is behind giving and receiving. After all a gift is only  symbol of the thoughtfulness. So its cost is less important and the thought behind is what stays on to build a relationship.

It is when we make the gift symbols and not objects of our status, we can make gifts more inspirational. Most people would give gifts of value to people in need. I feel moved by some people whom I know would save on an expensive meal or holiday to offer that money saved toward the tuition fees of a child, who would have struggled to continue education. There are many ways of practically helping families individually and collectively. The church we go to now, recently built a house for an extremely needy person from the contributions of the members. Let the gifts be given to those who would need it, to meet a pending and genuine need.

There are occasions when we would love to give a gift, which is a felt need of the other person. At other times the gifts are symbols of our regard and love in which case a greeting card and  something small in kind as a token, is a better way of communicating our feeling. 

Giving and receive is a necessary link between people to build relationships. 

A gift if used to influence or seek favour or put pressure for receiving a consideration would become a bribe.   

Freely we have received, and we are called to give freely. This is how we share love with those who would go deprived otherwise. Find a stranger, to whom we can give a gift that would lessen his or her burden.       

  M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

A resource which is risk prone

I am not a net surfer. I use book for my reference than internet. I have been introduced to the net at the age of forty five years. Anna values net as an an important source and resource. 

The applications of the net in education has become exponential with e-learning and on line coaching  with access to the virtual library. 

I come across many parents who use the mobile phone to entertain infants even from the fourth month, which is when, they are ready to reach out to receive objects or listen to music. With this early introduction to mobile phone to children, for listening to music or play games or access the internet, that children think of it as a toy. I am appalled the way parents normally engage children by giving them  a mobile to substitute it for a toy.

It is this habit which makes children insist on upgrading their play occupation to the computer. Once they are on the computer, they would even learn to crack the child lock by trying several pass words. This gives them a gateway to movies, internet games, and a lot of other sites not so desirable activities which internet offers. 

Children have confessed to me in confidence that their first interest is often the internet and some of them spend almost 10 hours on the week ends unnoticed by parents. They access many sites including  sites which can affect their morals and behaviour.

In one informal survey of 150 pre-school children, I came across a revealing information. They had many CDs and DVDs, but only 20 percent had children's story books in picture sequences. The out door games were pursued only by 32 percent. The number who were into any form of art appreciation was just a few. I found this alarming. 

I wish parents would protect our children lest they go the japanese way!  The addiction of children to internet by the time they reach their tenth birthday is bordering to 40 percent, which is defined as 'a habit which denied would make them nervous, anxious and emotionally devastated making it almost impossible to stay occupied in anything else'. 

Let me suggest that at least till ten years of age, access to any form of internet access has to be restricted to minutes than hours, that too under direct supervision by parents or older responsible siblings. After they reach ten years, they can access only by a contract, between them and the  parents, on the amount of  time they would access it, the sites they would visit and some mutually agreed upon absolutes. 

Childhood would need variety of activities and explorations to enhance and enlarge their potential. The internet can be an obstacle than an advantage in early childhood,

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)                 

Blinking monkey

This is the first time, I was able to capture monkey blink. 

Anna and I were returning from Elagiri after spending three days with Aswathy and Anandit, just before Christmas. We encountered a herd of monkeys in one of the hair pin bends. They were sunbathing on a cold morning. I thought that the one of the monkeys in this photograph had a photogenic face, shining in reddish hue in the sunlight. The other monkey seemed to avoid  the sunlight as its face was turned away. This photograph was taken without the flash light of the camera. That makes the blink all the more special in a photograph. 

I am yet to ask a Vetenary doctor  about the physiology of the blink in a monkey. I am certain that the monkey was not blind as I have other pictures of the same monkey with eyes wide open and carefully walking over the parapet. Of course it looked older and less agile than the others. I wonder whether it was photosensitivity similar to what occurs in humans when they have early cataract changes! Or was it a blink response to anxiety generated by a car suddenly stopping and the window glass lowered with two people staring at the monkey! It could also have been the normal physiological blink which occurs several times in a minute. 

This is one lesson for all photographers. There can be surprise shots, something which we did not look for or anticipate. Ragu Rai, who is an avid and well reputed photographer, has rare collection of photographs of renowned people and events. Commenting about photography, he wrote once, 'the more you shoot the more you gather rare photographs'.

Let me comment photography as a means to explore your environment! There is much one can learn from the experience of recollecting stories surrounding each photograph.  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)