Children with flowers lead the procession of the Bride to the isle of the church on her wedding day! The page boys and flower girls accompany the bride symbolically recalling her growth from childhood in her home, to be now ready for her adulthood experience of becoming a wife and mother!
Every time I watch this solemn procession in a church wedding, in this country or elsewhere, this symbolism is inherent to the wedding sacrament.
In a civil wedding, the bride and bridegroom sign a register with witnesses authenticating their relationship and the civil officer giving a certificate of marriage. It is an event that gives a man and woman the right to be a husband and wife.
But in a wedding where marriage vows are exchanged and a ring is given and taken in the presence of a congregation witnessing this solemn occasion, there is a collective engagement to facilitate family formation.
Anna and I witnessed how this collective participation goes well beyond a ceremonial presence in a wedding service at the St Andrew's Church, Egmore, Chennai when we were members of that congregation from 1986 to 1997. Rev Peter Miller the presbyter of the church had a monthly fellowship get together for young married adults, which was an occasion for those who were married for five years or less met together for conversation and fellowship. Rev Miller referred to it as accompaniment in marriage. At a wedding service in a church a public appeal is made to the congregation to be prayerful and thoughtful towards the newly wedded couple. This church practiced that intent through this monthly meetings. It was from that experience, I got to know the value of transition support for recently married couples, which a congregation or a neighbourhood friend circle can offer!
The page boys and flower girls leading the bride to the isle on her marriage day, or groomsmen accompanying the bridegroom are not just traditions, but statements of the collective dimension of a marriage relationship. A man and woman grow into becoming a husband and wife, by the enablement of the couple by the caring companions. The transition of the 'two becoming one' is through a process of 'leaving and loving' in a journey of intimacy and mutuality! This journey needs companions and enablers!
The pre-marital readiness that is customarily offered to those who are engaged to be married is only a starting process in enabling the formative experience of becoming a husband and wife. The couple would thereafter need further enablement to be a father and mother!
It was while attending a marriage service recently, I was reminded of the responsibility that rests with all those present on that occasion to bear the couple in our thoughts to long for their wellness and oneness! I remember how grateful some couples felt when Anna and I sent greetings to them a few times in the early years of their marriage relationship!
A marriage is a festive occasion. It is also a solemn occasion to receive the couple into our hearts and tarry with them in their journey of formation to becoming one!
In the Erickson's theory of psychosocial formation of eight stages from infancy to becoming a senior citizen, the marriage transition did not receive attention! I wonder whether psychoanalysts would consider incorporating marriage as a critical event in influencing the formative journey in becoming an adult !
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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