Changing a learned behaviour!

 

The photos above are of a Barbet in our garden at the feeding table!

Every time I watch a Barbet swallow food, which is often a large chunk, appears a straining experience. And yet, that is the way they feed!

It is a learned behaviour ! 

Some avian examples can be extrapolated to understand a child's behaviour! 

Children learn their behaviour from what they see and are told to practice!

Can learned behaviour be changed  in pre-school children ?

My guess is that it can be !

A mother who struggled with her three year old daughter who used buckets of water to bathe realised that she could change her behaviour by giving her time to play with a bucket of water in the courtyard before her usual bath time. When that was offered, she took less time for bath and used less water than before. 

It was her interest to play with water which made her prolong her bath time and use more water. When that was provided, the behaviour also changed!

What a wise and prompt effort of the mother without any of the usual confrontational situations in such instances!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The gift of silence in communication!

 

These two Magpie robins perched in our garden appeared engaged with each other through silent presence and beholding look!

During this season of the year, it is likely to be the start of courtship !

What occupied my attention was the stillness that they used to  communicate with each other! 

Their language was silence. 

How much do we communicate to each other as husband and wife during silent presence! 

The physical space of silence creates an inner space of warmth, affection and intimacy that sometimes create inspiring moments of  mutuality!

The language of spoken communication is conditioned by our thoughts, feelings and intentions. We relate in spoken language through the logical and reasoning filters of our mind. 

The language of silence introduces a different ambience between a husband and wife. That creates attachment and affection which promote respect, regard and appreciation. It is during such times of silence the deepening of belonging and oneness come to be the common ground of relationship. 

It is in silence there is a new level of trustfulness and gratefulness which get communicated through the engaging look! A beholding look is an expression of self-giving, which is what would be the experience when a husband and wife had a time of silent presence to each other!  Such times bring comfort and deepening of relationship !

It is the practice of times of silence that creates nearness inwardly ! The inward nearness with each other in marriage is what colours the marital relationship! 

M.C.Mathew(test and photo)

 

The enlightened state!

The two photos of the same rose flower bring out the subtle details we miss out when we are too focused ! The spider web was visible only in the second photograph in the three'o clock position to five 'o clock position. 

The visibility of the web in the second photo reduced the visibility of the flower. 

The flower and the web are present but there is a variability in the way they are captured according to the exposure used in photography. 

I felt intrigued by this!

Is my sight inclusive or selective! The full reality is not represented in both pictures. 

Is it possible that it can be the way one can go through life with blinded sight! We see somethings and miss seeing some facts which are real!

This is well illustrated in the way how Israel see the Palestinians and the Palestinians see Israel. They both have a log in their eyes ! They are unable to see the whole picture but stay focussed on what pertains to their own interest. 

The teaching of Jesus of Nazareth in His discourse on Sermon on the Mount (Matt 7: 3-5) brings this truth in a searching manner. 'And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye....first take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye'. 

This experience with the two photographs, highlighting one aspect but not capturing the entirety, brought an awareness of the risk that I carry with me of being preoccupied or biased to miss the whole truth in some situations. 

This highlights the importance of pursuing the journey of consciousness that can change the optic from being preferential to become inclusive!

A statement of Jesus of Nazareth recorded in the gospel of John, 8:32 illustrates this well: 'And you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free'. 

What an invitation to metanoia- 'a profound transformative change of heart, mind or life orientation often involving fundamental shift in perception and perspective' ! An invitation to see holistically!

I feel called to reflect on this life experience meditatively!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The song of the morning!

I noticed a Magpie robin perched in the cable in our courtyard and singing with its tuneful bird calls. 

Another two Magpie robins arrived in the cables in our garden listening attentively with their tail held still !

I sensed the fraternal spirit in the two birds in the above photo ! The singing bird was awakening the fraternal instinct in two other birds  perched at a distance. 

This was a message of inspiration to me! The avian behaviour of fraternity!

About 140 countries endorse an independent Palestine. A few countries object to it including the USA. The United Nations Organisation will begin its meeting shortly and this will be debated!

I like the way Britain has joined to endorse the right for the Palestinians to have their independent nationhood. That was the indication that Britain gave in 1948 when it supported the creation of Israel. 

It is beyond reason that Israel does not endorse the existence of an independent nation of Palestine. 

It is even more disturbing to think that the USA is endorsing the position of Israel! 

The avian behaviour of fraternity brought consolation and hope amidst the discordance that we feel in the behaviour of just a few nations to oppose the idea of an independent Palestine!

The solo singing of a Magpie robin symbolised to me the cry of the Palestinians who are forced out of Gaza without a place to go to! 

I hope that this cry would be heard in the meeting of the United Nations which begin their deliberations this week! 

Till then, we wait knowing that, 'Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted' as stated by Jesus of Nazareth in the sermon on the mount (Matt.5:4) !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

An engaging attitude !

It is when I walk by the rose bushes in our garden I feel intrigued by the richness and hues of colours they bring to the garden! A bud has  a fragrant flower hidden in it. Every bud is expression of the life it is given by the plant. Every flower represents its lineage. 

Parents of young children get confused by some behaviours of pre-school children. There is a cluster of behaviours which parents refer to as 'tantrums',

One family told me that their son was insistent to have corn flakes at supper time. He did not want to eat anything else and cried and howled. It was after a few days he settled down to eat other food as before. The parents were patient and watchful during the time. It was a few days ago the family bought the packet of the corn flakes. It was his first time experience of tasting corn flakes with milk and honey. He relished it. I felt good that the family did not brand his behaviour as tantrum, but tarried with him patiently. 

At three years, a child is still limited verbally to be descriptive of his feelings and thoughts. What was easy was crying. I felt good that his cry did not intimidate the parents. They reasoned with him that cornflakes was a breakfast cereal, which he came to terms with gradually. 

Who forms the behaviour of toddlers or pre-school children! I suspect that it is the impulsive responses of parents that becomes confrontational for a child. At that age no child wants to be a loser! So he puts up a fight to win or have his way! 

It is the wise parents who know this mood and behaviour of pre-school children and resort to an engaging attitude and avoid giving a child the feeling of being a loser! 

The parents in this instance allowed the child to have corn flakes at dinner time provided he would also have some of the usual food. That compromise worked well. After a week, his fancy for corn flakes had disappeared. 

The mood and behaviour of a pre-school child reflects the state of emotional and conversational ambience at home ! 

Parents influence children considerably from early childhood. The pre-school children tell the story of parenting practices at home!

M.C.Mathew ( text and photo)

Making a home child friendly!

One routine some Bulbuls practice is to have water play and wet their body in the morning. Then they groom and dry the body !

One interesting aspect of this routine is the playfulness they demonstrate. It is common to see the birds do this in turn when they are a pair. 

I found some of their rituals a way of finding pleasure in play!

During a parenting meeting I discovered that it is not common for parents to join in with children for indoor games in the evenings. In fact parents do not plan well to give exposure to multiple indoor games to their children. The laughter and fun such times produce bring a new level of bonding and openness. 

I do not find the practice of joint reading time in many homes. One parent told me recently that when children return from school, the question they ask the parents is about the reading time. The children long for it as it is a meaningful conversation time. As children listen to biographies or anecdotal experiences of people, they get animated and come up with questions and opinions. This parent who told me about the formative effect of the reading time on children, mentioned that the freedom to talk about many aspects of life at school or at home get naturally attended to during such times. 

The play and pleasure the Bulbuls experienced during their water play time brought the above conversations and observations to ponder upon!

The shift from existing in the adult's world to a child's world is necessary for parents when children are in the mid child when opinions, thoughts and choices begin to have a formative influence in their lives. 

Parents are not only pathfinders for their children but companions in the voyage of life. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A message of togetherness!

 

A Barbet joined a squirrel, and a Bulbul at the feeding station. Barbets are not sociable at the feeding station. 

The last photo is another Barbet watching this from a cable wondering whether to join or not. It did not join but flew away.

I spot interesting sights almost each day in the bird behaviour!

The garden space offers space for birds to be themselves and relational. 

The feeding table offers the invitation to be sociable towards each other!

The famous Salim Ali, the Orninthologist became bird friendly and later spent his life time describing bird behaviour following a terrible event in his childhood. Being from a hunting family and having had access to gun, he shot down a bird who had a yellow colour covering its neck. His uncle helped him to take the bird to the Bombay natural history museum, where the curator identified it as a rare sparrow. Salim was so disturbed by what he did that he dedicated his life to create nature parks to preserve bird life. 

I have few books of Salim Ali and visited a nature park named in his memory about forty kilometres away from our village beside a lake and dam. 

I have noticed that birds when offered a friendly environment, they surprise us by their gestures towards each other and even towards humans. 

A garden when made into a home for birds, they become hospitable and sociable!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)