A protected place !

The calyx covers a bud, till the flower is fully formed. A flower develops and matures when hidden. The calyx is the womb of protection for an emerging flower. 

A home is such a protective environment from the time a baby is born. From the mother's womb to the cradle of a home is a journey of nine months; from the home till the child joins a pre-school the home envelops the child for his or her early childhood development. 

Anna and I have been working on the final stage of a book, Engage your child, a manual of ideas for enhancing awareness in early childhood. This book gives ideas to parents on how to involve with a child from birth to the pre-school years to give the child the first experiences of growing up outside the mother's womb. The baby from the time he or she  takes the spontaneous first breath at birth, is in the environment of a home surrounded by parents who introduce the environment in an instructional attitude! 

 

A baby becomes familiar with the rhythm of feeding, sleeping and waking up, under the primal influence of hunger and satiety. From hunger or physical or emotional discomfort guiding the baby to react or respond, the baby becomes familiar with sounds, light, human faces, touch and cuddling, which condition the baby to develop some spontaneous behaviours. A crying baby by three to six weeks after birth develops the habit of getting consoled and stops crying when carried by mother and breast fed! This form of 'demand feeding' gets replaced by 'planned feeding' which mother offers at three hourly intervals. This is the foundational transition in the behaviour of an infant. A baby receives attention without having to ask for. The first emotional experience of trust emerges in an infant from the experience of being provided for when the baby needs feed, or physical nearness of being carried and cuddled. 

The first experiences in the life an infant are decisive for this trust behaviour to grow to make the baby comfortable to move on to the next stage of autonomy in the toddler period, according to the psycho-social  theory of Erick Erickson .

When an infant grows in trust in the first year of life, he or she grows into the experience of autonomy in the second year of life. 

It is the home ambience that contributes to a healthy transition. Most of what we shall witness in the pre-school years of a child, would have been largely influenced by the events in the life a child in the first two to three years of a child.   

How to make an infant experience the cradle of a home with pleasant memories is an issue that needs lot of attention! The psycho-social orientation of a baby from birth to about three years is derived from the experiences at home. Does the home have a rhythm that corresponds with the needs of an infant or a toddler! Is the home environment protective and promotive of the needs and aspiration of an infant and toddler ! I wonder whether parents are informed and supported enough to develop this orientation about the significance of the home ambience in the life of a child in the first three years!

The sepals in the calyx offer a bud, protected space for the bud to become a flower !

Is our homes such a protected space for an infant and a toddler !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

 

Becoming our being !

 

There is a growth trajectory in the plant life. This is expressed by the cycle of the old replaced by the new. The flowers live and fade away. The new life springs forth.  The plant itself grows and the new flowers are a sign of that growth. In  that journey path, the old gives way to the new. The new springs from the continuum of the old with adaptations and changes needed, to blossom in different weather conditions. 

Richard Rohr, in his book, Falling Upward, A spirituality for the two halves of life, wrote in the introduction (p xv): " Life, if we are honest about it, is made up of many failings and fallings, amidst all of our hopeful growing and achieving. Those failings and fallings must be there for a purpose, a purpose that neither culture nor church has fully understood. Most of us find all failure bewildering, but it does not have   to be. My observations tell me, that if we can clarify the common sequencing, staging, and direction of life's arc bit more, many practical questions and dilemmas will be resolved. That does not mean we can avoid the journey itself. Each of us still has to walk it for ourselves before we get the big picture of human life". There is a clarifying note in his proposal of moving upward by falling in page xxv; " Like skaters we move forward by actually moving from side to side..." I

I felt spoken to when the author referred to the first half of life as the time  to create a 'container' for the 'content' of the second half of life  to inhabit the container. Many stay attending to the container, pursuing after  to what 'we shall eat, put on and where to live'  and do not enter into the mystery of experiences of life of second half of life. (p1). Erick Erickson while proposing the eight stages of psycho-social formation of life,  suggested the mid life from 40 to 65 years to be a season of generativity, where people grow up to leave behind a pathway for the future generations. 

This process of becoming our being, our true self, is the essence of the journey of the second half or the season of the mid life!

It is now 13 years since Anna and I live in our cottage surrounded by a flourishing garden. For a long stretch of time during summer and rainy seasons, the plants live with foliage and from winter time onwards the flowers and fruits appear till the height of summer. The plant life appears incomplete if the foliage alone was their identity. The flowers and fruits bring another revelation of their content !

I happened to go to five shops to make enquiries about buying replacement tires for the car. The four shop keepers talked all about the tire and impressed upon me their offer. They were ready to replace the tires instantly. I felt a pressure to yield to their proposal. But one shop keeper wanted to know the kilometres the car would run every month,  terrains of travel, speed at which I drive, duration of the rest time I offer to the tire during a long distance travel,  the frequency of checking the tire pressure and refilling with nitrogen, wheel balancing and inspection by a tire technologist. I felt surprised by his orientation in his business practice. His attention was on the buyer and did not seem to be driven to sell. It was then he introduced three options of brands of tire and detailed me on the pros and cons of each brand. He talked about the cost only when I enquired about it. Fascinated by his interest in the other without leaning to a one sided to sell tire, I asked about his background. He is a person, who sees those coming to his shop not as customers but as fellow human beings. That suggested that he was on his second half of life living with a longing for human relationships. He had a transcendent view of life beyond business transactions. That gentleman won my heart as a one engaged in becoming his being !

Life's mission is becoming our being !

The inflorescence in the banana above became a fully grown banana bunch, growing ready to ripen over period ! I remember watching the stages of the growing and changing process during the last four months. The banana becomes an offering to the farmer who nurtures its growing process. Its being from being a plant to bear fruit was its natural destiny !

Becoming our being, our true self  is our journey path!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The gift of life!

The garden in the front of our cottage has a delightful and colourful look with a defying elegance in spite of hot and humid days. There is an exuberance that is special for this pre-winter season. 

Each plant is at its best bringing out its treasures to make it a celebrant experience. 

We added a few more rose bushes, creating a rose bush corner in the garden!

The buttercups, occupy another corner of the garden, flowering through the year in all weather conditions. 

The Lilies are seasonal flowers. There are lilies who wait to open and some are withering after full bloom !

This scene reminded me of the mystery we carry in our lives. We live each day holding this paradox as the reality- marks of new life along with traces of dying!

The new life that emerges is the symbol of hope. 

One can feel tempted to be drawn away from the hope of new life when we live in a turbulent environment of pain and despair. 

The flowers defy the weather because they spring from plants rooted in the soil. 

I feel captured by that thought!

Where am I grounded! 

In the transient materiality of the world around me that entices me to be a consumer of the fading glitter ! 

Or in the reality of a God who is merciful, calling us to be merciful to each other! 

Anna and I had the delight of watching a two week old baby on a video call yesterday, who was looking, turning head, moving hands towards the body, becoming alert to sounds and cooing in response to the sounds of his parents. 

It was a moving scene beholding the mystery of life in all its fullness in a new born!

Life in all its fullness is the most vibrant experience on earth! That is what we are called for! 

We are messengers of that good news- that life is a gift given to us in order to share the joy of living with others!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Knowing and relating to each other !

There are surprise insights that birds bring to us from their behaviour of attachment!

The first photo above is a pair of Bulbul birds together at the feeding table in our garden at day break. One of them flew away to a distant tree top. The other Bulbul stayed feeding and listening to the bird call of the other Bulbul from a distance, also reached the top of the tree to be together. 

 

The attentive response to a bird call! The Bulbuls are known to have multiple tones of bird calls to convey different needs, emotions and messages. 

It was a fascinating sight to watch how the Bulbuls practice the attachment behaviour. How the second Bulbul traced the location of its partner surprised me. Without loosing the track, the Bulbul covered about 200 meters to be together with its partner. 

This is the drawing power of relationship when husband and wife are committed to each other to seek intimacy and trustful communication! 

The knowing and relating at the heart level!

The language of the heart is love, trust and fidelity!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Living our calling by choice !

 

The summer fruits are ahead of time this year in our garden- Jackfruit, Cashew nut and Nutmeg ! 

The genetic engineering of plant life is receiving considerable attention to make plants yield fruits through out the year. As commercial value of some fruits life Jackfruit is substantial, there are engineered saplings which would yield fruits throughout the year. But the jackfruit tree above sprung up on its own, beside another jackfruit tree from the seeds that were scattered on the ground, when a ripe jackfruit fell to the ground. 

The above banana bunch belongs to a native species, which is easy to grow and yields tasty fruit. But its market value of is only one third of an engineered species which yields large bunches! The engineered varieties are now popular which needs lot of manure and special attention. The market forces of economics regulate agricultural planning. 

The first rose flower above is of a budded plant and the second rose flower is of a native species. The first flower has value in the market and the second one is not even tradable. 

I realise that there are too many changes taking place where the market forces influence many aspects of our lives. 

Sometimes we loose sight of the down side of the unregulated market forces. About 20 years ago in the rural environment, the land prices exceeded the level that people could afford to buy. Now even though the land cost has plummeted, there are no buyers, as people do not have surplus money to invest!

It was while enquiring to replace our old car with anew one, I came face to face with the reality of the 'market driving' the economy. The cost of car has gone up by about fifty percent in the last ten years; the buyers do not feel the strain of it as bank loans would fund them. It is unlikely that an employed person with a reasonable salary would be able to buy a car from his savings. The borrowing becomes the option, which then strains the buyer to refund the loan. Many get carried away to buy expensive cars which is a fancy, rather than a need and feel buried in the pressure of repayment!

Is there an alternative to live without being carried away by the market forces! I met a retired a person in the car show room, who is selling a large car to buy a small car. He needed a large car when children were  living with the family. Now they have moved away to their work places. The retired couple need a car for mobility. He was a choosing an entry level car, good enough for both of them! 

I sensed from that conversation an attitudinal perspective, which is an alternative. To plan according to the current needs! The trend, fashion, fancy or peer pressure do not dominate, but a personal choice to be prudent, practical and positive in orientation! The creature comfort is not the decisive factor, but compatibility with a life style which represents a wholistic view of life!

The changes around us are so many exerting pressure upon us to conform! The chance of an alternate gets obliterated amidst the loud voices calling us to conform. 

I wish our life style gets modulated by the value system that we choose! If we get carried by the 'market trend', we loose the cardinal values of life to the fancies that are trendy!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Offering space for others !

The Barbet birds are different from the usual bird visitors to the feeding table!

A Barbet pair seemed to be comfortable at the bowl feeding taking tons to feed. 

One Barbet dropped a portion of the banana on the table surface and was soon ready to fly off with the banana in its beaks. 

One Barbet looked startled by it and continued feeding. Soon it also flew with a mouthful of food , but alike the earlier barbet carrying the banana away. 

The strong personal habit of keeping the feeding a private activity was well illustrated in this behaviour. 

When I turned to the garden after this sight, what I saw was a flower with a bud on the stem and a rose bush with buds and flowers 

The sight reminded me of the plenty of provisions all round us, which ought to make us comfortable about what each of us would receive according to our need!

The desire to have more and that too for exclusive personal benefit is what seems to drive people to live acquisitively and possessively!

The usual avian message is shared living !

It is a timely message !

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

Meal time conversations !

A lot happens between birds during the feeding time at the feeding table. These two Mina birds were engaged in reciprocal bird calls. 

After a long break, Anna started lighting a candle at our meal times. A burning candle has many symbolic meanings. 

A meal gives food for our body; a candle points us to the light we receive from each other for our journey in life!

Anna and I have been engaged in a major decision making process during the last two weeks. It was the conversations during our meal times, which helped us to converge towards a choice we felt ready to make. 

The conversations times became a path finder!

The meal times bring a sobering and refreshing ambience to listen and to process matters which have multiple strands. 

The Mina birds were in conversation during the meal time! Seeing this, I was able to recall our conversation times at meal times and feel refreshed by the warmth and feeling of nearness the meal times bring to us !

M.C.Mathew ( text and photo)