I received a Christmas card from an anonymous sender, correctly addressed and posted from a place that I am familiar with. As I had a letter from an anonymous sender a month ago with angry words in a threatening tone, I knew that it was likely to be an another outburst of anger.
Inside the card, there was an insertion with the above message. I felt shocked and took time to process this.
It was obvious to me that it was from a person or persons who are still angry with me for some decisions taken by the governing board of an organisation of which I was part of for a while.
During the last two months, I had time to ponder over this and the earlier letter.
Anger is a reaction of a hurting or grieving or resentful person. Anger when expressed in a manner as it was done in this instance disturbs and unsettles a person. I realised that I too am susceptible to similar reaction in vulnerable situations. Anger and reactive behaviour towards oneself or others is common to all of us.
Some learn through life experiences to moderate expressions of anger and move towards reconciling anger, confessionally and relationally.
This letter helped me to travel through life experiences when I felt anger towards myself or others. Through years of struggle to be angry when necessary but not reactive to harm myself or others with words or thoughts, I had not found the inner composure that I needed till I was helped by a senior person who knew me well enough and suggested that, "It is one thing to feel angry and yet another thing to behave angrily"!
It is the behaviour of anger that harms us or others! Dr. Dobson's advice to parents that Anna and I found it hard to learn and practice towards our children when they were young was, "Do not interact or punish children when you are angry. Allow time to return to the plane of a loving attitude, because it is love that heals, corrects and renews"!
A saintly Bishop whom I know, sent a letter to one of the members of his episcopal collegium, leaving the whole page blank. There were two sentences at the bottom with his signature, "I feel angry for how you spoke about lack of governance in our mission hospitals. I shall get in touch with you to talk over this matter when I feel well". An outstanding example of turning anger into communication and dialogue!
I want to close this matter with my friend/ friends, who feel terribly angry with what I have done or not done. I am sorry for making you feel angry!Usually truth lies scattered in ambush! Let each of us be led to seek truth and freedom!
As for me, I free myself from the above hateful words and harsh attitude in the greetings sent to me, and offer greetings of a flower and two buds from our garden at home to the friends who sent me the greetings of anger!
Let this flower and two buds be a symbol of the possibility or prospect of openness between ourselves! When a flower is open, it brings its freshness and fragrance. However a rose flower opens from being a bud slowly over a few days. May we give time to each other for growing in openness!
I cannot turn away from what happened because of which my friends have been made angry, but I can move on to find renewal in life!
To the anonymous sender of the greetings, I want to say, let me free you of any guilt you might feel and convey that I am on my way to feel well towards you..!
My wish for the anonymous sender and myself is that, our lives be fresh and fragrant like these two flowers and not like the stalk without flowers! Life is a gift and all of life is a formative experience to lead us to live,'justly, mercifully and faithfully'!
What has happened is history and what lies ahead is an opportunity!
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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