A song from within!

 

A Bulbul was perched on a broken branch of the nutmeg tree in our front garden, when the wind was strong and the dark clouds had gathered on the sky! 

I noticed it looking in all directions!

Then came forth the bird calls in succession, tunefully and loudly! It certainly had a message for the avians around!

It too flew away following this!

Perched in a terminal branch which was broken and weak and yet singing tunefully from within! 

Is this not akin to the song of the soul!

The song from within is independent of circumstance!

With heavy rain from yesterday and electricity switched off due to windy weather, the Bulbul arrived with a message of cheer! 

The broken twig was not a safe place to sing from, yet its song was tuneful as before!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Knowing the child- 12

The first bud stands alone without any reference to the plant in the photograph. 

The second and third photos of buds show the plants from which the bud emerges. 

I have a suspicion that some children grow up loosely associated with his or her family. 

Some other children grow up truly experiencing the sense of belonging to the family!

A child is born in a family and grows up within the family!

How intimately the family relates to the child is the defining character for the wholistic development of the child !

I have a suspicion that there is a tendency to view children in terms of what a family can offer to pursue his or her education and prospects of employment later! 

I come across many situations when a child does not have an affinity towards his or family due to multiple reasons! 

From listening to many families I find three choices parents make which help a child to feel anchored emotionally in the family. 

The choice that a family makes towards the formative years of a child in the pre-school years! A mother chose to be available for her son for three years till he was at pre-school, by taking long leave from her work. The father and mother delayed having a second child till their son was sufficiently grounded emotionally in the family.

The place and position which parents offer to a child at home in the pre-school years!  I remember how a three year old girl in a home was the one who chose the menu for the week and helped her mother to cook. During the cooking time, her mother often sang nursery thymes and other songs that the girl at three years was tunefully singing and was ready to start her lessons on the key board. The girl felt wanted and valued with a role that was designated to her by her parents. 

The formative experience which parents create for a pre-school child is responsible to make the attachment process intimate ! One family had a project two or three times in month in which the child was involved. What fascinated the boy was the different designs and formulations  with the lego blocks, when the father and son worked together. The construction which they created remained on the chid's table for a week. The bulletin board  had all the photos of the designs they had made. All the conversations associated with the planning and constructing, according to the mother was exciting because of the  exploratory conversations of different ideas of their child.

The time and attention which parents offer, the active involvement of a child at home from early years and the creation of interactive process together create the rootedness in the family!

A child in the early years till about ten years is at a critical phase when his or her formative process is active and dependent on the parenting attention!

A family positioned the TV in a corner of the house and not in the main lobby or dining area! This meant that hey gave primacy of attention to conversation, interaction, playing together and doing activities which brought togetherness !

A bud in a rose bush has no life apart from the plant! Its fullness emerges from the plant. 

A child is enveloped by the family and is intimately associated with the life in the family!

Let nothing come between parents and children in their formative years!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Meditation of my heart -31

The flowers in our garden show different responses to the monsoon rain. 

The last two photographs tell two different stories. 

The rose flower is drooping and shows sign of being battered by the rain. 

The last rose flower has a spider resting on one of its petals. It is withstanding the rain and hides a spider under its petals during the rain!

The spider has found its hiding place in a flower. 

Three Magpie Robins come to our sheltered backyard for the night when it is raining. 

Two Bulbuls come to our dining room to feed from the fruit bowl,  when it is raining heavily and avoid the feeding from the table in the garden. 

A spider, Magpie robins, and Bulbuls feel protected !

What seems to be equally prevalent  is an aggressive elimination of the defenceless! The political leadership of some countries are most indifferent towards those who suffer due to war. It is unimaginable for me to think that schooling of children has been seriously affected for months in some west Asian countries! The leadership is unmindful of the post traumatic stress that these children would grow up with. The president of one country, who supports war,  is projecting himself to be eligible to receive the Nobel peace prize!

This is the paradox in our society!

The strong and the mighty prevail over others. 

A specialist in rehabilitation medicine called to say about an adult with Down syndrome in distress due to severe osteoporosis and intractable pain. When I heard the story from this specialist, I felt moved by the desire and determination of this person to help this young man. The way different measures are being planned to support this man to recover touched me. 

These are not isolated stories. A person with interest in supporting people who encounter traumatic experience told me recently how he along with his team is making plans to accompany children who suffered loss of family members, house and belonging in the landslide last year!

The flowers surviving the monsoon rain, spider finding its hiding place, the birds their shelter, the young man receiving empathetic attention and children recovering from trauma being accompanied tell me that there is a caring attitude towards the weak and the fragile ! That brings hope and peace! 

This Bulbul perched on this fragile twig, looking ahead, brought another message of hope! This was just before a heavy downpour and a windy cloud burst!

The song writers Gloria Gaither and William J. Gaither captured this vision in their hymn:

'.....Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone,

Because I know He holds the future

And life is worth the living,

Just because He lives !....

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone,

Becasue I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living,

Just because He lives !'

The first stanza of the hymn, is what gives the authenticity to this hope: 'God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus; He came to love, heal and forgive, He lived and died to buy my pardon, An empty grave is there to prove my saviour lives'!

We drift when not anchored in hope and faith!

I feel grateful that life can be lived  because we feel sheltered!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

Giving peace its place !

I found these flowers in our garden today at day break ! 

Since ceasefire was announced between Israel and Iran yesterday, the door of dialogue and reason remains open now. 

The dialogue is about new beginnings. 

The Palestinians, Israel and the west Asians nations are involved in this dialogue!

How refreshing to know that reason has prevailed and peace is given a chance!

I feel that our garden offered its symbolic celebration of this historic occasion- from nuclear threat to peace!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Knowing the child- 11

The three birds above are visitors to our garden during short periods during their flight path or for feeding purpose. 

All three have different behaviours.

The Barbet is socially comfortable with our presence in its visual field. It is not intimidated by Dulcie, who barks gently on sighting birds.

The Loten's sun bird is uncomfortable with movements around. Even the presence of other birds makes it unsettled. 

The Parakeet feeds privately and will not let any bird come near to it during this time. 

The other birds who visit us regularly also display different behaviour moods. 

The response of many birds to fear is flight!

The Bulbuls and Barbets are survivors of fear! They behave differently to sounds and sights around. 

Fear is an emotion related to a sense of helplessness. 

I remember noticing how infants are comfortable with strangers when carried by the father or mother. But even when carried by a brother or sister, the infant would turn crying to the father or mother in sighting a stranger!

By about 18 months, having known that strangers can also be friends to play with, the stranger anxiety is mostly overcome even if father or mother is not around. 

The strange behaviour of adults is to want to carry an infant even when he or she is meeting the infant for the first time. If only the stranger can be comfortable seeing the baby and not wanting to carry, we can avoid instilling fear in the infant. 

The strangers cause fear because the infant has limited experience of physical nearness with strangers. 

It is the environment that instills fear in infants. A cat or a dog or anything else that an infant is not aware of can generate fear. 

I noticed an interesting phenomenon. When an infant notices a dog while visiting a home can have two responses. One is wanting to stroke the dog if the infant was already used to a pet dog at home. The other is that infant turns the face away from the dog. In a few minutes, the infant looks comfortable watching the dog while seated in the mother's or father's lap. The  infant might even want to touch the dog if the adults did not interfere in any way!

The fear is an externally induced emotional state! The fear is a healthy emotion to avoid risks, harm and danger. It is an unhealthy emotion if it is imposed upon an infant to condition the infant to compliance. If the message to the infant while trying to stroke a dog, that it would bite, then we have conditioned the infant to be fearful. Instead if we were to say that 'you can stroke the dog in our neighbour's home', one  is consenting to the interest of the infant but educating him or her to  avoid to stroke an unfamiliar  dogs. We can protect the infant from a fear prone orientation. At the same time, we introduce a difference between familiar and unfamiliar dogs. 

How unfortunate that adults live fearful of cockroaches or lizards or ants! In such situations, fear that was introduced in childhood stays on creating a sense of unsettled attitude to relatively harmless creatures around us. 

I wish parents would avoid installing fear of any sorts to get compliance from infants and toddlers!  Instead, introduce experiences to infants and toddlers to be aware of danger and therefore be cautious and yet not fretful or fearful !

We often modulate our behaviour conditioned by fear!

Instead what is desirable is to create wellness and awareness when we relate to infants and toddlers! 

Infants and toddlers thrive emotionally and socially when they are introduced to the environment realistically!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The inside and outside views!

 

I stood outside our gate yesterday. The picture above is the view of our cottage almost fully covered by trees all around the cottage.

The photo below is the view from the gate to the passage into the main road from the entrance of the cottage. 

The inside and outside views ! 

The inside view is restricted with the foliage. The outside view is open with visibility beyond the compound wall!

I pondered over the symbolism of this two views!

To live hidden in a quiet corner can be what is needed at some seasons of one's life. For Anna and myself this season is when we live confined to the small world where we exist in the confines of our cottage and its surroundings. 

But the outer world view can be openness towards people in the neighbourhood, affairs in our locality, and the current affairs in the place we live and beyond. How much open we are to engage matters that concern the lives of others! 

As I walked back to our cottage from the main entrance, I noticed the flowering rose bushes and the Rambutan tree with fruits. 

The view of the flowers and fruits became another symbol of how much we are blessed while we live in our cottage. 

It is now thirteen years since we returned to live here! The rose bush and the Rambutan tree that we planted on our arrival to stay here, have flowers and fruits. We have custard apple trees in our garden which friends planted when they visited us, which too give us fruits. 

We live in our cottage surrounded by a garden that reminds us of the abundance of provision provided for our daily living. 

It occurred to me while sitting and watching the Bulbuls feeding at the feeding station that it is a daily meeting place. The birds visit us a few times each day and turn towards our cottage and look for us. They have a special bird call to inform us of their arrival and departure. They keep looking at us while we wait to watch their feeding time! 

We have friends who visit us whom we have known for long as well as those whom we have known since coming to live here. 

To live looking outward and open to needs and opportunities is indeed an invitation that comes to us, as we reflect on the experience of being in the comforts of our cottage and the greenery of the garden around us. 

I felt refreshened by an awakening I felt from an inside view of our cottage and garden and an outward view of the passage beyond our garden! 

When Anna distributed the Rambutan fruits to all our neighbours and few others staying away, we felt enthused by the insight it brought to us- we are blessed to be here and are to living mindfully of others! 

 M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

We shall overcome!

 

During the last three weeks following the onset of monsoon season, a wall that separates two terraces in our garden collapsed and needed rebuilding.

The monsoon brought new life to flowering plants and we are delighted to see the rose bushes bearing buds! 

The two aspects of the monsoon is the damage it brings as well as the benefits it provides to the vegetation!

Global leaders like episodic territorial war because the gain is more than the losses. During the recent Iran-Israeli-Hamas conflict, some nations stay thinking of the gains they would have in the long run. 

But ordinary citizens loose their houses, household articles and all that formed their neighbourhood! Their losses are colossal and often they are left alone to fend for themselves after ceasefire. 

This resilient flower in our garden brought an encouragement! It survived the incessant rain!

The message Martin Luther King Jr, who was a civil right activist and political philosopher in the USA from  1955 till he was assassinated in 1968,  awakened people with his favourite slogan, 'We shall overcome'!  It was his campaign that gave equal opportunities for the black Americans and migrants in the USA, in all walks of life. 

A bronze bust of him was quietly removed from the White House recently because the current president of the USA follows another slogan, 'America for Americans'! 

The have nots, marginalised and outliers are denied opportunities. 

The war benefits those with vested interests and harms the weaker section of people in the society!

And yet, a fragile rose flower was bright and colourful in our garden even in heavy rain!

This to me is the message of hope! 

'We shall overcome, we shall overcome,

We shall overcome some day;

Oh, deep in my heart I do believe,

We shall overcome some day! 

We 'll walk in hand, we 'll walk hand in hand

We 'll walk hand in hand some day;

Oh deep in my heart I do believe,

We shall overcome some day' 

The song's lyrics composed by Rev Charles Albert Tindley, 'express a belief in eventual triumph over adversity, particularly in the face of injustice and inequality'. 

This message will hopefully resonate in human hearts, who have a long journey to recover from the after effects of  the ongoing war in west Asia!

M.C.Mathew( text and photo)