Giving and Freeing !

 

The buds, blossoms and ageing flowers all in one Jasmine plant in our garden brought memories of human life in evolution and transition! Even in the advanced state of ageing, the last picture shows a spider still harbouring the flowers a five'0 clock position !  During flowering and ageing, the flowers are home for honey bee, insects, and spider !

This is a metaphor of Formation, Transition and Vocation in human life! 

While listening to a parent, I realised how much he was concerned about the changes taking place in his pre-adolescent child. The concern was about his desire to be more private and independent! He no more asked for opinions, but he announced his choices and decisions to the parents! That gave the parents limited room for discussion or negotiation. The parent felt reduced in the role he can play in the opinion formation of his son from now on! 

Parenting has three dimensions-upbuilding, enabling, and freeing! If the upbuilding and enabling were the normal patterns till the mid- childhood, then children gradually freeing themselves to be independent, is a sure sign of developmental maturity! 

Parents are to be giving even more when children take steps to free themselves from the dominant control of parents! 

The time to hold on to children loosely is the pre-adolescent years, when the emphasis shifts to helping them to feel anchored in the healthy practices of family life by inclination and choice. This is the time to trust them to return to parents with a sense of belonging and intimate communication at the heart level, because parents remain open and are supportive and affirmative !

A child grows up to be more independent. It is the time when parents can also grow up to be more trusting and  accepting of their children! 

Parenting in that sense is like the flowers above-giving and nourishing!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

The transition time !

The exuberance the flowers bring in a garden is a time of delight and rejoicing! But they have a temporary spell of presence! The flowers become dry and wither away after a while. When the stems are pruned, they sprout again to grow and give flowers 

This temporariness of flowers and the new season of flowering later became a an engaging thought during the day yesterday. 

It incidentally was a day after the Palm Sunday, after the recollection of Jesus of Nazareth entering the  temple at Jerusalem.

A passage in the New Testament of the Bible in the gospel of Matthew, chapter 21 verses 12-17 describe the scene after the entry of Jesus to Jerusalem temple. People with different illnessnesses came to Him and He healed them. He restored the temple from a place of merchandise to a house prayer and healing. 

Jesus left the temple and went to Bethany following this because the chief priests were indignant in seeing people welcoming Jesus and  coming to Him for healing! 

Bethany was a familiar place for Jesus, where He was used to visiting the house of Martha, Mary and Lazarus. This time He seems to have gone to the house of Simon, following which He continued teaching people in parables which appear in chapters 21 and 22 of the same gospel. For Jesus it was a season of rest and readiness before He was captured for trial that led to His crucifixion. 

Each of us encounters the turmoil of Jerusalem and the shalom of Bethany in our lives. 

The respite of that peace we had for the last sixty years after the Second World War is now disturbed with war. It seems that there is an urge or instinct for war that some rulers of nations cannot resist. 

This is a truth worth pondering upon. The Jerusalem temple was occupied by merchants who turned the temple of worship into personal gain! Jesus restored it where people could come for prayer and healing.

Have the rulers of some nations turned their position for personal or territorial gain or economic prosperity for some, that the ordinary citizens are displaced or harmed! Have we lost the temple of democracy to Oligarchs, autocrats, 'nationalists' and people obsessed with wealth creation!

The temple of Jerusalem is a symbol of how it got forcibly occupied for merchandise displacing it from being a house of prayer, worship and healing!  

Following its restoration on the first Palm Sunday with the coming of Jesus, people found it as a place of prayer, worship and healing! But people who lost their merchandise were indignant because of which Jesus had to leave the temple! 

After the flowering season,  the garden waits till the pruned plants would give new flowers. 

We are in that season, hoping that a pruning process is underway  through this war and violence for a new philosophy of opportunity, welfare and prospects to emerge as the mission of nations! 

There is a temporariness to all that we are used to. We live our transitory life in transit! 

Is it that leaders who fear the loss of 'control' or their importance are turning the temple of democracy into an authoritarian rule!  

Now is the time to long for and pray for the leaders of nations to let the earth be a place for human dwelling, in peace, harmony and wellness !  

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

The reality and Mystery!

One Lily with four flowers and two more buds ! An unusual sight in our garden! The last time when I noticed five flowers in a stem, it was a surprise. This is even more!

Every Palm Sunday reminds us of a surprise or amazement Jesus of Nazareth brought, through His ceremonial journey to Jerusalem temple! 

It was at this temple Jesus stayed back at the age of 12 years, to engage in conversation with the religious leaders, while His parents returned home after the festivity of Passover. Jesus had 'amazed all who heard Him at His understanding and answers'. They had to come back after three day's journey searching for Him.   The reason Jesus gave His mother for staying back was, " Why is that you were looking of rme? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father's house?" ( Luke 2:49). 

In this narration of this incident in St Luke's gospel,  there are three mysterious experiences that surfaced in my mind. 

According to the custom of the feast, Jesus went with his parents to the passover feast in Jerusalem. He followed the tradition as presented to Him. The tradition was a door way for Jesus to the temple where in the inner court there was sacred teachings. He moved from the outer court where there was festivity and merchandise to the inner court which was the place to meet with God which He longed for. 

The boy Jesus stayed back, while His parents returned after spending the 'full number of days' at the festival. Jesus found the 'fullness' not in the festivity of the occasion but being in the temple court 'sitting in the midst of the teachers listening to them and asking them questions'. He was already prudent and wise to choose to be in the inner sanctorum where He was seeking God and His teachings. His childhood with His parents till then was a preparatory season for Him to discern the ways of God in His life.  He was already in the habit of being present to God because of which He was insightful to be in temple to long after God! Others favoured festivity of the occasion and Jesus chose the sacred experience of the occasion! 

When His parents returned  to find Him, 'He went down with them, and came to Nazareth and He continued in subjection to them..' Jesus journeyed from the 'inner' court  to the outer court of daly happenings. This is the way of living that is sacramental. From the experience of inner encounter with God, we are enabled to live in the common place of daily happenings ! Jesus in remaining subject to His parents was receiving the tutorial for His life ahead, where daily events made Him to be ready for His public life.  Later in His public life, He even walked in to the storm of the sea and saved His disciples and their boat from the storm and raging waters (Mark 6:45-52).

Later in His early thirties, Jesus rode on a donkey to Jerusalem, which is what is remembered today as the Palm Sunday.  He was riding into a storm at Jerusalem, where He was finally crucified! That was the 'justice' of the natural law of that time. Neither the sealed tomb where He was buried could contain Him nor the watchmen outside could stop the earthquake (Matthew 28:2) that preceded to break open the tomb for Jesus to rise again.  

Life is lived in such a state of mystery experiences because,  God of our life is making Himself known to people for them to live in hope and faith!

Jesus began His Palm Sunday journey to Jerusalem inwardly, on his visit to the temple at 12 years of age. Jesus knew that 'He had to be in His Father's house' for which He prepared till He was in the early thirties. On Palm Sunday, Jesus encountered merchandise in His Father's house instead of worship and prayer. He could walk into the storm of 'cleansing the temple' because He was readying Himself for this encounter for over a decade! 

I slipped into a storm nine years ago, while involved in the governing board of an organisation, the ripple effect of it was a difficult experience to endure. Yet during the process of multiple occasions of revisiting it, a new consciousness has come to stay in my orientation to life and living. Those with whom I felt estranged following the storm are also those whom God loves and cares for! What a difference this awareness made in the recent two years since that consciousness dawned on me ! This was a journey in to  the eye of the storm, which became a new consciousness! 

A Lily plant normally has four flowers. It can give even six flowers!  This is the mystery that I feel drawn by on this Palm Sunday. The past or the norms or patterns thus far, reveal the evidences of realities in existence. The mystery too is in existence, which is well beyond what is known or can be known! 

The passage in I Corinthians 2:9, is a testimony to this mystery:  "What no eye has seen, no ear heard, and no human heart has conceived-God has prepared for those who love Him"! 

The Palm Sunday symbolises a journey into our inner sanctuary to experience the mystery of God's presence and purpose! 

The festivity is only a door to this inner journey of "knowing God and being Known of Him" (Galatians 4:9) !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

The unity of colour and fragrance !

The above two flowers in our garden bring two different experiences. The desert rose because of its colourfulness and the jasmine  by its fragrance ! 

The colourfulness and fragrance are two different sensory experiences. 

The eyes perceive the colour and the nose receives the smell! 

 

That involves functions of the frontal and parental lobes of the brain. We live by perceiving and receiving! 

We see and process because the brain has been conditioned to do so because of experiences from childhood. It is the memory of the past which becomes the optic to see and process. The memory of the past can become a facilitating optic or an hindering optic. 

The fragrance we receive is again filtered and classified by our sense of smell acquired from childhood. Some smell become an aroma and some others end up being an odour. 

As I moved around in the garden and watched the pants that bear desert rose and jasmine flowers, I realised that the plants morphologically and botanically are different from each other. One plant gives colourful flowers and another gives fragrant flowers. 

It became another moment of inner awakening! It reflected on my ability to see and perceive and smell and receive in order to be able to appreciate the colourfulness and fragrance. 

If my seeing is distorted or restricted or my smelling is conditioned by my like or dislike, the truth about the colourful flower or a fragrant flower does not change! 

To be able to see and perceive and smell and receive, one ought to be open and free from any form of bias, prejudice or suspicion! 

I heard a social media activist, Mr Rahul Easwar talk about the three colours in the national flag of India. For all practical purposes, following on the interpretation given by Mahatma Gandhi in 1929,  the colours stand for three messages: courage and sacrifice (saffron), peace and truth (white), and faith, fertility and prosperity (green). But Mr Rahul referred to another version of Mahatma Gandhi's thought in 1921 about the tricolour in the national flag: Red representing Hindus, green for Muslims and white for other religious communities and the spinning wheel in the flag symbolising self-reliance. 

I found this first impression of Mahatma Gandhi about the national flag in 1921 a thought buried in our history but fading away from our memory! We see the flag through the optic created in 1929, where the flag is a symbol of colours, attributable to some values. 

But in its original sense, the national flag is a symbolic confluence of human lives drawn from different religious streams to make a nation of people committed to equality, fraternity and freedom. 

We can see the national flag as a confluence of symbolic colours, or see it as a confluence of people for shared living!  

The colourfulness of a desert rose and fragrance of a jasmine flower are two different virtues in two different plants. Both are plants in a garden!

In the garden of life of a nation,  we might find different attributes in people because of their heritage, culture, religion, social class or other backgrounds. But all of them are in the garden of life of a nation! What connects all of us to each other is that we have a common origin, common life and a common destiny! 

This message is the unifying message of hope for human life on earth! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The sight and song of the morning!

The news about the consequences of war inflicted on Iran is most disturbing. The flood in the streets of UAE created panic in its residents. The shortage of cooking gas is forcing restaurants to close down in some towns in India. The days are hot unusual for March in some cities in India. These are disturbing news threatening human wellness. 

When I walked around the garden around our cottage, I received another message. The plants thrive with blossoms and buds. The Bulbul as usual was calling out its gentle bird calls at day break ! 

Some threatening changes all around us. But there is also reassuring continuity of hope and wellness. 

When I took some banana bunches to the market yesterday, the merchant remarked; ' Your garden gives you good yield'! 

That was a message that awakened me to the reality of 'abundance' of life all around us!  

It is the time of state assembly election in the state of Kerala. The political parties are engaged in highlighting the acts of commission and omission to accuse and demoralise the prospects in winning the election! It is evident how each party is craving to 'capture power to rule'!

One candidate, Mr Chandy Oommen in Puthupally is canvassing by moving around in his bicycle avoiding public display with posters or banners. His approach is: 'let me know about the needs of people'! His father who represented the assembly and later he were responsible to build fifty houses for those who had no means to own their own houses. His intent is to build another 25 houses in the next five years. He by avoiding posters and banners is saving money to build houses according to the reports in the newspaper.  

That is 'abundance ' of human kindness and benevolence! 

I like walking in our garden because, the plants, flowers and birds speak in ways that bring resonance of hope and peace of wellness!  

The stress of war, violence and human suffering on one side! On the other side, there is a message hope that sustains us because there is song of wellness from nature and human goodness!  

One stanza in the hymn by Henry Van Dyke, Joyful, Joyful, we adore thee, comes to my mind:

'Mortals, join the happy chorus

Which the morning stars began;

Love Divine is reigning o'er us,

Binding all within its span.

Ever singing, march we onward,

Victors in the midst of strife,

Joyful music leads us sunward,

In the triumph song of life' .

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

From Fomation to becoming Fruitful !

The cashew tree in our garden is a story teller! With fruits at different stages, from an early stage to fully ripened state, it offers a delightful sight to watch!

Is not life such a panorama of beginning, formation and fruitful years?

I watched how the tree provides sustenance to its flowers and fruits in all stages of formation! 

Our life on earth is such an opportunity to allow beginning, formation and fruitful years! It is the family where we were born which gave the support for these three stages in our lives. 

I have had occasions to have conversations with families during the parenting seminars in the last two years. I took time to turn to my years in my family till marriage and since marriage in the family that Anna and I have been blessed with!

We encounter many life events during our life in the family. 

Returning to the cashew tree which is now ten years old, suffered pruning almost every year. Its vigorous growth in all directions seemed to affect the trees around obstructing their growth. Now in its present state it has space for itself and receives good sunshine to bring forth  fruits in plenty. 

The formative process of the tree needed attention. Its wellness and the wellness of trees around are important in a well tended garden.  

When I retired from full time professional work from a Medical College three years ago on turning 75 years, few friends strongly suggested that Anna and I turn to writing to summarise the forty years in child development and rehabilitation. Those friends were thoughtful and persuasive, helping us to be absorbed in the writing projects which remained unattended earlier. They had a priming and pruning effect on us. Now with the fifth book ready to go to the press during the three years, I realise how significant the role of this formation group was upon us to support us! I wish every person during mid life and beyond will have such a formation group to lead him or her into fruitful living!

Each life event needs an interpretation beyond a subjective perception. It needs an enlargement which friends can offer through their objectivity and enlarged perception. 

I wonder if each family can have a friend circle which becomes its confidant and formative in their role! 

The journey from formation to fruitful years is our calling!

A cashew tree having experienced formative pruning is now fruitful !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The 106th Archbishop Canterbury !

The Rt. Rev. Sarah Mullally, 63 years, a mother of two grown up children, takes over as the Archbishop of Canterbury. She moved from being the Chief Nursing Advisor to the British government to Presbytery and was ordained as the first woman Bishop of London in 2018. She now becomes  the first woman archbishop in the history 1400 years of the Church of England. 

Mr Eamon Mullally, her husband an IT professional and the archbishop designate walked the distance of 140 kilometres from St Paul's cathedral in London to Canterbury Cathedral as part of the spiritual preparation for her installation. That symbolised her intent to be a pilgrim as she receives the mantle of responsibility and the call to be the archbishop of Church of England. The church currently in stressful situation on account of divided opinions, would need a healing touch and spiritual awakening to be a 'leaven' in a burdened world of multiple needs! 

It is during the season of Lent this installation takes place, which is yet another symbol of the church turning this season of penitence to dependence on God for moving on! 

The archbishop having been trained in cancer care during her nursing career, brings a mindful attitude and approach to those who are wounded and grieving! 

It is a historical occasion when a woman Bishop becomes the Archbishop. Let it be also a historical occasion when the Church of England would choose the role of being n the role of 'Good Samaritan' in its vocation and mission !

Anna and I want to greet the Archbishop of Canterbury with Lilies from our garden!

 M.C.Mathew ( text and photo of flowers)

A symbol of heritage

The Bologatty palace at Kochi, built in 1744 by a Dutch merchant is the oldest palace outside Holland. It was the residence of the Dutch governor. It was leased to the British in 1909 and became the residence of the British governors till 1947. The Pierce Leslie Bungalow, the fourth photo above, was the office of PL Company which was founded in 1862.

Currently it is a tourist spot with a Golf course, hotel, dining and swimming pool, located at the edge of an island in the backwater at Kochi.  

It was while visiting the palace recently with friends, it occurred to Anna and me of the memories of our association with the palace for the last 14 years since we relocated to live in our cottage. About thirty kilometres away from our cottage, it was a regular place we visited on Sunday mornings for breakfast after the church service at the C.S.I cathedral in the Broadway. 

Although our visits are infrequent now, it brings into memory occasions of happy family times spent with children and grand children. We experienced how the restaurant evolved into a place of attraction on Sundays for visitors because of the pleasant ambience it offered for a leisurely meal time with a wide view of the backwater with movements of boats on it! 

It gave us another opportunity last week to be there one more time with our friends to recall its history and walk around appreciating the aesthetic way the walkways and garden are taken care of! 

Being a heritage centre, it receives all the attention that it rightly deserves to retain its historic features! 

India has evolved to be what it is through invasions and expeditions of different nations and rulers ! The 'nationality' spirit which has been infused into main stream thinking by a political ideology in the recent years belittles what we inherited from all the seasons of occupations of different rulers and dynasties. The first sixty years since independence the national governments attempted to integrate to create a convergence of cultures and traditions of the three centuries. But in the recent years, the ideology of marginalising that approach is dominant. We have been reduced to be people of different religions where the traditions of the majority religion receive attention and recognition! The fragile thread of integration is currently weaker than before! 

Visiting the Dutch palace restored hope and aspiration! We are Indians and live among other nations and peoples.  

I wish the president of the United States of America who announced

 five days of cease fire in its war with Iran, will abstain from war and see the nations of the world as fraternal countries called to live inter- connectedly, cohesively and harmoniously! 

M.C.Mathew ( text and photos except the first one)

The mystery of a drop !

One drop, hanging on the nut of a ripe  cashew! As I watched in the twilight, I wondered if it was the dew of the night. But the leaves and other fruits felt dry, when I felt them! Was the the fruit dripping its juice? 

As soon as the earlier stop fell off another drop was being formed. I waited for a while to see if it became bigger and fell off the like the earlier one! That did not happen ! 

As the drop looked brilliant evidence of rain drop  in the morning sun, it became even more mysterious. There was no evidence of rain drops on the grass or leaves to thin of an earlier drizzle! 

It was then it occurred to me that I was carried away by reason and logic instead of being surprised by a mystery! My mind took over my thoughts ! What I needed was to behold it and receive a soulful view of a surprising sight from within! 

I did not need to know the source or  content of a drop! 

But behold the sense of surprise a hanging drop brings till it fell off! 

It brought a contrast between the way my mind works and soul waiting for its message to be received! 

That way of soulful living is an inward experience which brings larger meaning in small happenings. 

Anna and I along with our friends were at the end of our birding walk on one morning last week. The guide noticed a fluttering movement in the foliage a little distance away. He slowly walked towards it and spotted a kingfisher with a feed in its beaks!

In a conversation he talked about an urge within to go to inspect the site of the moving leaves! He had an intuitive sense! He did not allow the tiredness to subdue his inner prompting! That is one fruit of soulful living! 

The soulful living is an experience of feeling within to sense the depth of a reality beneath reason and logic! 

A childhood habit is a sense of wonder and surprise! 

As adults it involves a journey to restore this childhood sense of wonder and surprise! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

The enabling vocation!

I noticed how some Lilies thrive even when their stems are leaning and  looking precarious! The buds bloom and live the normal season. The Lilies appears to be wounded, but shows no sign of it in the way it is flowering! 

Flowers are fragile, but the photo above gives the message of strength!

To have a developmentally challenged child at home is a hurting experience for parents and for the child. I have several recollections of families and their children who did not stay wounded or reduced the prospects of exploring to live well and fulfilled. 

I remember a young man walking towards me in the air port whom I did not recognise. He introduced himself as one who was a visitor to the child development centre at Chennai in the nineteen eighties for getting help for his hemiparesis. His last visit was when he was eight years before his parents relocated at New Delhi. Since then he went on to complete his schooling and computer engineering course. He was well employed in a multinational company heading the software team. He recollected the conversations during his regular visits with his parents during consultation about improving mobility and learning skills. He recalled how regular swimming as suggested then and using a computer to write made him functional over period of time. He still had minimal asymmetry while walking but showed no other indications of limitations. I enquired of him as to what enabled him to overcome his earlier limitations! He said, that his parents gave him all the opportunities and encouraged him to do what all other children would do at school. He was a member of the adventure group at school, who learned skating, trekking, and boating! He was enabled to look beyond his limitations! 

This conversation brought into focus as to how we can look at our opportunities in different seasons in our life. Every time I feel the pain caused by arthritis, I remember stories of children like that of the boy above, who saw the future and its possibilities! 

Fallen but not frail- that is the message I picked up from these Lilies that thrived against the odds! 

This brought into focus something I read recently- visionary living! We become what we choose to become! 

I met a family recently who had difficulties with their son due to dyslexia and attention deficit. They were regular visitors to the child Development Unit where I worked. He had musical abilities and interest in creative art. Using those interests they developed his skills. Currently he is a vocational counsellor having completed his post graduation! Listening to the way they looked at the possibilities and used the opportunities to upbuild him amazed me! 

This family demonstrated the fruits of visionary living! 

I find that mid life is a time of challenges and opportunities! That is the time to engage with life even more earnestly! The generative outcome of mid life is dependent on how one attends to the process of formation and transition in life! 

It is a way of living when we do not yield to the weight of circumstances, but rely on the inner resilience we are endowed with! We are to be an overcomer because that is our calling! 

For that to happen, we need enablers to support those who become weary while on their journey ! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

 

A hungry Sunbird !

The last photo of the sunbird after feeding on the nectar from underneath the calyx, searching for more elsewhere in the flower caught my attention. It is unlikely that the bird will find nectar there. 

This happened after I read the editorial today in the Times of India newspaper in its Kochi edition, something that was disturbing! Under the title, 'Just Collateral Damage' the editorial pointed out some alarming and painful statistics. Let me quote: "In Ukraine, residential blocks are attacked with drones and missiles regularly. Russia allegedly took away 20,000 Ukrainian children. It has knocked out Ukrainian power infra every winter, to make non-combatants suffer. In Gaza, 2 million people-90% of population-are displaced or homeless. Did they have a hand in the Oct 2023 Hamas attack in Israel ? No, but they are "collateral damage". So are a million Lebanese....Trump and Bibi's excursion in Iran started with a 'mistaken' missile strike on a girl's school. Since then Iran has picked soft targets across West Asia, in Dubai, Quatar, Iraq, Saudi Arabia. In our immediate neighbourhood, the open war between Pakistan and Afghanistan has killed hundreds of civilians, including patients at a Kabul hospital". 

Following the World War 2,  the awakened collective conscience of the nations established a Geneva Convention in 1949, specifying the do's and don'ts during war. Not to harm civilians was part of that provision in the convention. But it is breached habitually by several nations with no sense of caution, inhibition or regret! 

The Sunbird searching for nectar reminded me of thousands in the war zones, living hungry and homeless! They live searching for safety and  food! 

I wonder if the leaders who advocate and pursue war have had their conscience frozen by selfish pursuit to get what they want and take away from others their freedom, resources and rights! 

The editorial concluded with a caution and an appeal: "On current evidence, international humanitarian laws exist only on paper and countries that pushed them once-US and Russia as part of USSR - show cynical disregard for them now. But this absence of restraint in war should bother countries that are watching from sidelines. India, China, Japan, all of Europe, S.Africa, Canada, Brazil, should speak up. All is not fair in war. Not anymore".

Yes, I sense a call for response in that editorial!

A hymn by Fred Kaan came to my mind:

" For the healing of the nations, 

Lord we pray with one accord,

For a just and equal sharing,

Of the things that earth affords;

To a life of love in action 

Help us to rise and pledge our word.

Lead us forward into freedom

From despair Your world release,

That, redeemed from war and hatred,

All may come and go in peace. 

Show us how through care and goodness

Fear will die and hope increase.

All that kills abundant living,

Let it from earth be banned,

Pride of state, race or schooling,

Dogmas that obscure Your plan. 

In our common quest for justice 

May we hallow life's brief span..."

It was sighting the hungry Sunbird searching for nectar and not finding it as seen in the last photo, which awakened me to sense the thoughts within that were waiting to be born! 

Remembering the hungry and homeless in the war zone is not enough...more is needed! 

I wish that the cicil society awakens to protest against the dehumanisation caused by war! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)