Every time I notice a black and white dragon fly in our garden, I return to an unanswered question related to my vocation in the practice of medicine!
I grew up during my training with a consciousness that we are being trained to take care of 'sick children'!
Is there a state which is in between sickness and wellness !
Yesterday, three families out of the eight I welcomed for consultation too had this question about the way their children have evolved.
They showed me the photographs of their well looking children, till the first manifestation of departure in growth and development was noticed by them. One child currently is showing signs of Rett syndrome, another Neurofibromatosis type 1 and another Aicardi syndrome. All the three children are showing progressive decline in their skills of communication, socialisation, learning and behaviour, all three of them with seizure disorder which is difficult to treat.
All these clinical conditions are known to have a gestational period of wellness from the time of birth before the symptoms of the developmental decline begin to manifest.
For all these three children there were stages in between wellness and sickness. These families recollected some bizarre behaviour patterns much before the full fledged manifestation of the developmental decline occurred, which they ignored or underplayed.
Not that anything done at that time would have altered the evolution of the disorder to what it is now, but they could have started the treatment or intervention earlier, which might have minimised the co-morbidities that aggravated the developmental decline and given them respite and relief of the adversities of the situation.
So there is an in between stage between wellness and sickness, or a stage in between black and white!
What could be the content and contours of this in between period!
I return to my own life experiences.
I did suffer while associating with a group of leaders in an organisation whom I had known for some time. But that did not stop the drift in relationship when some disagreements broke out. I differed with them in the way some matters were decided and acted upon. This made relationship incrementally stressful.
There was a window of opportunity to mend relationships. I remember taking a few initiatives with the help of others. There were some indications of hope and restoration initially. It could have been an in-between time to rebuild relationships and repair the trust deficit. When one is caught in a web of difficult events, what vitiates the atmosphere is defences and justification. That is what happened on this occasion. I too played into the flow of events. The prospect of conciliation slipped.
Since then I have lived with a sense of regret and loss because I failed in negotiating for a middle path in that situation. It no more matters to me, who caused what. What has left me bruised is my personal failure inspite of my desire and some familiarity with the dispute resolution process .
Sometimes the in between time as an opportunity to redeem a situation, becomes more evident in hindsight.
It is here I have become aware of the dimension of intuitive living !
It is a way of living with attentiveness and consciousness of sensing the links and connections behind human behaviour and acting contemplatively and discerningly.
I have watched some medical students over the years during my time in three medical colleges. I felt impressed by the sense of stewardship of learning that I noticed in some of them. But a little later, I noticed some miss classes and clinics, take short cuts in class tests by copying, get attendance marked by proxy by others, etc. While following up some of them, the drift from good practices which began in a small way gave them licence to live indulgently, dangerously or defiantly.
I have had occasion to relate to some during this in between period, in attempting to call them to attention and supporting them to stay rooted in values and good practices. I found that they preferred to avoid being in touch to be free of questions that needed pondering or reflection.
Between of the dawn and the day break there is only a short time. But between wellness and sickness there can be a long season.
A young man, whom I knew well and reached out in several ways, began to drift into alcohol use. He stopped to communicate and drifted into absenteeism at work because of which he was to face serious consequences. The drift took place over a period of three years. because of friends with whom he played carrom board and won some competitions. I feel awful that I did leave him to find his way and even now he seems to struggle along.
So how do we practice intuitive living, when we have to relate to others or in our relationships at home!
The intuitive living has three dimensions:stay in touch with others, give and receive feedbacks and engage in planned or structure conversations.
The three parents of children that I referred to earlier, have been to doctors from the early stage of the children's developmental departure, but they did not receive any of the three dimensions of support.
I referred to two instances, when I did not exercise my intuitive awareness failed in my responsibility.
Life is sacred and we can keep it that way if we exercise our responsibility of 'companionship' to those to whom we have the role of accountability!
There are several people in our lives, with whom we have different levels of relationships. One level of relationship we need to keep as a sacred trust is with our mentors. This trustful and mutual relationship can lead us through the waymarks in our lives.
When we relate to others with whom we are in a mentoring relationship, the experience of intuitive living is explicit. We relate to our mentors and they in turn to us, because we can feel for each other and be drawn into each other's situations with compassion!
The break down in relationships is because we did not do enough to mend relationships during the in between times of doubt or distancing from each other!
Yesterday a professor who worked in the institution where I am working now asked me a question: 'I have worked in this hospital for thirty one years. Will any one miss me if I stop working' !
This 'loneliness' and feeling of not being valued enough, is a burden most of us carry. It is when such thoughts take permanent roots in our consciousness we begin to value ourselves less! To think less of ourselves or not esteem ourselves well enough, would be a terrible disservice we do to ourselves. Others might not communicate enough to give us a sense of esteem, but the voice within ourselves, ought to be, 'I am beloved' in the sight of God because that is how God sees His handiwork of human creation. The Psalmist made a confession that, 'I am fearfully and wonderfully made'. This consciousness enhances our worth and value because of which we can view and receive ourselves soberly and graciously knowing 'who we are and whose we are'!
There is an in between period or season in our lives and in the lives of others, between wellness and sickness.
Let us pay attention to this in between period. In so doing we protect ourselves and support others to stay well !
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
(Modified on 23rd and 25.6.2020, when I became conscious that I could rephrase a portion of this blog differently)
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